come close to me hold me

An Xun didn't turn around immediately, but inadvertently nestled into the girl's arms with her breasts in her arms. The warmth of the fit and the soft kiss made the tears more turbulent.

She couldn't help but think of the girl who grew up surrounded by love that she saw at the gate of the middle school many years ago. If she were her, would she have the ability to deal with these complicated things, and would she have enough courage to hold on to her? girl.

But she wasn't that girl after all.

How can a person who is as cold as ice heal a child covered in wounds.

One incomplete, how to fill another incomplete.

From the moment she decides to be together, she is doing her best to complement her, forcing her indifferent self to be hot, forcing her reserved self to be unrestrained, bit by bit digging out the tenderness that has been buried deep in her heart for many years.

She was never tired of it.

What crushed her was that she realized that while she was completing the girl, her girl was also completing her.

The girl gave her the most intimate care and love in the world, which made her feel unprecedented warmth and satisfaction.But her care and love for the girl far surpassed her greed for this love, and what was entangled in her heart was only the lyrics:

I am afraid that you will fly away, afraid that you will leave me, and even more afraid that you will stay here forever.

"I'm sorry, Xiaoen. I shouldn't bring you negative emotions at this time. But, I really... can't hold it anymore... Can you give me 10 minutes and let me stay by myself?"

She was afraid that if the girl stayed for another second, she would not be able to help but say something that made the girl sad.

Jiang Yin paused for a moment, she suddenly realized that An Xun's tears had been squeezed for a long time, not just because she was going abroad.To get to the bottom of it, it was just this final blow that made their seemingly complete love finally reveal the overwhelmedness of the two of them in the past three months.

"Sister An, do you know? That day in the river, I really thought I was going to die. I thought that if I died like this, the most regretful thing would be not being able to grow old with you."

"But, what can I give you...I know you don't need me, you don't need me to block the knife, and you don't need me to jump into the water to save you...Grandma is right, I just can't give you anything, so I can't give you anything. I can only take my life to protect you. In fact, I have been thinking these days, why me, in the past, no one can walk into your heart, why me?"

"Who doesn't want to be a child for the rest of his life, but I don't even have a grandmother now."

"It's okay, if you don't need me here, then I'll sleep next door tonight."

When she finished these words, tears burst into her eyes.

She had completely forgotten that the bed next door had collapsed by her jump, and she hadn't had time to repair it.Recalling the first day we were together, I suddenly had the excitement of love, and it seemed like a lifetime ago.

Enjoying being loved is also a kind of ability.They are trying their best to give each other the best love, but they never love themselves well one day.They have all become people who worked hard to make winter clothes in the cold, and piled up all the feathers for each other, but never picked up the coats around them to avoid the cold.

If it is said that blindly taking will make love become a debt of two people, then their blindly giving will also make affection become empty care.

Now that we are all tired, should we really let go, should we really separate as my grandma said before she died, it is good for both of us.

With her neck drooping and lonely, she slowly stepped back under the bed.

"How do you know that I don't need it..." An Xun sighed deeply, propped himself up and faced the girl.

Even with the last bit of strength, she couldn't bear to let the girl leave with disappointment.

"Why you? I could spend my whole life answering this question, but since you don't understand it, I'll explain it a little more clearly."

"Jiang Yien, I have never cared about someone so much. When your dialog box pops up, my heart will be touched. If you laugh, I will be happy; , is the only person in this world who can make me suffer."

Love is always tough.

Jiang Yien's head drooped even lower, and his eyelashes couldn't hold back the big teardrops, which dripped down on the bedding.

"Sorry……"

An Xun smiled sadly, and softened his tone: "But you are also the only person in this world who can make me feel warm. No one understands me better than you, and no one loves me more than you."

Jiang Yien raised his head, with some doubts in his eyes.She deserves to be the person who loves An Xun the most in this world, but does she really understand An Xun?Is An Xun's mysterious and profound soul really only what she sees?

Is she really, needed by her?

An Xun continued to express his sincerity:

"As for why it's you, I said it's not about what you gave me, or even about your love for me. It's just because..."

She paused, she knew that those three words were pushed down her throat again, and if she didn't restrain herself, the love she couldn't hide would overflow.She desperately tried to suppress, she racked her brains to change the wording, but the power of language seemed so pale at this moment, so many words, so many verses, were too obscure, her straightforward love meaning, how difficult to express.

