Sick roommate observation notes

On a late night 20 years ago, the pale full moon was half-hidden in the clouds, which clearly symbolized reunion and beauty, but the moonlight without any warmth shone coldly on the side of the bruised black-haired woman through the glass window. Face.

The breeze blows, and the snow-white gauze curtain dances lonely and lightly with the strength of the wind.

The black-haired boy with exquisite appearance stood quietly in front of the woman. After treating the wound on the woman's body, he raised his head slightly, as if he was looking at the ray of moonlight, or looking at something else through the moonlight. His eyes contained neither sadness nor joy that did not match his age, but upon closer inspection, the clenched fists showed that his heart was not as stable as it appeared on the surface.

"I'm sorry, Franny," the woman smiled apologetically, and raised her bruised right arm to caress the boy's face, "I'm your mother, but I always ask you to clean up the mess for me .”

The boy withdrew his gaze from an unknown place, and shook his head docilely: "I don't mind this, because I want to protect you too, mom."

The woman covered her mouth and giggled, and couldn't help but reached out and scratched the tip of the boy's nose: "Oh, you're the only one with a sweet mouth!"

"It's not sweet talk, it's my sincere words," the boy shook his head with a serious tone, "I don't want you to be hurt, if Dad doesn't love you, why don't you leave him?"

The woman replied softly, "No, Franny, he loves me."

"That's why he never cheats, doesn't flirt with other women, and can't stand me leaving him," she scolded her husband harshly in an extremely sweet tone, "but it's a pity, he has no brains and doesn't understand what is wrong." It's the right way to show love to someone."

"But I read from the book that love should be giving," the boy looked confused, "but he only hits you, can this also be called/love?"

"Of course it is," the woman chuckled, as if the scars on her body didn't exist. "Giving is just an ideal state, but how can love in the real world only have positive emotions? Although I don't want to admit it, he brought The pain given to me really comes from love, so a person like him would want to inflict pain on me, as if my pain would make him suffer less."

"He used to love me in a normal way, but now it's twisted. His love can't give me anything but pain."

A hint of viciousness that didn't match his age slowly slipped through the boy's eyes: "It's better not to have such a disgusting love!"

"If you say no, don't. How can it be so easy to be a human?" The woman stretched out her finger and poked the boy's handsome face, "You were in poor health a few years ago, and I quit my job to take care of you at home. Where do you eat and where do you sleep?"

The boy was slightly stunned: "You, do you have no money? Then why do I always see that man forcing you to give him money?"

If it's about money, then there's nothing to do. After all, this is one of the biggest problems that has never changed through the ages.

"Aren't you trying to force me to take money from your grandfather... By the way, you've heard about it, so don't mention it," the woman said helplessly, "The reason why I don't leave him now is more complicated. Reluctance to let me go is also a factor, but I think the key factor should be that I still love him."

The boy was puzzled, and even his expression suddenly became agitated: "He treats you like this, why do you still feel that you love him?"

"I can't tell, but I think it's love, so I don't think I can just leave him like this." The smile on the corner of the woman's mouth was extremely illusory, "I watched him slowly become a bad person, but I don't want to see him completely degenerate, so I still have a glimmer of hope that I can save him...Franny, can you understand my thoughts?"

Can't understand!

The boy's eyes were wide open, and he stared at the wounds on the woman's body, only to feel that these wounds were actually on his own heart.

He didn't understand why someone would be willing to endure the great pain that person caused her just to save another person?

"I'm sorry, Franny," after a long silence in the room, the woman finally raised her hand weakly and rubbed the boy's head, "We are not competent parents, because I know that we have caused irreparable damage to your childhood It may take a long time for these injuries to be healed, but I don't have the courage to promise how long I can be with you, ah, but don't worry, I will try my best not to die so quickly!"

My mother usually likes to mention death and other painful philosophies, but this time the boy just made a muffled "hum" and didn't react too much.

"Okay, don't be angry," the woman pinched his nose playfully again, "I know you still can't understand many people's feelings, but there are a few things you must remember."

"First, if I'm gone but your father is still alive, you must not hate him for what he has done. It's not to make you stop complaining for me, and it's not to make you repay grievances with virtue, but simply not to It's good to hate, otherwise this feeling of hating won't do you any good."

"And then, if I can't accompany you to heal these injuries, if someone else is willing to save you in the future," the woman paused, then said firmly and persistently, "then you must, must remember to use the correct method To respond to that person's love for you!"

What is the correct way? The boy still doesn't know the definition of it, so he fell silent, tilted his head and hesitated: "Will there be someone who is willing to love me like this?"

"Hey, do you mean Mom, I don't love you enough?"

"No," the boy tugged at his cuffs a little angrily, "I mean except you."

