Eat little by little

When the north is covered with ice and snow, the south has finally caught up with the pace of winter, the wind is cold and the sky is covered with cold ice white.

It is said that someone saw blood in the brawl at the back door of the school last month. The school was worried about the bad influence on the society and quietly suppressed it. This incident was spread among the students like a secret.Yang Fengrui and Lin Xu escaped by chance, and neither of them appeared on the list of punishments.

When Fang Xue rushed to the hospital, she almost lost her mind when she saw her son lying on the hospital bed.She always thought of her son's rebellious appearance. At that time, she thought that the child was in a rebellious period, and it would be fine when he grew up.At this moment, she felt a sense of despair, and felt that her child seemed to live like this for the rest of her life.

When Yang Fengrui woke up, she had hugged him and cried for a long time. She asked softly, "Xiaofeng, what do you want from your mother? Do you really want to ruin your life just like this?"

Yang Fengrui's eyes were empty and he didn't say a word.

Fang Xue often tells herself: the child is young and ignorant, and he will understand his painstaking efforts in the future.But watching the child degenerate day by day, she began to fear that she would not be able to wait for the day when he became sensible.

Fang Xue doesn't quite remember what happened that day. It was like a jigsaw puzzle was messed up and all of them were misplaced. Occasionally flashed through her mind when she collapsed when she heard the bad news on the phone, and flashed through her driving through a red light all the way. The appearance of the child covered with wounds on the hospital bed flashed again... and the child's words that seemed to be whispering: "Mom, he came to me. If he hadn't come to me, where do you think I would be now? Probably around The police station."

"It's true that no one will die without anyone in the world. Life can still be lived, and life will continue. It's just that I am so useless. Without him, I will just..." His voice choked up until the end , did not continue to speak.

He's just going to be this bad, this useless.

Why is he always so useless?I can't even take care of myself.

That afternoon, their mother and son were relatively silent.

Fang Xue left in a daze, the phone was a call from another child in the family, she had to go back and cook for them.When she left, she gave Yang Fengrui thousands of instructions, but in the end she couldn't help but turn red-eyed, "Xiaofeng, Mom, are you..."

The child raised his head to look at him, his mother's tired look was reflected in his eyes, and said softly: "Mom, I have long understood that you are not mine." Mom is not mine, father is not mine, no one wants me.

On a day in December, Yang Fengrui dug out the scarf he wore last year from the depths of the cabinet, it was still ridiculously long, it was wrapped around his neck several times and the long sides hung down.He rubbed the corners of the scarf, buried his face in the scarf and took a deep breath, as if he could still see the boy who was concentrating on tying the scarf with his head slightly lowered.Once I think about it, I can't stop.

He packed his schoolbag and came to the classroom early. It was late in winter and the morning was still dark, so he turned on the light.The lamp came on with a bang, and the whole classroom was immersed in incandescent light. Looking at the empty classroom, he felt extremely strange.

It was very difficult to pick up the textbooks again. I started to rush at the end of the semester, and it was too late.Especially in science courses, formulas and theorems are interlocking. Missing a class will cause difficulty in understanding, not to mention Yang Fengrui who didn't study at all for most of the semester.No matter how talented he is in science, he doesn't have a heaven-defying understanding.

The low-level classes are equipped with poor teachers, and there are no students at the bottom to listen to the lectures. In the classroom, the teachers and students do their own things, and the well water does not interfere with the river water.Yang Fengrui barely listened to the class for a few days, but he couldn't understand a single moment, let alone keep up with it. He almost smashed the book a few times after class.

This kind of general sense of despair will kill people. If you want to study hard, you will find that it is too late.

He was a bit arrogant at first, and always felt that his poor grades were just because he refused to study, and if he was willing to study, his grades would naturally be among the best.But at this moment, he realized that he was thinking too naively.He can't catch up with the daily accumulation, the more he can't catch up, the more anxious he is, the more anxious he is, the more he wants to catch up... If he can't calm down, he won't be able to learn.He even thought: Maybe he deserved this, and he would never learn well in his life.

In those few days, he was almost at a loss, not knowing what to do?He said it nicely, and wanted to give Lin Xu the best.But in fact, he couldn't even take care of himself.

In the past, he had given up a long time ago, and he never learned to wrong himself.But during that time, he just suppressed such a breath. Every day before dawn, he went to the classroom for self-study, and went back to the dormitory to do exercises at night, and he persisted all the way.

