Too much

It was too quiet, so quiet that only Qi Jingchen's breathing was left in my ears.

The whole carriage seemed to turn into a depressing fish tank, the wind was still blowing through, and the water was churning, but Shen Zeming felt like a stranded fish, and the suffocation on the verge of death bound him tightly like a big black net.

His chest was heaving and heaving again and again, trying to absorb the meager amount of oxygen to continue his life, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't reach it.

Time seemed to have passed for a long time. In the backlight, Shen Zeming put his eyes on the back of his hand, and through his fingers, he saw Qi Jingchen slowly raised the corners of his lips towards him, looking down at him with the ease of a superior, "Say it again."

The scenes just now played back in Shen Zeming's mind like a rewind, he suddenly couldn't control it, tears rolled out, too many emotions came up from his heart and blocked his throat, he felt like his throat was being strangled by a rope, and he couldn't even say a word. Unable to speak.

He looked at Qi Jingchen with hazy teary eyes, but his pupils were loose, and he didn't know where to stare.

It's pitiful and cute.

Qi Jingchen's eyes gradually darkened, he suppressed the thin smile on his lips, his expression froze, he forced Shen Zeming to look at him, and ordered sharply: "Say."

Shen Zeming's body trembled subconsciously, and then his eyes finally started to focus. He caressed Qi Jingchen's cheek in a daze. The next moment, his whole body seemed to be crazy, his forehead hit Qi Jingchen's chest violently, and he held his hand tightly. Collar, lost his voice: "I love you, I love you, don't promise him, don't..." He trembled, shrank, tears streaming down his face, begging hopelessly.

Qi Jingchen showed an obsessed and lingering expression.

Shen Zeming's out-of-control and helpless appearance was like a hot iron, burning a series of deep-burning marks on his heart.

He is obsessed with this kind of collapse and loss of control, everything is just for him.

In Shen Zeming's eyes and heart, he is the only one.

He felt a fire burning in his heart, even the air was hot, and the heat wave rushed to his skin, restless and twisted, clamoring to rub Shen Zeming into his body.

He couldn't hold back at all, grabbed Shen Zeming firmly, bowed his head and kissed him.

The air was completely hot, and the whole carriage seemed to be steaming with heat. Qi Jingchen hugged Shen Zeming tightly, and every kiss was as deep as the mouthpiece, without desire, just strong possession and plunder.

At first Shen Zeming was still in a passive position, he didn't seem to have recovered, he just let Qi Jingchen gnaw on him in a daze.Gradually, a lot of tears flowed from his eyes, he refused to close them, and responded more enthusiastically than Qi Jingchen.

This kiss was longer and deeper than any one before. Both of them exerted all their strength, as if they wanted to take each other into themselves completely. They exhaled hot air, but couldn't breathe it back. In a trance, Shen Zeming felt that he seemed to be a real one. Stranded fish.

Soon, both of them had a reaction.

Shen Zeming's tears had stopped, and there was a layer of water in his eyes. Qi Jingchen tore off his jeans, pushed him on the back of the chair, entangled himself in it, and stroked his beautiful, deeply sunken mermaid lines.

He pressed on Shen Zeming's body, kissed him sticky, panting rapidly, while rubbing his earlobe, he urged him fiercely: "Call me, call me."

The voice after crying was still a little hoarse, Shen Zeming pressed his forehead on Qi Jingchen's shoulder, the corners of his eyes were red, and called him hoarsely: "Qi Jingchen, Ah Chen, Ah Chen..."

These words excited Qi Jingchen for some reason, he stopped for a second, then pressed Shen Zeming like a wolf dog, kissed and bit, the thing underneath was hard against Shen Zeming's waist and crotch.

He didn't speak, Shen Zeming opened his legs by himself, the inner thighs were still a little red, he naturally straightened his waist and rubbed against Qi Jingchen's penis, opened his mouth to bite Qi Jingchen's collarbone, and murmured softly: "Achen, Achen, Achen, I love you..."

Qi Jingchen couldn't hold back and ejaculated on Shen Zeming's belly button.

Every time Shen Zeming called him Ah Chen, it was as if a small hook was caught on his heart, and it was also like a small hammer lightly tapping on his heart. It was numb and itchy, and even the lower part swelled a few times.

But not enough, not enough.

He grabbed Shen Zeming's hand and asked him to hold the still hard and hot penis and twitch it up and down, lightly pecking Shen Zeming's cheek once and for all.

