come close to me hold me

What makes An Xun more desperate than Jiang Xueer's attitude is that she realizes that her own existence is really the biggest threat to the girl.

She is a rationalist, and the concept established since she was a child tells her that the love between them is deformed.

They are doomed to worry about gains and losses due to the pain of the past, and they are doomed to fly to the flame as soon as they see the light.Just like the twelfth lunar month and winter, in order not to let the girl feel lost, she will still satisfy her desire to add ice cubes to the milk tea.Spoiling, after all, is irrational and condescending.She finally realized that her love, for the girl, is not protection but destruction.

That's why she made her girl, who was obviously powerless, rush to the place where the sharp knife was aimed at, and who obviously couldn't swim, would still jump into the river without hesitation.Only people who are so desperate and have nothing to do with themselves will feel moved. For her, it is the heartache and fear that almost kills her.

She knew that if the girl hadn't fallen in love with her, none of this would have happened.

But she happens to be an emotional rationalist, her brain and heart are always in opposite directions.But he could feel the subtle emotions and love, but he knew it was dangerous, but he still couldn't escape the fall.

What should I do, what can I do to really protect her girl.She really doesn't know anymore.

She didn't even know whether she should persevere or give up.

After putting away her broken heart, she quietly walked away, hid in the dark corridor, and sat on the ground on a random step.She couldn't enter the ward, and she would be chased away in the corridor at any time. This is the closest safe passage to Jiang Yien's ward. She could only stay here, guarding the girl needlessly as close as possible.

Numbly, she stuffed the frozen dumpling into her mouth, regardless of whether she didn't have chopsticks, or picked it up from the ground, and didn't care if she was more or less embarrassed.

She held back her tears and chewed, although it was too painful to swallow, she still forced it into her mouth, obviously she had exceeded her usual appetite, she still insisted on taking one bite after another.

She stubbornly thought that she could eat all the dumplings for five people, and thought that as long as she finished eating, she would not waste and live up to the girl's heart.

Yeah, don't waste, don't disappoint.

Even though food delivery is available everywhere now, even if the dumplings in the dumpling shop are much better than those made by myself, even if the heart and enthusiasm seem childish and useless.

But, this is her girl, who knows that deep love is useless, but still chooses to be passionate, and knows that the next door is a frosty female devil, but she will still knock on that door again and again.

He clearly knew that she could do it, and never left her behind.

On the way back in the ambulance, the girl apologized to her in a daze, and said in a daze that she was overwhelmed.Before she could respond, the girl passed out.She desperately wants to see the girl, but just wants to tell her that she is not overbearing, needless to say I am sorry, even if this intention scares her, makes her helpless, and breaks her heart... She never dares to live up to it, and is unwilling to waste it.

Just as the cold and hard dumplings stung her throat and coliced ​​her stomach, she would never let them shatter on the ground.

In the ward, just as Jiang Yien woke up, he was scolded bloody by his grandmother and uncle.Call her worthless, call her not self-love, she admits.But she still doesn't regret it, because she has no room for regret at all. Under such circumstances, she has no reason to weigh the pros and cons. It is her instinct to save An Xun.

"Grandma, I know I'm wrong. Can you let me go to Sister An? Her injuries don't even know what's going on. She fell off the embankment...she must be in pain..."

If it wasn't so painful that he didn't have the strength to struggle, how could Yi Anxun's water quality, which was able to escape death again and again, allow himself to be pulled away by the river.

Jiang Yien broke down in tears, and coughed intermittently before finishing her sentence, her lungs felt as if they were about to be shattered, she thought that as long as she felt the pain, the pain in her heart would be covered up a bit, but the feeling that life is worse than death is so real Tell her honestly that it will only make matters worse.

Jiang Xueer saw it in her eyes and felt pain in her heart. This girl is already like this, and she still cares about others. How can she not worry, how can she not be impatient.

"The state you are in now is not suitable for dating. It's good for you and her to be separated for a while."

Jiang Yien was stunned for a while.

"Grandma, tell me, what kind of state is suitable for dating? Is it because we have all been traumatized in our hearts that we don't even have the qualifications for love?"

She argued hard, but she didn't even ask grandma what was inappropriate, and she automatically brought in the reason.In fact, she also understands that it is because of lack of love that she is so addicted to this blatant preference, and that she becomes the child who can do everything for a candy.

She knew that she was ridiculous and sad.

But it is the cruelest thing for a child who lacks love to accept the fact that he lacks love.

Before she could wait for her grandmother to answer, she lowered her head silently.

From the bottom of her heart, she also felt that she was not worth it.

"You! Why did you..." Jiang Xueer was terribly frightened at first, his heart began to ache again when he became emotional, and he was unable to say a word as he clutched his chest.

"Grandma..." Jiang Yien's aura instantly weakened, and he didn't dare to contradict anymore, in fact, he didn't have the confidence to contradict again.

After silently looking at her uncle for a long time, she slapped her across the face.

"You still dare to talk back to your grandma! You forgot how your grandma got into the hospital?! How dare you have a face in a relationship?! If your mother knew that she was such a worthless person, she shouldn't have spent time in the first place. Then give birth to you!"

Jiang Yien shivered in fright, her ears and cheeks were so red, swollen and hot, despair, fear, bewilderment, helplessness... wrapped her tightly.

The lack of love and protection turned her from a bully to a frightened bird.This slap made the child who was finally coaxed out of the tree hole by An Xun with candy and love flinched again.

She shouldn't have been born, no, no.

It was she who caused trouble for everyone. She has been a troublemaker since she was seven years old.She is the extra pair of bowls and chopsticks on the dining table, the extra audience in the family fun, and the extra red envelopes that relatives give during the Chinese New Year.

