Eat little by little

Fang Xue wanted to transfer Yang Fengrui to another school, but she overestimated her own abilities. A divorced and remarried woman fell into an ordinary family.And a key university in the city, how can she get in if she wants to?Yang Fengrui's grades are not good, and his school is a rare city center. Fang Xue exhausted her weak contacts and could no longer let her son transfer to a better school halfway.

Because she paid too much attention to Yang Fengrui these days, the relationship between her and her current husband has become a little stiff, and she is alone and helpless at the moment, and all thoughts are really hopeless.

It is impossible for her to really prevent her child from going to school. After putting down the mobile phone in her hand, she sat on the sofa and wept obsessively.

When Yang Fengrui came out of the room, he saw his mother crying alone in the dark. He stood in the distance for a long time, and finally fumbled to turn on the light in the living room.

When the incandescent lamp is turned on, the whole living room is exposed to the view.

Fang Xue raised her head, her eyes were red and swollen from crying, the corners of her eyes were wrinkled, her hair was messed up, and she was just a few years older.

Yang Fengrui suffocated for breath, and felt sore for no reason.

In the cold and empty living room, a woman's mournful voice came slowly, "Xiaofeng, isn't mom useless?"

I have been busy all my life, but I have not obtained my own happiness.He wanted to find a way out for his son, but he couldn't.

"I thought it was love at the time..." The woman didn't take the following words, and blinked her eyes twice in pain.She looked up at her immature son, as if she had seen herself at this age through time, a young girl with a flowery smile, flowing eyebrows, looking bright.

Time is so cruel, and when I think back to the beginning, even I feel strange.

Fang Xue lowered her eyelids wearily.

"Xiaofeng, I thought it was a very difficult thing at the time, but now it seems that I don't think so. It was because I was too sentimental at the time. How can there be so much pain and sorrow in the world? When you meet more If you meet more people, you will find that this world is still very big, and you will find that there are many helplessness in this world. You will encounter many things that you cannot do by yourself, and you will find that you have more. How insignificant. Your year, your incident, is just a small drop in your entire life. Soon..." The woman murmured, "It's over."

Every single word drained Yang Fengrui's soul.

"Next week is the monthly exam. I will arrange less homework these few days. Everyone, hurry up and preview." The head teacher habitually ordered a few words before class, then lowered his head and glanced at the empty seat near the window, and suddenly thought, "Oh yes Yes, Yang Fengrui from our class will come back from illness in a few days and will be transferred to class [-] downstairs. Which one of you has a better relationship with him? We can help pack things together."

"Ah, why do you want to turn around?"

"It turned out to be Class [-]. Isn't that Class C? It's said to be a mess."

"Did something happen?"

……

Amidst the noise, Lin Xu froze, pressing the black pen tightly with his fingertips, and the homework assigned by the teacher today was just recorded on the white notebook page.

He raised his head pale and looked at the teacher.

The homeroom teacher couldn't see Lin Xu's face clearly from a distance, so he smiled casually, "Lin Xu, you are his deskmate, so you can help."

Today the teacher did not leave much marks on the blackboard, but the whole podium was still covered with chalk dust when the students on duty wiped the blackboard.The teacher's smile also became blurred and shallow in the chalk dust, and the surroundings seemed to fall into the chalk dust all over the sky, and it was all foggy.

No matter how hard Lin Xu blinked, he couldn't see the scene in front of him clearly, and he couldn't remember whether he nodded or not.

After the classmates left at noon, he stayed to organize Yang Fengrui's things.

A pile of textbooks, a pile of exercise books, a pile of notebooks and exercise books, a pile of test papers, and other miscellaneous things, such as pen boxes, pen holders, folders... Some textbooks have not written their names, Lin Xu lowered his body, Write the words "Yang Fengrui" stroke by stroke in the middle of the first page.The teacher of the exercise book has already arranged many pages, and Lin Xu put a small note in each exercise book, writing the latest progress of the homework.

He packed very slowly, and time passed quickly. The sun was shining brightly at noon, and he had already missed the last time to go back to the dormitory.

When sorting the test papers, Lin Xu was so sleepy that he fell asleep holding a dozen test papers at some point.When he woke up in a daze, his hands were numb from the pillow, and he was in a trance, and the test paper he had just finished in his hand was scattered on the floor.

Lin Xu lowered his head and looked at the test papers all over the floor. He stared at it for a long time like a fool, but in the end, he looked like he was about to cry.

Once some people leave, no one will know that he is suffering.

Lin Xu squatted down, picked up one by one, and divided them again while there was still some time before the afternoon class.

