under the field

Selena

【"You said that the people who usually live in this kind of wilderness where birds don't lay eggs are old women with weird tempers or fat women with weird looks?"】

He started out as a bed partner, an exceptionally good one.

But later became a bed partner embedded in the soul.

That's what soul mates mean, he said.

……

The time I was 16, I actually lied, I told the Hastings girl that it was good, but it was bad.

That is not voluntary.They raped me.

The three guards were all ordered by that woman in Sadishi.

I've seen the three of them have a disgusting affair with her, and of course I've seen her with my grandpa.She met my eyes through the crack of the door, even though one of the guards was riding behind her, her disgusting and cold eyes stared at me like this, and then she showed a sinister smile, as if telling others that she had already started plotting wearing something.

I soon found out that on the night of my birthday, a grand banquet was held in the palace.She dismissed all the attendants around me and let them into my room without even putting medicine in my water.

That was my bed, I remember, and all that remained was the majestic roof, which was constantly approaching and moving away, thus stripping my soul bloody from my body.

She just stood there looking at me and told me, you have to enjoy.

This world is inherently unfair to women, and men will spare no effort to destroy your pride, your self-esteem, and your strength.

But I will survive.

No one is immune.

Sadishi thought her father would at least give her a place in his heart because of her amazing work in bed, but it didn't occur to her that she didn't find out until the end that she was just a whore for his pleasure.

This is the most ridiculous, at least in the matter of inheriting the throne, she has to be ranked behind my father and those countless illegitimate children.

The turmoil in this palace has never stopped. She killed her father when he told her that he would never hand over the throne to a woman until his death.I don't think Kennedy II will ever know that the daughter who obeyed her will become the executioner who took his life with her own hands.

Jacob put JFK's illegitimate son on the throne at that time, another stupid man.But he was very good at disguising. In fact, during that period when the throne was vacant, everyone was staring at that chair.

This is an opportunity, but it is also an irreversible opportunity.Because of one mistake, it will bring everything to hell.

Sure enough, after the illegitimate son who grew up in the market came to power, the first thing he eliminated was Jacob who pushed him to power.

On almost any trail during that time, you could see the body of a Jacobite rebel, exposed to the sun, his bones still fresh.Then they disappeared, and just disappeared over the Carolinas.

Some people say they will come back, but no one knows when, but they say for sure that Jacob will come back.

I think it's easy to explain why Shadisi was driven insane.It's as if something you've worked so hard to get has finally given up to someone, let alone a, to her, an unseen illegitimate child who grew up in a brothel.

She is really capable, no one knows how she got on the line with Sander, he borrowed her guards, took her out of the prison, they killed the illegitimate son of the reign, let him die naked in the brothel On a woman, they killed all the king's bastards, and she finally got that chair as she wished.

The reason why I say she is crazy is that when she found me standing in the corner, she squinted her eyes again.I knew exactly what that meant, she'd been there before she put the guards in my room, she'd been there on the day the illegitimate son was enthroned - all the blond hair and green eyes were a threat to the throne in her eyes.

She finally remembered that she still had a younger brother, a legitimate Kennedy III.

Not the product of men out there on a whim and messing around with women, it was a man of real royal blood, a JFK III with every justification and right to take what she had now.

I never thought my father would be a good monarch, but compared to Shadisi, he was slightly better.At least he is a good husband and a good father, he refused the chance to live alone, he just woke up his wife and daughter from the fire in the middle of the night, and fled from the shadow of Sadishi like a bereaved dog with his tail between his legs in the blazing palace. out.

Sander let us go, showing that there are no eternal allies in the world. He thought he was leaving a way out for himself, because he had to prepare a complete plan for himself when dealing with crazy women.

It's a stupid village, full of stupid people.The real lord was killed, they had no way of knowing, and they still blindly followed the lord who would one day bring bad luck to their entire village.

I don't want to go out and get in touch with them. I can't be like my father and mother. What kind of heart do I have to maintain to be able to deceive these ignorant human beings.

They will die, and one day, they will die in pieces because of their foolishness.

