哏儿

Scumbags sometimes have a natural reverence for bullies.

Like Xie Shuangchen, like Ye Ling.

Xie Shuangchen had always favored Ye Ling, but now seeing Ye Ling glowing with gold, she was so awesome that she couldn't even touch it.In the next few minutes, he couldn't form any words, he could only watch Ye Ling's back full of intellectual style gradually disappear in the busy street.

In fact, Ye Ling doesn't have the character of an intellectual, and she doesn't say to Xie Shuangchen, "I'll buy some oranges, and you don't want to move around here."Everything was made up by Xie Shuangchen's brain.

Xie Shuangchen drove home in a trance, he was very calm all the way, he didn't even open the window to swear when someone used the car's butt to say goodbye to him.

He moved out from Xie Fangbi around the end of last year. He told Xie Fangbi that he wanted to be independent, but in fact it was because every time he wandered outside until midnight and came home, he always felt like a thief.

Living alone is different, you can do whatever you want.Xie Shuangchen is a fun-loving person, and he can't live without the atmosphere of fireworks in the market. Naturally, he chooses a place to live because it's lively and convenient, so he likes to take root in Sanlitun.

It's a bit congested, but for the sake of eating, drinking and having fun, just bear with it.

In the middle of the night, Xie Shuangchen was haunting a well-known nightclub, and the music was drier than the weather outside.He came down from the dance floor, brushing up his clothes and fanning himself. The booth was full of friends who often played with each other. Everyone asked him what he was up to recently, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he asked, "Is Tsinghua University extremely difficult?"

"probably."

"Little Fifth Master wants to go to school? Isn't the goal too high?"

Xie Shuangchen was stunned for a moment, then continued to ask: "What about the graduate students?"

Everyone was in an uproar, wondering what medicine Xie Shuangchen had taken by mistake today.

"That's really awesome." Xie Shuangchen said to himself, "Although he is aloof and a university bully, if he works seriously, he doesn't have to worry about food and clothing. What should we do?"

Someone asked: "Which girl does the fifth master have a crush on?"

Xie Shuangchen was still immersed in the depression of overcoming difficulties, and said casually: "It's not a woman."

The crowd was even more uproarious, Little Fifth Master can do it!

"It's annoying me!" Xie Shuangchen fell back and lay carelessly on the booth, with one long leg resting on someone's body.

As soon as he yelled annoyance, everyone around him came over.This group of people don't know shit, but they have a lot of bad ideas. They immediately dictated to Xie Shuangchen the whole "99 Rules of Chasing Men". The slut who set fire on the bed was immediately tied to the bed!

The coquettish bitch Ye Ling is also quite annoying.

Graduation season was a mess, he finally finished his dissertation, attended the graduation ceremony, got his degree certificate, found a house and moved out of school, his teacher suddenly asked him to talk about wine and singing all night long.

It was nothing more than explaining his views to Ye Ling from several dimensions such as the scientific development concept, science and technology as the primary productive force, and young people should apply what they have learned to build a socialist modern China, which made Ye Ling want to explode on the spot.

The teacher always asked him, what's wrong with you?Run to talk about cross talk?how do you live

Ye Ling replied in a muffled voice, she was young and didn't want to think about life.

The teacher has an unteachable expression.

Perhaps it was a prophecy, Ye Ling just finished saying this sentence, and then fell into the quagmire of life.The house he rented was cleared due to the problem of house lease rectification. The intermediary meant that there was nothing he could do but refund some money or find another house for him.But the housing price is less stable than the stock market. The policy was changed yesterday, and it can rise sharply today. In just one or two days, Ye Ling was devastated when looking at the house.

He had just stepped out of school and stepped into society, and it turned out that everything was not as easy as he thought.He suddenly wanted to know if he took those gorgeous offers and went to work in those top [-] companies, would he not have to worry about food and clothing?

Is he sick?Whenever I say something like my dream is to become a singer, actor, scientist, athlete, etc., I can feel a very passionate feeling.

My dream is to become an excellent cross talk actor, no matter how I listen to it, it has a funny feeling.

This night, Ye Ling dragged his exhausted body, strolling in the neon streetscape, feeling sentimental about spring and autumn, not really wanting to go back to the home that will soon not belong to him.

He has never felt that Xie Shuangchen's phone calls are not so annoying like now.

But the premise is that he doesn't know that this is Xie Shuangchen, and Xie Shuangchen's previous number has already been blocked by him.

"Ms. Ye, are you busy?" Xie Shuangchen asked very respectfully.

"No, what's the matter?" Ye Ling replied very politely.

Xie Shuangchen was very honored to hear Ye Ling's gentle tone for the first time, and hurriedly said, "I...I want to invite you to dinner, can I?"

