The white moonlight is my vest

In the end, the servants who heard the voice rushed over to save the young master.

The young master struggled constantly at first, but he lost his strength later, and just looked at the woman quietly.The woman is so thin, it seems that there is only a layer of bones under the skin.But she used so much effort that two black and blue palm marks were left on the young master's white and tender skin.

It took a lot of effort for the servants to pull the woman away.

The strange thing is that even though the young master swam once on the verge of life and death, he didn't cry or make a fuss, he was so quiet that he didn't look like a child.

The maid brought ointment to smear his wound, and wrapped bandages around his neck.When the maid's fingertips touched the young master's skin, he flinched subconsciously.

He is still very good, motionless, like a doll.

The maid sighed silently, and was about to get up to leave, but the young master grabbed the corner of her clothes.

The maid heard the young master say: "...she is my mother."

There were a few drops of water on the wooden floor.

Dazai closed his eyes.

There is a photo of that woman in the mourning hall of Tsushima's family. He knows that this skinny woman is the first wife their father married, and she is also the most distinguished one.

The young master didn't take the initiative to look for his mother again.

He just occasionally stares in one direction in a daze, and sometimes he can't stop rubbing his neck, drawing one picture after another in his small notebook.His dad never came to see him, and no one explained to him why this happened.

One day, the young master closed the book and noticed the cherry blossoms blooming outside the window.

He lay on the window sill, and small air bubbles representing heart sounds came out:

"Mom doesn't like me, will she like flowers?"

The young master sneaked out again.

The cherry blossom tree was not very tall yet, so he moved a chair and stood on it to touch the branches.He carefully broke off a branch full of flowers, and did not forget to sprinkle some water.The newly bloomed flowers were so beautiful that he quietly stuck them in the crack of the gate of his mother's house.

He has an extra habit of sending flowers every day.

Immediately afterwards, the cherry blossom trees in the yard were almost bald by him.

The young master looked at the bare cherry tree and sighed.

A string of ellipses popped out of the bubble representing the heart sound.

Today he can send flowers to his mother again.With empty hands, he walked to the side of the house, only daring to look from a distance.But this time, the young master was caught, and even his collar was grabbed.

"Are you here to send flowers?"

The woman's voice was faint.

The young master was stiff all over, and he didn't dare to struggle.

It took a long time before a sentence came out: "... yes."

The woman asked him, "Why did you send me flowers?"

"...the cherry blossoms are blooming, they are very beautiful," said the young master, "I want you to see them too."

He opened his mouth, as if he wanted to call out the word "Mom", but he didn't say it in the end, for fear of irritating the woman.

The woman put him down.

Now she is not as ferocious as she looked that night, and she can be called calm.She has a pair of beautiful eyes, but there is no light in those eyes anymore.

"I'm sorry about that day."

This apology surprised the young master, and he turned to look at her with wide eyes.

The woman straightened her clothes, with a faint sarcasm on the corner of her mouth: "You've seen it too, I'm not a normal person at all, I have a serious illness, I can't control myself at all, can be like this The time to talk to you will only get less and less.”

"You have seen and seen. You have your own life. For a mother like me, it's better not to meet each other, and don't miss it."

The woman turned around and raised her foot to leave.

She's done talking.

"but……"

The young master followed her and ran to her.

He said firmly: "You are just sick, you are still a mother."

When she heard the word "Mom", the woman's pupils constricted suddenly, and her whole body began to tremble uncontrollably.She could barely support herself, she knelt down on the ground, and could only use her young son as a support.

No matter how thin a woman is, she is still an adult.The weight of an adult was on the young master's body, and the young master couldn't bear the pressure at all, so he could only sit on the ground.He felt the clothes around his neck gradually getting wet. He didn't know why the woman was crying, so he raised his hand and patted the woman's back awkwardly.

The woman's mood finally eased a little.

She raised her head and looked at the young master with complicated eyes.

"I..." She seemed to want to say something more, bit her lips hard, took a deep breath, "I don't want to see you myself."

The young master's face suddenly turned pale.

Even if he had been mentally prepared for a long time, nothing would hurt him more than hearing his mother say that he didn't want to see him.

……

After a long time, the young master still didn't understand.

But he fulfilled the woman's wish and didn't take the initiative to see her again.

It's just that every year during the cherry blossom season, he would send a flower to the woman.

Until the day of his fifth birthday, his father appeared.

Osamu Dazai hadn't seen much of his father when he was young.There is a big age difference between him and Tsushima Onuki. The Patriarch Tsushima had already been hollowed out by wine and sex at that time. He was obviously a man in his early 30s, and he looked like he was 50 years old.

The head of the Tsushima family when he was young was not much better.

He was in a daze, and only remembered the young master's name after the servant reminded him: "Wen...Wen Shu?" He patted the young master on the shoulder, "Happy seventh birthday."

Atsushi Nakajima: "..."

Not really.

They just glanced at the written greetings and knew that the young master is celebrating his fifth birthday today, right?

If the young master had any expectations when he didn't see Patriarch Tsushima, the light in his eyes has gone out now.

He didn't react much, just nodded obediently.

The servant reminded Patriarch Tsushima in a low voice again: "...you have seen the young master, now you should go to see your wife."

