come close to me hold me

In the living room, Chen Nianci made a call and said with a smile:

"Su Wen, I did what you said, but I didn't expect to get the child drunk. Shouldn't it be better to let them sleep separately?"

"Hahahahaha Jiang Yien is drunk? Oh, don't worry, An Xun will not mess around with her sense of proportion! What you want is for them to tell the truth after drinking! Aren't you most concerned about An Xun's life's event! Success or failure depends on her Jiang Yien!" A sly laugh came from the other end of the phone.

"You, worrying about other people's crooked ideas, when will you think about yourself?" Chen Nianci asked back.

"Oh, old lady, you haven't done enough work this evening, so don't make fun of me..." Su Wen muttered a few words, as always, he was cowardly.

After hanging up the phone, Su Wen drank the half bottle of beer in one gulp, sighed wryly.

The former Qianjin Miss grew up pampered and didn't know the sufferings of the world.Now I have tasted it, but some things have long been carved into the bones.She admits that she is not so delicate and not so good at understanding others, especially when facing An Xun who is always frozen in her emotions, she is often at a loss.

However, she is not a piece of wood, she can clearly distinguish her feelings.

For An Xun, she is absolutely sincere and follows.She thought that if An Xun never met her significant other in her whole life, she could spend the rest of her life with her as a friend. When she retired, it would be a kind of happiness for the two old ladies to live together as a partner.

But she also knows that her feelings for An Xun are not love.

When she was still at Jiang Yien's age, she lived with Li Min in the staff dormitory of the hospital. Once by accident, Li Min was knocked down and injured during the first aid. His hand was broken and a cast was applied, so it was inconvenient to take a shower. Roommates and girlfriends, of course, do it for them.

That night, I took a bath sponge, accompanied by water flow and foam, and rubbed every inch of that person's body. The person's back was facing her, and she couldn't see the spring clearly, but her fingertips unintentionally slid across the graceful feeling, clearly .

Only then did she suddenly realize that something was wrong with her feelings for Li Min.

Li Min, it's easier to guess than An Xun.Therefore, she knew that Li Min loved her, and she had always known that from the tears of reluctance when he moved out of the staff dormitory, she had already seen her feelings clearly.

However, she couldn't accept it, she could only pretend to be stupid.

Looking around, there is no room for two people in a single apartment of less than [-] square meters.There is no heating in winter, and the air conditioner cannot be turned on in summer, and the bedding is also a cheap product marked "for college students" bought online.

Almost all of her wages are used to repay her debts, and she relies on the canteen’s subsidy for three meals a day, using the cheapest daily necessities. Compared with the prices of vegetables, meat, eggs, and milk in several supermarkets, this pepper is [-] cents cheaper. Home rice is eight cents more expensive.Every time, for the small price difference, she would rather go to three supermarkets to buy all her daily necessities.

She is already struggling to survive, so how can she hurt her beloved.

"Rather than let you wither in my arms, I would rather you make mistakes and regret it, let you fly to the dream world, and leave me sad alone..."

Under the dim light, the woman sang softly and slightly drunkenly.

On the other side, An Xun finally coaxed the little girl to sleep, and escaped from the bedroom exhausted on the pretext of having something to do with Chen Nianci.

The tall building she built with forbearance and reason has long been in jeopardy. No matter what, she can't let that girl hug her slightly drunk self like Tiantian tonight.She thought of sleeping on the sofa for one night, so as to avoid the storm.

"Didn't sleep?"

Chen Nianci heard the noise and came from the living room. She had expected An Xun to come out, so she kept waiting.She knew An Xun's character well, so she listened to Su Wen's idea to blow that gust of wind, otherwise, even if she messed around with the young people again, it would be impossible for her to really allow the absurdity to happen after drinking.

"Professor Chen? You haven't slept yet..." Seeing Chen Nianci, An Xun felt even more guilty. He lowered his eyes, not daring to look into those loving eyes.

"Xiao Xun, how many years has it been since you called me godmother? How many years have we not had a good chat, my mother?"

