beautiful him

One afternoon in May, Qingju spread out a blanket in the yard and silently did sit-ups.

He was cast in a hair color commercial that screened this summer and is working out for it.The upper body is bare, and the bangs wet with sweat glisten in the sun.

"If you don't wear a shirt, your body will feel cold."

Hirao said in the living room.

"It's okay, just about to get a tan"

Kiyoju's side face looked very serious.

"The tanning salon tan is too unnatural, so it's NG. It's said that I pursue the kind of natural wheat color with a clean feeling, full of refreshing sexy masculinity, with just the right muscles, and it looks very popular at first glance. Bad boys, actually very specific sportsmen'."

As expected of an actor.While exercising with heavy breathing, he finished the narration in one breath. "How could there be such a boy?" Qingju added with a click of his tongue.

"It's hard work"

"That's right. But there's no other way. It's the job of models and actors to provide dreams that don't exist in reality."

Whether it's a dream or a nightmare.

"It's really hard work"

Hirara picked up the camera placed on the table in the living room, and took pictures of Kiyoi who was exercising with a sullen face from the dark room.Hearing the shutter sound, Kiyoju frowned.

"Don't shoot"

"why?"

"Looks like you're exercising"

"It's beautiful. Because it's Qingju"

The shutter sounded again.Kiyoju gave up the argument and closed his eyes to continue doing sit-ups.

Hirara walked down the courtyard in slippers and photographed Kiyoi from close up.As the body lifts, the upper body swings from side to side.A painful side face.Muscles that rise and fall with movement.Tense back.Slender neck.Movement of the two scapulae.No matter how you look at it, you don't feel tired.

"Ahhhhh, it's the limit"

The half-lifted body fell straight backwards, and Qingju lay down on the blanket into a "big" character.

Hirao stood up, and took a picture of Kiyoi's beautiful face slightly stained red.

"Don't shoot me like this"

Kiyoi gasped and stared at the camera.However, this image was also photographed.

"very beautiful"

"Won't you say something else?"

"will not say"

Being extremely bad at words, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't express the beauty of Qingju.

The more I want to express it, the more I feel powerless.

Hirara got down on one knee, took away the camera and stroked Kiyoi's forehead.He licked his sweaty fingertips lightly.

salty.It is the taste of Qingju.

"don't lick"

"Actually, I wanted to kiss you, but it would bother me if my neighbor saw it"

"Will it bother you?"

"Ok?"

"Words to be seen"

"It's not about me, it's Qingju who will trouble you, right?"

Qingju didn't know what expression to make.Just snorted.

Obviously, if he really kissed him, he would definitely be angry, but if he didn't kiss him, Qing Ju also felt uncomfortable.Qingju's waywardness is really suitable for the beautiful him, which makes his heart beat.Please be a little more capricious and make me happy.

"speak up"

Qingju sat up suddenly.

"This Saturday, isn't there a special chapter at nine o'clock?"

"Yeah. I've turned on the video"

It is a two-hour special featuring popular screenwriters and young actors starring Kiyoi.Although it is not the leading role, it seems to be an important role.The recording was on, but Hirao must also watch the live broadcast.

"Look at the official website and say it's a story of the early Showa period"

"Yes, it's a youth drama from the past"

"What role does Qingju play?"

"A good friend of the heroine's boyfriend"

"It feels like there are a lot of scenes"

"Well, there are quite a lot..."

Qingju's hesitating appearance made people care.

"I had a shoot that day so I'll be home late"

"Ah, that's it. What about dinner?"

"Don't prepare any more. I want to watch that special episode together, so you are not allowed to watch it either."

Hirao couldn't help tilting his head and asked.

"Watch it together, with me?"

"Otherwise, with whom. Anyway, listen carefully, absolutely no one is allowed to watch first."

"I know, I know"

Ping Liang felt very strange in his heart.Although Qingju wouldn't hide his work, he wouldn't tell himself either.Because even if he didn't say it specifically, Hirao was still investigating Kiyoi's media information like a stalker.Even the black-and-white reports the size of tofu cubes are collected, so far Qingju often says that he is annoying and disgusting, but he never said that he wants to watch these with himself.What is actually happening.

Human psychology is that, after being told not to watch, they will be very concerned about it, and then go to see it.Especially someone with a stalker physique like myself.

On Saturday night, Hirao turned to the TV station that was broadcasting the drama Kiyoi was in.Then, he finally understood why Qingju didn't allow him to watch it alone.

This is a youth idol drama set in Tokyo in the Showa 40s. The story revolves around young love and friendship.Qingju played the role of the heroine's lover's good friend, and played a lot of roles.But an hour later, there was a shocking development.Qingju died in an accident to protect his friend.

For a moment, Hirara's mind went blank.

Here's the story.not real.Although he understood this, his body was still trembling.Unconsciously murmured: "Stop, stop'. But Qingju died easily in the picture, and the next scene is already a funeral scene. The heroine and lover in mourning clothes are crying.