"Where? When?" Ye Ling asked in a low voice without thinking, "Now?"

Xie Shuangchen said, "Yes, yes, right now."

Ye Ling looked at the vast night and said, "What time is it, what should I eat?"

Xie Shuangchen didn't know that Ye Ling was hurting spring and autumn, so he opened his mouth and said, "You can eat whatever you want! How about I take you to Sipuhui to eat oysters?"

"..." Ye Ling supported his forehead, feeling that he should not be talking about the sufferings of the world with a rich young master at this moment.

"What's wrong?" Xie Shuangchen asked, "Why didn't you speak?"

Ye Ling said: "It's nothing, it's getting late..."

"Don't mind! It's only ten o'clock and the night show hasn't started yet, so why is it not early?" Xie Shuangchen was afraid that Ye Ling would find a reason to reject him, "Mr. Ye, you see that you even passed the Tsinghua University exam, so the one who reads at night with the lamp on Have you experienced it before? It’s only ten o’clock! The future of our motherland can’t waste time sleeping! We still have to carry forward traditional culture!”

Ye Ling was speechless: "Tell me what traditional culture needs you to promote in the middle of the night?"

"Uh..." Xie Shuangchen choked, and immediately said, "How about this, come out, let's have a chicken together, learn how to meow, and talk about what traditional culture needs to be promoted in the middle of the night."

"Don't, you're so chicken and midnight." Ye Ling sneered, "I faintly smell a non-traditional smell."

"How about eating chicken! Eating chicken! E-sports!" Xie Shuangchen emphasized, "It's not a chicken in the middle of the night! It's not a cat in February and August!"

"I don't like e-sports very much." Ye Ling said, "I love learning, and learning makes me happy."

"Hey, trouble." Xie Shuangchen snorted, "I hate studying! Studying makes me suffocate! Teacher Ye, where are you? Seriously, I'll go find you. I'm already out, I'm on the way, you can't Let me go back. If I don’t see you today, it’s like I haven’t finished my homework. I can’t sleep, I’m suffocating, I’ll get dark circles, crow’s feet and bags under my eyes. !"

"Where are there so many words?" Ye Ling smiled helplessly: "Come on, come out."

Xie Shuangchen was lying with his family naked, when Ye Ling let go, he took a shower, put on his clothes and ran out at the speed of light.

In about twenty minutes, Xie Shuangchen saw Ye Ling at the gate of a food stall.

Ye Ling was looking down at her phone, when she raised her eyes, she saw a tall man walking over.In private, Xie Shuangchen is a person who likes to follow fashion very much. He always buys new rather than old, and also likes to pretend.Fortunately, the aesthetic line, coupled with his shirt, came in a hurry, and he was eye-catching even in the night.

What a good-looking boy, why did he go to talk about cross talk?

Good-looking and funny are two different things!

"What is Teacher Ye busy with?" Xie Shuangchen smiled and pulled out the chair and sat down.

"It's nothing." Ye Ling shook his head, he was tired after running for a day, and a little listless.Xie Shuangchen ordered something to eat casually, and seeing Ye Ling was quiet, he asked, "Tired?"

Ye Ling asked back: "Why am I tired?"

Xie Shuangchen said: "I think you're very lethargic. No, I haven't harassed you for the past two days. What's bothering you? Is it because Brother Zheng is gone? Hey, yes, it's okay for this partner to split up." Divorce is no different from husband and wife. If the relationship is mediocre and they part ways, if the relationship is good, then it's really..."

He looked mournful, and Ye Ling said: "Let you speak like a widow in the cold kiln."

"Not bad." Xie Shuangchen said with a smile, "I like widows the most."

Ye Ling said expressionlessly: "You can't keep up with the heat even if you eat shit."

"Ms. Ye!" Xie Shuangchen said, "Don't underestimate yourself too much, shit and fart don't sound good."

Only then did Ye Ling realize that she had wrapped herself in, and could only drink her saliva, as if nothing had happened.

"The flowers are so full of moons, how about I sing a little song to Teacher Ye to make me happy?" Xie Shuangchen asked.He saw that there seemed to be something bothering Ye Ling's eyebrows, and the dry chat between the two of them was boring, so he might as well think of a way to warm up the scene.

Ye Ling said: "Where are there flowers on the main road?"

Xie Shuangchen pointed to the table: "Leek flowers."

Ye Ling said: "Today is cloudy and there is no moon."

Xie Shuangchen pointed at it: "There are street lights."

Ye Ling rubbed her eyes and said weakly: "What do you want to sing? Oh no, what can you sing?"

"I can sing everything. I can sing everything my master has taught me, but I rarely sing." Xie Shuangchen tapped a chopstick on the table and cleared his throat. "Come on, there is no Sanxianer, just knock around, find a rhythm, and make a fool of yourself!"

