[Yu Huang] The Pontoon Bridge of Dreams

Zhang Jiale locked his newly bought bicycle downstairs in the office building, and after hearing a "click", he went to pull it uncomfortably, and when he saw that it was really locked, he turned and went into the building.It's not that he cared too much about the car, it's just that if he lost the car again, his record of one car a semester would be broken.

Of course, it’s not a big deal to lose a car in college. If you lose two wheels, you still have two legs.And the students who are always a little bit bored made up some jokes. If you haven’t lost your car, you can’t go to college. He didn't go to the study room all night to read and stay up all night, so he didn't count as going to college—this made Zhang Jiale feel very puzzled, but he also felt a little emotional. If it wasn't for the car he lost in those years, he would have read it now If you are a graduate student, you may be said to have not attended a university.

Speaking of the all-night study room, last week he met Huang Shaotian when he passed by the first floor where the all-night study room was open. This encounter made him feel very shocked. First of all, they hadn't seen each other for a long time. Outside the all-night study room, the painting style doesn't suit the two of them.But no one said that outside the all-night study room, it must be to read and study. This is no longer a few steps forward, is the first cafeteria? Zhang Jiale feels that based on his understanding of this stuff, his destination must be The cafeteria ahead, not the self-study room that has been filled with a strong academic and bitter temperament for thousands of years.

But what disappointed him was that his guess was wrong. Huang Shaotian really just went to read the books. Their promotion exams this year were cumbersome and troublesome. There were a lot of books listed. He really planned to read them all night. of.

No wonder I haven't seen him for a long time recently, so I'm busy with reading and taking exams.Zhang Jiale thought about it at the time, but he felt that Huang Shaotian would be fine even if he had to take the written test, and he seemed to be serious and caring, so he simply thought about what kind of meal he would give him after he succeeded in the graduate school. .

Thinking of this, he took the form to be handed in today and went upstairs. The academic office buildings for undergraduates and graduate students are on the same floor, and the bulletin board is right in front of the stairs.He thought that after a few days he could ask Huang Shaotian to come to their dormitory, and we would secretly cook a hot pot behind the dormitory steward's back. After the rice cooker was confiscated last semester, his roommate brought a pot back from home during the summer vacation. The power is not too high. Gao won't trip the electricity in the dormitory, and the weather is cold now, so it's perfect.

He had already followed his train of thought and began to think about what ingredients to buy, who to call, etc., but he saw a new notice on the bulletin board. He glanced at it, muttering to himself that the school's efficiency this time is so fast, it's too unscientific.

He glanced but didn't see Huang Shaotian, he was stunned, thinking that he might have misread.

So he moved closer and looked at it carefully again - still not there, violin is a major major with fierce competition every year, but the number of places is always fixed at only three.The rest of the candidates who were not selected will either be passed directly or may be transferred to other relatively marginal majors, so Zhang Jiale looked down in disbelief, and a list of transfer majors was attached below, and then he Huang Shaotian's name was seen there.

Zhang Jiale couldn't believe his eyes, Huang Shaotian was transferred?Are you kidding him?He went back to look carefully at the list of minor majors. He was also familiar with the first two names. They were students with top grades in cultural subjects in their majors. It was no surprise that they would be selected. For the sake of his soulmate Bach and his curly-haired old man, who is that?

Not caring about standing here in shock anymore, he took the form and ran towards their tutor's office in three steps at a time. If Huang Shaotian saw that speed, he would definitely be surprised, because he had never seen Zhang Jiale so active before. .

And when he was standing at the door of Huang Shaotian's dormitory, he was a little bit tangled up, thinking all the way but couldn't figure out what to say, did he know the result?Zhang Jiale fanned the wind with the newly obtained file bag in his hand in disgust. No one would be happy about this kind of thing. Although he knew that Huang Shaotian didn't value this person so much, he did do it for this quota. After putting in a lot of hard work, what he deserves is definitely not such a perfunctory transfer quota.

