On the Necessary and Sufficient Conditions for Harvesting a Male God

85. Scars

Yang Lin was stunned, the complex feeling at this moment could almost concoct a hundred kinds of thirteen incense, and those grievances that he had managed to straighten out with great difficulty also emerged slowly.

It turns out that "forgive" and "forget it" are two different things after all.

It took him a long time to ask in a cold voice, "How did you remember it? Aren't you doing it for me?"

Nie Chuan took a step forward and hugged him gently, and said in a low voice, "Both Brother Zhang and Teacher Fan scolded me today. Yang Lin, I just realized that I was so wrong. I didn't consider your feelings. I'm sorry."

Yang Lin closed his eyes hard, forcing back the astringency in his eyes, "You are right."

"I"

"You have a good intention, you are dedicated to me, what can be wrong with your great feelings!"

Nie Chuan didn't speak, but buried his head on his shoulder.

Yang Lin's breathing became short of breath, and he subconsciously tugged at his clothes with both hands. After a long time, he finally couldn't help but shouted, "Anyway, you are the only one who has heart! Only you understand feelings! I can only share weal and woe!"

"I was wrong." Nie Chuan tightened his arms and squeezed the person in his arms so thin that his heart twisted in pain.

"You never believed me! Never looked down on me!"

"I'm not, I'm... sorry."

"You don't have to tell me you're sorry. You didn't. Nie Chuan, I'm an adult and choose to leave or stay. I'm happy! I'm a bitch! It has nothing to do with you!"

"No, don't"

"The person you are sorry for is Xiao Fei! You promised your elder brother to raise him, and then you went through life and death for your friend! Well, this is an accident! Forgive the accident! But why did you give him to Brother Zhang!"

"I"

"You treat Xiao Fei as a burden! But he is not a cat or dog! No matter how small he is, he is still a human being! He also has feelings! He is also afraid! You can give him away at will!"

"I was wrong, Yang Lin, I was wrong." Nie Chuan's voice was suppressed, "I'm sorry for you, give me a chance to make amends."

"You!" Yang Lin's heart softened all of a sudden.

He grabbed Nie Chuan with all his strength. This man was still strong and strong, but he had lost so much weight that he almost cried.

"Idiot! Megalomaniac! Idiot!"

"Ah."

I don't know how long it took before Nie Chuan said in a low voice, "Don't say any more mean words, I feel uncomfortable hearing them, Yang Lin, you might as well beat me up for saying that."

"I can't beat you again." Yang Lin's voice was muffled.

"Can I fight back if you hit me?" Nie Chuan tightened his arms again.

"That's hard to say, you..." Yang Lin paused.

This person is already very sad, so there is no need to mention such a trivial matter as accidentally hurting him.

"I'm not as smart as you, and I can't think of many things," Nie Chuan said in a low voice, "Tell me what I'm wrong, and I'll change it."

"Why do you want me to tell you?" Yang Lin thought of the phone call that Nie Chuan hung up on, and he was still very sad, "Aren't you just brains, you give me your heart, if you don't give me, I won't ask you want."

"Then, if you are angry, hit me, don't treat me so coldly."

Yang Lin didn't make a sound, and it took a while for Nie Chuan to slowly say, "My father gave me books, and I killed him. My mother called me a "sangmen star", but she was right."

"..."

"Really, the most damned person is me. If I hadn't been born, my family wouldn't have fallen into abject poverty all of a sudden, and my parents would still have jobs. Even if they would be laid off in the end, it would be hard for everyone to be laid off at that time , and it’s not just the two of them. The family will always be noisy, but if anyone in the Ermao Factory is not noisy, life should be able to go on.”

"...Brother Chuan"

"My brother can go to the university he likes and stay in the place he likes. He doesn't like the south. He always said that he can't adapt to the southern climate... He is so good, he will have a good development, at least he can find a job. Good job, marry a girl you like, even if you have to worry about being a house slave, you won't be forced to come back and die early."

