Do not hesitate

Chapter 53

The light in the morning is always pleasant, but today some people are not in the mood to appreciate the blue sky and fresh air.

After Xiang Qiantong finished her last sentence, she stopped for a long time and did not continue. Si Luochen knew that the secret was too long and needed time to sort it out.So she patiently sat aside, looking at this face that attracted her so much even though it was bloodless, she felt very distressed.

After a while, Xiang Qiantong moved aside and said: "There are too many things to say, and it may take a long time. Would Luochen eat something first, and then lie down and listen?" She knew the tone of the question. Si Luochen must have not had a good rest.

"Are you hungry?" Si Luochen thought Xiang Qiantong was hungry.

Xiang Qiantong shook his head: "I'm not hungry, this is one of the side effects of this medicine. I brought some snacks last night, you can eat some first, okay?"

Si Luochen frowned, she didn't want Xiang Qiantong to worry, so she obediently picked up the snack on the coffee table and put it in her mouth. The sweet snack was in Si Luochen's mouth at this time, and she drank some water to moisten it. I finally know what it is to eat without taste.When he got into Xiang Qiantong's quilt, Si Luochen realized that the quilt was not as warm as expected.

She calmed down about all this, and stretched out her hand to embrace Xiang Qiantong calmly. The two did not make eye contact because Si Luochen was afraid that she would put pressure on Xiang Qiantong.

"It won't be cold this way. Tell me when you're hungry. The secret is too long so you can tell it slowly, huh?" Si Luochen stared at the blacked-out TV, as if looking at the night sky, and said softly.

Xiang Qiantong leaned on Si Luochen's shoulder, lowered her head slowly, and asked, "Luochen, do you remember when we last met?"

Unexpectedly, she would ask this.

Si Luochen nodded: "Well, the afternoon you rescued me. We haven't seen each other since you were injured. Then I went to find you, and my sister told me that you had already left..." The voice was a bit dull.

"Ruo Nan didn't lie to you, I'm leaving, and I have to.

Si Luochen: "..."

"After I was injured, Ruo Nan has been looking for someone to take care of me."

Si Luochen knew about this, and nodded in response: "My sister told me that she would send you to the best hospital, and she promised me that nothing would happen to you."

Xiang Qiantong didn't deny it, but said meaningfully: "Ruo Nan did everything she could do. It's just... I was injured too badly at that time, it doesn't matter whether I'm the best doctor or hospital."

Si Luochen had a calm expression and pursed her lips. She had already started to feel annoyed about herself.At that time, Xiang Qiantong was sent to the hospital, and her sister promised to use the best doctor to save her.But the only requirement is not to leave the Si family at this time.

How much of this happened that she didn't know?My sister never mentioned a word to her.

I can't help but sneer in my heart.

"Although I have been in a coma, I vaguely remember some things. I remember that the environment I was in at the beginning was very good, and there was a faint smell of vanilla on the pillow, but the doctor and my father said that there was no way to revive me... My father was very angry , he even beat the doctor, saying he was useless. Although I knew it all and could hear it, I just couldn’t wake up..."

Xiang Qiantong paused, with a hint of despair in his tone.

"Later, I thought I would never wake up again, but... I did regain a little consciousness. I don't know if it is a coma, the senses are very sensitive. I know that the surrounding environment has changed a lot. I can I smelled damp, and I didn’t need to look to know that the surrounding area was dirty, messy and very dark. I vaguely heard my father’s voice, and he was begging someone to save me.” Then he sighed softly, as if this was the beginning of a nightmare.

Si Luochen frowned: "... who?" What the hospital couldn't do, how could that place do it?

"I don't know. I haven't seen anyone there until I woke up, and I don't know where it is. I only remember a man's voice, very rough and thick. He only said a few words, how is it?" Just increase the potion and you won’t die.” Xiang Qiantong sneered, with a hint of helplessness, and continued calmly: “It’s... really dirty in there, I can even hear the rats scurrying around on the ground, biting the wires , I was so afraid that they would bite me to death, but I still couldn’t move, and I couldn’t wake up.”

Si Luochen hugged Xiang Qiantong tightly, closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down, she wanted to control her emotions.Because she knew that Xiang Qiantong's secret had just begun.