But in many cases, hard work will not pay off. Zhang Jiale naturally understands this truth, and he also knows that Huang Shaotian must also understand it. It's just one thing to understand it, but it's another thing to actually realize it.

When he was about to knock on the door, the door opened from the inside, and Huang Shaotian met him face to face. He was carrying the piano on his shoulders, as if he was about to go out to practice, and the people from their dormitory behind him were also there. Huang Shaotian saw He froze for a moment, and said first, "Why are you here? Don't you need to help your tutor write lesson plans today?"

"No need, writing lesson plans was a matter of last semester. Now—oh no, who told you this." Zhang Jiale stopped talking, stretched out his hand and pushed him back into the dormitory, closing the door, and said sternly, " Do you know the results of your insurance research?"

"Understood, I received the notification yesterday." Huang Shaotian replied calmly, and picked up his phone to find him an email, "What's the matter with you all, one or two are asking me this, what's the big deal?" Son."

The corners of Zhang Jiale's mouth twitched, and he asked patiently, "What the hell are you—"

"I know, why don't you know." Seeing his expression, Huang Shaotian simply put the piano box beside him, pulled up a stool and sat down by himself. He looked up at Zhang Jiale, and his roommates. With the same expression, he laughed, "Isn't it that a person with poor grades usually got that quota, and I was transferred? I can guess what's going on from the result. You don't need to tell me again Well, maybe I didn't even have a transfer quota, so I was directly brushed off? I guess it must be because of Lao Wei's face that he gave me a transfer quota, so I'm not sure."

The corners of Zhang Jiale's mouth twitched again, the gossip he heard from the teacher just now was indeed true, because the quota is fixed, so if you want to add another person, you can only get the original person down, and Huang Shaotian happens to be the one who doesn't Lucky No.3, so he was replaced, but everyone in the school basically knew that Huang Shaotian was a student brought out by Wei Chen before and had a good relationship. As long as there is a transfer, it doesn't count as a loss of insurance, but it's just a change of major, and it doesn't look too bad in face.

Huang Shaotian saw that Zhang Jiale's expression was really too tangled, so he explained: "Because I didn't see him at all when I was taking the major test. When I saw the final list, I guessed what was going on."

He spoke very calmly, as if he was saying that his homework this week was two easy-to-do etudes, even the smile on the corner of his mouth was the same as usual, but it was this kind of calmness that made Zhang Jiale feel strange Coordination, like a semitone popping out of a harmonious diatonic scale, is harsh.He thought that he would be angry and feel unfair. He even thought on the way here that if Huang Shaotian felt it was unfair and wanted to go to the teacher to question him, how could he help him? None of the consolation and rhetoric he had prepared could be used.

"Young Master Huang, did you miss the point? Let me tell you, this is not the time to show off how you reasoned out this result. It should be yours." Song Xiao frowned and stared at him, " Are you not going to ask and just forget about it?"

"Yeah, we can go with you if you want to ask, it's obviously cheating."

"And you have spent so much time reading the book before, you can't—"

"Hey, that's fine, it's all right, I'll ask you in the afternoon if you want to ask, what are you messing around with. Maybe it's because I didn't do well in the written test. I just read it for a few days before the test, and I didn't answer well. Well, it's not impossible, or..."

He wanted to say that maybe his professional test scores were not high?But he couldn't say this anyway—he didn't believe it himself, so how could he use it to comfort these friends who were upset and anxious for him.

But he just stopped for a moment, and grinned again: "Alright, don't worry about it, what a big deal. I went to the piano room. I haven't practiced this week's homework, so don't forget it."

Then he stood up and walked out, only Zhang Jiale and the other three looked at each other, the door opened and closed, and then opened again, Huang Shaotian folded back and picked up the piano case leaning against the wall, "Haha forgot to take the piano Already, Zhang Jiale, are you going to leave? If not, will you stay in our dormitory and do sanitation with them?"

