哏儿

The two people on the stage were full of drama, but the audience in the audience didn't know, they all stretched their necks waiting for Xie Shuangchen to continue talking.No matter how much Xie Shuangchen muttered in his heart, there was still a smile on his face.He hummed, and said, "Ladies and gentlemen used to throw Cartier on the stage."

"Wait." Ye Ling said, "There was Cartier in the Republic of China?"

Xie Shuangchen said: "Cartier started in 1847, thank you."

"I'm poor, so I haven't bought one." Ye Ling shook her head, "I don't understand."

Xie Shuangchen said, "Didn't I give you so much?"

Ye Ling said: "Are you worthy of talking about this?"

"If you don't say it, you can't get into a real life!" Xie Shuangchen finally asked loudly.Ye Ling herself didn't want to work, Xie Shuangchen's suggestion was useless, so she could only make it clear.He knew that the audience in the audience couldn't understand this, so he confronted Ye Ling clearly.

"No one's stopping you from getting into a job!" Ye Ling was also very stubborn, "Isn't this just after the talk!"

"Then you have to let me tell you!"

"Then say it!"

When Ye Ling said this, the audience also booed.The audience really didn't know what was going on and what wasn't going on, so it was fun to watch them argue with each other.When Xie Shuangchen saw this, he simply said, "I don't care, I don't care! You have to give me a word before I can get a job! Otherwise, I will... I will..." He looked left and right, but nothing happened. "Just" came out for a reason.

"What's the matter with you?" Ye Ling asked without thinking about the excitement.

Xie Shuangchen stomped his feet, and took a step towards Ye Ling: "I'll molested you!" Not only did he say that, but he also put on a posture, kicking up the hem of the coat with his feet, and it landed in his hand. group.Seeing this, Ye Ling quickly ran outside the table.He knew that Xie Shuangchen was a muddleheaded person who could do anything.In order to avoid any weird stage accidents, he had no choice but to hide and say: "Then you tell the story of the troupe!"

"You can't finish talking?" Xie Shuangchen stopped and stood outside the table, "The theater troupe used to have a sign at the door, which said 'today's hall meeting', which means that the Venerable Master went to perform at home. ..."

From here on, it is considered to officially enter the main work of "Guan Gong Fights Qin Qiong". The following content is mainly to tease the actors and learn to sing, and the actors will play gongs and drums together.

Pour, I learned Shandong dialect.Dialect accent is a basic skill for cross talk actors, and Xie Shuangchen learned it very well.But the problem lies in his face... A handsome guy speaks a mysterious dialect, which is very impactful in itself, and the audience can't help laughing.However, Xie Shuangchen's learning is very similar, and it is the most rustic way of saying, such a handsome guy with earthy taste is also rare in the world.

"You are from Shandong." Ye Ling interrupted suddenly, "What if you go to Henan?"

"This is Henan..." Xie Shuangchen was about to pick it up, but immediately realized that something was wrong, and cooperating with Ye Ling, he wanted to divert him to another place.

"What's the matter?" The old god Ye Ling was waiting for Xie Shuangchen to speak Henan dialect.

"Don't talk about cross talk anymore!" Xie Shuangchen was sarcastic and threatened Ye Ling, "We have a meeting here! What's the matter with Henan! Can it work!"

Ye Ling said: "It's okay to go to Guangdong, where they have Cantonese opera."

Xie Shuangchen was on the verge of rolling all over the floor. Seeing that Sapo couldn't do it, he began to cry and moan: "No, no, no! It's the church meeting of the old man's house in Shandong! It's Beijing opera! The opening meeting, the opening meeting, the opening meeting! Let's talk about it! Cross talk! If you didn’t do this, I would cry again!”

He has a good face and is young, so coquettish and moaning, the female audience in the audience couldn't do it at that time, and even the aunt yelled for him to continue.

"That's fine." Ye Ling finally said, "What happened next?"

Xie Shuangchen let out a long sigh of relief, finally being able to continue the rest of the scene.

Ye Ling beat the drums soullessly, thinking that it's time to sing for a while, and see what Xie Shuangchen can do.

After all, ditties and ditties are easy to learn, and this Beijing opera singing requires real skill.This is Master Hou's classic work, and Master Hou himself was born in Peking Opera at the beginning, and a few lines are enough to show his skill.

"The devil king of the world is a minister, and the official worships the world to supervise and recruit the position of general marshal. Following the order of the devil king, he leads a group of troops to fight against the Han general Guan Yu!" Xie Shuangchen began to imitate Qin Qiong, his voice was very bright, and he was full of momentum. , This sentence is really very bold, and suddenly changed from the rascal just now to the stalwart generalissimo.