That hand was limp as if it had no strength at all, but the soft five fingers were still stroking unconsciously.He could hardly resist coming again.

The remaining semen in Shen Zeming's body had already slid out along the buttocks, and Qi Jingchen directly pushed in without the step of lubricating.

The seat was adjusted to lie flat, and the carriage shook violently. Shen Zeming's eyes were steamed, his neck was raised high, his eyes were closed, his hands could not help but grab Qi Jingchen's hair, and his insteps were stretched tightly.

too fast.He panted violently, his cheeks were flushed again, his lips were half-opened, and he could hardly hold himself up. "Slow, slow down...uh..."

Shen Zeming snorted, his nails sank deeply into Qi Jingchen's back, and then Qi Jingchen put his legs on his shoulders. He slowed down and slowly rubbed in Shen Zeming's body.

He contradicted very gently, with delicate and gentle kisses all over his chest, his nipples stood up hard, Shen Zeming opened his eyes, his eyes were blurred, he hooked Qi Jingchen's neck and rubbed him with his lips, calling him intoxicated, "Achen , Ah Chen."

With such a voice again, Qi Jingchen suffocated for breath, and suddenly accelerated the speed of thrusting.

"calls me."

"Achen, Qi Jingchen, Achen, Achen." Shen Zeming's blurred eyes were half closed, and Qi Jingchen felt that his heart was about to soften into a ball for him.

This time he bumped hard, pressed against Shen Zeming's cheek, and kissed down inch by inch from the forehead, with thin, red eyelids, pointed nose tip, and Adam's apple that kept swallowing and panting.

Shen Zeming soon became hard too, rubbing his legs and arching into his arms, biting his chin with his teeth, wrapping his limbs around him, groping for his hand to hold it there.

touch it. "Shen Zeming cried again, his voice was sobbing and soft, "Touch it." "

Qi Jingchen didn't know what to do, he felt that he was about to drown in Shen Zeming's crying.He closed his eyes and cursed, and kissed Shen Zeming's lips comfortingly, resisting his temper while thrusting into his body, while helping him move with his hands.

Shen Zeming sobbed intermittently, but his movements became more and more slutty, even more so in the secret room, his whole body was wrapped around Qi Jingchen, his forehead rested on his shoulder, tears fell on his chest, and he slid along the muscle lines all the way to the place where the two connected .

Qi Jingchen shot once with Shen Zeming's Adam's apple in his mouth, and then turned over while holding Shen Zeming's waist to make him kneel on his lap.

This posture made the root buried in Shen Zeming's body penetrate even deeper, and a few light movements made him tremble all over, and he couldn't hold back to ejaculate.

They were bouncing in the car, not knowing that the car was shaking violently from the outside, but they could see what was going on inside at a glance through the glass without the anti-peep film.

But no one has time for that.

During the climax, the two were panting at the same frequency, and Shen Zeming shot out from Qi Jingchen's hand, hooking his neck emotionally, and he didn't know what he said, only remembering that Qi Jingchen seemed to kiss him at the end, with a very loud voice. Shen, said: "Love."

The sticky semen hung on Qi Jingchen's abdominal muscles, Shen Zeming's body went limp, his hands and legs slid down weakly and rested on the console, while Qi Jingchen was still tightly entangled underneath.

Shen Zeming couldn't remember exactly how many times he did it, he only knew that it didn't take long for Qi Jingchen to roll into the back seat with his arms in his arms, in another position, with his cheek pressed against the cold glass, his body trembling non-stop, and he seemed to fall into a coma halfway through .

When he woke up, it was already noon the next day, and he could see the familiar furniture and bedding in Qi Jingchen's room, but Qi Jingchen didn't know where he had gone, and Shen Zeming was lying flat on the pillow in his pajamas and pajamas, with the quilt covering his chest in a regular manner.

His whole body was full of overindulgent soreness, not only his arms, but also his legs were even more uncomfortable, and there was even some burning pain in the inner thighs.

He endured the discomfort and got up, but when he wanted to speak, he found that his voice was so dry and hoarse that he couldn't make a sound.Shen Zeming sighed, took a sip of the water on the bedside table, and took a look at his phone.

Twelve ten past noon.

Today is Monday, he not only has class in the morning, but also self-study in the evening, Qi Jingchen probably asked for leave for him again, there is no message on the phone urging him to go to class.

Then Shen Zeming lay back with his arms on his waist, thinking that if he came a few more times, Director Liu would probably fire him.