He is familiar with the handwriting on the test paper, the pattern of answering questions, the questions that are often deducted points, and the marks that are often taken for each subject.His fingertips rested on the last completed math test paper, as if it was still yesterday in his memory, Yang Fengrui insisted with a puffy face: "It must be a wrong number! It can't be so big." Come up and hug him, "It's so troublesome to calculate here, you do the math, you do the math..."

Lin Xu stared at the unfinished question, his shoulders trembled slightly, but he couldn't finish it anymore.

So be it.

Unfinished calculation questions, uncategorized test papers, and unfinished love.

After school in the afternoon, Lin Xu carried his books and went downstairs.

The key points of the city have always been large schools, with thousands of students in one grade, and twenty or so classes. Even though they are in the same grade, the gap between classes is like a gap, and the floors between floors are like two worlds that never intersect.

Class [-] and Class [-], Class A and Class C, the third floor and the second floor.

Holding a stack of books, Lin Xu walked on a completely unfamiliar floor, counting class numbers from classroom to classroom, and finally stopped at the door of Class [-], his eyes fell on a set of vacant desks and chairs beside the door.

In the evening, the afterglow covered the entire campus, and the small teaching building seemed to be shrouded in shadow.

From the third floor to the second floor, a teenager in school uniform was holding piles of books, one after another, until the table and chairs next to his seat were empty.

Time seems to slow down, and every second is infinitely stretched like a hanging spider's silk.

Lin Xu stood beside his seat, staring at the tablemate who had nothing left without blinking, without any movement or words.

Yang Fengrui went back to school the next day.

No one knew that when he saw the neatly tidied and clean desktops and drawers in a completely unfamiliar class, his mood almost collapsed on the spot.

Books, exercise books, test papers, water glasses...all of them are arranged in the way he is familiar with.

He will never meet another Xiao Xu again, he will never meet such a stupid fool again.

Their love, no one knows when it rises, and no one knows when it ends.

Lin Xu didn't know when Yang Fengrui came back, nor where he lived these days.This is the case with schools, once the space is staggered, it can be staggered for three years without difficulty.

Most of the students spend their whole high school, and they only know the classmates in the class, not to mention that they are not only separated from each other, but also separated from each other by floor?

In the first few days, Lin Xu could still hear Yang Fengrui's name among his classmates, but after a while, no one mentioned him anymore.

The last time I saw his name was in the grade list of the monthly exam results in the teacher's office.

He and Yang Fengrui both failed the exam.

Maybe it was the teacher who informed the parents that when I came home this time, my mother cooked a table of meals.

Lin Xu rarely reveals his preferences, but all the dishes on the table are his favorites.My younger brother likes to eat salty food. He eats light food, so the usual egg custard is added with more salt.But this time, Lin Yuan was too lazy to touch the plate of egg custard that seemed tasteless.

Seeing that Lin Xu was eating well, Mother Lin reached out to touch her child's soft hair. She wanted to say something, but she didn't know what to say.

This child is like this, every time he feels uncomfortable, he is alone.

"Lin Xu, are you having a bad time at school? You look depressed all the time."

Lin Xu lowered his head and took two mouthfuls of food, then shook his head.

The mother sighed, and had to put her hands on her child's shoulders, "The last time your elder brother came back, he told me something. I didn't expect so many things that I didn't notice... When I was young, I thought you were naughty and troublesome. It will be easier for us when you grow up and go to college. But when you really grow up..." Mother Lin said with a wry smile, "If you are all gone, no one will like my cooking. "

"It doesn't matter if you fail the exam, don't put so much pressure on yourself. Mom just hopes that you will all be well."

Lin Xu muffled his voice, "Mom."

The mouth is full of the taste that I have been used to since childhood, the dishes on the table are still steaming, and the warm yellow lights in the living room embrace the family that is rarely gathered together.

Parents used their own love to create a home without wind, rain and cold.

The conversation with the eldest brother seemed to be close at hand. Lin Xu raised his head to look at his mother, who was getting more wrinkles and her face was getting yellower. His eyes were clouded by the heat, and he hurriedly buried his head in eating.

His life seems to have changed, but it seems never to change.

Lin Xu remembered that Yang Fengrui had held his hand a long time ago and said tremblingly, "Xiao Xu, just try it."

He smiled bitterly, so what is this?Tried it?Has the wrong track been corrected?

The bitterness of wanting to refuse can't be cut off, and it suddenly disappears when I really want to hold it in my hand.

In just one winter, his whole life was turned upside down.

Lin Xu looked at his mother and father in the heat, as well as his younger brother who was one year younger, and blinked.