Hirara was swept away by an unknown fear, curled up on the sofa.Bending over, burying his face in his knees, only his eyes are still chasing the TV screen.

The content does not enter the mind at all.Mingming and Qingju are dead, it is really too much for this drama to keep on going, Pingliang just keeps staring at the TV screen like this.

This is a TV show not reality.Hirao thought so just now, but it might not be right.Because the reality is not the same.

The world will not be destroyed just because someone dies, and those who stay, even if they don't want to, have to live the remaining days.

Although I thought that if I lost Qingju, I would not be able to live.But what does it mean to be unable to survive?Not to live, literally, is to die.

But it is impossible to die in an accident by such a coincidence, and no one will kill him.Then there is only suicide.

Do I have the courage?Ah, no.Courage is a commendatory word used for behaviors worth encouraging, so what should be.If it's not courage... reckless, ah, yes, reckless.

Can I do such a mess.At the moment of suicide, don't you think of your parents' faces?However, if people are forced to that point, they may not be able to think so much.Maybe it's just pure fear.

Among the countless suicide methods, which one is the easiest to die?In the past, when I felt that I didn't want to live because of stuttering, I always imagined hanging myself.Looking back now, I think it was a good thing I didn't die at that time.I want to tell myself at that time that in the future you will have the best lover named Qingju, so even if you lie on the ground, you will live for me.

Just like this, if something good happens in my life after I lose Qingju, after decades, will I think one day: Ah, it’s so good that I didn’t die at that time.

A chill ran down my spine.I can't believe that there will be such a day, and I don't want to believe that there will be such a day.Losing Qingju and still gaining happiness, the self who thinks this way is not myself at all.

Hirao stood up abruptly and walked to the bathroom.The TV show is already over.I don't remember the content at all.It doesn't matter.This kind of bad drama doesn't want to stay in memory at all.

Hirara took the towel from the shelf in the bathroom.Hang it on a doorknob and sit underneath it yourself.

Securely tie the ends of the dangling towel under the neck.Then slide your body forward, strangling your neck with your body weight.

Hirara tightened the towel several times to confirm.

OK, this can be done.He touched the towel around his neck with his hand.Hirao closed his eyes and immersed himself in a sense of security, when a voice came from the entrance.

"I'm back—. Hirara?"

It seems that Qingju has returned.Footsteps approached, and suddenly the bathroom door was pulled open from the outside.The towel was still hanging on the doorknob, and the body slid forward.

"What's the matter with this door, it's so heavy"

Doubtful voice.The people outside the door tried their best to pull the door, and Pingliang's throat was tightly strangled.Oops.While struggling in a panic, Qingju's voice came from the crack of the opened door: "Wow!"

"Idiot, what the hell are you doing!"

Qingju was furious.After scolding Hirara like machine gun fire, Kiyoi sat cross-legged on the sofa with arms folded, staring at Hirara who was sitting on the floor.

"Break the agreement with me and watch TV alone, and practice suicide so that I can die for love together after I die, how stupid you are! If you want to die so much, die for me now! I want to break up!"

"Yeah, sorry. I'm really reflecting on it"

Hirao kept apologizing.

"But, but, but, that, there is one thing I want to correct. That's not practicing suicide, it's just trying to calm myself down"

"Aha?"

"Thinking about the possibility of losing Qingju, I fell into chaos, but if I overcome my grief, maybe one day I will feel that it is great that I didn't die at that time. What if I really think so, I feel scared when I think of it... "

Qingju was so angry that he deformed.

"Killing others without authorization, and imagining yourself until you recover from your grief, your delusional ability is scary."

Pingliang had nothing to say and lowered his head.

"However, wouldn't it be nice to be able to imagine cheering up from it. Even though I'm angry, it's better than dying in love."

"not like this"

Hirao couldn't help raising his head.It is definitely better to cheer up than commit suicide.I also understand this.

But in a world without Qingju, maybe one day I will feel happiness myself.The thought of this is terrifying.Even when you know it's true, you don't want to accept it.

"So no matter whether I commit suicide or not, I just want to confirm that I can end my life by myself at critical times. It's like although I can't pull it out, I have a knife on my waist. Do you understand?"

"God knows, idiot"

After slapping Hirara on the head.

"Ah, really, I'm so mad!"

Qingju collapsed on the sofa.

"It's impossible for me to understand what you're thinking. Why do I have to date such a weirdo like you. I don't understand at all. Ah, I really want to break up. I can't take it anymore"

Hirao's heart stopped beating.But even though Qingju was burying his grievances, both hands reached out to Pingliang.

"...Qingju?"

Asked cautiously, but was grabbed by the collar and pulled closer.Faces almost bumped into each other.

"Really, please forgive me"

With a reluctance, Qingju took the initiative to approach.Hirao was hugged and kissed by Kiyoju, so happy that he seemed to suffocate to death.It's better to die like this than to commit suicide with a towel.

Thinking this way, I am not afraid of death at all.

end