"Whoever cleans for you thinks well." Zhang Jiale responded casually, greeted the others, and followed him out.

But he didn't have a chance to say anything else along the way. Huang Shaotian complained to him about the jerk life of his senior year, the amount of practice that the teacher didn't reduce at all, the more and more annoying etudes and arpeggios, and the recent rise of the strings. After paying for the new set of strings he changed last time, there is no tension anymore... After a lot of miscellaneous talk, when they reached the fork, Zhang Jiale wanted to go to the other side, and Huang Shaotian wanted to go straight to the piano room building.

Huang Shaotian said goodbye to him directly, Zhang Jiale looked at his back, sighed and finally said nothing.

This road is a very beautiful view of their school. It is a straight avenue with two rows of ginkgo trees neatly planted on both sides. Every autumn, those golden leaves against the high blue sky in autumn will be particularly beautiful.Usually, before the first autumn rain falls, those leaves fall layer upon layer, stepping on a thick layer under their feet, and there will always be many students who will take pictures here to commemorate, but Huang Shaotian has never taken a photo before. nor.

When I was a freshman, I always thought that I could stay in school for a long time, and I would have many chances to see those scenery, but when I was in school, I always thought about seeing the wider and wonderful world outside, usually I have to wait until It is only when I am about to graduate that I realize that there will be a day when I will never see these familiar scenery again.

He would pass by this place when he went to the study room before. At that time, the leaves were not yet yellow. He looked at this road and thought, if he was admitted to graduate school, he would still have a long time to stay in school, so he might as well wait until he graduates from graduate school. , It’s not too late to take pictures again.

But looking at this road now, he felt a little inexplicably depressed. He did get a place, and he could indeed continue to stay in the school.But for him, this was not at all what he had expected.

And he really didn't have the simple ideal that as long as he worked hard, he would definitely get good results, so he could accept all this calmly. He didn't want to ask why the teacher was dismissed and how he was transferred, because he knew that What's the matter.But after a while, he still wanted to remember to call Lao Wei to let him not worry about himself, so that he didn't have to do this thing for him again.

Thinking of Old Wei, he was a little depressed again, wondering if he would be a little disappointed in himself this time, this was what he couldn't bear the most.

But this time, the final result, and seventy percent of the reasons are not his fault.

Wu Zi smiled, he was surprised by his own calmness, but in the depths of those superficial calms, there is always a loss that cannot be expressed and cannot be shared with others.

He thought, maybe the real pain is that there is really no way to express it and share it with others.Probably, I can only let the darkness and pain that are entangled like vines deep in my heart rot in that corner forever.It may depend on the severity. If it doesn’t get better after a few days, then it will be a few weeks, a few months, or a few years if it doesn’t work. After a long time, there will always be a time when you don’t care.

So he didn't look up at the vast and lofty sky, but went straight into the piano room building.The lights in the hall were not turned on, and the darkness enveloped him silently. When his footsteps were far away, the silence returned.

When Yu Wenzhou heard the news, he was going to find Huang Shaotian, because last time he left two of his music scores at his place, and only after sending a text message did he find out that there were repertoires he was going to practice this week. Give him back the sheet music.

Zhang Xinjie never said anything he wasn't sure about, and he didn't like to comment on other people behind his back, but he really didn't look down on such things at all. The returned document was thrown on the table, as if he didn't want to touch it for a second.

Yu Wenzhou picked up the file and took a look at it, and then dug out Huang Shaotian's school schedule that was reproduced last time from his phone. In order to facilitate contact with them, they exchanged schedules. He glanced at it, and he didn't have class in the afternoon.

He hesitated whether to send a text message to ask, but after thinking about it, he decided not to.He picked up the two music books and went out as planned.

"Do you want to go out?" Zhang Xinjie asked him.

"Yeah." Yu Wenzhou nodded, "Go..."