Just like at this moment, even though he has thousands of words, even though he is full of sadness, but he can't say it, and the people around him won't know.

This upended his whole life. If he didn't speak up, his family would never know.

Time does not stop, everyone is pushed forward.

This winter, it will be buried in the torrent of time and crushed in forgotten memories.

Like, nothing ever happened.

Is this a lovelorn?Lin Xu didn't dare to make a definition.If it's a broken love, it's also his broken love alone, and even the pain has to be done secretly.

Everyone likes the free and easy attitude when falling in love, calm and breezy, affordable and let go.

The saddest time of losing a relationship is the dead of night, when you can't sleep.

He opened his eyes and looked around in panic.

He thought he was used to being alone, but found that the most uncomfortable thing was becoming a person again after knowing what it was like to be accompanied.

There will no longer be that person's smirk when he is around you to make you happy, no longer will there be the noisy sound of that person around you from time to time, and there will never be the temperature of that person holding you in his arms... full of mind Everything is good for that person.

This is really torture.

This kind of parting is the disappearance of every detail around you.

When you wake up, there is no warm body around you, when you brush your teeth, there is no strange hand grabbing your towel, when you walk, there is no immature child holding your hand tightly, when you are in class, there is no special user staring at you in a daze, eating The persistent boy who put meat in your bowl is gone... So, you miss him when you sleep, you miss him when you wake up, you miss him when you are in class, you miss him when you eat... When you are not paying attention, you think about him up.

Missing my bones, the more I think about it, the more painful it becomes.

Lin Xu has never been in a relationship before, and there are not many familiar ones around him who have been in a relationship.

He wondered if he was too stupid to learn how not to miss him.He only knew that the more he thought about it, the more he would think about it, his internal organs ached as he thought about it, as if countless bugs were biting, swallowing his heart with small mouthfuls.

Occasionally, he would laugh at himself and think that when he didn't think about it one day, his heart must have been gnawed away.

Yang Fengrui never came to look for him, so Lin Xu didn't look for him either.

Lin Xu often saw Fang Xue waiting at the school gate in the evening, and guessed that Yang Fengrui was picked up by his mother every night.

Of course, he could still see Yang Fengrui's flashing figure in the cafeteria and on the playground.

Until a real face-to-face encounter.

It was the time for lunch after school at noon, and the two met at the stairs.

There were a lot of people in the stairs, as soon as Lin Xu lowered his head, he saw Yang Fengrui not far ahead.

The boy was still the same as before, with frizzy hair, drooping eyelids, tight mouth corners, light lips, and a slight curvature of the chin, looking extremely unhappy.

Suddenly, Lin Xu lost his strength and passively walked forward with the crowd, his eyes fell on that person as he was used to.

When everyone finally went down the stairs, the big boy glanced back irritably, and his expression changed instantly.

There was a roar of people around, and the crowd was pushing hard. Every time Lin Xu stepped down the stairs, his body would shake slightly.He saw the panic flashing in Yang Fengrui's eyes, the other party avoided his gaze, but then turned back as if realizing something.

Lin Xu was slightly startled, and habitually wanted to put on a smile, but it seemed that he failed.Yang Fengrui's hair is a little longer than before, and the ends are slightly curled.The under eyelids are all black and blue, and his complexion is very bad.A slight stubble protruded from under his chin, like a naughty child who couldn't take care of himself.

Yang Fengrui came back to his senses in a hurry after being pushed almost to the ground, his mind was full of Xiao Xu's face turning pale just now and looking sick.Subconsciously, it was like rushing up to grab him and touch his forehead to see if he had a fever.But the group of students quickly rushed down the last step. He was pushed and ran out. His face touched the bright sunlight outside. He was dazzled for a moment. The tighter it is, the eyes are already red.

Lin Xu fell behind and couldn't move after a few steps. He found a place where he could lean his back and squatted down to rest.He tried his best to take a few deep breaths before standing up, the unique coolness of the lime wall behind him passed slowly, making his violently beating heart slowly calm down, and then the bone-piercing pain followed closely, this time it was not Like before, he always felt empty in his heart, as if a cold wind was blowing faintly, making him shiver all over.

He covered his eyes with his hands, let himself sink into the darkness, and said hoarsely, "Don't think about it."

At that time, they all believed like people holding driftwood after drowning: this winter was really just an accident, and after a long time, it was just a period of youth and frivolity recalled after getting old.

That's what all the adults, the articles, the TV say.

But I don't want him, and I can't bear it.I am afraid that I will really think that this is not a big deal in the future, and if I stop thinking about it now, I will never think about it again.

