come close to me hold me

Jiang Yien looked at the face that made her think about it day and night, heard the gentle voice that echoed countless times in her dreams, and her heartbeat warmed up a little bit.

In the past two and a half years, she has become more and more confident about her career future, and has also found some value in life, met many people of all kinds, and heard many touching stories.But in the slow-paced life, there is no An Xun, and what occupies a large area is still endless loneliness.

In countless sleepless nights, she can only chase after the lingering sound sent by her lover by chance, sometimes joyful, more sad.Her first love seems to become more and more ethereal with the passing of the sun and the moon.

As early as June, she booked a flight ticket back to China and refunded the rent.Unexpectedly, the day before departure, she had just completed the nucleic acid test when she received a message that the flight was cancelled.She was almost going to sleep on the street, but fortunately, after the landlord found out about the situation, he turned away all new clients and specially drew up a new short-term renewal contract for her.

At the end of the year, she finally returned to China, and was quarantined at the Capital Airport for half a month, because it was too rough before, and she didn't dare to tell An Xun the moment she didn't land in Qinghuan City.

As soon as she got out of the terminal building today, she saw the thin and deserted figure getting off the taxi from a distance, recognized it as An Xun at a glance, and chased after him dragging two big suitcases.

She was afraid that she would pass by her lover when she finally came back.

Hearing that An Xun said that she was going to find her, she let go of a flustered and uncertain heart. She suddenly felt that there might not be so many accidents in this world. Even if she really couldn't hold on and give up, her lover would still be far away. Cross the ocean, come to her, and take her home.

Because they are traveling in both directions, their reunion after a long absence is inevitable.

Excitement and consolation were already welling up in my chest, and I was holding back my tears because I was afraid that I would appear too naive and make the separation of more than two years a waste of time.

On the plane, she dressed up meticulously, just to express to An Xun:

It’s not because I’m having a bad time that I come back to you, it’s because I’ve seen so many splendors and so many temptations in the great world, but I still can’t forget you.

So, she said, "I'm fine."

The cloud is calm and calm, the countless nights of crying in the cabinet, the blood, tears and sweat left in the free fighting club, the boring scientific research process, the professor's discrimination, the daily life of being so tight that you can't lift the lid, the piercing longing... Take it all in one go.

She didn't ask An Xun if she was doing well. Her thinner body and those cold and gloomy eyes had already told her everything.

An Xun was stunned for a moment, she thought that Jiang Yien would throw himself into her arms like before, complaining about all the patience and repression in the past two and a half years, coquettishly saying that I really can't do without you.But the girl's calm tone, as if so many epic pursuits and waiting in their love story, are not worth mentioning.

In the heart, a dam was erected in an instant, blocking thousands of words.

On the eve of the breakup, the girl said: "I will work hard to make myself not love you so much."

Come to think of it, it was done.

She should be happy for the girl, but her heart fell to the bottom of the valley, and the flame that was finally ignited was also at this moment, cold and silent.Holding the trolley of the suitcase awkwardly, pinching and rolling the passport in his hand, thinking of his soft tone just now as coaxing a child, he just felt absurd and ridiculous.

She knew that she had caused all this with her own hands, and she deserved to die.Even if the girl brought her new love back today, she has no right to complain.

You were the one who forced her to break up, and you were the one who wanted to give her freedom. Why do you feel ashamed?

She cried blood and blamed herself in her heart.

After a long silence, she lowered her head and choked out a low voice: "That's good, let's go home." She lowered her head not to look at the girl, took the suitcase she had hidden away, and held it firmly in her hand. , walk forward quickly.

This is not the first time she has been stupid, thinking that if she keeps the suitcase, she can keep her girl.

It's just that she finally got it back, and she didn't want to lose it again.

In the back seat of the taxi, Jiang Yien looked out the window, unwilling to let go of every familiar street corner, counting every section of the road he and An Xun had walked.An Xun peeked at her through the reflection of the glass window, seeing that the face that had faded from youthfulness became more and more charming, and a lonely heart still couldn't help beating for her.

Opening the door of the house, there was a burst of fragrance, and Jiang Yien immediately found that the house was different from before.Flower arrangements decorated the empty vases, and several photo frames were placed on the deserted TV cabinet. The one in the center was a photo of them skiing in the snow-capped mountains. Looking at her tenderly with eyebrows and eyes.

Next to it, there are many photos, besides the group photo, it is her single photo.

It seems that even if she is not at home, her An Xiaoai still allows her to take up more position than herself in this home.

"It's too deserted at home, so I just picked a few photos for display. If you don't mind, I can replace them." An Xun tried his best to follow the agreement of "love yourself first, then love each other", explaining insincerely.

Jiang Yien pursed her lips, but did not express her opinion.Seeing the last few remaining but unbroken barriers between her and An Xun, she was helpless and sore.Obviously, after two and a half years of hard work, they have already worked so hard, so why bother to try their best.

She is still powerless.