He didn't finish that sentence, he didn't know where Huang Shaotian would be at this time, but he still insisted on going out to have a look.In the end, he still didn't say anything, said goodbye to Zhang Xinjie, closed the door and left.

He finally came to the piano room building. He changed the key, but did not go to his own classroom.He thought that if it was him, when he was in a bad mood, this might be the place he wanted to come the most.Some people may have said before that it is easy for musicians to express their emotions. They can express their deepest feelings through notes, but Yu Wenzhou thinks that for them, when life is simplified to only notes, What else could they do besides this.

He walked from the piano room on the first floor one by one. At this time, there were not many people practicing, and many classrooms were locked, and the classrooms used by people inside, he walked in and listened. To know if the person inside is Huang Shaotian.

Needless to say the different musical instruments, even if the sound of the violin is all there, he can know whether the person in it is him.

That was the most realistic and wonderful piano sound he had ever heard. Every time the bow slid across the strings, he could feel from the resonance of the speaker at that time that he was a person of this art, this kind of music. The simplest respect and love for musical instruments, those notes filled with the player's surging love and vitality, he can distinguish at any time and on any occasion.

But they didn't.

He's not in any piano room.

Yu Wenzhou stood at the top of the stairs, frowning slightly.

In fact, if he wanted to find Huang Shaotian, he could just make a phone call and ask him where he was. The Huang Shaotian he knew was not the kind of person who would turn off his phone and disappear in such a setback, making others worry.He even had a premonition that if he called, Huang Shaotian might still invite him to practice together if he was in the piano room, or if he didn't mention it, Huang Shaotian might not even complain to him.Or maybe Huang Shaotian would go to the other extreme, he would take this incident as a joke, no matter how funny it was, he would have a good laugh before giving up.

He could think of so many things that Huang Shaotian could and wouldn't do, but he couldn't find him.

It was already autumn, but his palms were covered with sweat, and the irritability and anxiety in his heart came without a clue, as if he had suddenly lost all sense of pitch, unable to find the subtly dissonant scale in a melody Same irritability.He couldn't sort it out for a while.

But at this time he heard the sound of the piano, a four-note chord with a strong sound. He was stunned for a moment and then looked up. The top floor of the piano room building is a rooftop, but usually no one would go up, but now the sound is indeed When it came from there, Yu Wenzhou didn't lose his mind, and went straight up.

There was only a short flight of narrow stairs, and there was an iron door at the end of the stairs, which was now ajar.He stood there without going any further, because he had already seen Huang Shaotian.

There were some unused sundries piled up on the empty roof, Huang Shaotian sat carelessly on a glove box with his back to him, the piano case was beside him, and he was playing a tune that Yu Wenzhou was very familiar with.

Just now downstairs, Yu Wenzhou recognized that chord as soon as it sounded.During the short time he came up, the performance continued.After passing the initial note of the strong note and the long and continuous melody expressed by slurred semitones, at this time Huang Shaotian played a series of triplets with the whole bow, and the bow disappeared without a trace. You can switch between the string and the A string freely, the sound is still agile and precise, but it has an indescribably shrill sound.

It was one of his favorite violin pieces, and he knew that Huang Shaotian liked it very much. His idol Heifetz once had a very wonderful version. Huang Shaotian told him that he had listened to that version since he was a child. It has been played countless times, but it is also a tune that he has never learned well.

That's Chaconne, Vitaly's Chaconne in G minor.

If there is an accompaniment at this time, Huang Shaotian's piano sound should be accompanied by the soundtrack of the thick and solemn wind group, but there is no.The rooftop is high and empty, with only the bleak autumn wind blowing past.

So the originally sad melody was swept up in the air like this, and the wind blew towards him head-on, already carrying some coldness that forewarned the coming of the cold, the cold air and notes swept towards Yu Wenzhou like this, he stood There, for a while, I felt that my eyes were extremely sour.