That's too late.

She couldn't hold back the turbulent tears, and couldn't stop her love for Jiang Yien.

"because……"

"I love you."

Choked up, took off half of her coda, and overcame the fear in her heart, it was really hard.

But if the love with the girl is really short-lived, then failing to tell the girl I love you will be her deepest regret.

She prayed sincerely, if this is really a curse, let me suffer it myself.Let go of my little girl, no matter what, let me stand in front of her.

Jiang Yien was stunned, she saw An Xun patted his chest and slowly buried himself down, crying more helplessly in front of her eyes than on New Year's Eve.She was heartbroken, but also relieved.I am glad that An Xun finally cried out all her grievances and forbearance like a little girl.

"Sister An, this is the first time you have told me that I love you. But don't worry, I have already felt it."

When she heard it, she became more courageous.

Caressing An Xun's thin back, slowly rubbing away her trembling and panic, leading her to turn around and lie down slowly, leaning over to warm her in his arms, touching her forehead, following her Long hair, kissing her fragmented tears.

"I love you too, so much... It seems that I can't even express the word 'love'... Do you know? You are my life..."

But, why do we love each other so much, but still let both of us love in a humble and embarrassing way.

An Xun felt miserable in her heart, her uncontrollable love for the girl made her too tired.She seems to have devoured the girl's warm sun and frozen the girl's clear spring. If not, why is her little girl smiling so sadly and lonely at this moment.From the beginning, she knew that their story would be absurd, from the beginning, she knew that happiness was destined to be a dream.

The thing she regretted the most in her life so far was handing her mother the car keys. Now, what she regrets the most is letting the girl get close to her.

She will always remember the girl's smile when she held milk candy in front of the concert hall, how sweet it was then, but how bitter it is now.

Sure enough, she shouldn't be blocking girls.

"I'm sorry, I lost my temper... Can you go out first? Let me calm down for a while..."

Jiang Yien was disobedient, and still smiled calmly, rubbing her, stroking her, with bitterness in his eyes: "You kicked me out because you were afraid that you would not be able to help but say goodbye, right?"

She thought that she now had enough courage to face this problem.

An Xun's brows were startled, and tears flowed down like broken threads.

"Sorry, I……"

She didn't know how to express it, and she didn't know how to explain to the girl why she still wanted to separate when she was in love.

Jiang Yien smiled and shook his head: "I should say I'm sorry. I promised you long ago that I would not take any more risks and protect myself. I know that if I were someone else, I would wish someone would work hard for me, but you are mine. Sister An. Your mood is the same as grandma's, and you don't want someone around me who will make me desperate at any time, do you? Even if that person is yourself. "

Fortunately, girls understand.

"Sister An, the love you gave me has surpassed love. Although it is a bit embarrassing to say this, I think my mother's love is nothing more than that. Thank you for loving me like a mother, and thank you for spoiling me like a child I really like being your little friend, but I also hope that when you are tired, you can also be my little girl.

"We are lovers, you support me, and I must have enough strength to support you."

"I've persisted for three months, are you tired? Don't be afraid, I'm not that fragile. Even if we break up, I have the confidence to get you back. Even if it's a lifetime, I will get you back."

Since she was a child, she has liked to escape from reality, only remembering what she likes and forgetting what she hates.She could have believed in that sentence all her life: "If the reality is too bitter, it's no big deal to escape." But now, she can no longer escape, because in reality, there is someone she loves.

Hiding for three months is enough.

So this time, the bad guys let me do it.

"An Xun, if you really feel too tired, then let's stop being lovers for now. If you can't say it, let me say it..."

She treats it as seriously as the moment when she decides to be together.

"let's break up."

At this moment, An Xun's heartbeat froze, as if everything from flesh to bone had been ruthlessly torn apart, and the smell of blood was permeating his body.Why does it still hurt so much when the girl said what she didn't dare to say in her heart.

But even though the pain was so painful, a heart that was entangled in "taking" and "putting" in it, at this moment, the dust finally settled.She reached out and touched the girl's face, wiping away her tears.Gather the reluctance, regret, relief, and gratitude in my heart into one sentence:

"Xiaoen...I really love you..."

Unfortunately, I am not the one worthy of your love.