After all, high school education is the basic education for all young people in China. Since it is basic education, there is absolutely no truth that ordinary people cannot learn.Yang Fengrui gave up Chinese and English, and held four textbooks of mathematics, physics, chemistry and biology to ponder every day. Starting from Chapter 1, he checked and calculated while reading, and went to make up exercises in the workbook after finishing a chapter.Where he couldn't understand, he marked it with a red pen, and after accumulating a certain amount, he went to the office to ask the teacher for answers.He didn't read it carefully, but after reading it in a comprehensive manner, within a month, he barely made up the key points, and the teacher could keep up with the next class.

He always remembered that one day, he filled out the entire test paper for the first time, and at the end, he wanted to laugh and cry, wanted to find someone to share, picked up his phone and looked at Lin Xu's number repeatedly, and finally held back .

Have to wait.

He still has to get better.

The head teacher and all the teachers in the class discovered such a child who suddenly studied like crazy.Yang Fengrui would go to the office with a workbook every day, and the teacher who was not favored all the year round enjoyed being stalked by students.

After a few times, the teacher found out that this is a good seedling. The child's brain turns very fast, basically he can understand a little bit, and he can draw inferences from one instance, making great progress.

After several exams, Yang Fengrui's science score has been maintained at around [-]% in each subject, and he can get up to [-]% if he is better.Mathematics scores are particularly good, with a test paper with a perfect score of [-], and often get [-].For a student who has not attended classes for most of the semester, such a result is already an astonishing improvement.

Yang Fengrui ran to check his grade ranking. There were 2000 students in his grade, and his ranking was in the middle.He looked at his ranking in a daze for a long time, and suddenly asked the teacher, "Teacher, how many names do you need to get into the fast class?"

The teacher laughed twice, "How can it be so easy? It's all for the top ten universities in the country. Uh... it must be the top one hundred. Besides, it has been a long time since students from the later classes were transferred to the fast class. .”

Yang Fengrui was stunned, and checked the top 78 rankings in the grade on the teacher's computer, and finally saw Lin Xu's name, No. 1012.He stopped his finger sliding the mouse, stared straight at the number, and after a long delay, he saw his own name at the bottom of [-].At that moment, a sour feeling surged up, and his brain buzzed.

The little bit of joy and pride was instantly wiped clean by cold water.

He always remembers the scene of him teaching Lin Xu how to do the last physics problem. He never thought that one day, he would be so far away from Lin Xu.

He lowered his head and said nothing, his fingers still clinging to the test paper he just got.

Since that day, the teachers found that the child named Yang Fengrui studied like crazy.

Many teachers have also heard that there is a student in the bottom class who can break into the top [-] students in the grade.

It's just that this is not enough, it is still far away.

During that time, Yang Fengrui's memory was all about the dense calculation process on the draft paper under the halo of the desk lamp at night, and the light and shadow reflected by the sun falling on the quilt at dawn.He fell asleep several times while listening to it in class, and was awakened by the ringing of the bell when class was over, staring at the blank textbook in a daze, full of regret.

He has never gone to look for Lin Xu, and occasionally he would stand at the bottom of the teaching building and look up to the window of Lin Xu's classroom. As a young man, his eyes will gradually soften, and all the fatigue will disappear.

Once December is over, the final exam is not far away.The cold weather made it harder to get out of bed each morning.Yang Fengrui often squinted his eyes and wrapped himself in the quilt. He wanted to dawdle and act like a baby, and listened to that nice voice coaxing him: "Yang Fengrui, how old are you? Get up soon! Go eat breakfast! If you don't mind, I'll lift your quilt It's gone." He wanted to drag that guy into the quilt and hug him tightly, and make up for all the missing good morning kisses one by one.

Without that person, he would have to learn how to take care of himself instead.He would get up lightly, put on layer after layer of thick clothes, and pour himself a full cup of hot water when he arrived in the classroom.

He thought again, if he took good care of himself, would he be able to take good care of Xiao Xu in the future?

In the last mock test before the end of the term, he failed the test instead, and his grade ranking dropped to below one thousand.After all, he didn't learn it practically. When he encountered some off-the-wall questions, he had no idea at all.

He also understood that it is normal for grades to fluctuate, but he couldn't bear the discomfort. Looking at his own ranking and Lin Xu's ranking, he felt sour all the time.In the evening, he secretly hid in the corner of the toilet to smoke, and the smoke choked his lungs so badly.

During this period of time, he also often searched for some homosexual information on the Internet, and read some other people's life experiences. They all grew up and divorced, and after dating for more than ten years, they finally broke up.Love is a great thing to say, it seems to break through the limitations of time and space, as long as you love each other, you can ignore the external conditions.But when you really get to know it, you know that these are blind.A long-distance relationship can kill a lot of lovers, and a long-term separation can kill a lot of lovers, let alone those who are not even recognized for liking.