He didn't wake up until after three o'clock in the afternoon. It was raining heavily outside. The weather in City H was always changing. It was still clear yesterday, and it was pouring rain today.

Qi Jingchen probably came back halfway, and the air conditioner in the room was blowing enough warm air, so when Shen Zeming got out of bed and opened the window to ventilate because of the heat, he was immediately shivered by a gust of cold wind.

He slammed the window shut, randomly found a coat from Qi Jingchen's wardrobe, put it on, opened the door and walked out.

There was no one in the living room, and there was a light blue post-it note on the refrigerator. The handwriting was vigorous and powerful, and a few lines of words explained his day's itinerary.

After reading it, Shen Zeming carefully tore it off and folded it up, ready to take it back and lock it in the safe, then walked into the kitchen according to the instructions on the post-it note, and brought out the porridge and side dishes that had been warmed by the rice cooker on the stove.

After filling his stomach, Shen Zeming washed the dishes and put them back in the sink. He stood idly by the kitchen door for a while, and suddenly remembered that although he had been here several times, he hadn't seriously visited it once.

This house was also rented, but Qi Jingchen repainted it, changed the furniture, and changed the layout. The overall decoration is gray and white and dark, making it look a bit dull.

Shen Zeming went to the study first.

The decoration of Qi Jingchen's study is very simple, a whole wall of bookcases plus a set of wooden tables and chairs is all there is.

I don't know why, maybe I didn't have time to tidy it up. There are several psychology professional books piled up on the table, which looks very messy.

Thinking of Qi Jingchen's serious obsession with cleanliness, Shen Zeming only felt strange, but he didn't think much about it, and walked over to help him tidy up.

He picked up a professional book on the top, flipped through it casually, and found that it was all in English. He immediately closed it and placed it at the bottom in a dull manner, and then sorted out other things.

When it was about to be put away, Shen Zeming picked up a black hardcover hardcover notebook that was pressed at the bottom, and was about to put it on the top, but his hand shook and he couldn't hold it steady, and the notebook fell from his hand and hit the ground .

Shen Zeming frowned and squatted down to pick it up.Perhaps it was a coincidence that the book opened by itself when it landed, and it happened to turn to the page with notes.

Shen Zeming couldn't help but glanced at it when he picked it up, but found that the content was related to him.

It was Qi Jingchen's notes. His name was written in the center of the paper, with three arrows pointing at him, and the other ends of the arrows were written respectively——Shen Zelin, the safe, the past, and finally drew a big circle to enclose everything in it.

On the big dome are four large characters marked in red pen - shock therapy, and there are also four small red characters on the bottom - the trial was successful.

Shen Zeming was stunned for a moment. He didn't understand what this simple mind map meant, but he felt inexplicably uncomfortable. After thinking about it, he took out his mobile phone and took a photo, planning to ask Qi Jingchen when he came back at night.

That's when someone called him.

It was Zhu Chengqing and Shen Zeming, the psychological counselors who had been in constant contact with each other since college.

He picked it up, Zhu Chengqing's voice was still so gentle, he said: "Ze Ming, good afternoon, it's been four months, how is it?"

Shen Zeming was silent for a moment, lowered his eyes and said, "We'll talk about it when we meet."

Zhu Chengqing said hello and agreed to meet you in the psychological consultation room of the City Affiliated Hospital in an hour.

Shen Zeming took the elevator to the 22nd floor. He has been here too many times.

In the few years after Qi Jingchen left, he would have nightmares every night, insomnia until three or four o'clock in the night, and sometimes he couldn't fall asleep for almost a whole night, lying on the bed in the dormitory alone with his eyes open, feeling more and more in a trance.

By chance, I met Zhu Chengqing who was doing free psychological counseling at H University, and he started a long period of psychological treatment.In the early years, two or three times a week was not enough. Later, when the condition improved, it could be done once a few months.

This is the second time this year, if Qi Jingchen hadn't returned home suddenly, Shen Zeming guessed that he would never have to set foot here again.

Zhu Chengqing's assistant was already waiting by the treatment table. When she saw Shen Zeming approaching, she immediately went up to meet him and said to him in a familiar tone, "It's been a long time since I saw you. How are you feeling recently? Are you feeling better?"

Shen Zeming smiled, and walked with her to Zhu Chengqing's office, "It's still the same, it's repeated, and it doesn't get better."

It was time to speak, and the beautiful and gentle assistant only followed to the door, pushed the door open for him, and then backed out.

