fall in love with ex-husband

I cut my wrists and killed myself.

I was surprised to learn this fact from my mother.It turned out that I was not sick, but committed suicide.

It was already the third day after waking up again. Fortunately, he was discovered in time and sent to the hospital as soon as possible, otherwise he would have to meet Lord Yan in advance.

When I found out that I had the courage to commit suicide, I couldn't tell whether I was happy or sad. Maybe I was glad that I was alive, or maybe I regretted that I didn't succeed in suicide.

But I think I have a desire to survive, otherwise I wouldn't have made such a big commotion the night I committed suicide, and my parents would have discovered it.

My parents were in tears all day long, thinking that they failed to prevent me from getting married with Zhang Kaiji, which caused me to become what I am today. Meng Xi only rushed to the hospital after getting the news, and when he saw me dying on the hospital bed, he clenched his fist and threatened I want to beat Zhang Kaiji hard.

In order to prevent me from thinking about committing suicide again, they began to watch the night in turn, staying with me 24 hours a day, and even locked all sharp things into drawers so that I would not get them.

I already felt that I had become a burden to everyone, and there was no point in continuing to live. Now, looking at my parents who were tortured by me in every possible way and looking tired, I felt that I might as well die.

For me who was so passive and lethargic, my mother had no choice but to invite a psychiatrist to give me a class every day, each class was two hours.

Because I was forced to be admitted to the hospital, my conversation with the doctor was concentrated in the afternoon.

I specifically asked the doctor if the conversation could take place in the courtyard downstairs.I still wish my mother, who worried about me all the time, had time to take a nap.

Maybe it's because the afternoon breeze is pleasant, or because the person sitting across from me is just a stranger who doesn't have much to do with my life. In front of him, I can really open my heart and pour out my heart to him Down belly.

After listening to my description, the doctor thought for a while quietly, and then asked me: "Since you feel that life is meaningless now, what do you think is the meaning of death? Or is death meaningful?"

I was obviously asking him the meaning of living, but he wanted to ask me the meaning of death.

I thought he was a quack doctor, so I looked at him with hatred and said bluntly: "When you die, you will be free. This is the meaning of death."

Judging from his face, he is only ten years older than me, but his calm eyes looking at me are like a bottomless pool of water, as if there will be no ripples due to anything.

I only heard his steady voice continue to ask me: "Then besides relief, do you think there is any meaning?"

I was like a poor student who was absent in class and was called up by the teacher to ask questions. The answer I thought of randomly was not the correct answer, and the doctor was still waiting for me to continue answering.

For such a terrifyingly calm person, I became anxious and irritable for no reason.

I don't understand the significance of this question. If you die, you will die. There is no point in dying.

"Yes." The doctor overheard my voice by accident, and he said slowly, "Death is meaningless."

I was amazed that I actually said the correct answer.

He went on to say: "Generally, patients who want to commit suicide have stopped thinking about the feelings of the living. But I found that you care so much about your parents who are tired because of your illness, but you also feel dead inside. It’s meaningless, but it’s just that you have been unwilling to face this voice. Many patients who are suddenly diagnosed with illness will have this stage of self-doubt, but as long as you understand that death can’t solve everything, there are more possibilities in life, And you can slowly get out of this depressed state. No one knows what the world looks like after death, and those who know are already dead, and what we living people can do is to live in the present. "

"If you really can't find the meaning of living now, I suggest you try to set a goal for yourself, assuming that you are just a robot that executes instructions now, and you live to complete this goal, and then in the process of achieving this goal Take your time to find the answers to the questions that puzzle you."

"I suggest that this goal should not be achieved too easily, and it should not be completely impossible to achieve. It will not work in the short term. It is best to spend a year or a half, such as learning something you are interested in."

I listened to the doctor's words unconsciously. When he asked me what kind of goal I wanted to set, I paused, and then raised my hand cautiously.

His eyes indicated that I could answer.

I hesitated for a while, and said, "I don't like Zhang Kaiji anymore, is that okay?"

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It's also the first time I've written such a subject, and I've always written articles that are sweet from the beginning to the end, so if you don't like something, please feel free to tell me in the comment area.Thank you for your praise. I know that I am not worthy of everyone's evaluation of me, but I will continue to work hard.The sweetness will start later.I hope this book will make everyone like it, and I greedily hope that everyone can remember that there is a Zhang Kaiji and a Gu Wenxi in this world.