"Brother Chuan, don't"

"Yang Lin, I know it's all because of me. I am the source of all disasters and the real culprit... But the more I do this, the more I dare not admit it... It seems that I can pretend that it has nothing to do with me without apologizing, and it's not me wrong."

"Brother Chuan," Nie Chuan's arms relaxed, his voice was full of despair, and Yang Lin hugged him tightly.

"After my dad left, I couldn't touch the books, and I couldn't speak for more than a year...I was very angry, very angry...but no matter what I did, my dad couldn't come back. Yang Lin, until my brother got sick It was only after I left that I realized that what I gave up was myself, but he was the one who died of exhaustion... How stupid do you think I must be."

"No Brother Chuan, this is an accident! These are all accidents! No"

"I can't accept other people's sacrifices and sacrifices. As you said, I can't afford the price. I will never pay back the sacrifices of my father and brother. Yang Lin, it's hard to live in debt .”

"……I understand."

"You are smart and hardworking just like my brother. How could I put you in danger? Let you wait for me with Xiaofei? How dare I delay you like this?"

"..."

"Brother Zhang and his wife are decent people. Xiao Fei followed them. No matter whether his surname is Nie or Zhang, he will always grow up in peace."

"..."

"That's what I thought at the time, so I was confident when I came back. But I just realized how selfish I am today, Yang Lin, you are right, I am sorry for both Xiaofei and you. But I don't believe you, I I'm just afraid I can't afford it."

"But I love you, idiot! Nie Chuan, I love you, I am willing to do anything for you! I can do anything for you too! How can I be willing to give up Xiao Fei, we are a family." Yang Lin also buried his head in the On Nie Chuan's shoulders, Nie Chuan's pajamas were wet a lot after a while.

"I love you too, I've always loved you, never changed." Nie Chuan turned his face to the side, and dropped countless light kisses.

"You said before, "The necessary and sufficient condition for harvesting a male god" is that I like you," Nie Chuan said with difficulty, rubbing Yang Lin's back with both hands.

Confession was more difficult for him than an apology, but after several months of reminiscing about that day, this became what he most wanted to say to Yang Lin:

"Yang Lin, in fact, you are my male god, my little sun, my patron saint. After my father and my brother left, you gave me and Xiao Fei a home. The necessary and sufficient condition for me to harvest you is-- You are Yang Lin, the only Yang Lin in this world."

Yang Lin's arms tightened suddenly, with such force that it even strangled him, and the wet spots on his shoulders quickly spread out and expanded.

Nie Chuan was so distressed that he held Yang Lin's face with both hands. Yang Lin didn't open his eyes, but the glistening drops of water kept gushing out under the light, wet his black eyelashes like wing feathers.

As if bewitched, Nie Chuan kissed her gently, drying up every drop of saltiness with infinite cherishment.

It took a while for Yang Lin to open his eyes. He tried his best to smile, his lips were still trembling, his eyelashes were wet, and his eyes were watery, with a completely different fragility than before.

Nie Chuan couldn't help but kissed her again.

Yang Lin gently pushed the person away, sniffed, "I'm going to wash my face."

After coming out of the bathroom, Yang Lin had regained his composure. He pulled Nie Chuan to sit on the sofa.

Nie Chuan held him in his arms, Yang Lin relaxed, and then said softly, "I remember very early, I was adopted once before Pan Weimin, the family's surname is Wang, they are also from Ning County, not far from our garden. His family also doesn't know who's the problem and has never had a child, maybe I have the luck to send a child, and his wife became pregnant after more than half a year after I went there."

"They abused you too?" Nie Chuan pulled Yang Lin violently, his voice instantly raised.

"That's not true," Yang Lin looked at him and smiled, "They treated me very well, very kindly. At that time they named me Wang Jiabao, saying that I was the baby of the family. I still remember that they bought me Lots of new clothes, buy me drinks and snacks as soon as I hit the street."

"Ah."

"But as soon as his wife became pregnant, I was sent back."

Yang Lin smiled again, "I was taken away in autumn, and it was spring when I was sent back. I was wearing the old clothes I had when I went there. I still remember that the clothes were too small, and my arms were hurting...but the shoes they bought It was confiscated, probably the old shoes were thrown away, so it’s not good for me to go back barefoot.”

