glare effect

My name is Fang Zhi Zhi, and Zhi is known, and Zhi is the gardenia of gardenia.

According to my grandmother, I was given this name because, the day before I was born, the gardenias in the yard were in full bloom, fragrant, pure white and flawless.

Such a beautiful name and was very flattering for the first 16 years of my life.

Until later I met a guy named Xin Yan, he laughed when he heard my name for the first time, he patted the table and said, no wonder you are like a little mouse that always loves to squeak.

The ignorant bastard became my husband.

Of course these are all for later.

When talking about the story with him, one person has to be mentioned.

I met Luo Wenjiao in the second half of the first year of high school.Before that, my family had been living in another city slightly to the south. The climate there was not as dry and cold as Beiyuan.

I transferred here in the second semester of high school, and my new home is in a narrow alley behind a business district.

The neighbors and peers around me are all strangers, and many people's social circles are already fixed. It is not easy to blend in, but fortunately, I am cheerful and outgoing enough.

The first time I noticed Wen Jiao was when I went to school on the first day.He is a person who is difficult to be noticed, tall and thin, with an absolutely outstanding appearance, and that unique cold personality, which makes him stand out among a group of immature adolescents who have not yet fully developed.

His class is directly opposite the entire circular corridor. When the teacher was pressing down on the last class that day, I turned my head and looked out the window, just in time to see him coming out of the back door of the classroom first.

Black down jacket, loose school uniform pants, three-dimensional profile.

Although it is a bit embarrassing to say, I still suspect that during that period of rebellious adolescence, I may have had some short-term crush on him.This feeling is hard to describe. I think that probably every girl at that stage will have a special urge to pay attention to and understand the boys at the school grass level around her.

Instead of defining this impulse as secret love, I think it is better to say it is a kind of shy worship.

I can't help but observe all his words and deeds, gossip about his stories, and feel happy that I seem to be closer to my idol.

It seems that most of the girls in the school were like this at that time.

When I was bored after class, I would occasionally talk about him with a few girls in the class who had the same hobbies.Talk about what he did today, what kind of meal he ate in the cafeteria, and what kind of clothes he wore.

From them, I learned a lot about him.

For example, he is a sports student, and his project is high jump. For example, he will leave first after class every afternoon and go to the playground for training. For example, although he is usually busy with training, his studies are still in the middle and upper reaches...

He doesn't seem to have any friends. Except for other sports students who greet him briefly every day, he always appears alone and leaves alone on his bicycle. expression.Sometimes when he encountered a gift from a girl on the road, he just shook his head lightly and refused, and then walked away as if nothing had happened.

Sometimes I think, if I were him, I would happily thank those girls for their confession, and then eat up those delicate chocolates.

It's a pity that he has always been an extremely indifferent person.

This situation continued until the second year of high school and became more obvious.

The cause was that he suffered a serious leg injury that year.I remember he didn't come to class for a few days, and when he reappeared, he didn't talk to anyone.

Hearing from friends, he will not be able to train for a while.

That year was the first time in my life that I liked physical education. Even though the teacher with the face of Hades was keen to tell us to run laps, it just so happened that the physical education class of our class was arranged in the last session of every Tuesday afternoon in that semester. There are also students from the track and field team accompanying us.

When others are training, he quietly does simple activities on the side, and occasionally plays basketball with the teachers.

The feeling of loneliness is indescribable, just looking at it from a distance makes people feel distressed and sad.

It was in the winter of that year, during the winter vacation, that I saw him near my house.

When I was wearing a heavy down jacket and walking home through the snow with weak steps, he rode a bicycle, quickly met me face to face, and passed me by.

I knew he didn't know me, but I was still a little excited.

He seemed to have lost weight and haggarded a lot, and he looked very unhappy, so he parked the car in front of a club diagonally across from my neighborhood.

If it wasn't for him, I would never have paid much attention to the Polar Night Club. There is such a shop by the roadside that I pass by every day.

Amazingly, he's been there on time almost every day since then.

With a huge satchel on his back and a basketball in his car basket, his mood seems to be improving day by day.

Out of curiosity and concern, I sneaked into the Polar Night Club with my friends one day.I have forgotten the specific circumstances, but I remember that it was the first time I met Xin Yan.

He was the owner of the club and he was only 24 years old at the time.That day, he was wearing a sports quick-drying suit and slippers, stepped on the ball under his feet, and was leaning against the window to smoke a cigarette. The first thing he said when he saw me was: "Hey, little girl, I don't open the study room."

I fled the same way my friend flew.

In the second semester of high school, I heard people say that Luo Wenjiao's training program changed from high jump to basketball.

The girls were delighted, not only because he seemed to have managed to get out of the shadows, but also because basketball was more interesting to play than high jump.Since then, his popularity has grown even further.

Then something happened that really annoyed me for a while.

In the third year of high school, we changed the teaching building, and their class was changed to next door to us.It was the stage where he should have a good sprint, but he made a girlfriend at this time.