If you can't get into the same university with Xiao Xu, if you can't be in the same city... Yang Fengrui can only feel the smoky hotness in his eyes and heart.

If he can't even stand beside Lin Xu...

Lin Xu hadn't heard any news about Yang Fengrui for a long time. Fortunately, there was no news, including no bad news.

Near the end of the term, the homework of the experimental class was intensified, and almost everyone increased the amount of practice in private to prepare for the exam.Lin Xu walked with the crowd, and was often busy from morning till night.

He would occasionally think of how tightly Yang Fengrui hugged him that night in the hospital, like a dream.

If you ask him, do you still like that guy?

He will still answer: like it.

But maybe people really grow up all the time, he still likes that person, but he no longer feels that the whole world belongs to him as before.He learned to put this relationship aside, and in the most private corner of his heart, he hid the most beautiful emotion in his heart.

When Lin Xu fetched hot water for himself, he would always think of the guy who was so afraid of the cold that he always hugged him all the way and never let go. If the guy doesn't dress himself well, he can wake himself up from the cold when he falls asleep after class.

Sometimes he was doing exercises and doing calculations on the draft paper. When he lost his mind, the pen in his hand would change the strokes, and when he looked back, the three characters "Yang Fengrui" were correct.He lowered his head, lost his mind, pursed his lips, wrote "Lin Xu" next to it, and drew a small heart between the two names.One person stared at it for a while, smirked for a while, and crossed it out secretly.

I like it, like a little Miao Miao who can't be suppressed, always sneaking up and scratching your heart.

Lin Xu occasionally thinks back, it's not bad if this continues.He secretly liked that guy, and no one in his family knew about it, neither did the other party's family members, let alone others, no one would stop him, and he could keep liking like this forever.

He suddenly remembered the feeling of the other party holding him tightly and whispering in his ear, a slight numbness appeared on his body, and his heart beat faster.Lin Xu shook his head, but he still couldn't get rid of the trembling feeling.

He has to admit: he likes that person, and also likes to be hugged and kissed by the other person, and likes to do all the intimate actions with the other person.

Thinking of it this way, my heart was tightened like a rough cloth again, with a sour feeling.

On the day when the final exam ended, Lin Xu's eldest brother came to pick him up.

Winter vacation is about to begin.

Lin Xu hurriedly packed up his things and was ready to go out.When he went downstairs, he kept looking back, wanting to see the classrooms in the bottom class, but he couldn't recognize any of them because of the crowds.

He was thinking blankly: Another semester has passed.

The eldest brother asked him "what's the matter" and "did you do well in the exam" along the way, and he responded casually.

When he was about to leave the school gate, he went out with the crowd of students, took two steps at the gate, and if he felt something, he suddenly turned his head and looked behind him desperately.Holding the bookbag in his hand, he kept looking back on tiptoe.Suddenly, his body stopped, and he saw Yang Fengrui not far away who was panting with his knees bent. The boy ran too fast, and his face was flushed.

Lin Xu squeezed the bookbag tightly with his fingers, and stared straight at the boy, unable to move away for a moment.

Yang Fengrui raised his head with difficulty, and when he saw Lin Xu in the crowd, his gaze was fixed.

That feeling is amazing, although the two are far apart, unable to touch each other, unable to say a word, but none of this matters.

There was a lot of noise around, Lin Xu was pushed back all the way, he could only lift his feet hard, he watched Yang Fengrui straighten up, and looked back seriously, the 1.8-meter big boy was standing in the distance, handsome and handsome.

After a long time, Yang Fengrui seemed to hesitate, and gently raised his hand and waved to him, making a "goodbye" gesture.

Lin Xu was inexplicably uncomfortable, and waved his hand.

The elder brother Lin Jian greeted him from behind, "Lin Xu, what's the matter? Have you met someone you know?"

Lin Xu nodded and wanted to look back, but Yang Fengrui was nowhere to be found.

I haven't seen him for a while. That guy seems to be in a much better mental state. His hair has grown a lot, and the ends are a little curly. He looks frizzy. He hasn't cut his hair for a long time.It seems that it has grown a lot taller, it must be 1.8 meters five.

Lin Xu thought about it, wanted to laugh, but couldn't.

Yang Fengrui took all the textbooks and workbooks home, and went to a nearby bookstore that night to pick out a set of practice questions.

He didn't like living in a relative's house, so Fang Xue rented him a small house with one bedroom and one living room outside, and she often came to visit him during vacations.

That night, Yang Fengrui started to do the exercises.His English is the worst, and he has forgotten many words that he once remembered, so he can only recite them from the beginning. He bought a small book with [-] words for the college entrance examination.