He also asked Huang Shaotian before why he didn't see him play this piece. A long sound is like a weeping melody.

Huang Shaotian's answer at the time was that of course he could play this piece well, he had no technical problems at all, but he felt that his playing was not good, he said that he couldn't express the kind of music that was hidden behind the seemingly cold melody, A very passionate expression of emotion.At that time, Huang Shaotian was sitting on the piano bench, holding his piano in his arms, with a look of envy but a little satisfaction on his face. He said: "Critics always say that Hailao's version of Chakong is a cover-up with his own skills. The original emotion of the track, but I don't think, of course, many of his other performances may have this problem, but this one is definitely not. When I first heard this piece by him, I heard I almost forgot to breathe those triplets, that kind of feeling that can make people concentrate so hard that I can’t breathe. When it came to the series of short sounds and tr in the back, I didn’t know why, but my eyes were sore, and I wanted to cry unconsciously.”

Huang Shaotian seemed a little embarrassed when he said that, he rubbed his nose and smiled at Yu Wenzhou, and continued: "I always thought that Hailao's performance was the magma hidden under the iceberg, which looked so cold. It's terrible, but as long as you really understand it, if you don't pay attention to the burning and terrible emotions in his music, it will make you cry every minute."

Yu Wenzhou looked at Huang Shaotian's back. At this moment, he couldn't remember what he answered at that time, but he remembered Huang Shaotian's last answer. They were sitting in the piano room as usual, and Huang Shaotian raised his face slightly at that time, his eyes With some longing in his heart, he said: "Perhaps my biggest wish is to be like him one day, and be able to move people who listen to the piano with that kind of performance."

Many people have their own dreams of learning the piano, some want to be on the most gorgeous and famous concert hall, some want to win the gold medal in the world's oldest competition, and some want their own Music is understood by the world, but some people just want his performance to touch people's hearts.

But at this time, Huang Shaotian was playing this piece of music that he once said he couldn't control by himself on this empty rooftop. The wind blew his hair into a mess, but his piano sound, his fingering, his The bow was not affected at all, and those precise notes poured out from under his fingers, like an invisible net, and people who were unknowingly entangled couldn't breathe.

He used to say that he couldn't express such cold but hot feelings, and Yu Wenzhou knew why, because he was always used to the high-intensity desire for control, and if he restrained too much, he couldn't control it freely.

But now, those long notes that seem to be weeping, the sharp high position of the E string, Huang Shaotian didn't even use any vibrato skills, but they seem to have life, with a little inexplicable resentment and The injustice came from the small resonance box.

It was the first time that Yu Wenzhou felt what Huang Shaotian said before, he obviously didn't know what was going on, but suddenly felt his eyes were sore, and he wanted to cry unconsciously.He could feel it, and it was the first time he felt it, the strong feeling of true feelings that can almost be described in the sound of Huang Shaotian's piano. Facing him directly, he tightly clenched the book in his hand with his fingers, and closed his eyes involuntarily.

The sound of the zither continued, changing from the fierce short note to Qi Ran's long note, the bleak autumn wind blew across his cheeks, Yu Wenzhou didn't take that step forward, he didn't want to disturb him at this time.I used to read books that all a violinist can do is to create one illusion after another for the audience.Yu Wenzhou thought, Huang Shaotian did it. This time, he felt the resentment and dissatisfaction in his heart that he might not be able to express, or in fact, those feelings were not any of the above. That was a deep disappointment. , to others, and to himself.

Yu Wenzhou had never felt that words were so powerless. He could hear the feeling in Huang Shaotian's piano, but he couldn't use any words to give him the same comfort.

The last infinitely extended double tone slowly dissipated in the empty wind sound. Huang Shaotian put down the piano, and his back, which had been straight because of playing just now, also relaxed. The wind was strong on the roof, and it stands to reason that he should not play the piano in such an environment. , not good for the piano.But for him, there is no better way than playing the violin, which is what he is best at in this world.