"I don't know how long I've been in that environment. It's been very humid there, and it's dark day and night. Is it half a month? Or a month? I don't know. I only know that I was tied up on the bed. I injected something into my body. I don’t know what it is until now. But after the injection of that thing, my whole body hurts, like thousands of insects are tearing my flesh and gnawing my bones, piece by piece Yes, that pain..."

Xiang Qiantong suddenly covered her heart, her shoulders trembled slightly.Unexpectedly, just a little recollection... the pain at that time is still so clear.

Si Luochen knew that Xiang Qiantong had actually tried to simplify or embellish these experiences as much as possible, just to let her know the secret.But... just imagining her is already unbearable, let alone Xiang Qiantong experienced it personally.She couldn't hold Xiang Qiantong tightly in her arms.

Love her!

But this was not a nightmare after all, no matter how frightening and painful the process was, it was just a false alarm after waking up.Every word and every sentence that Xiang Qiantong narrated seemed to be tearing open a wound he had just healed, and the pain was still vivid in his mind.

"Finally one day, my dad couldn't take it anymore. He asked them to inject another thing into my body. The purpose...just to relieve my pain."

"Anesthetics?" It's just that when he said these two words, something else came to Si Luochen's mind. The pain must be uncontrollable by anesthetics.

Si Luochen's body trembled suddenly.

"...Oh, it seems that Luo Chen, you have already guessed it."

"How come!?" Si Luochen couldn't believe it at all. Although this thing would relieve her pain, it would have a greater impact on her body.

Si Luochen's eyes were already blushing, and she bit her lips tightly... For those who saved Xiang Qiantong, she didn't feel any gratitude in her heart.

"Thinking about it, my father's purpose at that time was just to let me survive, and he didn't want me to suffer too much. People are always dissatisfied. At first, they just wanted me to live. When I survived, I hoped that I could live forever. But... the old man Heaven is fair, how can I let you succeed again and again?" Xiang Qiantong admitted that at that time she did not understand her father's behavior, and even had some hatred.But it is also human nature to think about it.It's been a long time, but it's just a passing cloud.

They were silent for a while, this process needs to be digested, and Xiang Qiantong sighed and continued: "No matter what I went through, they really didn't let me die in the end. But I have also changed because of this. Suffering from drug addiction. At that time, I was thinking... With such a result, I would rather not live in the first place. But... I finally didn't have the courage to kill myself." A chuckle.

If Xiang Qiantong had said these words before doing it instead, Si Luochen might have retorted.Now... Si Luochen couldn't say a word.

This painful experience, if it were her, would it be the same?

"After that, my father handed me over to your sister and disappeared. Before he left, he told me that he would contact me in five years. Originally, I wanted to see you, and I wanted to tell you that I was still alive. Don't worry. But At that time, I was scared even when I saw it...hehe, so I didn't go to you, but let Ruo Nan say a word, and then left."

Although Xiang Qiantong said it easily at this time.But Si Luochen could imagine at will, how desperate was she at that time?To describe life as worse than death is probably not enough...

Si Luochen raised his head, exhaled lightly, closed his eyes and imagined how helpless and helpless the woman next to him would be after leaving.But she kept these as her only secrets, and she still gave herself without asking for anything in return... Just thinking about it casually, Si Luochen realized that her emotions were becoming more and more unstable. I had already clenched my hands so tightly that my palms became numb, and I held back for a long time before I forced myself to ask, "After that...you went to the United States?"

Xiang Qiantong nodded helplessly, and she began to continue, slowly recalling the most real pain that brought her after surviving.If the pain at the beginning was just physical pain, then the pain of surviving is a torture to the body and mind.

"Ruo Nan helped me find the best drug rehabilitation center in the United States, and I stayed there for a full year. In that year, I realized that I not only had to detoxify, but also suffered from the side effects of the drug on a regular basis. My father and I said that this side effect will last for a year or two, and it will scurry and bite in my body on a regular basis. I know that only taking this medicine will make me relieve the pain, and I also know that its side effects will make my body worse and worse. Poor... Since God didn't let me die, I will live well. So every time I feel pain, I will try my best to restrain myself. Sometimes I feel dizzy from pain, but it may be better. No... I can only bear this biting pain all the time pain."