Yang Fengrui is a restless person, and he hates doing things he doesn't like the most.But during that time, he really sat patiently from morning to night.

Those days were like grinding an iron pestle. Every day, he sharpened away his impatience and arrogance.

With time, the youthful and immature feeling of his face has gradually faded, the lines of his cheeks have become hard, his eyebrows have deepened, and the dark light in his eyes is restrained, which makes him look a lot more mature.

But the disadvantage of self-study is that it is easy to get into a dead end. Many topics cannot be understood if the key points are not found.

He accumulated a lot of scattered questions, which was quite annoyed.

At that time, it was also the time when he missed Lin Xu the most. He opened his eyes to think, closed his eyes to think, and when he looked at the titles all over the volume, he thought of the word "Lin Xu".

He was holding a question in his hand that he couldn't finish, so he took a picture of it when he was agitated, hesitated for a while, and pressed a button on his phone-send it.After sending it, he was a little silly again, not knowing what he was doing, and wanted to take back the text message, but it was too late.

After about 10 minutes, the phone vibrated, and Yang Fengrui's hands felt hot, and he almost threw the phone away.

Gently swipe the screen with your finger to unlock it, and click to open the new message.

A picture of a new photo popped up and zoomed in. It was the detailed calculation process of the question just now, and several key steps were marked with red pens.The handwriting is neat and handsome, and even the numbers are round and full, making them look good.

The calculation process of this question is complicated. Yang Fengrui counted the time, and the other party probably started to write as soon as he saw the question. Thinking of this, he couldn't help but touch the clean brush strokes lightly with his fingers.

He thought that once he met Lin Xu, he would never like anyone else again.

Later, Yang Fengrui sent a few more questions one after another, and they answered them one by one.Later, Yang Fengrui sent out two questions every night.

They just do the questions, never speak, and there is not a single extra word.

Occasionally, Lin Xu made a wrong calculation on a question, and Yang Fengrui drew a smiling face under the paper.

After a while, there was a reply over there, and there was an aggrieved crying face under the paper.

Back and forth, Yang Fengrui could laugh so hard that he couldn't see his eyes.

After that, when he studied alone, he became more and more able to calm down and made rapid progress. After studying for a long time, he would send questions to harass that guy. .

Yang Fengrui fell in love with doing problems, because he didn't have to worry about whether he could figure it out or do it well.

There is a person who is always by his side.

Yang Fengrui is still ignorant of the future of the two of them, he only has a vague idea, and he doesn't know how to proceed.

He simply thought, at least he had to be by Lin Xu's side all the time.

He wants to become stronger so that he can protect that guy.So before that, he has to be very good.

The winter vacation was too long for him. After studying, he went out to find a part-time job.Every morning, I go to the warehouse of a nearby supermarket to help with things. I earn 20 yuan for two hours a day.

He originally wanted to find some work as a waiter, but it took too long to affect his studies, so he gave up.

He was sweating profusely while moving the goods, and he would take off his shirt to reveal his upper body. The muscle lines were smooth and stretched to below the abdominal muscles. With the movement of the body, the muscles tightened, and the sweat rolled down, bringing a feeling of youthfulness between teenagers. Hormones unique to men.

Sometimes he couldn't move anymore, so he comforted himself: this is practice, even if Xiao Xu becomes a big fat man in the future, he can easily carry him to the bed.

When I think about it this way, I feel that life is full of hope.

Part-time job in the morning, reciting words and doing questions in the afternoon, and teasing Xiao Xu with the questions in the evening, and the days are like this.The two later posted pictures using chat software.

Occasionally, Lin Xu would send out a question. Yang Fengrui was amused, and worked hard to solve several small traps along the way. Like Lin Xu, he used a red pen to mark the key steps, and the words were neatly written. Send it over.

After a while, Lin Xu sent a blushing little smiley face.

Yang Fengrui was so happy that his mouth fell into two, and he wanted to pat his chest and say, come to me if you don't know how to do it in the future!He was about to send a triumphant expression wearing black sunglasses, but after hesitating, he still sent a kiss.

After a while, Lin Xu also came over with a small expression, also kissing.

"Wow!" Yang Fengrui looked at the two little kisses, howled all the way, rolled on the bed with his pillow in his arms, and gnawed on his own pillow several times.

After that, Yang Fengrui fell in love with all the little expressions about kisses and hugs in the software.

As the New Year approached, Yang Fengrui's part-time job also came to an end. He worked for 20 days and got [-] yuan in his hand.

All the shops on the street are doing big sales, doing the last wave of business before the New Year's Eve.