More than two years have passed, and everything about me has grown, but I just can't love myself more than you.But as long as I pretend to be similar, you should, you will believe it.

"I have asked someone to take care of the old house left by my parents. I can live there in the future. The appointment letter from the hospital has also come down. After another year of training, I should be able to officially stay outside the chest. The salary is stable. From now on, I will consider buying a car, after all, my home is far away."

An Xun was stunned, looking at the girl's firm and indifferent face, it seemed that his heartbeat had almost stopped.She parted her lips and teeth slightly, trying to say something, but couldn't make a sound.Let those grievances and nostalgia that should have been poured out turn into a flood of beasts and artificially create in the body, causing the pain to die.

Jiang Yien carefully felt An Xun's reaction, and saw that instead of being happy, her eyes were full of sadness, unexpected, but not so unexpected.

"This is the love you want, isn't it? You meet your opponent, you meet a good talent. Two complete circles walk side by side. They are very good together, but apart, they are also wonderful."

An Xun was speechless.

The girl's questioning is a sharp knife that has been honed for two and a half years, bit by bit disintegrating her previous stubbornness and persistence.She was speechless, turned around and supported the corner of the table and sighed. After a long time of relaxation, she finally cleared the blocked and suppressed breath.Turning around, forced a smile: "Xiao En, you did it, I'm happy for you."

Jiang Yien's face turned cold again.

"I'm going to put my luggage..." An Xun knew that he couldn't last long, so he wanted to make an excuse to escape, and turned around to look at the three suitcases placed at the door. He was at a loss, and tears fell down.

She bit her lip and restrained herself. After hesitating for two seconds, she hurried back to the room with her luggage.He threw himself into Miss's arms, buried his head and wept.The tears wetted the little bear's fur, and also poured down his heart to the extreme desolation.

The door was still gently pushed open.

"Who told you to imitate my face and smile?"

An Xun's heart trembled, he propped himself up and wiped away his tears indiscriminately.A pair of soft arms immediately encircled her tightly from the back, the long-lost warmth made her breathing instantly disordered.

"Sorry, I……"

She was like a stick in her throat.

Jiang Yien had no intention of hurting An Xun. She thought that An Xun would comfort her who was not so infatuated, and would like a love that was not so bitter and bitter. She tried hard to make An Xun feel at ease, but she didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable and hid in the little bear's arms Li wept bitterly.

An Xun, you are a liar.

Obviously you can't see yourself as more important than me, and you can't be ruthless, why would you lie to me to love myself first.Are you going to trick me into concentrating the two "favorites" on me, and make me bear the charge of being a heartbreaker and blame myself for the rest of my life?

"An Xun, I can't do it."

"Grandma's worries, I can settle them down. I can slowly catch up with you in my career. I own a house, and I will have a car in the future. I will try my best to satisfy you in the worldly sense. But...leave you , I really can't complete it..."

An Xun felt the trembling of the girl's shoulders, turned around with a trace of surprise, and saw the girl crying with her chest in her mouth, with mixed feelings, only her heart pierced.

"Sister An, let me love you more than myself, okay?"

Hearing the girl's almost begging tone, her heart trembled again, and tears welled up.She knew that the girl had been trying to be brave, and she knew that the girl hadn't had a good life in the past few years. She knew it all, but she didn't have the courage to expose it.

The restraint and forbearance like a savage beast finally broke through the dam, overflowing with love that was even more difficult to contain, and pouring out uncontrollable grievances.

"Then why did you come back now...why do you hide from me when you are sick...why you can order food and medicine for me, but I will ignore you..."

"It's agreed to put me to sleep every night, and it's agreed that Christmas will come back...you make me wait for you like a fool every day..."

She wept uncontrollably, and finally let go of her last strength, and confided weakly:

"Xiaoen...I miss you so much...I really...really miss you so much..."

Facing the helpless and miserable lover, Jiang Yien cried out in pain, hugged her tightly, and wiped away her tears bit by bit from the side of his face: "I'm sorry... I'm sorry... It's me who broke my promise, it's me Stubborn..."

She cried until she trembled, wishing to rub An Xun into her bones and love and care for her.

"I'm sorry, An Xiaoai..."

"I didn't hold you tight."

In the girl's strong hug and kiss, An Xun's fragmented breathing gradually calmed down.The heart that was taken away finally fell back to the vacancy in her chest safely, piecing together her incomplete soul.

Cold as ice, covered with bruises, if the incompleteness is unavoidable, let's piece together a completeness.

"I gave up……"

She sighed deeply.

"It's me who should say I'm sorry. It took me almost three years to realize how stupid it is to push you away because I love you."

"From now on, I will protect you, and you will protect me. I love Jiang Yien for you, and you love An Xun for me. No one will be humbled, and no one will be forgotten in the second place. In this way, it can be regarded as self-preservation and self-love." Bar."

She touched the girl's face, gently wiped away those embarrassing tears, love and affection intertwined between her eyes.In her sad eyes, there was a bit of expectation again.

"Xiaoen, are you still willing to let me be your lover?"