An Xun's heart was touched for a while, the tip of his nose was sore, and he called softly, "Godmother."

"Hey!" Chen Nianci agreed, stepped forward and wrapped the blanket on An Xun's body, hugged her and sat down on the sofa: "Xiao Xun, I think you talk more and smile more today , tell me the truth, is it because of that girl?"

An Xun paused for a second, lowered his head, pursed his lips and said, "Xiao En...she is indeed a good child, very warm and cute, and I feel very relaxed when I'm with her."

"You are such a child too, have you forgotten? We, Xiaoxun, have been enthusiastic, caring, and curious children since we were young." Chen Nianci patted Anxun's head lovingly.

When An Xun heard this sentence, he secretly scratched out the folds of the blanket with his arms around his chest, nodded slightly, and remained silent.

"Do you remember? One summer vacation, your mother invited me to your house for lunch. At noon, you ran to find a magnifying glass and white paper on a whim, and lay on the ground by the window for an hour, trying to focus on the sunlight to light a fire. In the end, the paper was not lit, and I passed out due to heat stroke!" Chen Nianci smiled dotingly.

An Xun whispered shyly: "It's been so long, how can godmother still remember..."

"When you were young, you were very curious. I still remember that when you first entered kindergarten, you climbed trees with the older children in the community, went down to the pond to catch fish, and was discovered by your mother, and you were beaten. You came here to act like a spoiled child! Said your mother hit your palm with a piano bow, it hurts so much."

"Really, did mom hit me? I don't even remember..." An Xun smiled slightly, his eyes seemed to be looking far away.

In her memory, her mother never beat her, she was always gentle and graceful, and even at the last moment, she didn't lose color or collapse.But her mother has always made her feel alienated and made her cautious. In the end, she simply became a shadow that she couldn't get rid of in her life.

She was helpless, she had nowhere to run.

Chen Nianci looked at An Xun and continued to explore:

"Xiao Xun, tell the godmother the truth, have you fallen in love with Jiang Yien?"

"..."

Break the defense, just in an instant.

An Xun was terrified, and suddenly raised his head. When he looked at Chen Nianci, his eyes were filled with stars. In an instant, a tear fell, and finally, the dike burst thousands of miles away.

"sorry Sorry……"

She immediately bowed her head and apologized, she didn't want to see a trace of disappointment in those loving eyes, and she didn't want to hear the most severe reproach from that gentle tone, it would be a stab at her heart, she knew that she was guilty Forgiveness, she would rather die than face it again.

When the professor entrusted that girl to him, how did he remind her to protect her well, and how did he earnestly explain that she must be cultivated well.

An Xun, this is how you cultivated her, and this is how you protected her.

Let her be exposed to gravel and sharp knives again and again, hurting and hurting for you.That's fine, but he still has feelings for her that he shouldn't have, and throws off a whole load of responsibilities that he can't afford.

She could almost predict that Chen Nianci would sigh angrily in the next second:

An Xun, you are too shameless!

"Xiao Xun..."

Chen Nianci's eyes were gentle, and he reached out to wipe the tears off An Xun's face, but An Xun was like a frightened bird, trembling with fright.

"I know I shouldn't have that kind of affection for her, I know I can't afford it, but, but I really..."

Ten fingers, deeply pinched into the flesh, the pain, but penetrated into the internal organs and bone marrow.

"Why do you have to apologize? Are you right?" Chen Nianci withdrew his hand, his eyes filled with pain and helplessness.

An Xun's heart trembled suddenly, and then he looked up at Chen Nianci's eyes again, with a bit of surprise and doubt between his brows.

"You...don't blame me?"

"How can I blame you? Xiao En is also a good boy. You are no younger than me now, and the society generally agrees that it is entirely possible for you to have results when you are together. I am happy that you can open your heart to her." It's too late!"

Chen Nianci smoothed the messy hair around An Xun's ears, and wiped away her continuous tears, feeling distressed.

"Xiao Xun, it's been a hard time, isn't it?"

An Xun's heart was touched, and the panic in his eyes instantly turned into an unconcealable grievance. Looking into those loving eyes, he couldn't speak for a long time.