But I found myself empathizing with them when I first saw the Cage Ritual.They've even booked their next poor victim after that ridiculous game.

I still remember the night before the ceremony, the girl who was going to be a stupid ceremony player came to the door.

Miko Joan, that's what they call me.And I have to accept the title that the "Lord Hullman" spread for me so that people in this village can't approach and disturb me because of fear.

She trembled, her eyes were like those of a poor and helpless deer, the despair before the hunter was about to end its life, "I don't want to be a player in the cage ceremony..."

She knelt down in front of me, beside the fireplace piled with pine logs, like a soul that would be devoured by the burning flames at any time, "Please save me, I don't want to be caught by them as a sacrifice..." She shook her head and said, "I will die, I will really die..."

She said to herself, "My cousin became infertile after that time, no one would want to marry such a woman..."

"This world is unfair to women." I told her.

"I beg you to help me, any method will do, don't let them succeed..." She grabbed the corner of my skirt.

"Then you don't want to be a virgin," I said, with malice she could relate to, "then they won't get their way."

I admit that I was twisted in my heart, and I traded tragedy for another upcoming tragedy. I looked at her shocked face, leaned down and said to her word by word: "Let them get your most precious thing, and they won't be able to do it again." destroy you."

If compromise is the victim of brutality, everyone dies, and I once thought I would die after that, and I would like to see which of the two is more deadly.

Until the cage ceremony could not be held smoothly the next day, I felt unprecedented pleasure at that moment, and the blunt feeling of blood dripping. She made a choice, and I wanted to know which one would make her feel more lucky.

I looked at her smiling face blankly, "I did it according to your method. I found the man I have loved for a long time, and we did it. I didn't expect this happy thing to make me escape the cage ceremony, You are really amazing, how can there be such a good thing in the world?"

It wasn't what I expected, she should have suffered the loss of her virginity and chose to hate me, she should have regretted not participating in the cage ceremony, and she told me it all happened beautifully.So that later, in this old and conservative village, all the girls no longer hide their shameful desires, and they continue to ask me how to let the girl escape the terrible cage game, so as to ensure that they will not become the next player in the future...

Later I found a law, if you don't choose to suffer, then bear it with the one you love, at least it won't be so sad.Then the number of girls in this village gradually decreased, and most of them came to me gratefully. I don’t know, I maliciously pointed at them at the beginning, but they caught me off guard with the answer of enjoying their desires.

Is this world really like this?

I don't want to know.

Why is everyone immersed in the desire to be happy and fulfilled?

"So I gave up the idea of ​​finding someone from here to have a night of indulgence. I can't be satisfied with the dirty body odor."

I told Hastings girl, I don't want to try, I don't want to think about it.But all the men in front of me are different, they didn't touch me beyond the norm, they were just enjoying the moment, everyone was telling me that I should not continue to hide under the shell, the scars would never heal.

I think I'll work up my courage.

I found that I didn't resist his touch, when he supported my crooked body, and then let go quickly.

"I'll follow you, send you back to the room, and then I'll leave." He was really talkative, always explaining too much needlessly.

And I wanted to overcome my fear, and at that very moment, I grabbed him at the door, tightened his collar, and brought him close to my body.

I tried my best to restrain my trembling body, but he didn't meet me as expected, he was asking for my consent.

"Are you sure you won't turn your face and deny anyone when you wake up tomorrow morning?" He still didn't touch me, making the last confirmation, "I don't mind, but if you wake up the next day, you will kill my head, Where can I go to reason..." It was just as usual, so much nonsense.

I pulled his body down, leaned forward, and kissed that piece of noisy lips, unlike his hard body like a copper wall, the softness there almost made me forget what to do next.

But he quickly regained control, my heart was twitching, and the fear and pain of that night came to my mind, I felt my bones were aching, and it was about to penetrate inch by inch, tearing all the flesh and blood out of my stomach.

He didn't continue, "You're making me feel like this is your first time?" He had a look of obvious fear and offense at being out of line.

"Not a pleasant experience," I said, after a pause. "There were three of them."

He also fell silent, staring at me.