I played the triplet with the bow and the strings just now. Maybe it was because the emotions in my heart were too intense, and the strength in my hands was stronger than usual. A few were also broken, and he tore off the broken ones casually, folded them carefully, and held them in his hands. The rosin on them left white marks on his hands. He opened his hands to look again, and a gust of wind The blow came over, and the thing in his hand disappeared in the blink of an eye. He clenched his palm again, but he couldn't hold anything anymore.

So he lowered his head and laughed.

Yu Wenzhou's cell phone was turned to mute, and when it vibrated in his hand, he was startled. He watched Huang Shaotian put down the piano and didn't move for a long time. He was thinking whether to go there when he saw a call coming in.

It was Huang Shaotian.

He pressed answer, and then a familiar voice came over there, and he said, "Hi."

Yu Wenzhou couldn't help laughing, hi, hi, hi, hi.

"What are you doing now? Do you have time?" The person over there asked, "I remember you have no class in the afternoon..."

"If you have time, when did you come to find me? I don't have time?" Yu Wenzhou asked back.

Huang Shaotian laughed: "It's good if I have time, I want to talk to you for a while."

"Okay." Yu Wenzhou replied simply. He looked at Huang Shaotian's back and couldn't move forward or backward. Finally, he took two steps down the steps and sat down. "I'm listening."

There was such a short distance between the two of them, but they started talking on the phone back to back. Yu Wenzhou held the phone and felt that what he was doing was a little ridiculous, but he didn't know why, but he didn't want to bother Huang Shaotian at this moment. And he was able to call himself, which more or less dissipated the anxiety he had when he just came.

"Do you know? The results of this year's graduate school." Huang Shaotian asked, he took a few steps forward, and leaned on the railing of the roof. From here, he could see most of the campus and the scenery outside the school. In front is the playground. It seems that there is some kind of competition. A group of people gathered densely. Many trees in the school have turned yellow leaves. Maybe in a few days, the leaves will almost fall off.

"I see."

He heard Yu Wenzhou's answer, and then the phone was silent again. He wanted to talk to Yu Wenzhou. He knew that if it was him, he should be able to understand his feelings, but he didn't know how to express those words in words. , Thinking of this, he found it funny again, that one day he would feel at a loss for words.

But if he didn't say it, how would Yu Wenzhou know what he was thinking.He crossed his arms in frustration. It would be great if Yu Wenzhou could hear that song just now. After listening to that song, he might know what he was thinking.

"Shaotian." Yu Wenzhou said softly, he even wanted to see Huang Shaotian frowning in confusion and thinking about what to say, "You can say whatever you want, I'm fine all afternoon, how long do you want to say, what to say , I'm listening."

"I don't know what to say. I don't think there is anything to be sad about, and I don't feel sad. In fact, it's not a big deal. If I can't guarantee the graduate school, I can take the exam by myself. Even if I don't take the exam, I have other choices... ...But I just feel... feel very..."

"Are you disappointed?" Yu Wenzhou said.

Huang Shaotian was taken aback for a moment, and then replied: "Ah, yes."

"I feel very disappointed."

He looked at the figures coming and going in the distance downstairs, and sighed while resting his arms on his pillow.

"Wenzhou, you also learned the piano since you were a child, and you must know...the experiences of learning the piano when you were young, sad and unhappy, are far more than happy memories. And even if you experience those experiences again now, I still find it hard and painful.”

Nothing in this world is easy. If you want to get as much reward as you want, you have to put in more effort. He understood this truth very early on when he was playing the piano in elementary school.But it is one thing to understand. If you really stay at home for several hours a day and practice uninterruptedly since childhood, rebellion and boredom are always inevitable.