So let it be like this, secretly miss, no one knows anyway.

It just hurts a little.

Lin Xu thought nonchalantly, he has never been afraid of this since he was a child, and he will always get used to it.

In this way, April is almost over, and the spring is drizzling, and the whole south is shrouded in damp water vapor.

In a few days it will be the mid-term exam, and there is another round of wailing in the classroom.

Lin Xu has already had a new tablemate beside him, also a boy named Li Yiheng.He has a good relationship with his new tablemate, and they often chat with each other on weekdays.

Almost no one in the class talked about Yang Fengrui anymore, but some girls joked about Lin Xu and his new deskmate.Li Yiheng is a serious person, every time he explains on the outline and on the line, after a few days, those jokes lose interest, and he turns to other people.

"I really don't know what's going on with the girls now, it's too scary." Li Yiheng turned around murmuring, "What's wrong with you? You haven't finished talking about your hometown yet?"

Lin Xu lay on the table, showing half of his head, and said with a smile, "It's okay, I'm a little sleepy, and I'll continue chatting with you later."

"Okay then. I'll drink some water first... Haha, it's really hot again, Lin Xu, you helped me finish it again, right?"

Lin Xu covered his head and didn't reply.

He's just not happy.

I am not happy that everyone has forgotten Yang Fengrui, and I am not happy that the other protagonist who was joked about is not that bastard.

He still misses him.

He was particularly afraid that one day, he wouldn't miss that guy anymore, and no one would miss him.

When school was over at noon, the rain suddenly increased.Sudden and violent drops of water washed against the glass windows like a cascade, and in the rolling water flow were the phantoms of the blurred branches and leaves being pulled outside.

The sound of pattering rain was in full swing, hitting everyone's eardrums, with a faint trembling echo.

Students with umbrellas rushed away, and those without umbrellas went around borrowing umbrellas to fight for umbrellas. After half an hour, there were not many people left in the entire teaching building.

Lin Xu stood under the eaves and waited quietly for 10 minutes. He found that the rain had not decreased, but when he got used to it, he planned to continue waiting.

The water vapor rushed towards the face, carrying the unique fragrance of leaves and soil, falling on the face, and the eyelashes became heavy.It became a bit difficult to blink, so Lin Xu simply lowered his eyelashes, staring at the ripples splashed by the falling rain in the puddle not far away, in a daze.

In fact, he had an umbrella, but he gave it to Yang Fengrui when he cleaned it up.That guy, he used to rub his umbrella every time... I hope that idiot can find that umbrella.

Why did I think of him again.

Lin Xu wiped away the moisture from his face with his hands. Hearing the sound of the rain, and looking at the dead leaves in the puddles, his heart felt damp and cold.

He suddenly wished that the rain would keep falling and never stop, and then slowly submerge his body, submerging his whole body in the water.

Is it like this, he can escape from this world for a short time.

He thought that no matter how uncomfortable it was, he could handle it.

It may be that after a long time, Lin Xu felt that his legs were numb. He wanted to stand up, but he couldn't move.But soon, he stopped trying to stand up, and a familiar umbrella appeared above his head.

A familiar voice muffled: "I'll take you back."

At that moment, Lin Xu felt his heart being gnawed madly by insects, and his eyes were red with pain.

Along the way, both of them walked very slowly.

The small umbrella couldn't cover the two big boys, and the rain soaked half of their clothes.The sneakers under his feet stepped into the puddles, like a sponge soaked in the water, absorbing the water, and every step after that, it became heavier.The socks were also soaked, and the water vapor penetrated from the countless acupuncture points on the soles of the feet and rose along the blood vessels, like sticking bloodworms sucking the blood in the flesh.

Neither of them made a sound, as if they both acquiesced to the oppressive calm.

The water droplets hit the umbrella surface, like countless sharp needles trying to pierce the umbrella, making a dull metallic sound after colliding.Densely packed fine needles are pierced through every gap, giving people the illusion of being punctured with blood every step they take.

Perhaps the rain was so loud that they couldn't hear the voices of both sides.

Lin Xu just walked forward blankly, until his wrist was suddenly grabbed, and a shout came from behind, "Lin Xu!"

The heat of the wrist being tightly grasped was transmitted to the cold water droplets on the skin, Lin Xu shivered, and his whole body seemed to be stuck by something.

The voice behind paused for a second, "Xiao Xu, I'm sorry."

The boy's pronunciation after the voice-changing period was already very low, as if it had merged into the dull sound of rain, and then disappeared into the water curtain all over the sky.

Lin Xu dryly opened his eyes wide and looked into the distance, desperately refusing to blink, even though the rain had already fallen all over his face.