"I can't break free..." I could barely hear my own voice.

Then I smiled at him indifferently, "But I killed them all and threw them in the stable." I gouged out their eyes, cut off their hands, so that they can no longer invade my life...

He didn't make any further movements, but his hands were still wrapped around my back, and I didn't let go, but I felt that I was already naked - exposed to the world, without a trace of cover.

I climbed onto his shoulders, took a step forward and approached his throat: "Just don't lie on the bed." He tossed and rolled down, and after a while, he replied: "Okay."

He didn't have the recklessness of just now, he lightened up all the moves on the first pass, trying to make me relax.I don't think about that painful feeling anymore, because those pains have been replaced by all his warm breath, winding around every corner, I can finally enjoy this thing, like all the girls in the stone bed said, they didn't Lie, I can finally feel...

I find myself starting to fear, the fear of being out of control, the fear of not being able to regulate my feelings, when we bump into each other's eyes in a crowd.

He danced funny dance steps in the crowd, and his tall stupid body squeezed into the small tavern, just dancing with the people around him, he clumsily matched stupid moves with anyone who appeared around him, but In those moments suddenly turned to meet my eyes.

He smiled at me again in the crowd.

stupid man.

I will not cut off all retreats for myself like my father did.

The tavern owner gave the rest of the food to the homeless who stayed behind the tavern, and he enthusiastically went to help.

He gave his coat to the old man sleeping in the corner, and after all this he returned to me.We'd been close until tonight, holding each other's hands without qualms, clinging to each other's bodies on the dance floor.

I had to wake up and end these two nights that were out of control.

What am I doing?

"Otis, I don't need love." I took my hand out of his big palm, and he suddenly smiled.

"I don't need a weakness."

"I remember what happened to my father."

"I don't want to be him."

We parted ways that night, even though the next day he pretended nothing had happened, even teasingly asked me before setting off for the valley: "Will you give me a goodbye kiss?"

"No." I said.

I can't.

The Hastings girl kissing Jacob's Colin in the morning light is something I'll never have.That's a feeling only the fearless deserve, and I happen to be the most timid of all people.

He came back from the valley, but his state seemed to be on the verge of the gate of hell.

"You obviously want it, Selena, but you just don't dare to..." How did he manage to say so many words while lying in a pool of blood?

"Don't be afraid," he said weakly on the bed, as if the other doctors were not there. "Looking at how scared you are, let me tell you that it's just that the blood flow looks scary. After all, the favorite position of Sander people is the artery in the abdomen. I know their routine very well, so that the other party looks It's like shedding all the blood in the body, so they can go back to work..."

I looked at his pale lips from the pain, but he still kept talking.

"How did you manage to bleed so much and talk so much?" Carl, who was standing aside, complained a little puzzled, and then he looked at the two of us meaningfully, and left the room with the doctor who had finished bandaging .

He put my hand on the side of the bed, "You just go and take your throne, I will guard you behind you."

……

On the last night, he hugged my body tightly, we seized the last moment in front of the door, we bit each other's lips, trying to turn this night into the last ashes, at the last moment I said in his ear, go to bed.

He only paused for a second, and did so immediately.He put me on the bed, and when I looked up, it was no longer the complicated, curled, fettered and suffocating roof, above me, there was only his face, his body, he blocked all nightmares, let All that came into view were himself, his heartbeat, and his breathing.

"Everyone has high hopes for tomorrow." I said beside him, and he gently stroked the hair behind me, we lay opposite each other, like a pair of stumps and scabbards.

“I’ve been through this feeling many times,” he says, “hoping for the sun in the morning, even though everything is unknown and left to the future. But as long as you believe that you can do it in the present moment, you can do it. I am ashamed of our current spirit." He said with a smile, "When she told me, I just thought it was nonsensical."

His throat rolled, and he continued softly: "But when she died, I realized what spirit she was talking about."

Then we will embrace each other's hearts, silently facing each other.

"Then do you believe you can do it?" He asked after a while.

were able.

I really believe that I can do it.

……

I stepped into the Dove Palace again, just like the original scene.