Yang Fengrui walked on the street alone, looking extremely lonely.Parents have their own homes, and the New Year is even more tragic for him.

Passing by a jade shop, he stopped, looking at the dazzling array of jade at the door, hesitant.After a while, he still walked in.He looked at the trinkets one by one by the counter, his eyes somewhat fascinated.

From a long time ago, he felt that Lin Xu was a young man like jade, gentle and clear.

The accessories made by Yu are not cheap, and he clutched the money tightly in his hands, slightly damp with sweat.

The shopkeeper smiled and asked him, "Do you want to buy it for yourself?"

"No, give it away."

"To whom?"

Yang Fengrui rarely blushed, "The one I like."

The shopkeeper smiled clearly, "I really know how to choose gifts. Jade is especially good for health. Usually, once worn, it lasts a lifetime."

Yang Fengrui raised his head, fell in love with the word "Lifetime", and asked, "What should I give as a gift? Keep it simple."

The shop owner thought about it, pointed to a row of jade rings in the corner and asked, "Is it okay to buckle it? Many people wear it, which means to ward off evil spirits and keep safe. It is simple and generous."

Yang Fengrui looked carefully one by one, his eyes stopped on a piece of safety buttons that were bright white and soft green, and looked repeatedly, and he had already outlined in his mind the appearance of the young man wearing this jade on his white chest, and his heartbeat quickened.He pointed at it: "How much?"

The owner glanced at it, "Ah, it is very beautiful jade, and the green is also beautiful. People raise jade for three years, and jade raises people for a lifetime. After staying with people for a long time, this jade will become more and more like the owner. This piece of 420, If you want it, I will give you a student price, how about 408?"

Yang Fengrui bargained with the shopkeeper again, and finally settled on 390 yuan, 400 yuan was gone in no time, and with ten yuan left, he made do with a meal.

After returning home, he rubbed the jade in his hands, liking it more and more, reluctant to leave, warming the jade to the same temperature as his body.He lifted the jade high up and looked at it under the light. He became obsessed with his eyes, and his mind was full of Lin Xu's appearance.

Before going to bed, he was still reluctant to loosen it, so he put it on himself first, sticking it to his chest, and his whole chest became warm.

During the holidays, when he was bored alone, he often took out the safety buckle from his chest, held it in his hand, and stroked it with his thumb over and over again, with a gentle expression that he had never had before.

Those turbulent likes slowly settled in the bottom of my heart, accumulating layer after layer.

The days are rushing, and it is still the day of the New Year's Eve.The surrounding rental houses were empty, and fireworks were set off on the square in the distance, illuminating a colorful sky from a distance.

Yang Fengrui guessed that Lin Xu's family had to have a New Year's Eve dinner and was busy for a long time.He wrapped a thick coat and sat on the balcony to watch the fireworks.At some point, the small safety buckle was already clenched tightly in the palm of his hand.

There were bright lights in the distance, he was hidden in the darkness, his head was raised, his eyes were overwhelmed by the feasting and feasting.The night wind was cold, and his cheeks were sore that he felt nothing.

He actually didn't know what he and Lin Xu were now?Are you dating?Certainly not.Are you a friend?Not really.What will become of them in the future?Who knows, just take it one step at a time.

"It's been a year." He murmured.At this time last year, they were still thousands of miles away, but they missed each other with all their hearts, and their initial love was suppressed so violently that they really wanted to be together all the time.I also hope that he can be with Xiaoxu every year in the future, until both of them grow up and grow old.

Things are unpredictable.

When it was approaching midnight, the phone rang suddenly. He looked at the word "Xiao Xu" displayed on the screen, and his eye circles suddenly turned red.

He huddled on the balcony, like an inconspicuous black shadow, only a slight light could illuminate his face.

"Hey."

"Ah Rui?" The young man's voice was like the stars in the night sky, and the delicate and gentle light illuminated the entire night.

Yang Fengrui suddenly tightened his body, feeling that the love that was full of his chest was about to overflow, and replied in a low voice: "Yes."

After a moment of silence, neither of them knew what to say.

Someone seemed to be pressing Lin Xu's side, so he hurriedly said, "I'll hang up first, happy new year."

Yang Fengrui's eyes dimmed, he lowered his head, spread out his palms, looked at the warm Ping'an buckle lying in the middle, his eyes softened, and he said softly, "Happy New Year." Kiss gently on the lips.

The warm temperature of the jade was transmitted to his lips, Yang Fengrui slowly closed his eyes, and Lin Xu's closed eyelashes trembling in his mind, he lowered his head...

It seems that I can still feel the soft touch.

Fireworks bloomed in the distance, dazzling the entire sky.