"Xiao Xu, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Lin Xu didn't know if he was crying or not. Anyway, his face was covered with water, and no one could tell.

Yang Fengrui pulled Lin Xu back into the umbrella, and forcibly turned his face back. When he saw the red eyes, he was relieved.

Yang Fengrui stared blankly at the young man in front of him, and tightly held the other's wrist with his fingers, until he finally hugged Lin Xu tremblingly and cautiously.He restrained the opponent's struggle with his body, and his voice trembled, "Xiao Xu, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Sorry for dragging you in, sorry for pushing you out.

He's just that bad, he's just that jerk.

Lin Xu felt the scalding heat pouring into his neck, which made his body tremble slightly.That voice is still so familiar, like begging for mercy after making countless mistakes, "Xiao Xu, I'm sorry."

The umbrella had already lost its balance and fell to the floor.

In the heavy rain, the two big boys cried silently.

Loving someone is really hard.

"Xiao Xu, hit me, whatever you want." Yang Fengrui didn't dare to touch the tears on Lin Xu's cheek.

He made Xiaoxu cry again, and Xiaoxu cried more than anything else.

He has never been able to protect this man.In the past month, he was really going crazy. He thought that maybe it would be better if he transferred to another school.He misses this guy in every scene on campus, every road he walks, and every book he holds in his hand.He wanted to see him like crazy.

But that's all he could think about.

There has been a lack of an explanation between them.

Lin Xu wiped whoever was on his face and looked at the person in front of him. He could always easily perceive the other person's emotions.Those black obsidian eyes were dyed a chaotic gray by the gray rain, and in that gray was heavy unbearable pain.

He was always reluctant to see the other party being sad, and he was also reluctant to see the other party being embarrassed.

Lin Xu found that his empty heart was still infinitely empty, the rain seemed to melt into his eyes, and even the tears were cold when they flowed out.

The words that sounded like a long time ago resounded in my ears:

"Xiao Xu, we will go to a university in the future."

"Huh? It's so far away."

"Must be together."

"Haha, well, let's go to a university farther away."

……

"Ah Rui, let's break up."

The sound of the rumbling rain seemed to disappear at this moment, and everything turned into nothingness for a moment.

Lin Xu saw Yang Fengrui's pupils suddenly widened, and felt him hug his body tightly.

Lin Xu was distracted by this long-lost body temperature, and the bone-eating miss was greedily devouring the temperature at this moment like an unsatisfied gluttony, wishing for more and more, and if he was full in one breath, he would be able to eat more. Hold on for a while.

Yang Fengrui hugged tightly the only source of warmth in the freezing cold sky.

The hair was tightly attached to the skin, and the tiny water marks slid down the hair tip against the skin, as if it had penetrated into the skin.The clothes stick to the body, and the water falls with the raindrops under the force of gravity.

On the main road back to the dormitory, at an inconspicuous corner stood two teenagers who seemed to be swallowed by the heavy rain.

Yang Fengrui said in a hoarse voice: "Xiao Xu, do you like me?"

"like."

"Xiao Xu, do you like me?"

"like."

……

Yang Fengrui was like a wounded beast, with red eyes, repeating this question over and over again.

The voices of the two people were so weak that they were not clear in the sound of the rain, and only the other party could hear them.

Like it?

like.

They are so young, and they also know that love is different from liking, so they don't talk about love.But they know that this liking is different from other likings. It's not liking for kittens and puppies, it's not liking for an old thing, it's not liking for a new gift, this liking... So private, so shy, so unique.

Yang Fengrui tried to touch Lin Xu's face for the last time, and stroked the corners of his eyes with his fingers, with a sad expression: "Xiao Xu, do you still like other boys?"

Lin Xu closed his eyes, "No."

Yang Fengrui seemed to be smiling. He buried his face in Lin Xu's shoulder and asked with a hoarse voice, "So, am I your only one?"

"Well, the only one." Lin Xu couldn't hold back anymore, tears came out violently.

you are my only.

"Goodbye, Yang Fengrui."

That was the heaviest rain since the beginning of spring today. It seemed to wash away the sky that had not been cleaned for a long time. After the rain stopped, the sky was blue and cloudless.

Lin Xu only remembered the last moment of that day, and Yang Fengrui turned around and left.He said to him with red eyes: "Xiao Xu, don't cry in the future." I'm not here, you can't cry.

On that day, they all grew up suddenly.

Their madness, their enthusiasm, their impulsiveness, with the winter that ended not long ago, is over.

That year, they were 16 years old.

That year, no one believed in their love.