Nie Chuan held back for a long time before saying, "Can you retire so casually?"

"Our garden is privately run, and it's just a matter of adopting and retiring." Yang Lin smiled, "It seems that my household registration has not completed the procedures or something, and I haven't transferred it anyway. The couple are very happy. Said it would save trouble."

"...Don't laugh." Nie Chuan pulled him back into his arms and rubbed him vigorously.

"I was three years old at the time," Yang Lin hugged his waist, "They thought I didn't remember anything, but I always remembered that the family gave birth to a daughter, and she went to the same elementary school as me."

Nie Chuan rubbed his back vigorously.

"When I was in Pan Weimin, I didn't want to leave. I begged Grandpa Yang for a long time, but he couldn't do anything. He thought I was young and ignorant. That's right, I was only five years old at that time, and the Pan family was from the city. The conditions are good, he thinks it will be good for me in the future.”

Yang Lin said in a calm voice, "I remember that I was very scared and cried when I got on the bus... Pan Weimin hit me for the first time that day."

Nie Chuan was so distressed that he rubbed him in his arms again.

"When the garden was disbanded, I went to the orphanage. I wanted to go to school. Since I was six years old, my ideal has been to get into a good university."

Yang Lin relaxed and leaned against Nie Chuan's chest, "There is a bed for me, and I can sleep when I come back from vacation. I can sleep for two years."

He scribbled on Nie Chuan's body with his hands, "But the courtyard is basically disabled, and the other two in my room are all mentally ill. They are really sick. One can take care of himself, and the other may have cerebral palsy. I'm 40 years old, I can walk and crawl... I'm not a child anymore... That feeling is too scary..."

Nie Chuan turned his face away to hide his red eyes.

"When I entered No. 530 Middle School, I was free of tuition and accommodation fees. At that time, I could receive an orphan subsidy of [-] yuan per month. If I worked part-time during holidays and weekends, it was still enough to eat."

Yang Lin's voice was flat, "But Teacher Li said that people who only eat in the cafeteria can't bear it, and our other study fees are not low. Her standards are different from mine."

Yang Lin raised his body to rest on Nie Chuan's shoulder, and began to play with his button with one hand, "She thinks that I won't be able to pass high school at all, or even if I can pass it, my grades will be affected... Maybe."

Nie Chuan...

"So she must apply for this and that for me. I can't say anything. She thinks that I am afraid that others will know my orphan status."

Speaking of this, Yang Lin smiled, "She always said that I am small, hehe, I guess she actually thinks I am modest."

Nie Chuan opened his mouth, but didn't know what to say.

"But I can understand her thinking," Yang Lin smiled again.

"No. [-] Middle School is the best high school in the province, and there are too many children with good conditions. Because they all wear school uniforms, everyone compares with shoes. They generally wear thousands of sneakers, and there are many thousands of them. There are many students in class. The teacher confiscated me for playing with my mobile phone, and asked me to write an inspection, and in the afternoon someone would bring a new mobile phone, and said that I didn’t want the old one for a long time, and the teacher couldn’t do anything about it.”

Nie Chuan stroked his hair.

"Every night before self-study, there will be two traffic policemen at the gate of the school to guide the traffic. Because there are too many cars, they are all picking up the children and delivering meals to the children...Of course there must be general conditions, but they can't be seen in the school, because There is only one child in a family, and no matter how poor you are, you will never have a poor child.”

Yang Lin smiled again, "I'm the only one like this. I haven't said it before, but the teachers will know about it after our kindergarten is closed."

Nie Chuan kissed the top of his hair distressedly.

"Every child in our school has to go to remedial classes. The minimum class for the big class is one hundred, and the one-on-one session is two hours, ranging from five to six hundred to seven to eight hundred," Yang Lin said calmly, " Teacher Li herself also taught classes outside and taught students at home. Her daughter was also in the first year of high school at the time, and her understanding of the standard of living was different from mine.”

His tone was light, "But maybe her understanding is right."