Jiang Yien suddenly noticed An Xun's white fingertips, there was a touch of blood red, he grabbed it and held it, there was indeed a small gash, even if the blood had solidified, it was enough to make the sad smile on her face disappear suddenly.

"Sister An, what happened to your hand?"

An Xun was startled, and weakly confessed to her: "It was the fish's tail."

It was really negligent, unexpectedly realized now, Jiang Yien bit her lip, secretly blaming herself.She held An Xun's fingertips, put them in her mouth, licked the wound bit by bit with the tip of her tongue, melted the coagulated blood, and sucked the dirty blood.

An Xun's whole body was numb, and he instinctively shrank his fingers: "Xiao En, dirty..."

Jiang Yien still held onto it, didn't let go, turned around and spat the dirty blood into the trash can: "It's just to suck out the dirty blood." Then, he repeated it several times.

An Xun was moved, her girl seemed to be slowly learning not to make unnecessary sacrifices.

She finally couldn't help hooking the girl forcefully, letting the girl lose strength and fall into her arms. Holding that petite and soft body, she felt at ease and at ease after a long absence. She turned around and covered the girl under her arms, from the forehead to the lips slowly Feng, kissed indulgently until the girl couldn't stop sobbing.

Let's separate later, and leave some good things that can be recalled.

"June 23st happens to be the weekend, so leave that day to me. Before breaking up, I want to help you make up for your [-]rd birthday."

Jiang Yien nodded in a daze, no wonder he felt a lot older recently, it turned out that he was already 23 years old, already, he was at the age of late marriage.

She grabbed An Xun's collar and wrapped it around her neck: "Then, can I not go out now? I want to sleep with you."

An Xun looked at the girl with big eyes blinking, and she appeared clever and weird for a long time. After all, it belongs to the simplicity and clarity of a girl. If you say you can pick it up, you can pick it up, and if you say you can put it down, you can really put it down.

The chicness of the girl was beyond her imagination.

So she also pretended to be relaxed, and joked out the rigidity in her heart: "Then explain clearly first, why don't you let me help you prepare for going abroad? Now that your wings are hardened, you don't need me anymore, do you?"

Jiang Yien pondered for a moment.

"Sister An, I need you very much. But do you know? The reply to the confirmation email is 520 words, the value statement is 1314 words, and the course description is 9999 words. Every time I type a word, it is a knife in my heart. So I just hid in the library, I don't want you to see me cry."

"I'm not afraid that you will see how much I love you and how much I miss you. I'm just afraid that you love me, and in that case, I will love your love too. I'm afraid that I will say that I won't leave again, Make you regret being with me."

An Xun didn't answer immediately, and let the surrounding air be quiet for a while, then frowned and squinted and asked:

"Is the bowl of soup I just cooked very oily?"

Jiang Yinen paused, burst into laughter with a burst of tears, lifted the quilt and slipped into An Xun's arms.

"Oh, Sister An~ How can you say that I'm so good! I've been thinking about it for a long time!"

She pretended to be unrestrained, nothing better than the original sentence, even if we miss love, don't miss you.There is nothing more than her original intention to make An Xun happy.

She's always putting on a forced smile, and she's always lying.

Said to break up, is false.

To hold on to you, is true.

She buried her head in An Xun's shoulder, and her laughter gradually turned into sobs.

"Sister An...I will try my best not to love you so much, and you have to work hard not to love me so much...Let's learn to love ourselves first, and then love each other, shall we?"

"Wait until I get you back, okay?"

Regression is to climb the higher mountain on the opposite side.It is for their love that they can be reborn from Nirvana after experiencing suffering and pain.

This is not ignorant fearlessness, nor reckless courage. She has been able to understand all of her grandmother's worries and worries, as well as all of Sister An's struggles and powerlessness.But she still feels that there is still hope for everything to change. In the future, among her thousands of possibilities, there is An Xun's name.

In An Xun's heart, the pain never stopped. He rubbed the girl's hair, kissed her forehead, and cried in a hoarse voice with sore throat, and promised:

"Ok, I will wait for you."

Waiting for you not to love me so much, waiting for you to forget me.

The author has something to say: The lyrics are quoted in the article "I'm afraid you will fly away...stay here." It comes from "Big Fish", with lyrics written by Yin Yue, music composed by Qian Lei, and sung by Zhou Shenyuan.