Chen Nianci is her teacher, and even the closest elder around her. Facing such intimacy, she is like a wounded child enduring the pain all the way home and finally leaning into her mother's arms. Finally, I couldn't cry.

"Godmother... the feeling of loving someone is really uncomfortable...I'm not like myself anymore...I really can't resist, I...I feel like I can't hold on anymore... "

Chen Nianci frowned, her heart softened, and she burst into tears.He embraced An Xun in his arms, stroked her hair, and comforted her frivolous and lonely back.

"You, treat yourself as Xiao En today, and act like a baby with your godmother..."

In fact, Chen Nianci is gratified, gratified that this child will finally love, laugh and cry, and confess his feelings.

She was also a child once, and also a little girl who has never tasted the ups and downs of love. Why, can't she let herself act like a baby?

"Godmother..." It's been a long time for An Xun, and she hasn't felt the warmth of a mother's love for a long time. At this moment, she realized that she, like that little girl, is also a childish ghost who cries when she thinks of her mother.

"Silly girl, why shouldn't you? Why are you so high? Our Xiaoxun is the best girl in the world. Why don't you try? Try to tell that girl your sincerity, maybe she is waiting for you too What? Maybe if you say it, she will agree to you?"

"However, she is still an intern, our relationship is no different from a teacher-student..." An Xun excused, with tears in his words.

"Why is there no difference? It is different in essence! You are not her teacher, Jiang Yien is my student, why? Want to compete with the godmother for a student?" Chen Nianci joked with a smile.

"not me……"

"At best, you are her leader. When she becomes a full-time employee, there will be no subordinate relationship between you. You are not the one who pays her salary, and it is not you who decides her promotion and salary increase. In essence, you are colleagues. ah."

"Xiao Xun, why do you make so many excuses for your relationship?"

An Xun couldn't answer, so he could only tremble and sigh.

Why not try?Why doesn't she want to try? If she is really sure that the girl loves her to the bone, loves her so much, she probably will try.

But now, she can't, she just knows that girl will agree, so she can't.

Because even if the girl agreed to her, she couldn't tell if she was wronging herself.She even didn't know if the little girl would have a better home in the future.

She is still so young, and she has not yet reached the point where she can't be blamed.But for herself, that girl is her only choice. In her life, she has no other choice except Jiang Yien.

However, a person who is as cold as ice, a person who can't even warm himself, is enough to make a fool of himself, what qualifications do he have for falling in love, marrying and having children.

"Let's talk about it when she reaches my age. When she has no other choice, I can catch her, but now, I don't want to..."

I am not willing to let you compromise in my arms.

I'm not willing to let you hurt me because I regret it.

"You silly boy, how do you know that Jiang Yien will meet someone better if he misses you?"

"Xiao Xun, there are too many impermanences in this life, some people miss it, it's a lifetime..."

"If she marries someone else, if she is not happy after getting married, then, dare you say that you won't regret it?"

Chen Nianci's eyes were full of tears. Back then, wasn't she backing away again and again to miss her little girl?

In the era when homosexuality was still discriminated against, she gave up competing for her girl, and she insisted on going her own way, thinking that giving up her own happiness would make everyone happy.

She couldn't bear it, she didn't want her girl to break up with her family, she didn't want her girl to be wronged in the slightest.Not willing to let her girl suffer any misfortune.

Now, she is walking into old age alone, isn't it caused by her reluctance back then?

If she knew that her girl would still be unlucky, no matter what, she would snatch her back from the man.

"I..." Facing Chen Nianci's questioning, An Xun felt like a stick in his throat.

She thought, she probably would regret it.

However, she was more afraid that the person who made the little girl unhappy was herself.

"Xiao Xun, your current life is really hard-won. How many people have waited for a lifetime but have not waited for it. Now that you are in love, why don't you give yourself a chance?"

"People, anyway, they are going to die separately, so let's go and have a vigorous talk. In the worst case, you lose, you make a wrong bet, you never get back to each other, you still have to love, don't let yourself regret..."