"Zhaohuatai" is also called "Five Watches of Cowardly". The original lyrics are sung from the first watch to the fifth watch.Xie Shuangchen had just finished singing the first two lines, and later changed all the dishes on the four dishes to what they had on the table now, knocked on the chopsticks, and continued singing: "In the second watch, the moon shadow is high, Thinking of Lang Junnu's family, I am so anxious, my almond eyes are filled with tears, my eyes are like cherries from crying..."

Not only did he sing, but he also performed. He took a napkin and shook it half-hidden in front of his face. He raised his eyes slightly to look at Ye Ling.

"In the fourth watch, the moon shadow is west, thinking about where brother Ye is living." In the middle of singing, Xie Shuangchen suddenly changed the words, pointed to Ye Ling, and then pointed to himself, "You pick a flower Go, who cares if the flowers are half open but not falling? I call you, we are only seventeen..."

"All right, all right, stop singing." Ye Ling said ruthlessly, "I'm homophobic."

Xie Shuangchen choked, the singing stopped abruptly, and he threw the tissue to Ye Ling with his backhand.

"Am I singing well?" he asked.

"Very good." Ye Ling's evaluation was quite impressive, "It would be better to have a string."

Xie Shuangchen said: "When I'm free, I'll play the strings for you?"

"You can play strings?" Ye Ling was a little surprised, he thought Xie Shuangchen knew nothing.

Xie Shuangchen said with a smile: "I've learned it seriously, okay? I've even been a teacher of Peking Opera! Besides that, there are other kinds of local operas, such as storytelling and drums... In fact, I'm not very good at singing, our senior brothers Among them, my fourth senior brother is the best singer, but... hey, it doesn't matter. I just learned a lot, so if I just pull out one, we can handle it."

Ye Ling asked: "Since you know so many things, why haven't you met an envoy before?"

"No need." Xie Shuangchen replied honestly, "Nowadays, commercial performances outside are not like Xiaoyuanzi's performances. The organizer has a program and everyone has a fixed time. Who has time to listen to you playing and singing there? It takes a lot of effort." It’s not flattering. If it’s not a commercial performance, it’s even more unnecessary to go around with the troupe for condolences, interviews, etc. No matter how lively the above is, the audience can’t understand it, and it’s meaningless to ignore you.”

Ye Ling snorted: "Then you let me go with you without fun?"

"No." Xie Shuangchen replied seriously, "I think it's interesting. My original partner was chosen by Master, and I don't think we can talk about it. I like you, maybe... we can really How about something different?"

Ye Ling looked down at the wine glass in front of her, was silent for a moment, and said, "Do you still have this pursuit?"

Xie Shuangchen said: "We'll talk about this kind of lofty pursuit later, can you let me pursue it first?" He put the word "you" on his lips, with a very strong Beijing accent, and that unscrupulous The rage came out from within.

Ye Ling sighed: "It's really disgusting."

"Then what else can I say?" Xie Shuangchen said, "Isn't it just like this? I'm chasing after your ass, and I beg you to be my partner. Isn't this a pursuit? Ye Teacher, Mr. Ye, Brother Ye! How much you want to support discrimination and anti-gay is your business, but you can't confuse my serious behavior now!"

Xie Shuangchen spoke a little fast, and after finishing speaking, he picked up his wine glass, and the cold beer fell into his throat, which made him breathe a sigh of relief.Ye Ling wasn't very moody at all, after drinking some wine, hearing Xie Shuangchen's confession for a while, his mind was a little messed up.

He quietly listened to Xie Shuangchen singing a ditty, it wasn't a great thing, but Xie Shuangchen had a nice voice, she sang euphemistically and movingly, the voice was not loud, but the rhythm was very unique.

There are so many flavors.

A young man dressed in a trendy fashion brand tapped his chopsticks and sang old gentlemen's ditties. The contrast was too great, especially in front of him, who was still the little fifth master Xie Shuangchen who he had always defined as an idiot...

Xie Shuangchen snapped his fingers in front of Ye Ling, Ye Ling was taken aback for a moment, and immediately returned to his senses.

"What are you thinking about?" Xie Shuangchen asked, "Reminiscing about my demeanor just now?"

"Don't be poor." Ye Ling said helplessly.

"Don't think about anything, eat and drink, and let's talk about it after today. You drink, I will sing you a song, be happy." Xie Shuangchen poured wine into Ye Ling's glass again, pushed it out, and hooked the corner of his mouth.

It's such a good day and such a night, sighing to the moon, drinking and playing with beautiful women, it's really fucking exciting.

As soon as Ye Ling opened her eyes, she felt something was wrong.

Not your own bed, not your own quilt, not your own ceiling!

He suddenly turned over, looking around was full of strangers, he didn't have time to think about who I am and where I am, his first reaction was to look for his mobile phone.