After hearing this, Ye Ling's eyes lit up.

After a few conversations, Xie Shuangchen sang: "I was in the Tang Dynasty and you were in the Han Dynasty. We fought—why?" ?”

"Listen!" Xie Shuangchen turned around and changed the direction, put down his robe, "If you are told to call, you will call, if you don't—" He was standing next to him, the old man who gave them a problem in the story, "He doesn't care meal!"

"Whoa!"

There was applause from the audience, Xie Shuangchen and Ye Ling bowed and left.

Xie Shuangchen was dying of heat, and while taking off his coat, he cried to Ye Ling: "Mr. Ye, what's the matter with you? Why are you so old? I'm going to let you die of exhaustion!"

Ye Ling said unmoved: "Who made your mouth so broken, you can answer everything."

Xie Shuangchen said, "You don't feel sorry for me!"

"Why do I feel sorry for you? Is there something wrong with me?" Ye Ling said, "Don't touch your hands on stage in the future, it's shameful."

Just as Xie Shuangchen was about to say a few more words, the boss came to the backstage and said with a smile: "You two have worked hard, so what, do you want to play again later? The guests still want to hear..."

"No more acting, no more acting! I won't act any more!" Xie Shuangchen hurriedly refused, ""Guan Gong Fights Qin Qiong" was finished in less than 10 minutes. Look, we both talked for almost an hour. I'm going to vomit blood!" They really didn't have much time to live, but Ye Ling refused to go to work, and Xie Shuangchen accompanied them, chatting nonsense for a long time.

Such tragedies are really dumbfounding.

The boss wanted to persuade him again, but Ye Ling smiled lightly and said, "That's it for today. I'm afraid I won't be able to perform again in the future. This time, I don't need money." He probably talked about his situation, and the boss didn't Well, no matter what to say, I can only say a few words of blessing and leave.

Xie Shuangchen and Ye Ling were left in the lounge. Xie Shuangchen lay on the sofa with his clothes open and pretended to be dead. Ye Ling changed his clothes silently, carefully folded the coat he took off and put it away.For some reason, Xie Shuangchen always felt that although Ye Ling still looked indifferent, she seemed to be in a good mood.

I don't know if it's an illusion.

"What are you looking at?" Ye Ling asked, flicking her palm lightly, "Change clothes, let's go."

"Let me ask you." Xie Shuangchen sat up, "Am I acting well?"

Ye Ling asked: "Why do you ask this?"

"Just asking." Xie Shuangchen said, "Is my kung fu not good enough? Are you good at learning?"

"..."

"Are you okay?" Xie Shuangchen asked again.

"It's okay." Ye Ling turned around and replied lightly.

In fact, he didn't even realize that when he spoke just now, there was always a smile on his face.

Ye Ling had a very deep understanding of Xie Shuangchen's basic skills during the next few weeks of getting along.

There are two bedrooms in Xie Shuangchen's house, one is for him to live in, and the other is a study room for his stuff.After forcibly detaining Ye Ling, in order to show his sincerity, Xie Shuangchen gave Ye Ling the sunny bedroom, and moved into the study by himself.

At first, the two of them stared a little bit wide-eyed, and every day they opened their eyes and saw each other didn't know what to do.It was Xie Shuangchen who suggested that they go through all those traditional cross talks, and the two of them find out how to feel and get familiar with each other's play, so that they have something to do.

Xie Shuangchen always wanted to show off in front of Ye Ling, which annoyed Ye Ling a bit.When performing "Guan Gong Fighting Qin Qiong" in the teahouse before, Xie Shuangchen's body and singing were very standard, and it seemed that he had received systematic training.He said that he had been a teacher in Peking Opera. Ye Ling didn't believe it at first, but after meeting Xie Shuangchen the last time, he believed it a little bit.

He couldn't help thinking that Xie Shuangchen seemed to have some skills, and he wasn't as out of tune as he said.

It's just that the little goodwill that has just been established will be defeated by that scoundrel Xie Shuangchen in daily life immediately.

"Okay, okay." Ye Ling finally couldn't help it, "Tell me, what else do you want?"

Xie Shuangchen patted his chest: "I know everything!"

"Then show me a joke." Ye Ling drank tea calmly.

Xie Shuangchen was surprised, he never thought that Gaolingzhihua could speak yellow accents so calmly.

Teacher Ye, what's the matter with you, Teacher Ye?Are you not a scholar?Did you read "Jin Ping Mei"?

"Didn't you say you know everything?" Seeing that Xie Shuangchen didn't respond, Ye Ling asked deliberately.