After a pause, Yang Lin said, "Don't talk about making up lessons outside. I told you before that we send a lot of homework to the computer. The school has a public computer but no printer. I can only export them on a USB flash drive. beat."

Speaking of this, Yang Lin chuckled, "It costs hundreds of dollars a month just to print these. One day, I won't be able to do the dishes when I have to write the papers."

Nie Chuan clenched his hands tightly again.

"I understand that she is kind. I haven't told her about the past."

Yang Lin paused again, "I'm free of tuition fees, but I can't ask any small shop to give me free copying and printing fees, right? I can't wait for someone to send me the teaching aids that the teacher asked me to buy outside... In the final analysis, I still don’t know much about it, other than distributing leaflets and pretending to be a doll, I can only be a waiter.”

Yang Lin straightened up and looked at Nie Chuan, "I only got my first mobile phone after I went to live in high school. It was an elderly phone that Grandpa Yang eliminated. It can only make and receive calls. Before the third year of junior high school, I only used the Internet in computer class... yes I really don’t know anything, I don’t understand anything, I don’t know.”

Speaking of this, he smiled, "I went for an interview to deliver food, but the company said that I was not old enough, and they didn't accept students, which was troublesome. I went to the construction site, but no acquaintance introduced the foreman, and I was too young. Thin, saying I have no strength... At that time, I couldn't think of any other ways to make money."

Nie Chuan kissed him lightly on the forehead.

After a long time, Yang Lin said again, "But after getting in touch with Brother Zhang and the others, I realized my problem: It turns out that my self-protection mechanism has been activated since I was three years old, and it has been running for so many years. Watchful and closed."

Yang Lin smiled, "It's normal for others to look at me. Everyone says I'm cheerful and optimistic. Hey, it's all fake. I just pretended for a long time that I believed it was true. But in fact, I would neither accept it nor accept it. Will not ask for help, and these are in the end because they will not trust others.”

Yang Lin looked at Nie Chuan, "When we first got together, it made you feel very uncomfortable. It seems that there is no tomorrow today. You must be very angry."

"I'm not angry," Nie Chuan was very gentle, "I just feel that you and I are very different. I don't know what to do to make you feel at ease. I can't explain it myself, so I can't tell you."

Yang Lin laughed, "It took me a long time to get down to earth, and then I dared to believe that you are really there."

He looked at Nie Chuan and suppressed his smile, "Brother Chuan, I have always been alone, working a job, renting a room, studying hard every day, as if I was aiming for the stars and the sea, but in fact it was just for survival. "

"Grandpa Yang saved me and raised me. As I remember, although compared with ordinary families, the conditions in the garden are not good, but we can still eat enough, clothe ourselves and afford to go to school, and without him I would have died [-] years earlier." I have returned, so I have always been very grateful to him, and I have been working hard to take care of my younger brothers and sisters."

Speaking of this, Yang Lin's lips trembled a little, "But it's different, it's really different, maybe I'm too greedy... I'm greedy."

It took a while for Yang Lin to say again, "I have nothing, whether I am alive or dead, whether I am happy or sad, no one knows, and no one cares, my life has no origin."

Yang Lin's voice began to tremble, "Every day when I open my eyes, there is nothing but whiteness in all directions, and I can't touch the edges and let alone explore the bottom. Brother Chuan, can you understand that feeling? I have no coordinates in this world."

Nie Chuan didn't speak, but held his shoulders tightly with both hands, and looked deeply at him.

"Then I met you one day. You were the first person to stand in front of me, the one who helped me avenge me. You solved my nightmare. I can't do anything about this dream for more than ten years... "

"You are the best person to me, no one." Yang Lin tried to smile, "There is no one, Brother Chuan, no one has ever treated me better than you, never, you and Xiaofei have given each other I am a family."

Having said that, he opened his eyes wide, trying to force the steam back, "Then one day you suddenly kicked me out of the door, I"

Yang Lin couldn't continue.

If I had never seen the sun, I could have endured the darkness.

"Not again," Nie Chuan kissed his eyes, "I promise."