"But every time I think about it, I still can't help but feel that those memories are very precious. Whether it's those who were beaten and scolded before, or those who received awards on stage and were praised, I think it's worth it now. At that time, I was young. , the teacher asked if I want to be a violinist in the future, I answered very loudly, I said that I want to be a great violinist like Paganini, I want to perform in the Golden Hall, I want to make a lot of records, and I want to Let the whole world hear my piano..."

Speaking of this, Huang Shaotian laughed, and Yu Wenzhou also laughed.Who didn't have so many naive and simple ideals when he was young, he didn't know how big the world is, and he didn't know the heights of the sky and the depth of the earth.I really thought that I would get the stars when I went to a high place, and that there was the most brilliant rainbow at the end of the horizon.I thought that as long as I worked hard and kept moving forward, no matter what dream I had, I could realize it.Thinking that the world is like the four strings on the bridge, always straight, never twisted and wrong.

And at that time, no one will know that the world is not what they see.Children will grow up, mature, and experience many unexpected setbacks and tribulations. Maybe after they have experienced these, they will forget the dream they had when they were children at the beginning. They don't remember that they want to become a The dream of great big shots, they only feel that it is not easy for people to live such a simple matter.

But some people, some dreams, they will never forget them all their lives.

"Sometimes I was scolded for not practicing well, and I felt that I was too useless and very unhappy. I wanted to vent my anger with the piano in my hand, saying why you didn't cooperate with me so much, and why the voice on the CD was so nice... Sometimes I can’t wait to drop it so that all the unhappiness will disappear together...but in the end I still can’t bear it.”

"Although it made me very painful and entangled sometimes, even though I didn't know what the future would be like at that time, I thought it also gave me a lot of happy experiences. When I was able to pull out a complete song for the first time , the first time I learned to jump the bow, the first time there was a plucked part in the song... I also remember those things very clearly. There is no way to get it. This feeling is unique and will never be there again."

Huang Shaotian went to look at his violin while talking, he remembered his first violin when he was practicing, a 1/4 violin, such a small one, and he was only five or six years old at that time.A few years ago when I was packing up my things, I found some water stains on the side of the chin rest, which could not be wiped off after a long time, probably because I was scolded and cried during the practice, and I practiced while crying.It seems really embarrassing now, so he never told anyone about it, but these memories are unique to him, those tears and smiles are equally precious and real.

"So every time I go to an exam or a competition, I think, this is almost the thing I am best at living in this world. I like to play the violin, and I am good at it. So what is there to be nervous about? So The more times I think about it, the less nervous I will be... But as I sit here this afternoon, I wonder if what I thought before was not right. What I have paid to become a good performer Hard work, other people may have put in effort, maybe they worked harder than me, but my luck was good before, but this time luck was not on my side... But Zhang Jiale later told me that was not the case Well, it wasn't because I didn't work hard enough that I was brushed off, it was because of the reason that I have always looked down upon and despised... I suddenly, suddenly didn't know what to say."

"Everything I did before, I wanted to practice this song well, I wanted to be the first in the exam, and I wanted to enter the best music academy. Every time, as long as I worked hard, the final result was acceptable. In the end, I didn’t win the gold medal in the competition, and I didn’t get the first place in the exam. I also felt that I had done everything I could, so I didn’t feel unhappy or regretful at all... This time I thought the same. Exam I thought before, I went to the all-night self-study room for this stupid exam, so even if I fail the exam in the end, there is nothing to regret, and there are not no people in the class who are better than me, so there is nothing to complain about."

Of course he can accept failure, no matter how tragic the failure is.But not in such a way.

These words were finally able to be uttered completely and fluently, and he seemed to feel a lot better: "So I didn't feel too sad, but very disappointed...Maybe I was a little disappointed with myself, but also with others."

Of course Yu Wenzhou understands his disappointment. He has always been [-]% dedicated and serious to the violin and music. No matter the result is good or bad, he deserves a fair result.

But he didn't.

He was about to answer, but found that there was a busy tone on the phone, and the ears of the phone were hot. He took it off and looked, the phone hung up, and he didn't know