And that girl happened to be my rival in the same class as me.

I couldn't figure out what was the reason for this at first, I just felt dumbfounded and angry.Every day when I saw the two of them walking together in the cafeteria and after school, I would feel an unknown anger in my heart.

At that time, many people were probably in the same mood as me. Later, I heard from my friends that in order to catch up with Luo Wenjiao, the girl spent a lot of effort to build a good relationship with his track team teammates, and pestered him for another month. , finally persuaded this iceberg to try to get along with her.

In fact, it can also be observed in school every day.

Every time when get out of class was over, it was always the girl who rushed to the next class to find him, but he never appeared outside the back door of our class.When two people walked together, the girl was always talking and making trouble, but he just listened silently, as if he was always alone.

Sometimes when I think about it, it doesn't seem like it's actually love.

It turns out that I was right to feel this way.I saw them on my way home after school one day.The girl sat sideways behind his bicycle seat, and the two arrived at the Polar Night Club one after the other.

It was probably a momentary impulsiveness and curiosity, so my heart broke, and I quickly followed in.

Xin Yan was really my nemesis. As soon as I stepped in with my front foot, he caught me with my back foot.Before he could speak, I pretended to be tough and yelled, why can't the woman just get into me just now.

It worked.

The second attempt to enter the polar night ended with the temporary compromise of Xin Yan.

I was overjoyed and wanted to go further inside the venue, but before I got there, I heard the girl sobbing softly inside.

She said, Luo Wenjiao, I can't feel that you like me, I'm too tired, or forget it.

I was shocked, and quickly dragged Xin Yan who was behind me to hide behind the door.

How did that happen.

I originally thought that Wenjiao was just taking it slow, as long as the girl persisted long enough, she could make some constructive progress.

Hearing what the girl said, he just replied flatly, yes, then turned around and continued playing as if nothing had happened.

The girl ran away crying, and never appeared by his side again.

I feel a little sad.

Before that, I sure thought I'd have a good time gloating and celebrating our beloved Luo Shen finally recognizing the true colors of my nemesis and deciding to part ways with her.But looking at his back playing silently there, I suddenly couldn't be happy again.

He seemed to be alone again.

No, it should be said that he was alone from beginning to end.

Seeing my grief-stricken face, Xin Yan rubbed my head kindly and said to me, why are you so sad? Come, brother, I will treat you to a popsicle.

He gave me a small pudding worth [-] cents, but he was reluctant to take out a [-] yuan oatmeal ice cream in the freezer. It seems that I was right, he is really a stingy person.

Later, because the life in the third year of high school was really busy, I didn't go to Polar Night again.

I secretly followed Wenjiao for three years, but he never knew me.He has always been a loner, except for Xin Yan, he has never seen any friends who can talk to him.

This situation continued until my sophomore year.

Fortunately, I went to the same university in Beiyuan as him.He made the school basketball team and became more famous and popular than ever.I became a cheerleader for the school, just to cheer him on.

And he really became friends, but also thanks to another important person.

The person I am talking about is actually a good buddy of my direct junior. His name is Shi Que. He is fair and good-looking, and has a very cheerful and pleasant personality. When talking to people, he often blushes shyly.

I don't know him very well, we only talked a few times before and after.

The day we first met was also the first time Luo Wenjiao took the initiative to talk to me.

I had just become a cheerleader at that time, and I finally got up the courage to ask him for an autograph that I had wanted for a long time. At first, he ignored it, but then he suddenly came over when I was joking with Shi, and offered to help me. signed one.

I was very happy that time.

When I was in college, the school required accommodation. I would only go home during holidays and weekends. Occasionally passing by the Polar Night Club, I would sneak in to have a look.

Of course, most of the cases would be mercilessly blasted out by Xin Yan.

Sometimes I even wondered if he had installed a signal transmitter on me. As soon as I slipped in, he could always catch me as quickly as possible, and argue with me with his arms akimbo.

After a long time, he finally seemed to feel tired and stopped driving me out.

When I linger in the club, I can occasionally chat with Luo Wenjiao.He doesn't talk much, most of the time he just helps me when I quarrel with Xin Yan, and brings two bottles of mineral water to quench my thirst.

He has always been so indifferent, until the junior named Shi Que appeared, Xin Yan and I felt that his reticent temperament seemed to become more lively.

For him, time is probably a different existence.

This conclusion is well-founded.

For example, when some of them came to play in the polar night during the holidays, he would always be on the same team as Shi. Even if they didn't play so well, he would still show that unique look of joy—according to Xin Yan's words , the child learns to relax and be happy.

Another example is before the National Basketball League in his junior year, he suddenly stopped me after playing one day, and asked me if I could give the vacant spot to Shi Que. After I agreed, his face was like a smile. An expectation that never existed.