"Success." Xie Shuangchen sat directly beside Ye Ling, reaching out to untie Ye Ling's pants.Ye Ling spat out a mouthful of water, and hurriedly stopped him: "Why are you so crazy!"

"Didn't you tell me to play with me?" Xie Shuangchen and Ye Ling wrestled together, chattering.

"Then I didn't let you... I didn't let you..." Ye Ling could only copy a few cheap words, but in terms of motivation, he really couldn't match Xie Shuangchen.

"It's okay, Teacher Ye." Xie Shuangchen said seriously, "Don't be afraid if you can make a joke, it will be embarrassing for whoever coaxes you."

"Why don't you die!" Ye Ling kicked Xie Shuangchen, and finally kicked away.

Xie Shuangchen straightened his clothes and pushed a box out of the study. Ye Ling didn't know what kind of monster Xie Shuangchen was going to be, so he asked hesitantly, "What are you doing?"

"Aren't you going to perform?" Xie Shuangchen opened the box, "There are everything in it, allegro, imperial board, strings, drums..." The box is big enough, and it is neatly put away. Ye Ling picked it up and took a look. They all have Xie Shuangchen's name engraved on them.

"Why do you have two sets of miko boards?" he asked strangely.

"Because I can hit the imperial son with both hands!" Xie Shuangchen took the imperial son, one pair of right hand and the other, and began to perform on the spot.The two imperial sons beat the four pieces of bamboo so that the ceiling was tinkling, showing off their skills to the limit.

Ye Ling felt dizzy when she heard it: "It's almost done."

"Oh." Xie Shuangchen stopped immediately, and put Yuzi back.

Ye Ling took out the sanxian: "Last time when you sang "Zhaohuatai", you said that you had the opportunity to play the strings for me, so let's play one now."

"This..." Xie Shuangchen said in embarrassment, "My nails are broken, so I didn't buy new ones."

Ye Ling said: "Then you play it with your hands."

"Brother, it hurts." Xie Shuangchen put his ten fingers in front of Ye Ling.His own nails were neatly trimmed, but if he wanted to fiddle with the sanxian, he had to be cruel.

Ye Ling got up and walked around the kitchen, took a small bamboo spoon and threw it in front of Xie Shuangchen: "Use this."

"It's too thick!" Xie Shuangchen said disgustedly, "What kind of noise does that make? Forget it, I'll use my hands."

He held the three strings in his arms and began to play, plucking the strings deftly with his slender fingers, picking up a few tones, it gave him the effect of playing big beads and small beads falling on a jade plate, and Ye Ling couldn't help but look at it with admiration.

Immediately afterwards, there was only a "click", and the out-of-tune of the strings stopped abruptly.

Ye Ling asked: "What's wrong?"

Xie Shuangchen raised his hand and cried, "Ah——the nails were chopped off!"

"Who asked you to play "Thousand Cherry Blossoms" with sanxian!" Ye Ling couldn't laugh or cry, "It's good if you don't break your finger!"

"It hurts me to death!" Xie Shuangchen continued to sell miserably.

Ye Ling leaned over to show him, the split was not deep.He found a nail clipper and carefully helped Xie Shuangchen deal with it, and said, "Open your mouth."

"Ah—" Xie Shuangchen opened her mouth obediently.

Ye Ling inserted Xie Shuangchen's finger into his own mouth, raised his chin, and said, "Hold it, the saliva will relieve the pain."

"Damn it!" Xie Shuangchen pulled out his hand. He thought Ye Ling was suddenly gentle and kind, but he didn't expect to wait here.

The running-in between the two during this period can be described as restless, and the time passed quickly. In the blink of an eye, it was August, and the hottest few days in Beijing were about to pass, but there was always something that could make people excited.

Xie Shuangchen's master Xie Fangbi is celebrating his birthday.

Their traditional business still maintains some old rules, the king of heaven and earth, relatives and teachers, the status of the master is equal to that of the parents, and they have to visit at home for three festivals and two longevity.

Xie Shuangchen had prepared a gift for Master early on, and he was going to take Ye Ling with him. Guess whether Master would give some benefits when he saw Ye Ling himself?

This wishful thinking was well done, and when the day was approaching, he suddenly received a call from his elder sister Xie Huan.

"Wu'er." Xie Huan said, "What?"

"Lying down, what's the matter, sister?"

"The old man celebrates his birthday the day after tomorrow, and I can't go back because I'm filming abroad." Xie Huan said, "The gift I prepared for the old man has been sent to you, so you can take it with you."

"Sister." Xie Shuangchen sat up, "Are you really unable to come back or are you pretending to be unable to come back? You must have used this excuse two or three times, right?"

