heartbeat out of control

When Yu Xuan woke up in the morning, before he opened his eyes, he reached out to touch the side of the bed. It was empty and cold, and he was gone.

He doubted whether Xiao Le had noticed that there was a big living person on the bed, and he didn't wake him up after so much rubbing last night.

What exactly do you mean?

After playing with Xiaobai for a while, Yu Xuan called Ji Xiu, but he still had to ask clearly.

After the phone rang once, he was hung up on the other side, and it took three consecutive calls to get through.

"Hey, Ah Yan is still sleeping, what's the matter..." Ji Xiu hid in the bathroom before answering the phone.

Yu Xuan lay down on the sofa depressed, without beating around the bush, "Why did you keep Xiao Le's WeChat in your BlueDay account in the first place?"

Ji Xiu exclaimed, "How do you know it's my account?"

Yu Xuan covered his eyes with the back of his hand, "I just found out yesterday."

"Ayan told you?"

"Well, why did you leave Xiao Le's WeChat account?"

"I didn't keep it, it should be my cousin's."

Yu Xuan was surprised: "He kept it?"

"BlueDay was originally an account on his iPad, but I used his iPad to use it..."

That day, Ji Xiu's cell phone was out of battery, and while playing with Xiao Le's iPad, he found the tree hole software, and posted a news on it.There are many people who comfort him, but they all make him irritable and impatient. Those who think they are life mentors don't understand his feelings and sufferings at all.

He thought it was boring and planned to delete the post, but a private message from a stranger changed his mind.

[Hi, my name is Fang Zeyan, I can't add your WeChat ID, if you want, I can be your listener. 】

Fang Zeyan is Ji Xiu's roommate, the flower of Gaoling, he should not be close to strangers, and usually ignores him at all, Ji Xiu can't ask Xiao Le's password, so he just walks away with his iPad.

At first, he was teasing his roommate, but he didn't expect Fang Zeyan to really like him, but he is not worthy of such a good Fang Zeyan.

Ji Xiu laughed loudly: "I said why I ran into you every time I went out before, you don't think my cousin has depression, do you? You are too ashamed."

"..." Yu Xuan wondered if it was because of your fragility that beating you would be light, so he smiled coyly.

"Don't worry, I won't tell him."

Ji Xiu loves to laugh, and Yu Xuan has always given the impression of being optimistic and cheerful. Why does such a sunny person feel depressed and want to commit suicide?Facing the real Blue Day, he didn't know what to say, he just asked, "Are you going to live well?"

Ji Xiu still smiled, "I'll do my best for Ah Yan." He didn't seem to want to talk about this topic, so he broke it off: "By the way, our MV is online, it's very popular..."

After hanging up the phone, Yu Xuan felt inexplicably empty in his heart. He always thought that Blue Day and Xiao Le were the same person, and his love was for Xiao Le and Blue Day at the same time, and now half of it seemed to be torn apart.

If Blue Day is Xiao Le, then he can be sure that Xiao Le likes him, but Blue Day is not, so does Xiao Le like him?

The phone rang, and the caller ID showed a series of unsaved numbers. Yu Xuan was no stranger to it. The caller was Yang Min, who was married to Lao Yu. After a moment of hesitation, he pressed the answer button.

The other person spoke softly, cautiously, and disgusted: "Xiaoxuan, I'm Aunt Yang, are you back from summer vacation?"

Yu Xuan didn't respond.

"Your father misses you very much, and keeps asking when you will come back every day."

Yu Xuan was irritated: "He thought I would call me himself, but I hung up if it was okay."

Yang Min’s anxious voice was full of grievances: "You never go home, do you know what others will say about me, saying that my stepmother has a snake-hearted heart and drove you away. I know you hate me and don’t want to talk to me, but Some things are not what you think, can you..."

Yu Xuan asked coldly, "What is that like?"

Yang Min seemed to hesitate for a while before saying: "I knew your father first, and knew him before your mother..."

Yu Chengguang and Yu Xuan's mother, Han Yue, met Yang Min and fell in love before they got married, but their parents forced Yu Chengguang to marry their favorite Han Yue, so Yu Chengguang had to agree and broke up with Yang Min.

Yang Min was already pregnant at that time, so she didn't tell Yu Chengguang. She didn't come to Yu Chengguang until the child was old enough to go to school and needed a household registration.

Before Han Yue got married, she didn't know about Yu Chengguang and Yang Min. She was already slightly depressed, and the matter of her child stimulated her a lot, and her depression became more serious.

Later, Yu Chengguang did not dare to recognize Yang Hao, Yang Min's son, but sent him abroad.

Yang Min started crying as he spoke: "I never thought of destroying your family. For so many years, Haohao and I have been pointed at by people, Haohao was called a bastard, and Yu Chengguang never cared about him." In the slightest, he was sent abroad at such a young age... Your father married me because he felt indebted to Haohao, but he only had you as his son in his heart..."

Yu Xuan knew that Lao Yu didn't love his mother. As long as he could remember, his parents had been in a cold war and never slept together.

He also knew that Yang Min had a son abroad, but he thought it was Lao Yu who had an affair after marriage.

For him now, it doesn't matter whether Lao Yu cheated or not, it can't change the fact that he doesn't love his mother.It's just that he doesn't understand why two people who don't love have children?For the continuation of the incense?

At that time, Lao Yu didn't know about Yang Hao's existence.

Yang Min muttered: "Haohao has returned from abroad..."

Grandparents originally looked down on Yang Min, but her son Yang Hao has won many international patent awards for scientific research. The Yu family loves face, and there is a scientist in the family, so they are naturally willing to admit it.