Zhu Chengqing sat behind the table with a dark blue shirt in his white coat, and smiled slightly at him, "Here we come."

"I wish the doctor." Shen Zeming sat down on the soft chair opposite, even though he had been there many times, he was still unavoidably nervous.

Zhu Chengqing's gaze stayed on his unbuttoned collar for a moment, then looked at Shen Zeming's tightly pursed lips, and said with a smile, "How are you doing recently? Are you under a lot of pressure in life and work?"

Shen Zeming shook his head, his fingers were tightly intertwined, his head was lowered, and he didn't speak.

Zhu Chengqing didn't urge him, and slowly got up to make tea. When the young leaves at the bottom floated up, he heard Shen Zeming say: "Yesterday, we went to the playground ten years ago together."

After a pause, he added, "My brother is also here."

Zhu Chengqing walked over and put the tea in front of Shen Zeming's table, with a calm tone: "How is it? Are you having fun?"

"My brother brought a friend of his over here, and that friend told me..." Shen Zeming frowned, paused for a while, then took a breath and continued, "My brother likes Q."

After finishing speaking, Shen Zeming was silent for a long time.

Zhu Chengqing didn't make a sound, clasped his index finger on the edge of the table and tapped rhythmically.

Zhu Chengqing started giving free psychological counseling at H University nine years ago, and Shen Zeming was his first client.

When they first met, Shen Zeming was in a bad state, and his face could be described as ashen. They met in the psychological counseling room provided by H University.

The overall tone of the consultation room was blue-green, a color that was easy to relax, but Shen Zeming was still very nervous.

The moment he met Zhu Chengqing's eyes, Shen Zeming quickly lowered his eyes and wanted to rush out the door.Zhu Chengqing was already used to this kind of situation, so he didn't care and didn't intervene, but quietly waited for the next consultant.

Fifteen minutes later, Shen Zeming pushed the door open again.Zhu Chengqing smiled at him without surprise, but Shen Zeming didn't look at him, still lowered his head, his voice was as soft as a mosquito, and he said, "Doctor Zhu, I am in great pain."

Zhu Chengqing raised his eyebrows, few consultants were so straightforward.

In the remaining two hours, Zhu Chengqing listened to a "story" that could almost be called "dog blood".The reason why it is called a story is because Shen Zeming said: "Dr. Zhu, I have a story."

Another protagonist in the story is named Q. He and Shen Zeming met and fell in love. The process was beautiful, but because of the intervention of the vicious brother, the ending was regrettable.

During the process, Zhu Chengqing thought that Shen Zeming would cry and lose his composure, but unexpectedly, he was calm and almost numb, as if he was telling someone else's story.

Zhu Chengqing will always remember Shen Zeming's expression when he mentioned Q - it was so vivid.This is nothing special for ordinary people, but at that time, Shen Zeming was like a speck of gray dust in the vast universe, living hopelessly and gloomyly, and Q seemed to be the only motivation for him to persist in living.

But Q left him forever.

Lovelorn depression.Zhu Chengqing made the diagnosis in this way. He first asked him to fill out a test. As expected, Shen Zeming had depression.

So began the long treatment.

Shen Zeming is different from ordinary depressed patients. He will not commit suicide and self-harm. Although he is in pain, he still wants to live hard.

Until the year when Shen Zeming graduated from university, during the regular meeting, Zhu Chengqing caught a glimpse of a fresh cut on Shen Zeming's wrist.

Shen Zeming didn't hide it either, and showed it openly to him, still very calm, he said: "I wish doctor, Q is doing well, he probably doesn't remember me."

"There's no point in me continuing to live."

At first, Zhu Chengqing was a little surprised, but Shen Zeming has always treated the treatment with a positive attitude. This is the first time, the first time he wants to commit suicide.

"How do you know that he is doing well?" Zhu Chengqing treated him like a friend, "Have you gone to find him?"

Shen Zeming did not deny it, "Last month, I went to country M to look for him. On the road near his school, I saw... I saw him, he was kissing a blond boy."

He was still so calm, if he hadn't seen his gradually reddened eye circles and heard the choking in his voice, Zhu Chengqing would have doubted his own ears.

For the first time, Shen Zeming cried in front of him for the first time.

He cried quietly, very aggrieved.No sound, just silent tears.

"I wish the doctor."

The memory stopped, Zhu Chengqing raised his eyes to look at Shen Zeming, seven years later, he will no longer commit suicide easily, but he will still be affected by Q.