The woman smiled, but still replied in a nonchalant way: "Of course there will be, after all, you are my son!"

But can anyone really love someone like this?

When Qin Qiu grew up and saw more and more people and things in this world, instead of finding the answer, he became more and more negative towards this question.

Back to the present, he pointed a gun at his head, his cynical smile hides the deep exhaustion of life.

Shen Lu on the opposite side of him was stupefied by this series of changes. After trying to calm down, he wanted to step forward, but he was afraid that he would really shoot him down, so he could only stand in place in an instant, collapsing with anxiety. With a tentative expression on his face, he said, "Qin Qiu, calm down..."

"I'm very calm," Qin Qiu sighed quietly, "I always feel that this is the only destination after I finish what I want to do."

What will be his own ending? The man has thought about it many times when he has nothing to do. He may die accidentally in the process of fulfilling his wish, or he may die on his own after fulfilling his wish.

That's right, even if there is no death penalty in this country, he never considered the possibility of being locked up in prison for a lifetime after his wish is fulfilled.

Because in his opinion, he who kills criminals is no different from criminals who kill others. He has already deviated from his own moral principles, and there is no point in continuing to live in this world like a bereaved dog.

not to mention--

"You know, Sean, it's hard for people to feel nostalgic in this world," he said softly, without any sarcasm, as if he was simply stating a fact, "Human beings are so pathetic."

Qin Qiu is not a stubborn person. While achieving his goals by torturing and killing criminals, he also tried to find a better side of the world.

After going back and forth, he found that there are many people who yearn for a beautiful world, but unfortunately, those people have other desires. Compared with those desires, such a huge and empty wish of "a beautiful world" seems to be worthless mentioned.

"When the vested interests far outweigh the possible punishment, many people forget that they have also prayed for a better world, and want to pursue those interests that seem to be within reach no matter what immoral means they use."

"When bad things happen in this society, most people will only choose to maintain the fairness and justice that has been trampled upon when their own interests are violated."

Under the influence of various desires, many people live in contradictions—they say they want to be good people, but they never restrain their behavior with good requirements; Can't help inflicting the same pain on more people.

For example, his father who lost his mind because of money, Richard who formed a small religious organization in order to collect money and play with others, or Barbra who was willing to kill for love... Or kill criminals for ideals he himself.

But all of this is meaningless, Qin Qiu thought, if tomorrow we will face the end of death, if the world will be destroyed next, the desires accumulated by human beings will no longer exist, and even everything that can remember the existence of human beings will be lost. will not exist in the world.

He said softly: "In the end, human beings are constantly hurting others and obliterating reason for meaningless desires."

This is ridiculous.

Shen Lu closed his eyes helplessly, he could hear Qin Qiu's painful struggle, but he could only bite his lower lip: "You...don't think so."

Qin Qiu smiled and asked back: "It is my genes and experiences that have shaped the thoughts I have now, and these things have created the 'Qin Qiu' you know. You told me not to think like this, because you want to make my existence itself completely Deny it?"

"No," Shen Lu anxiously denied, "I never thought of denying your existence!"

"You look good, you're smart, you cook delicious food, you're a novelist, and you can give me advice when I have problems at work," he said uncomfortably, listing all the advantages of a man, "You have a good personality, too. I have lived with you for more than a year and you have never been angry with me, and you have taken the initiative to take care of the hygiene of the house... Anyway, I think you are very good in my heart, and I never feel that your existence is unnecessary! "

"Is that so?" Qin Qiu sighed inaudibly, "Even if I have already killed many people?"

Shen Lu fell silent when he heard the words.

"Don't keep talking, Sean," the man pressed the gun against his temple, his tone still gentle, "I just want an answer."

At this moment, Shen Lu suddenly had an illusion, as if this man had put the decision of life and death in his hands, even if he let this man die now, the other party would immediately pull the trigger without hesitation.

too heavy.

Shen Lu couldn't help covering his face helplessly in his heart and howling, why does this man always like to throw such heavy questions to him? !

His brain was spinning rapidly, and at the same time he was nervously staring at the man's hand holding the gun, only then did he notice a sudden bruise on the back of the man's white hand, and part of the skin on the bruise was stained red with blood, so At first glance, this man probably hurried over after hearing the news that he had been kidnapped.

So... Is it possible that this person secretly placed a position on himself again?

Thinking of this, Shen Lu was angry and helpless for a moment, he pinched the flesh on his chin exhaustedly, and after a long time sighed, he finally mustered up the courage to face the man's blue eyes.

"It's wrong to kill someone," he repeatedly suppressed his restless heart, and answered the man in a calm tone, "It's impossible for me to change my opinion."