Another example is that he had his ears pierced for no reason, and was scolded by Xin Yan and the coach for a long time. Later, the wound was always inflamed due to sweating and basketball confrontation, so he had to ask me for help, the only one around me who had pierced ears.At first he just said that he just hit his head on a whim, but later I heard from another student that he just completed a boring task to help others.

There are too many such examples to count.I have to admit that the time in college was the happiest I have ever seen him.

Although I didn't realize it at the time, it took me a long time to realize that maybe he had expressed his intentions at that time, but we didn't realize it.

After graduation, I worked as a reporter for a news media.

During those days Wenjiao was not going well. Xin Yan said that old and new injuries and family chores made him give up his dream of becoming a professional athlete.

I was a little disappointed, but seeing him finally returned to school and became a teacher, I felt that there was nothing wrong with living in peace and keeping away from injuries.

In the two years since he first returned to Beiyuan, his condition has not been very good.

At that time, Xin Yan and I thought that he was just frustrated because he didn't sign a contract with a professional club, and we worried a lot about him.He never mentioned the reason to us, but just lived a repetitive life quietly all day long, and sometimes lost contact suddenly, which made Xin Yan so anxious that he kept calling and couldn't find anyone.

On one vacation, he even disappeared for several days, and when he sent another message to report his safety, he had already arrived in another city, Minghai.

Xin Yan yelled at him for going so far away because he had a convulsion in his head. He just replied, I heard that there is a small hill by the coast there, and it is full of poppies in this season. He wants to go and see it. .

It's a pity we didn't understand what he meant then.

Two years after graduation, my parents decided to move back to the city where my family was before because of job transfer.Xin Yan was employed as an assistant coach of a professional basketball team, and temporarily entrusted the club to an acquaintance to take care of him.

After Xin Yan and I's child was born, Wen Jiao helped us a lot.First he helped us move, and then when Xin Yan and I were busy, he took good care of little Azhi so that he would not lack the care of adults.

They did get along very well.

Many times, Xin Yan and I don't have time to go to the kindergarten to pick up little Azhi, and Wen Jiao will take him back to school to play first.When I pick him up after get off work, I often see the two of them having a good time on the playground.

It's just that Xiao Ah Zhi often followed Wen Jiao, and unexpectedly became the same calm and indifferent personality as him, which somewhat made Xin Yan feel a little helpless.

According to his words, Luo Wenjiao, if you are so quiet, you will make my son unable to marry a wife like you.

I find it very funny.

In fact, Xin Yan is also very worried about his brother's lifelong affairs, and always asks me to introduce Wen Jiao to him if I have a suitable friend.

But I always feel that doesn't work.I still remember that at my engagement banquet with Xin Yan, we only invited a few acquaintances, Wen Jiao also came, he and Xin Yan drank some wine, the two of them talked about this somehow .

Wen Jiao's eye circles suddenly turned red, and he said, Brother Yan, I really envy you.

I suddenly felt that at this time, he seemed to have returned to the way he played alone in the extreme night that day. The people around him came and went, and I don’t know if they touched his heart for a while, and they disappeared before he could say clearly. In the vast sea of ​​people, whereabouts are unknown.

It seems that he has never had the ability to love, and he has never seen anyone who is really in his heart.

I felt it was a pity, so I tried to introduce some people to him later.

Most of these girls are around our age, and they were very excited to meet him for the first time. They are very grateful that I can give them the opportunity to meet such a handsome man.But the results afterward were mostly similar, they all complained that his manners were indifferent, and he didn't even have a chance to be friends.

There is only one girl, she is the sister of my colleague, she is still young, and she is a cartoonist.When I asked her about it, she even said that although they hadn't reached the point where they could communicate, they had a pretty good chat.I was pleasantly surprised by this unusual development, and quickly asked her what she had talked with him.

She replied that they both like listening to radio dramas, and he happened to be very interested in dubbing the anime she participated in.

I suddenly understood what was going on.

I have also listened to the radio drama they discussed for a long time. The CV for the voice of the leading actor happened to be a very popular voice actor in recent years, Shi Que.

I turned on the show again that night and spent a little time before bed revisiting the story.

There is a sentence in it that has always impressed me——

Those who are not afraid of the dark hide in their hearts the moon that they once missed.

I think Wen Jiao probably lost his own moon at a time we didn't know.

So after that time, I didn't introduce anyone to him again.

The days passed quickly like this, until one day, when I came back from a business trip and went to Wenjiao to pick up Xiao Ahzhi home, I saw another boy next to him.

Thin, fair, with a bright smile.

The two of them stood together, almost unchanged from when they were in school.

I was stunned for a long time, until Xiao Ahzhi ran over and shook my arm, and introduced to me, Mom, this is Uncle Shi Que.

I almost cried, watching them overjoyed, and I was shocked to realize that there is still such a trace of kindness left in God.

Wenjiao told me that day that he might leave Beiyuan next year and move to Minghai.

I laughed.

He has missed the blooming season of poppies on the hillside by the sea for many years, and the moon will accompany him to enjoy them in the days to come.