bad derailment

It wasn't until the next morning that I was woken up by a cold shiver, and I realized that I had slept on the sofa all night.

After a long time, I belatedly thought that night, did Chen Feng wait until the early hours of the morning like now before he caught a cold and had a fever?

Everything seems to be explained.

He didn't say anything, and I foolishly didn't think about anything.He is used to dullness, he never speaks good words, and he doesn't talk about what he has done for me every day, but he doesn't say anything, but secretly gives everything, as if he gave his share to himself. Good was forced upon me.

My heart was swollen, and my whole body seemed to be sinking in impenetrable muddy water. The love from Feng Chen pulled me down desperately. I wanted to escape, but I couldn't bear to cut him off completely. I could only be entangled more and more. The tighter and tighter they became, until they sank into the bottom of the water together, and it was no longer possible to tell whether their feelings for him had become a habit or they really liked him.

Life without Chen Feng's participation, I thought it would be easy and free, no need to face his sensitive questioning, and hide the truth for his feelings.But when this day came, I found that the facts were completely contrary to my imagination. On the first day of work, I made two mistakes because of being absent-minded. Brother Feng called me into the office and asked me if I didn’t have a good rest last night. I was silent. After a while, he flashed his eyes and said yes.

That night, Chen Feng still didn't come back.

I tossed and turned in bed, checked WeChat and bank cards every few minutes, and there was no new text message I received.He has no money and is alone... No, he should have money now, although I still don't know the exact source of that deposit, but as long as he didn't do anything bad, I don't intend to pursue it go down.

Compared with what I have done, his concealment is almost negligible. How can I have the right to let him treat me in every detail?

But this kind of flustered feeling of completely losing contact with Chen Feng made me feel like I was stepping on a cloud. I wanted to grab something with all my strength, but I could only catch the cold and damp air.

After all, I still couldn't resist my worry, and sent Chen Feng a text message. The message disappeared like a sea, and I didn't get a reply until the next afternoon.

Looking at the densely packed computer interface, the handwriting seemed to be drifting away and reorganized and drifting out of space. I really couldn't work in this state, so I could only entrust Zhao Quan to complete the rest of the content. As soon as I stepped out of the company, I pressed Chen Feng. number.

Once, twice... No answer until sunset.I couldn't count how many calls this was to Chen Feng. After the speakerphone rang for nearly ten times, it was finally answered.

I suppressed my tiredness and surprise, and hurriedly asked, "Chen Feng, where are you?"

The other end is full of loud noises, and the sound of indistinct music can be vaguely heard.I hesitated and shouted twice before I heard the rough voice of a middle-aged man, which did not belong to Chen Feng.

"Are you a friend of this account owner?" the other party asked.

"I am, where is he now? What happened?"

The middle-aged man said in an unconvincing tone, "Yes, that's fine. He's drunk now and vomited up my car. Come quickly and pick him up, or I'll just throw him at the door of the bar."

In the interval between speaking, I could still hear a few unbearable low moans beside me, repeating something non-stop, like Chen Feng's voice.

I quickly responded: "Okay, I'll come right over, can you tell me the address and license plate number?"

The man reported a series of numbers and the address of the bar, and his attitude was finally less aggressive than before.I hung up the phone, changed my shoes while searching for the navigation, and went out. The pressure that had been on my heart for two days seemed to finally find a vent, and I relaxed.

Rather than keeping everything in my heart, I would rather Chen Feng get drunk in a bar.Forget all the content of the quarrel that day, forget all the lies and unhappiness, and wake up to return to the old life again. This is the humble expectation in my heart.

Years later, the temperature showed no signs of recovery, so I took a coat and rushed to the bar called Yidu. The taxi driver, who was the middle-aged man on the phone just now, handed Chen Feng, who was drowsy and drunk, to me. I hurried to take people home.

I also didn't care about Chen Feng's restless movements and intermittent moaning while pressing on my body. After apologizing and paying for the car wash, the driver drove off in the car.

There were quite a few young men and women gathered at the door of the bar, some were drunk and some were soberly flirting, I helped Chen Feng put his coat on him with great effort, leaned his back against the wall by the door of the bar, Got a moment to breathe.

"Chen Feng, Chen Feng?"