They are going to hold a reception banquet in a few days, which is also a relative recognition banquet, and let Yang Hao enter the family tree, which can be regarded as officially acknowledging the identity of Yang Hao's eldest son.

Speaking of his son, Yang Min became slightly happier, "You are the only one missing at home, your father, your grandparents miss you very much, we all look forward to your return, your brother also wants to see you..."

Yu Xuan laughed when he heard the words, "I only have one elder brother, named Xiao Le. From now on, it is enough for your family to be reunited. Since you are all right, you don't need to feel guilty about me."

The phone was hung up with a "beep".

Yu Xuan went out to buy a pack of cigarettes and came back, lighting one after another until the pack was empty. Xiao Le didn't like him smoking before, so he quit.

But now that he is addicted to smoking, and even addicted to alcohol, his heart is empty and blocked, and he can't find an outlet.

There is a lot of good wine hidden in the storage cabinet of Xiao Le's house, and it would be a waste not to drink it. Even if Xiao Le doesn't want him, it's worth a few bottles of wine if he sleeps with him.

But when he thought that Xiao Le didn't want him anymore, his heart ached.

The more you drink, the more you feel empty, the more you drink, the more blocked, and the more you drink, the more painful you become.

With a sound of "click", the cork of the second bottle of red wine popped out and fell to the ground. Yu Xuan bent down to pick up the cork in a daze, but accidentally knocked over the red wine bottle with his arm, and the dark red liquid poured down from his head , The white T-shirt was instantly dyed red.

The wine bottle rolled several times on the table and fell to the ground with a loud "bang-dang" sound. The body of the bottle was torn apart, which was horrible.

Xiao Bai on the ground was startled, and rushed to the balcony with a "meow".

Yu Xuan: "..."

When a person is unlucky, drinking cold water will stuff his teeth, not to mention drinking alcohol, his heart will be stuffy, his stomach will feel dizzy, and he will have to mop the floor.

The rushing water splashed ridiculous water patterns in the bathtub, Yu Xuan took off his dirty clothes, threw them on the ground, and disappeared.

The warm water covered his body, Yu Xuan leaned his head against the rim of the white jade bathtub, and the bright incandescent lamp above his head made him close his eyes.

Xiao Le's bathtub cost 10,000+, and it is undoubtedly comfortable to lie in. Every pore in the body is opened, and Yu Xuan has a few seconds to let go.

The last time in this bathtub, he and Xiao Le hugged, kissed, and caressed brazenly together, and then confessed their first time to each other.

That day was his happiest day, and he felt that Xiao Le liked him that day.

But now he is not sure, Xiao Le should be angry, he should be angry about the scumbag who said he likes women after he ran away after sleeping.

When they got angry and quarreled when they were young, they had no contact for ten years. Now that they have grown up, even if Xiao Le gets angry, he will never quarrel with him again.

Just ignoring him is enough for him to suffer for ten years, or a lifetime.

After soaking in hot water for a long time, all the aftertaste of the wine was evaporated, and Yu Xuan was dizzy and in a daze, thinking of the day his mother passed away...

Blurred images overlap and flash in the darkness, the skinny hand full of needles, the heavy rain hitting the glass, the thunderous sky, the whistling wind, the fallen leaves stained red with blood, the beautiful white dress... …

What kind of despair would he choose to commit suicide?Is there nothing in this world worthy of her nostalgia?

***

"Mr. Xiao, the eleven o'clock meeting will start soon." The assistant of the design department came over to remind.

"Cancel the meeting, I have something urgent to go home now." Xiao Le started calling Yu Xuan an hour ago, but no one answered.

This is running again?or something happened...

Xiao Le had some inexplicable bad premonition in his heart, and hurried home.

As soon as he opened the door, the smell of cigarettes and alcohol in the room made him frown. There was a steady rushing sound of water in the bathroom, but there was no movement of taking a bath.

Xiao Le didn't even have time to change his shoes, he rushed into the bathroom quickly, and saw a white T-shirt covered with blood on the ground.

His brain exploded, his nerves jumped, and he shouted: "Yu Xuan!"

Xiao Le fished out the cold and dying man from the bathtub, his black shirt was instantly wet, and the wet water dripped messily on the ground.

There is also a heartbeat and breathing, except for the slender cuts on the fingers, other places are intact.

The T-shirt on the ground exudes a strong smell of alcohol, and its color is purple, not blood.

Xiao Le heaved a sigh of relief, wrapped Yu Xuan's body with a dry towel in a panic, dried his hair dripping with cold water, and tore off his soaked clothes, with the buttons falling all over the floor.

Hugging his cold body naked and crawling into the bed, warming him with her own body temperature, kissing his cold purple lips, "What's wrong with you!"

Yu Xuan has never seen Xiao Le's expression so flustered, even his voice is hoarse, is he nervous and worried about him?

When Xiao Le picked him up from the water, he was awake, sober from the wine, and he was not sober yet.

It was not dark yet, why did Xiao Le come back?

Did you come back to find him on purpose?

Like a person on the verge of drowning grabbing driftwood in the river, he hugged Xiao Le's neck tightly, and hot tears fell uncontrollably, "I thought you didn't want me again."

"When did I say I don't want you anymore! If you don't want you, you're going to die!" Xiao Le's heart tightened, he yelled at him in a low voice, and hugged him even more distressed.

"Then do you still want me?"

The author says:

Xuan: Don't be angry, I just fell asleep...

Le: hum!