After hearing this, An Xun felt tight in his chest, his heart ached, and his mind was in a mess.

In fact, even though it was still not allowed intellectually, after knowing Chen Nianci's attitude, she was relieved and happy for a moment.Grievance, pain, helplessness, and half-sour and half-sweet joy were all mixed in her heart at this moment. With mixed feelings, she really wanted to hug that girl.

"I see, godmother, I will think about what you said."

In the middle of the night, the two went to bed separately. After saying goodnight to each other, An Xun realized later that what Chen Nianci said just now was turning in his mind, and he turned around and asked, "Professor Chen, the reason why you haven't been married is... ..."

Chen Nianci paused, looked back and smiled slightly: "I used to have a little girl, and later, she got married."

"Then, is she happy?"

Chen Nianci's heart was sour, and he looked at the eyebrows and eyes in front of him, lost in thought.

Xiao Xun, she really looks like her...

Girl, your daughter, I have protected you for you, and under the nine springs, you should also feel at ease.Forgive my presumptuous assertion, I don't want your daughter to regret like we did back then.

Don't hate me, don't hate me for failing to keep you.

"sleep early."

She lowered her head and smiled wryly, sighed deeply, and without answering, walked into the bedroom with a few steps, turned around and closed the door.

An Xun watched the lonely back, thinking that her little girl would not be happy after leaving her.What about my little girl?Will you be happy if you leave yourself?

Walking to the bed, watching the little girl's brows tighten, she tossed and turned in a restless sleep.Thinking about it too, without Tiantian, and leaving her alone in this strange place, how could she be safe.

She lay down in the quilt covered by the girl's body, embraced the girl in her arms, felt the tight body gradually soften in her arms, and the bitterness between her brows seemed to become sweet.

There was little drunkenness left, she knew that she was sober, and that she was responsible for everything she did.However, she couldn't bear it anymore, and finally, she pushed back the fluffy hair on her forehead, and left a long kiss between the little girl's eyebrows.

She couldn't do it anymore, she gave up, gave up struggling... It was like letting go of the last life-saving straw in the rolling river tide, letting herself become the floating foam, and from then on, she couldn't help herself.

Anyway, she has never been involuntary.

Why do you want to hand over to others?Why, you can't give her happiness.An Xun, let yourself go, just follow your heart, and give this girl the most perfect love.

Just take your whole life to gamble and try.

"Xiao En, I like you."

"To be exact, I'm in love with you, forgive me, I can't help myself..."

Lowering his eyebrows, he kissed her eyes and eyelashes, and let his tears wet her face.

She wanted to kiss every inch of her delicate face, possess her earlobes, the tip of her nose, everything about her... But, she stopped.

Even though it was hard to hold back, she gave up the lingering, her lips, just stopped at the corner of her mouth, lowered her head and kissed her dimples lightly.If the last kiss was not counted as the first kiss, now she can't take away the real first kiss while drunk.

Then, she withdrew her whole body to the outside of the quilt, leaving only one arm for the girl to hug.

She knew that she had to get the girl's consent, she had to be cautious, and she had to be responsible to her girl to the end.

On the day of your graduation ceremony, I will come and pick you up.

I'll let you know with my own words how much I love you.

Jiang Yien slept soundly while drunk and warm.Unaware of An Xun's pity, he groaned a few times, put his arm around the man's arm and slid into her side again.

Only in the dream, she seems to melt into the moonlight, as if being kissed by the moon, falling into the lingering clouds and rain, falling into the overturning tide, unknowingly, the water color spreads...

The author has something to say: Jiang Yien: The wine is all to blame!I have never slept so silently in my life!I can't even wake up!

In the part of Su Wen's singing in the article, the lyrics are quoted from Chen Jiaming's lyrics and music, Wu Qinglong's arrangement, and Xu Meijing's original song "Regret".

感谢在2021-07-0804:07:47~2021-07-0823:45:55期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angels of irrigation nutrient solution: 10 bottles of Tangtang; 1 bottles of Fusheng_Luomo;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!