"When we talked on the phone four months ago, I said that Q doesn't love me anymore, he hates me, and he should come back to take revenge on me." Shen Zeming seemed to be caught in some kind of emotion, and he paused for a long time before continuing: "Now , I think...I wonder if Q still, still has feelings for me."

Zhu Chengqing smiled, "Why? What happened to you later?"

"I don't know what's wrong with him. Since half a month ago, he seems to be obsessed with asking me some questions. I always feel that he...he seems to be testing me."

"What question did he ask you?"

"He asked me if I cared about him and why I cared about him."

"How did you answer?"

Shen Zeming pursed his lips, "I dare not tell the truth."

"Why?" Zhu Chengqing looked at him gently, "Don't you love him very much? Why don't you dare to tell the truth?"

"Do you remember? I said that when I was young, my younger brother always robbed me of things I liked. Only when I didn't take a look at them, or even hated things, would he not touch them." Shen Zeming became depressed, "So I said Not exported."

"Am I hypocritical?"

"How come?" Zhu Chengqing couldn't hold back his laughter, "Then did you tell the truth in the end?"

Shen Zeming said: "I said it, but it was in an extreme situation. Before that, I saw him and my brother having intimate contact in Happy Valley, and then—" "Later in his car, my brother talked to him on the phone. Confession, I..." Zhu Chengqing answered, "You admitted it."

Shen Zeming said "hmm", Zhu Chengqing took a sip of tea, looked at him again and said, "What's his reaction?"

"He seems very excited." Shen Zeming showed a confused look, "I think he...he should be happy?"

Zhu Chengqing smiled, "Why don't you ask him yourself?"

Shen Zeming was noncommittal, and after a while, he suddenly asked a strange question: "Doctor Zhu, do you know shock therapy?"

"I know." Zhu Chengqing was a little surprised, "Shock therapy is to directly put the patient in the situation he is afraid of, so as to achieve the effect of extreme opposites, so as to eliminate fear."

"This is one of the common methods of psychotherapy, but I generally don't advocate using it." After a pause, he asked strangely, "Why did you mention this all of a sudden?"

Shen Zeming didn't speak, and his face turned pale. After a while, he said again: "It means to stimulate the patient with things that he is afraid of, right?"

"Yes." Zhu Chengqing glanced at him calmly, "What's wrong?"

Shen Zeming shook his head, remained silent for a while, stood up, and smiled at Zhu Chengqing a little reluctantly, "Let's stop here today, I'll go first, Doctor Zhu."

Zhu Chengqing's intuition was wrong, but he didn't say anything, he just told Shen Zeming to contact him at any time.

Shen Zeming responded with lowered eyes, pushed the door and went out.

He sat down in the corridor at the door of Zhu Chengqing's office, and when he raised his eyes, he suddenly saw a familiar figure at the end of the corridor, wearing glasses and a white coat. The nurse called him Dr. Qi.

Shen Zeming was stunned for a moment, remembering what he had seen in the afternoon—shock therapy, Shen Zelin, safe, the past, successful trial.

At this time, Qi Jingchen turned around suddenly, and the eyes of the two collided. Qi Jingchen seemed to be stunned for a second, then said something to the nurse beside him, and walked towards Shen Zeming quickly.

Shen Zeming averted his eyes, stood up and walked towards the stairs.

The sound of footsteps approaching behind him, the next second Shen Zeming was grabbed by Qi Jingchen's wrist and forced to stand where he was.

"What are you running for?" He smiled at him, "What are you doing in the hospital?"

Shen Zeming turned his head and looked at him.

He didn't speak, the smile on Qi Jingchen's lips faded, and changed into a slightly serious expression: "What's wrong?"

"You know about the safe?" Shen Zeming closed his eyes, "Know that Shen Zelin likes you?"

Qi Jingchen's heart skipped a beat, but he didn't speak.

I don't know how long it took, Shen Zeming took a deep breath, his lips trembled a few times, as if mustering up a lot of courage, his voice trembled: "You know, you know what Shen Zelin did?"

There was a lot of rain outside the window, and the air seemed to be frozen, but after only a few seconds of freezing, Qi Jingchen's fingertips trembled, his eyes lowered, and he did not deny it: "I know."

Shen Zeming laughed suddenly, but the smile was too bitter, like a pot of thick traditional Chinese medicine.

He said, "Is it fun to play with me?"