I shook his face and got no response.His cheeks were red from the alcohol, his eyes were half-closed and he couldn't listen to anything, but he still knew that he was holding my wrist tightly.I tried to take his arm off my body, but in the next second, it was tightly wrapped around me, like a magnet, and I couldn't get it off.

I could only let him hug me, and tentatively asked: "Chen Feng, do you know who I am?"

I thought he was so drunk that he couldn't hear anything clearly, but after half a beat, he pressed against my ear and uttered a few hot words: "Xiao Yao...it's Xiao Yao."

His throat was hoarse from the alcohol, and he whispered softly against his ear.I didn't react for a while, and after a while I asked bluntly: "How do you know it's me?"

But this time he didn't answer any more, he just hugged my body tightly, closed his eyes wearily and breathed weakly.If it wasn't for the fact that he couldn't hold my hands apart, I would definitely believe that Chen Feng fell asleep standing up.

When he is drunk, he doesn't go crazy with alcohol. Most of the time, he just keeps silent like this, and becomes extremely dependent on my existence.With the help of the flashing neon lights outside the bar, I finally saw Chen Feng's face clearly, under the influence of alcohol, there was an unconcealable depression, and there was a faint bruise under his eyes.I frowned unconsciously, rubbed his hair, and slowly lowered my palm to pinch his hot cheek. I heard Chen Feng utter a few vague syllables from his throat, but I didn't break free for a long time.

"Are you still angry?"

"..."

I looked at him complicatedly, lowered my eyes and said in a low voice: "I was impulsive that day, I'm sorry, Chen Feng, but you have to understand that the relationship between us was not pure from the beginning."

"Xiao Yao..."

Chen Feng unconsciously kept calling my name. He probably didn't know that the person he was speaking of was standing in front of him right now, saying one after another heartless and hurtful words.

It is only when I am not being noticed that I dare to speak the truth that has been hidden in my heart and has never been spoken.

"I have always wondered what you like about me. You always say that it's only three things. I have rejected you more than three times. Why do you always rush to me every time? Do you really like to be loved by me?" The taste of rejection? Or as you said yourself, you are just being cheap. "

I almost said these words in the worst tone, but it was strange that the relief I imagined did not come, but my chest felt uncomfortable, and even breathing involved bursts of pain.

"Who do you like? It doesn't matter if you like Gu Mingsheng, at least he won't pretend like I do." I almost joked to myself, and slowly loosened Chen Feng's hand, whispering, " When will you really leave me?"

"Xiao Yao..."

Chen Feng lowered his head, leaned closer and kissed my cheek urgently and carefully, from forehead to earlobe, flattering and pitiful.He held my face in his arms, sweeping over every inch of skin with disordered breathing, I raised my hand to grab his cuff, but I just grabbed it like this and didn't push it away.

"I was wrong, you don't leave me, okay?"

He seemed to have finally found a way to speak again, intermittently jumping out word by word hoarsely.

"You promised that you will never leave me. I will never lose my temper with you again. Don't want me, Xiao Yao, don't want me."

He kept repeating those words with red eyes, like an abandoned pet instinctively seeking the protection and love of its owner.He sees me as many roles, a lover who can accommodate everything, and provides a haven for daily life. His world is getting smaller and smaller. After several years of self-isolation, he finally chose to leave me alone.

Maybe from his point of view, he did nothing wrong, he just loves me in his own way.But Chen Feng never asked me if I wanted to bear these things, to be everything to him, the 'love' to him is also a burden to me.

Distraught, I held down his shoulders, forcibly opened the distance between me and Chen Feng, and wanted to say something, but my mind went blank, and finally I only whispered: "... Come home, you're too drunk."

He looked at me wetly, didn't say anything, and didn't continue his previous behavior, as if he was drunk, but he was no different from when he was sober.I turned on the phone and forced myself to shake off the messy thoughts in my mind. Perhaps the best way at this moment is to calm down first.

But all accidents will not happen after being prepared, just like the encounter I had, and the male voice that burst into my ear at this moment.

I held my phone and froze in place.

"Lin Yao, is that you?"

The neon lights flicker under the night, enveloping the secret madness and secrets of the night.I turned around and looked towards the end of the flickering lights, outlining a thin and tall human figure. The familiar shirt and figure were the best proof for confirming the person.

"...Jiang Qiushi?"