Dead bodies were everywhere, and flames were burning in every corner of the building.

However, this time is different.

Last time, all my father's guards fell to the ground with blood, but this time, it was her body that was strewn all over the place.

I walked step by step on every tile in the palace, which has been stained by desire, greed, and ugliness. I remember every color in my mind. This is where I grew up.

She is really crazy, as long as she takes a look outside the city wall or inside the imperial city.She was defeated like a mountain, and every field Jacob reached, the guards there would all surrender, but whenever she looked outside.

She was still sitting on that chair, and she had fought so ridiculously all her life for a throne that would never belong to her in the end.

"Blonde hair, green eyes," she said, which happened to be something I loathed having in common with her.

"The little girl has grown up." She stared at me, "The little bitch has finally learned to bite."

"The dogs around you will all bite you, so you deserve to be treated like this." There was also a naked man sitting beside her, but he was bleeding to death while clutching his throat.

She continued, "You're not half as smart as your father."

"Still smarter than you, even then," I told her.

"We're all women..."

"But I am sad because I have this common ground with you!" I cut off her words, "Do you know what is the biggest difference between me and you?"

"There are a group of people around me who support me, trust me, and follow me faithfully..." Her face is like the tiles I stepped on, and the next moment it will crack. And you didn't, not at all..."

"It's over, Shadisi, Sander is dead, Reggie is dead, the imperial city has been captured, and you have no way out."

She looked at the sword in my hand, which was stained with every drop of blood from the fight, "Are you going to end me like this?" She watched me approaching her step by step, stepping on the path leading to her step by step. Stairway to the throne.

I came to her, lowered my eyes and stared at her, "It's too optimistic to think so..." I put down the saber my father gave me, "I won't let your dirty blood stain it, you don't have the right to do that Die with honor."

She swooped up to strangle me, and I shook her off, throwing her over the edge of the fireplace.I can overpower her as easily as she let them overwhelm me.I fished out the hot shovel from the fireplace and swung it at her head.

"Do you know how my father and mother died?" I sat on her, looked at the blood gushing from her head, tore off the badge on the wall, she was panting, I straightened her face, let her look me straight in the eyes, "My father has nothing to fight with you..." Wrapped the badge around her neck, "You know I often think at night, Sadishi, what would I do? Take your life..."

I tightened the cloth strips in my hand so that there was no gap between them and her throat. Her nails scratched the back of my hand, "How many people's blood is on your hand?" Her face began to bleed Purple, like the jewels she wore around her neck.

"My virginity, my father, my mother, my friends, my people..." I didn't slow down my strength, "My country..." Her eyes were about to turn white, "Bitch ..." Her sharp breath came out of her mouth, and I would finish her off, "You are blinded by hatred and desire, you should go to hell..."

She started laughing, and when her forehead was also turning purple, "You will be me, Selena..."

"No one will be spared..."

"You will be me..." Her eyes were as big as copper bells, I tightened my hands, her sharp voice gradually disappeared, her eyes were still fixed on me, I told her at the last moment.

"Your words will disappear, your power will disappear, your name will disappear, everything about you will disappear."

"And I won't be you."

"I will not let hatred corrupt my heart."

"I won't be you."

Her eyes finally stared, fixed on my face, her lips were slightly parted, the blood on her forehead was still flowing, flowed over her purple face, nose, lips, and began to flow to the family crest around her neck banner.

The black liquid soaked the last bit of white on the emblem, filled all the vacancies on it, made the painting complete, closed the last disgusting hole to spy on the world, and tore off the last clinging derivative. The poisonous maggots...

I lay down on the recovered cold body, feeling my breath again, I withdrew my hands from the bloody cloth, supported my knees and stood up again, looking down at the ending for the last time, I saw the city wall Being pierced by a catapult, the struggle outside is still nearing its end. Their queen is dead, and I will take this generation back into my hands again, so that those blood hatreds that linger in history will be accompanied by broken ones. The scattered hearts of the people are pieced together again and again.

The outside was suddenly covered by whiteness, and the last inch of hotness and ice-cold intersected.

Long live.

I said softly.