"Madam?" Patriarch Tsushima lowered his face, "Who asked you to call her Madam? But a crazy woman who swears every day is worthy of this? What kind of thing is she?"

No one dared to speak.

No matter how stupid the Patriarch Tsushima is, he is still the Patriarch.The Tsushima family still follows the old habits of the past, and the authority of the head of the family cannot be doubted.Although the Tsushima family has gradually fallen into decline, in Aomori, they can still cover the sky with one hand.

But the young master spoke up.

"She's my mother."

The young master is still young, his body is very thin, and there is not much flesh on his face, which is too thin.This was his first formal conversation with his father, who was nothing like the father he had imagined.

are you afraid?

of course.

But he still spoke.

Patriarch Tsushima was finally willing to take a look at his only son.

"Mother?" He sneered, "You don't even ask her if she is willing to recognize you as a son? Let me tell you, since you are all married to our family, you have to live a good life, can't you be the same as me? Only she is like a crazy woman..."

These words are not appropriate to say in front of children.The servants didn't dare to expose the young master's ears to this kind of words, and took Patriarch Tsushima away with coaxing and coaxing.The young master returned to the room, staring blankly at the picture book that he regarded as a treasure.

He took down the picture book and flipped through it.

Then, he tore off all the papers on the family of three that he had drawn.

After the picture book is the diary written by the young master in the past two years.The child's wrist is weak, he can't hold the pen, and the handwriting is not very beautiful, crooked - now even the young master himself can't recognize what he wrote.

Osamu Dazai is very familiar with the cover of that picture book. He has read it many times, but he can't see why.

...So that's it, is it Tsushima Fuki's diary when he was a child?

What does it mean that Tsushima Wenshu handed over his childhood diary to himself?

At night, the young master was about to go to bed, but at this moment the door of the yard was suddenly pushed open - someone broke in at this time.The young master only heard a loud noise, and the wooden door was pulled open. In the dark night, only the sound of the woman's heavy breathing could be heard.

The young master was a little confused.

But he quickly remembered something - during the day, the servant once mentioned that Patriarch Tsushima seemed to be going to visit a woman today.

"Why all this?!"

The woman really went crazy this time, and rushed over, the young master couldn't dodge in time, her nails pierced the young master's skin, and bright red blood flowed down.The woman cried and shouted, "Why on earth did I give birth to you?!"

She also yelled: "Why do you exist in this world!!!"

The young master didn't know what to say, so he pursed his lips.

Children who are born smart are also more sensitive than others.

"..." The young master lowered his eyelashes, thinking to himself.

If he was a little bit stronger and could prevent Patriarch Tsushima from going to a woman during the day——

Are women not like this?

But it's not that simple.

The woman's eyes fixed on his face.

"Did you know that you look very similar to him?" She suddenly smiled again, "That night, he entered my room with that face on his face, and I was given anesthesia, so I could only lie on the bed and watch Let him do whatever he wants?"

The young master's breathing became short of breath.

The woman murmured: "I used to have a lover, we made an appointment to elope tomorrow, but our father found out - my father would not allow me to have a daughter who escaped marriage, so he beat me unconscious and gave me Drugs were injected."

"When I woke up, I was in his bed."

"The most ridiculous thing is that I'm still pregnant."

"Yes, it's you. They're all happy, but what about me?"

... It turns out that there are real people who are sinful from birth.

The young master is completely numb.

...His birth, his existence, reminded the woman of the atrocities she had suffered all the time, and it was also a proof that the woman was forced to betray her lover physically.

The father and mother he yearned for since he was a child, one is a demon with a human face, and the other is a person living in hell.

So what does he represent?

The woman casually picked up the pillow on the bed and pressed it against the young master's face.The pillow wrapped the young master's face, and the air he could breathe became less and less.

When the young master thought he was going to die like this—no one of the servants around dared to stop a mental illness, the scars on their faces were the best proof.

The woman let go.

She stared at him blankly, her eyes suddenly became fierce again, and she took out a tube of injection with unknown liquid flowing from her pocket.She took a deep breath, pressed the young master's arm, and the needle pierced his skin.

The young master didn't know what kind of medicine it was.

But he could guess from the woman's expression that the woman sincerely wanted to put him to death.

... dead?

Ah, such a bad life.

Thus—to be born represents a life of sin.

Why not just die?

But the woman injected half of the medicine and suddenly pulled out the needle again.

She backed away while looking at the young master, with a gentle smile that had never been seen on her face.The young master has never seen her smile before, she is really beautiful when she smiles, like a cherry blossom that is about to wither.

"I really want to kill you, to erase this trace of betrayal—"

the woman said softly.

She looked down at her hands.

"But I found that I couldn't do it."

A little black blood trickled from the corner of her mouth.

Before coming, she had already taken the poison.

"I didn't find out about it until the last moment of my life," the woman shook her head, "No matter how much I hate you, no matter how much I hate you," she raised her hand, trying to touch the young master's cheek, "it's all right." There is no way to deny a fact."

"—You are my son who was born in October of my pregnancy, and you are my flesh and blood."

Her fingers had become very cold.

"I'm still..."

The woman's fingers hang down.

The young master lay down on the bed, listening to the noise of the servants coming and going, watching the motionless woman lying on the ground from a distance.

He didn't cry, he just tried very hard to keep his eyes open.