grandfather's daughter-in-law

I used to think that human beings are a kind of absolute time creatures. Our existence as creatures itself means absolute three-dimensionality, but in this huge and vast time field that is the only remaining activity, we follow the law of time flow— — That is, beyond absolute causality, we are completely powerless.We must live before we die; we must close our eyes before falling asleep; we must eat before we digest.Like people, I used to think that human emotions are also a four-dimensional existence.It is attached to human beings as a specific three-dimensional creature, and it must follow the cause and effect of time.We have sex first and then orgasm; we hate with a reason for the hate and an effect of the hate instead of hate for no reason.But when I look back on my life, I find that this statement is not entirely true.Emotions are not absolute causality.Because we have sex, but it doesn't necessarily bring orgasm, we can even hate first and then love someone.And death is the continuation of life, not the opposite of life.It is attached to people, but it can be detached from people. As an independent individual, it has its own emotions, can be selfish, and can be domineering, but it cannot be separated from people, because without people, there is no carrier for emotions. .However, it is precisely this invisible, intangible, illusory and incomplete four-dimensional existence that dominates a person's life.

We went back to the troupe, practiced together, rehearsed together, cried when we were sad and angry, and smiled when we were happy.Everything seemed familiar, but it was really different.She was wearing a headscarf and exercise clothes with loose trouser legs, and her waist, which was not tightened in time after giving birth, was a little out of shape.She urged Yan Zhennan to create a new drama. She smiled and said that her family had two more mouths to eat, and she would work harder to earn money by acting.The two children were placed in the room next to the training ground, and Wang Yugui took care of them.When they were hungry or crying, she would run over immediately.She is facing the wall and breastfeeding, leaving me with a blurred back.She smiled at everyone, and she used this strong and uplifting way to cover up her scarred heart.

I don't know how many tears she shed silently behind her back to be able to pretend such a nonchalant smile, but I know that all the rhetoric with a grand name is just a vain cover.My heart was weeping blood every day facing that face with a strong smile.She used to be beautiful and elegant, I thought it was just a colorful dream, I could only watch silently behind her all my life, now she is the same as me, no longer subject to fate like me Like me, I worked hard every day to play and act, put on a hypocritical face like me, joked and behaved to others, and became humble like me. Finally, everything was no different from me. I was in such pain again, and started again I wish so much that none of this had ever happened, not even dreamed.She rejected all my concerns, she was tactful and polite to me, kind and unfamiliar, she hugged the children, made them laugh, gentle and distant, I knew that this dream would probably never wake up, even if It is no longer colorful.She closed the door of her heart forever, and I always just wandered outside the door.But no matter what, she came back and lived peacefully, and I knew deeply that I should not have any unrealistic illusions.I shouldn't be secretly glad that she regained her freedom, and I shouldn't have hoped that one day we might be able to achieve a positive result.I really shouldn't!

I started to curry favor with Ding Jianye, and tried everything possible to mend our relationship, but Ding Jianye unexpectedly didn't pursue the matter of me ignoring to find her together, and he didn't even mention anything about it.He was neither cold nor indifferent towards Yu Minxiu, and I naively thought it was because of guilt towards Yu Minxiu, because no matter what, it was their Ding family who were guilty of Yu Minxiu, and whether Yu Minxiu continued the incense of the Ding family or inherited Ding She has done unreservedly in Yongchang's will, which is remarkable.Because of this, our marriage has a seemingly blissful way of getting along that has never been seen in the past two years, so that I always have the illusion that we have returned to [-].During that year in Taipei, like all men and women in love, we watched movies, wrote love letters, and shared our thoughts.Before getting and losing, the happiest thing is this journey of pursuing happiness.Because we all still have the ability to believe in happiness and pursue it.

Yu Minxiu's two children were later named Yu Jingnan and Yu Jingxian respectively. Of course, some people questioned why the surnames of the two children were not Ding but Yu (Yu Minxiu later divorced Ding Jianguo in a low-key manner, and everything remained the same. The surface is peaceful, so apart from the Ding family and the Yu family, this matter is basically a secret), but she never responded formally.This kind of after-dinner conversation is nothing more than a novelty, so it's nothing.The twins' demand for milk greatly exceeded the supply of Yu Minxiu's thin body. Wang Yugui stewed fish soup, chicken soup, and papaya soup for her, but it didn't work. In order to take care of Jingxian's weak body, Jingnan was four months old. I was forced to stop breastfeeding.Probably because Jingxian was a few minutes longer, and Jingnan was more conscientious and responsible than Jingxian in terms of personality and body.Jingnan is very lively and has a strong learning ability. When she was a toddler, Jingxian was still crawling on the ground.When Jingxian was learning language, she could already speak a few complete sentences.Jingxian's first sentence "Mom" was taught by her, followed by "Yaya", "Duddu", "Huhu", "Lulu" and "Baba", and the sixth is "Daddy".The mouths of the two little angels were bubbling, and when they chattered and repeated the two words, tears rolled in Yu Minxiu's eyes.The theater troupe was very busy and didn't have much time to take care of them delicately. Wang Yugui was cooking, and Jingnan was eating at the table next to him while feeding Jingxian.No matter how they started, no matter how they lived, at least they grew up healthy and happy day by day.