Qin Qiu hooked the corners of his lips, and slightly moved the index finger of his right hand holding the gun——

"I know that you may have killed many people, but even now, I still think that you who attempted suicide are not hopeless." Shen Lu approached Qin Qiu slowly with firm steps, "I don't know you Why did you kill them, obviously you didn't feel the perverted pleasure from killing them, did you? And perverted murderers don't think about how to make society better, so I guess, what prompted you to kill them wasn't Perverted desire/desire can only be a certain idea, a certain persistence in your heart."

Shen Lu has already realized that this man is forcing him with death.

But he still resolutely stepped into such an obvious trap, because he had already been caught by the opponent.

Yes, he didn't want Qin Qiu to die like this.

And in this tug-of-war, whoever softens first is the absolute loser.

"Since this is the case, I deduce that you can kill people so decisively. One of the reasons is to save me, but the more important reason is that killing them can achieve your purpose... In this way, it is simple, because the world There is never just one way to do everything.”

"Are you willing to give me a little trust? What you want to do cannot be achieved only by killing people." After a few seconds, he stood still in front of the man, his left hand gently covering the back of the other's right hand, "There is no need to kill people, I I will also work hard to help you realize your wishes, even if it is a goal of the level of 'making the world a better place', it is fine, I want to realize it together with you."

"So don't deny your existence. Look, even if you are like this, you can make the world a better place with me." Shen Lu saw the reflection of his gentle smile from the man's astonished eyes, "Say Come back, maybe this is the meaning of our existence."

"There was also that time with Barbra today. Although I don't want to admit it, you came here because of me, so theoretically I am also responsible for their death." Shen Lu sighed again, "I don't want to say coldly that they kidnapped you." If the agent is killed, the agent is legally qualified to kill him for self-protection, if he is seriously investigated, if someone dies unfortunately, none of the people present will be innocent."

"I said last time that if death is the responsibility I have to bear, then I will not escape death," Shen Lu paused slightly, "but there is a better way to bear this responsibility, so I want to say, In order to shoulder this responsibility, let us live together."

"I will keep chanting 'murder crime' in your ears, if you can't listen to it, I will put you in jail, and ask someone to bring you an MP4, and there will be a sentence I recorded 'murder crime' in it for you to play on loop, "Shen Lu said in a serious tone, "Whenever you promise not to kill anyone again, I will release you from the prison, change your mind and start a new life."

So Qin Qiu finally couldn't help laughing lowly.

"No." Shen Lu's ears turned red, and he suddenly felt deeply offended, "Why are you laughing! I'm serious!"

"Well, I understand," Qin Qiu replied with a submissive smile, "You are serious."

He gently broke away his right hand from Shen Lu's palm, and under Shen Lu's attention, he placed his hand/gun neatly on the dissection table that was originally used to bind Natalia Carton, and then he fell forward as if he had suddenly unloaded a heavy burden. On Shen Lu's body, and hugged him tightly.

The man's sudden movement knocked Shen Lu staggeringly, he let out a low cry of pain, and was struggling to push him away, but suddenly felt the scorching heat from his neck.

He hesitated for a moment, then reached out and touched the man's forehead: "Why are you still having a fever?"

"Well, the fever hasn't gone away yet," Qin Qiu replied nonchalantly, then recalled Shen Lu saying that he hoped they would live together, and added, "Don't worry, wait for the people from the investigation bureau to rescue you to arrive. Finally, they will send me to the hospital for treatment before interrogating me."

After a pause, the man said in a warm and confident voice, "After all, this is a human right written into the criminal law."

"..." Shen Lu subtly felt a little angry when he thought that the criminal law still thoughtfully protected the human rights of such people.

But when the man interrupted him, he finally remembered that when the colleagues from the investigation bureau arrived, Qin Qiu would be arrested and put in jail for trial.

Shen Lu lowered his eyes slightly: "Speaking of which, Natalia Carton is still out in a coma, right? You release me, I'll bring her in, it should be safer."

Qin Qiu relaxed the strength of his arm according to the words, changed his posture and leaned against the wall of the caravan: "So you believe that I didn't kill her too?"

Shen Lu's figure walking outside the car paused: "Don't test me anymore, I believe you won't hurt innocent people."

After the person who disturbed his mind completely left the caravan, Qin Qiu looked down at his hand that had killed someone, and murmured inexplicably, "Won't you hurt innocent people...?"

"Sean," he whispered the young man's name fondly, "You are really too cunning."

His mother was right. Although it took a long time to wait, such a wonderful person came to him and decided to save him.

Although he may have long since lost the ability to love someone the right way...

But he thought, no matter what happened next, he didn't intend to let go of Shen Lu who stretched out his hand to him.