Xie Huan gave a "tsk" sound: "You talk too much, don't answer all the quibbles! I'm busy, you can figure it out yourself."

"Okay, brother, I promise to do it for you!" Xie Shuangchen patted his chest and assured him.

As soon as he hung up the phone on the front foot, the courier delivered it on the back foot.The door was opened by Ye Ling, and the courier brother was pushing a big box that was one meter square, so tired.Ye Ling signed for Xie Shuangchen, and asked him: "What did you buy, you are so big and tall?"

Xie Shuangchen ran out briskly, also puzzled.

When the two of them opened the box, they were even more puzzled.

What's wrong with this box of stones?

Ye Ling looked at Xie Shuangchen in a daze, and Xie Shuangchen said in a daze, "Don't look at me, I didn't buy it."

"Who bought that?" Ye Ling asked.

"My eldest sister."

"what?"

"Isn't my master's own daughter my eldest sister?" Xie Shuangchen said, "I was picked up and raised by my master. Said to be the master, she is almost like my own father. My eldest sister is much older than me, but For some reasons, she and Master are not particularly close, and she does not come back from filming all year round... In short, both father and daughter are awkward, and the eldest sister asked me to take the things she sent."

Ye Ling asked: "What's your eldest sister's name?"

"Thank you Huan."

"Okay." Ye Ling finally came to his senses, "Queen of the Movies."

Xie Fangbi's birthday is on a Saturday, and the meal is eaten in the evening, and several apprentices arrive one after another during the day.

Xie Fangbi was feeding the cat when he saw Xie Shuangchen struggling to push a big box in, followed by a young man.

"Master, are the senior brothers back?" Xie Shuangchen asked from a distance, "Let them come and help."

"You little bastard, what are you doing?" Xie Fangbi sprinkled the cat food in his hand, and the cats ran aside to eat it.He clapped his hands behind his back, walked forward to look at the big box in the yard, and then, his eyes moved to the person behind Xie Shuangchen.

"Oh, master, let me introduce you." Xie Shuangchen pulled Ye Ling over, "Ye Ling, the one I mentioned to you, is now my partner. This time you celebrate your birthday, he specially followed me I came to visit you." As he spoke, he nudged Ye Ling with his elbow, and Ye Ling quickly took out the birthday present he had prepared for Xie Fangbi.

"Xie, teacher Xie, hello, I'm Ye Ling." Ye Ling said respectfully, "I wish you a happy birthday like Donghai and longevity."

Xie Fangbi stared at Ye Ling seriously for a long time, which gave Ye Ling goosebumps, then he suddenly laughed, and said to Ye Ling in a relaxed and kind way: "Don't be nervous or polite, just treat it as entering your own home." It's gone." The old man spoke to Ye Ling with a smile, but when he turned his head to Xie Shuangchen, he disliked him: "Little bastard, why don't you bring anyone into the house? It's so hot outside!"

"Master, you should unpack this box first." Xie Shuangchen didn't know whether to laugh or cry, "This is a birthday present from my eldest sister. She is not filming abroad and can't come back. I don't know what kind of whim she is doing. I bought you a box of stones, which I said were rough stones, and there are emeralds and agates in each opening. Well, it is written on it, as for the size of the opening, it may be purely a matter of luck."

"Damn girl." Xie Fangbi said angrily, "Pretend to play tricks! I don't think you should come back in the future!"

Xie Shuangchen hurriedly comforted him and said, "Master, the eldest sister may be afraid that you will be bored, so I let you play. Isn't cracking stones more interesting than smashing walnuts?" He picked up the smallest stone and said, "Look, it says emerald on it. How many did you say opened?"

"Hey! There are jadeites! Let me see them!" A man came out from the next room, with an apron around his waist and a large spoon in his hand. He had a smiling face and a slightly fat body, like a smiling Buddha. "Which one can produce emeralds?"

"Third Senior Brother, you will definitely be seduced by expensive things." Xie Shuangchen smiled, "Are you in charge today?"

Zheng Shuangqi lit up the spoon in his hand: "Isn't it? Don't you all love my craft?"

Xie Shuangchen said: "I love you to death!"

Zheng Shuang's strange trip three, two great joys in life-money and food.He doesn't like chasing fame, but he loves chasing profit, as if the whole person has fallen into the eyes of money, which Xie Shuangchen doesn't appreciate very much.However, Zheng Shuangqi's culinary skills are excellent, and he is the master who cooks here every year and festival. Xie Shuangchen especially appreciates this cooking skill.

In short, he was very entangled, but no matter how entangled he was, he couldn't be entangled with his feelings for the senior brother and the second senior brother.