The last image I can remember in my mind is with Xie Shuangchen... Where is Xie Shuangchen?

The phone was unlocked, and the screen showed that it was past one o'clock in the noon. Immediately afterwards, Ye Ling saw a message lying in her WeChat, which was from Xie Shuangchen.

"Ms. Ye, I have something to do and I will go home in a while. If you wake up, you can lie down for a while."

Ye Ling's mind buzzed, and he really wanted to smash the phone.Did he drink too much and was brought home by Xie Shuangchen?No, this is a bit too bizarre, right?What else is there to lie down after waking up?Is there something wrong with Xie Shuangchen's brain?

Why the hell is WeChat not blocked?

Ye Ling felt that what happened after she fell asleep was very thoughtful and frightening. First, Xie Shuangchen moved him home, then unlocked the phone with his face or fingers, and then released herself who was blocked in WeChat... ...The point is that he still doesn't know whether Xie Shuangchen's moral bottom line has broken through to look at the things in his mobile phone!

Ye Ling, who was full of energy after waking up, made a phone call. Xie Shuangchen was driving, and he was confronted with questions like absolute zero.

"What the hell happened last night?"

"Ah?" Xie Shuangchen was also very puzzled, "What's going on? Ah no, wait for me to go home, I'm going to enter the underground garage of the community soon, wait for me for 5 minutes!" Then he hung up .

Ye Ling was so angry.

After 5 minutes, Xie Shuangchen came up, carrying a trolley case with large and small bags.

"Are you awake?" Xie Shuangchen asked Ye Ling, "Did you drink water? Would you like me to pour you a glass of water?"

"No need." Ye Ling said with a dark face, "Tell me, what's the situation?"

"Oh, the situation is like this. You drank too much last night, and then you started to let yourself go. First, you stood up and bowed to the entire food stall, performed an allegro "Zhuge Liang's Betting on Treasure", and invited me to play the board passionately. The performance After that, I ran around the field three times and yelled crazily, 'I want to shed the last drop of blood for the cross talk career'! I couldn't stop you. In the end, you said you were sleepy, and you lay down on the ground and fell asleep with a plastic bag covering your neck , Said it was to protect your throat, what do you think I can do? If I don’t bring you home, will I still let you sleep on the road? We can’t lose our conscience!” Xie Shuangchen is worthy of being a funny actor, and he said it in one breath without embarrassment He stuttered, "And you promised me yesterday that you would be my partner, the kind of couple who love each other more than love each other for a lifetime!" He said and put his two index fingers together.

"Impossible!" Ye Ling said very firmly.

"Why are you contradicting your promise?" Xie Shuangchen said, "You're so drunk!"

"I don't know "Zhuge Liang's Betting on Treasure" at all!" Ye Ling said, "Can you stop talking nonsense?"

Xie Shuangchen supported his forehead, and immediately said: "Let's not talk about this, by the way, I brought all your luggage back for you."

"Ah?" Ye Ling felt that she couldn't keep up with Xie Shuangchen's brain circuit, looked at the big and small bags and asked, "Is this mine? Are you crazy?"

Xie Shuangchen said: "The agency called you this morning and said that you have to clear it. You were sleeping like a dead man at that time, so I found out about the general situation and went to fetch your things. Hey, what's wrong with your house? Didn’t you say it earlier? Yesterday I was in a bad mood because of this? You told my brother earlier that you can still have this story? I see, you don’t need to find a house, just live with me first. My place is big , two bedrooms, whichever side do you like to live in. I have thousands of rooms in An De Guang Mansion, and all the poor people in the world are happy."

Ye Ling stared at Xie Shuangchen: "It's 'Shi'!"

"My education level is low." Xie Shuangchen added: "But the latter part is true."

"How dare you close your eyes and make up nonsense!" Ye Ling's voice rose a bit, "You just covered your neck with a plastic bag! Get lost!"

The author says:

"Zhaohuatai" is a ditty in the north, and it actually tells the story of a young lady who was waiting for her lover in the middle of the night with all kinds of entangled inner dramas and flirting after waiting.There is a sentence in it that says "I don't know where my lord is playing the lotus table", and playing the lotus table refers to going to a brothel, so there is a saying that the heroine in the story is also a prostitute, and it is speculated that her lover went to someone else... But this kind of There is no systematic summary and arrangement of Xiaoqu, and there are many versions modified and sung by later generations, so it cannot be verified.

NetEase Cloud Music has "Good Song Juncun Zhao Junliang Beijing Xiaoqu Collection", which contains some original arias recorded by the old man in the late 80s.Guo Degang has a version of Tang Bohu Qiuxiang's "Zhaohuatai", which is also very good. Anyone who is interested can listen to it.