My stomach still didn't move.Ding Jianye and I have been to the hospital, and I asked Ding Jianye to accompany me to the hospital.Every time I see Yu Minxiu looking at the two children with satisfaction, I feel that it is my blessing, the blessing brought by me kneeling before God and agreeing to leave her.As long as I leave her, fate will favor her again.I desperately wanted to have a baby, to fulfill the promise I had made on the cold floor of that hospital.

Faces with different faces, similar questions, and sterile examination rooms lit with fluorescent lights, I humiliated every detail of my unharmonious sex life again and again. Faced with a stranger pulling down his pants, spreading his legs, having that so-called hysteroscopy, taking all kinds of medicine.At that time, I took more medicine than meals a day.We have also sought help from traditional Chinese medicine, various folk prescriptions and ancient posts. Those traditional Chinese medicines that have been boiled into a black paste are my daily tea, but I dare not drink it without taboo in front of everyone, so I have to wait until the end every time. Only one person went to eat, and the food was either eaten up or left with only leftovers.In the end, there was still no movement in my stomach.I don’t remember how many nights, the moonlight came in from the window and cast a gray light and shadow, or it was dark in the dark, when Ding Jianye came down from me, I could hear a faint sigh, as if saying that it was finally done , has finally completed this difficult and impossible task.We lay silently without speaking.

The last time we walked into the hospital, the doctor used the word adoption for the first time.Advice, he said.He explained that various examinations proved that both of us had no physical problems, but he couldn't explain why we couldn't conceive a child. Ding Jianye listened calmly. I thought he would be furious and would ask him why, but he didn't. Quietly like listening to news about someone else's infertility, or just tomorrow's weather forecast.The doctor went on to say that this is called unexplained infertility in medicine. It is caused by some unknown factors, biological factors or psychological factors, or both. At present, medicine cannot give an accurate explanation.There are many young couples in the same situation as us. Some of them choose to adopt a child, and some choose to stay with them for life.He also smiled and said that we are still young, so there is no need to worry about this kind of thing, relax first, and think about it if it still doesn’t work in the end. He is just telling us more possibilities from the standpoint of a medical staff.We all understand that the more comforting words are said, the less likely it is, and I think the wish to have a child of my own probably fell through.

When walking out of the hospital, there were bustling crowds on the road.Ding Jianye smoked a cigarette silently by the side of the road without speaking, showing no great sadness or loss.I went to a disabled person, sat on a cart, but still used my fingerless arm to buy a clay rose from a self-supporting craftsman.Pink flowers, the color of his arm without five fingers, green branches and leaves, a stem with a small strand of silk thread, exuding a choking cheap smell.I gave 50 yuan and got no change.This is a habit I have developed in the past two years. When I see a disabled person, a beggar, or a handicapped craftsman like this, I will try my best.Ding Jianye glanced at me indifferently, and we walked back to the troupe in silence.

That night, Ding Jianye did not return to his room.I sat on the dresser and watched the moonlight piercing the darkness, casting a silvery glow on the wall.The faint silver light reflected my dull face in the mirror.I am 26 years old, and the years have begun to leave marks on the corners of my eyes and mouth. This face is no longer immature and youthful.When I was ten years old, I secretly burned that biography on the garbage plain outside the town, and I was doomed to a tragic fate in this life.Am I gay or not?Probably, probably not.I have walked too long and chased for too long, and in the end, even I can't tell the difference.I love her, but I'm married to him.I am so lost, and I can't tell whether it is because I don't have a child, or because I failed to fulfill my promise in the end, or because Ding Jianye abandoned him indifferently.

Do we still have sex?Almost gone.When we've all given up hope and stopped chasing that kid, any sex is hard work for us, sometimes in the dark, Ding Jianye is so drunk, I even hear us sighing at the same time, Some daunting task at last, but life is full of drama.Just after we all gave up, the baby arrived.

Still the same doctor, he kept tapping his hands on the table in excitement, talking boastfully, as if he was witnessing an unforgettable historical moment.He talked eloquently to me about modern medicine, traditional Chinese medicine, and even biology. He said that human beings are the most wonderful creatures in the world, with the most advanced evolution. Naturally, sometimes we will encounter some unprecedented things or miracles. For example, my infertility that healed without treatment.Anyway, this is just an irony, he is black and he is white.When I confirmed the news from his gushing saliva, I couldn't tell what I felt.

I went to the handicapped craftsman and bought a clay rose.It was [-], and it had been another year since we had been in the hospital for the last time.