When I grow up, I have finished bothering my grandma, uncle and aunt, and I have to bother Sister An, too much white rabbit toffee, too much knife blocking, too much self-deprecating...

No matter where she is, she is superfluous.

No matter how hard you try, it will be useless.

The old lady raised her crutches and hit the man's leg hard, and reprimanded with tears: "Why did you hit her?! She just escaped from death, why did you hit her again! You two, I'm so pissed off!" Is it over?!"

"Mom!" The man hastened to support the old lady, hesitant to speak: "Forget it...Mom, let me help you go back to rest first, just leave this place to Meifeng, don't get angry."

Jiang Yien pondered for a long time, then got out of bed suddenly:

"Grandma, go back and have a good rest. I'm obedient. I know I'm wrong. I'm the one who caused trouble for everyone. I'm sorry."

After speaking, he bowed deeply.

She was always like that, good at reassuring others, good at lying.No one knew what she was thinking.

Su asked about the time to help in the emergency department, but he didn't see An Xun when he came back, so he jumped in a hurry. Fortunately, An Xun, who always didn't want to make others worry, answered her call immediately.

"Where did you put it?! I said you have to do a full inspection, it's a fucking explosion! Explosion, grandma!"

An Xun heard Su Wen's anxious scolding, and couldn't help the tears she had just stopped falling, sobbing and begging her: "Su Wen, can you help me see Xiao En? Can you... tell her for me, Thanks to her for saving me..."

At the moment when she rescued the girl, she also had the urge to scold severely, but in the end she was defeated by the girl's weak and humble apology.

How could she be willing to blame her.

It's just that in the future, I will never give you a chance to take risks again.

"Don't bother Dr. Su."

With a familiar light voice, a beam of light broke into the darkness, which was a bit dazzling. An Xun looked up for a long time before he saw clearly, a thin figure standing outside the crack of the door.

Against the light, a halo appeared on the girl's body, hazy and unreal.She stared blankly, with incredible doubts between her brows, tears stuck in her eyes, and her slightly separated lips hesitated to speak.

Su Wen on the other end of the phone recognized Jiang Yien's voice, was stunned for a while, hesitated for a moment, and chose to hang up the phone.

"Sister An, why are you hiding here?"

Jiang Yien walked into the darkness, closed the door, and once again lost the light inside.Knocking on the sensor light allowed An Xun to see her face clearly again.

"Xiao En?" An Xun still couldn't believe it: "Why did you... come out? Your grandma..."

Two minutes ago, Jiang Yien planned to sneak out while his aunt was asleep, but unexpectedly the sound of the door opening woke up her aunt.

Sun Meifeng asked her sleepily: "What are you going to do?"

She replied without blushing and heartbeat: "Pee."

Sun Meifeng didn't want to pursue it, so she yawned, turned over and continued to sleep, she was able to get away, and heard some movement in the safe passage, so she followed the sound and found it.

She didn't notice that at the corner at the end of the corridor, grandma and uncle waited for a long time, and they expected her to sneak out.

However, Jiang Xueer changed his mind, grabbed his son who was going to rush out, sighed, shook his head, and went back to his ward.She knew that she could manage it for a while, but not for the rest of her life, and the rest of the road would be left for the two children to finish by themselves.

"Sister An, I'm not a child anymore. I can handle my own family affairs well. You don't need to think too much about it. As I said, grandma is grandma, and I am me."

When she was slapped by her uncle, she was shaken for a second, but it was only a second.

All of An Xun's love in the past has convinced her that even if she is redundant, Sister An will not dislike her.

At least, the home Sister An gave her has a sunset lamp for her, a carpet for her, a kitchen for her to light a fire for, and a refrigerator for her to fill...

It doesn't matter if there are none of these.She loves her, so you have to be with her, so you have to work hard for her, that's all.

An Xun's eyes drooped a bit. When he saw the girl, he had a little bit of anticipation. He hoped that Jiang Xue'er would agree to the girl's coming to see her. That way, she would probably feel less guilty.But obviously, the girl sneaked out.

"Don't contradict your family for me." She reminded her, or rather, she was begging her.

Jiang Yin paused and nodded.She saw the looming bruises and scratches on An Xun's body, the half-eaten dumplings, the depressed eyes, and the haggard face.

In my heart, there are mixed feelings.

She couldn't help but think of An Xun she saw in the concert hall. The sadness in her eyes at that time was the sorrow of autumn, at least it was poetic, at least it still remained delicate.Later, she also captured the rare brilliance several times, which was like the warmth of spring.

But at this moment, there is only brokenness in those eyes, the brokenness caused by her own hands.

She suppressed the heart that was about to collapse, and she knew that only by holding on to herself could she leave the chance of collapse to An Xun.

Holding back her tears, she sat down next to An Xun, held her hand and looked at it: "Sister An, have you had a physical examination? Have you applied the medicine? Does it still hurt?"

However, he still couldn't hold back his crying.

"It doesn't hurt anymore, the medicine has been applied, look." An Xun tugged on his cuffs, and avoided the seriousness and showed the girl the tip of the iceberg on his wrist.

"I don't believe it, show me the inspection report." Jiang Yien's eyes were astringent, and he didn't dare to look up.

"How can I come out so soon." An Xun smiled bitterly, "Xiao En, don't you want to hug me..."

If you delay for a while, you have to go back.

Just like the witch's dream to Cinderella, it can only stay at twelve o'clock in the middle of the night.

作者有话要说：感谢在2021-09-0307:38:51~2021-09-0408:21:21期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angels who threw mines: Fusheng_Luomo, Joahye1;

Thanks to the little angels of the irrigation nutrient solution: 5 bottles of Tangtang; 2 bottles of Fusheng_Luomo; 1 bottle of Huaqianshu;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!