Said that Cao Cao Cao Cao will arrive.

The elder brother Li Shuangping and the second elder brother Yang Shuanglin came here one after another. Ye Ling saw Li Shuangping first, and he was the oldest. Ye Ling always felt that he had to call him uncle.Li Shuangping has a gentle and honest personality, very much like the middle-of-the-road elder brother in a traditional family.Among them, the most eloquent one is actually Yang Shuanglin.

He is the most well-known crosstalk artist among the general public. He often hangs around in the TV media and the film and television industry. He is also a visiting professor at a university. He has a high social status and looks like an artist.

Xie Shuangchen introduced Ye Ling to several senior brothers, and the senior brothers were all kind, but Ye Ling was very uncomfortable in his heart, he always felt that the shining Xie family's courtyard was not as harmonious as it appeared on the surface.

At the dinner table, several people toasted to the master one after another, even Ye Ling was no exception.He was a little more relaxed than when he came here. Xie Fangbi was always gentle with young people. This kind of gentleness and care came from the bottom of his heart. Ye Ling could feel it, and he was naturally much closer to him.

"Old Five, what have you been up to lately?" Yang Shuanglin asked Xie Shuangchen caringly after changing cups.

"Stay blind!" Xie Shuangchen said vaguely.

"I heard that you went to a small tea house to talk about cross talk a while ago?" Yang Shuanglin said.

"Hey, where did you hear that?" Xie Shuangchen asked back.

"Small tea house?" Zheng Shuangqi interrupted and asked, "How much will I give you?" He was most concerned about the performance fee.

Yang Shuanglin said: "I saw on the Internet that you were wearing a gown that exposed your ankles." He laughed, "Where is this all? Old Wu, don't you keep messing around and not doing your job properly. , you see this video is out, people ask me, how can I explain? Little Fifth Master can’t get along and went outside to talk about cross talk? Is it good?”

"I'm just playing around, don't take it seriously." Xie Shuangchen replied.

"It's really not that senior brother said you, you are old and young, don't think about it all day long." Yang Shuanglin taught Xie Shuangchen endlessly, "With this time, study more serious art and culture. Master is old, and senior brothers are also old. It’s not too young, won’t we still have to rely on you in the future?”

Xie Shuangchen hated Yang Shuanglin's rationale the most, even though he didn't want to listen to it, he still said politely: "Don't tell me, brothers are the red flag bearers of the trendy industry of the times! I'm still young, I can't do it yet, I still have to rely on Brothers cover up."

Just as Yang Shuanglin was about to open his mouth to say a few more words, Li Shuangping said, "Don't quarrel with each other, and don't be afraid of being laughed at by Master. Eating and drinking can't stop you two!"

Xie Fangbi waved his hand, with a look of nothing to do with himself: "I haven't seen anything, you guys are talking about it."

"Master celebrates his birthday today, let's not talk about it." Yang Shuanglin stopped in time, raised his glass, and turned to Ye Ling, "Xiao Ye, let's have a drink?"

Ye Ling raised his wine glass and walked cautiously after Yang Shuanglin.After Yang Shuanglin finished drinking, he asked Ye Ling many questions. It was okay to gossip, and Ye Ling answered them all.

After drinking for three rounds, everyone opened the chatter box, talking about their own things.But there are guests today, and the main target of the senior brothers is Ye Ling.This kind of social fritters and wine tables love to bully newcomers, it seems to be an unwritten social habit of old men, Ye Ling is too strong to drink, and he becomes drunk after two drinks.

Seeing this, Xie Shuangchen had no choice but to block the wine for Ye Ling, how could he drink three times by himself?So gloriously drank too much with Ye Ling.

The two of them got drunk and started talking nonsense, they must not be able to leave, so Xie Fangbi arranged them in the room where Xie Shuangchen used to live, threw them on the same bed and slept with their clothes together.

When it was daylight, there was silence all around.Suddenly, a loud shout was heard in the yard.

"Xie Shuangchen! Wake up!"

Then came the sound of a kick on the door.

Xie Shuangchen's conditioned reflex was the same, he sat up in a jerk, without opening his eyes and unconscious, but he could shout: "Here we come! Master, I'm getting up! Steamed lamb, steamed bear's paw, steamed deer's tail..."

This is how he was woken up by Xie Fangbi early in the morning to practice kung fu since he was a child.

Ye Ling was sleeping soundly, and was awakened by the sudden voice. He was still drunk, so he asked subconsciously: "Ah? Anti-pornography is here?"

The author says:

Miko: The accompaniment tool for singing the lyrics of Taiping is actually two bamboo boards

Pour mouth: imitating dialect in cross talk