After saying this, Xiang Qiantong took a breath of cold air, and let it out again.As if to calm myself down, he continued slowly: "Once I fell ill and met Gu Qing, she fell down because of losing her words of thanks. It was also because of her that I realized that I still have an unfulfilled dream. Wanted to be a psychiatrist. So... she helped me get through that... I helped her overcome her mental illness."

After the secret was finished, Xiang Qiantong felt a sense of relief, and at the same time brought the pain of that memory in her heart.

"Luochen... This is the only secret I keep from you, and there is no more."

The woman next to her didn't speak for a long time, and she didn't say anything except hugging her tightly.Thinking about it, it was unacceptable after such a long time, let alone Si Luochen, she needed time to digest it slowly.

Quietly leaning on Si Luochen's shoulder, patiently waiting for Si Luochen's response.After all, she had made her wait for him for so long... so this is what she should do.

It wasn't until the tear fell on the quilt that Xiang Qiantong raised her eyes to look at Si Luochen that she realized that when people were most sad, they didn't cry loudly, but shed tears silently.

Seeing her tightly biting her slightly trembling lips, Xiang Qiantong knew that Si Luochen had been holding back himself in order to let her speak at ease.

He reached out and took her into his arms, hugging her tightly.

Recalling the past, it turns out that it has been so long... At that time, I really thought that her life was like this.But after her health improved, she would always think about the things with Si Luochen, each other under the night sky, her smile, her voice and appearance when she was called "Qiantong".

I really want to know if she is doing well, if she has forgotten that there is a person who once appeared in her world.But... when she realized that she was no longer qualified to accompany Si Luochen, Xiang Qiantong realized that what hurt her the most was not surviving as a test subject... but not being able to see Si Luochen again.

...Fortunately, she is in his arms right now, and she can touch it with her hand.

Caressing Si Luochen's long black hair, he said slowly, "Luochen, I'm sorry, don't cry." Xiang Qiantong raised his head, forced the corners of his mouth, and stretched out his hand to wipe away Si Luochen's tears.

Si Luochen looked deeply at Xiang Qiantong with red eyes, bit his lips and said slowly: "I am the one who should say I'm sorry. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have experienced these pains and tortures at all. I can't imagine you How did I get here in the past few years? I hate, I hate myself, for not finding you sooner. I hate those people, and I wish I could tear them into pieces. But... without them, maybe I would have died a few years ago Losing you...in the end...I am only entitled to hate myself..."

"Luochen!" Xiang Qiantong didn't expect Si Luochen to say such words, and kept wiping her tears away, but found that there was a source of water that was about to erupt, and no matter how much he wiped it off, he couldn't finish it.

Si Luochen suddenly grabbed Xiang Qiantong's hand, ignoring what she looked like at this time, and asked earnestly with a frown: "If I don't come to you, are you... plan to hide from me for the rest of your life?"

Xiang Qiantong: "..."

"Coward! In your eyes, I am such a woman? Do you think I will forget you, or do you think I will continue to live as if I have never done what you have done to me? I want to tell you, Xiang Qian Tong! If you can do for me, Si Luochen will do it for you too! I will slowly pay you back for the time you wasted before." Si Luochen had a strong expression, and his eyes that were red from crying exuded firm determination. shine.

Such hard words, to Xiang Qiantong's ears, are the most beautiful love words in the world.

Xiang Qiantong smiled in relief, took Si Luochen into his arms again, hugged him tightly, and said slowly: "In my eyes, in my heart, Luochen has always been the most important person. Because my favorite person, The person who cares most is only you from the beginning to the end.”

Was it too tough before, or was Xiang Qiantong's words too gentle and sweet, Si Luochen froze in Xiang Qiantong's arms, with a dazed expression on his face.

Did she hear correctly?

That's right!

"Idiot, don't think I'll forgive you for wasting time just because you said that." Although his tone was still a little forceful, the corner of Si Luochen's mouth overflowed with happiness and a bitter smile.

Because she waited, even if it was such a result.

"Ah."

The author has something to say: huh~

In the future, I will decide to update the text around [-]:[-]-[-]:[-] pm, and concentrate on coding during the day _(:з」∠)_.Every Wednesday, there may be a day off.Notice hereby!