Eat little by little

With two days left before the start of school, Lin Xu helped Yang Fengrui finish his winter vacation homework and planned to return to school early.

On the day of leaving, Yang Fengrui was called aside by his mother.

"Xiaofeng, why don't you stay one more day? Mom will send you to school tomorrow, okay?" Fang Xue's tone was pleading.

"No, I'll go back with Lin Xu." Yang Fengrui responded casually.

Fang Xue frowned, and could hardly suppress her bad tone, "Why do you have to be with him?"

"I'm just..." I like it.

Yang Fengrui almost blurted out, but bit his tongue and snapped back, "Lin Xu came to the house to accompany me, and he can't let him go back to school alone. Besides, I haven't finished my homework, so I have to ask him."

With Yang Fengrui's temper, he has always been too lazy to explain. The more he explains, the more ridiculous Fang Xue will find it.She knew her child's small movements and expressions so well, and the other's dodging eyes were caught in her eyes one by one.She was suddenly very irritable. Her dearest son didn't want to stay with her for one more minute, but he always hung out with another man, and that man also... "When did you meet him?"

"Third year of junior high school."

"Did you not fall in love after the third year of junior high?" Fang Xue was keenly aware of something.

"Dating, it happened a long time ago, wait... what do you want to ask? Oh, do you think I'm causing you trouble again?" Yang Fengrui met his mother's gaze.

Fang Xue felt something was choking her throat, and she couldn't ask the following question no matter what.This guess was too malicious, too sharp, and too sinister for a child.

Are you not in love because of that boy?Does Lin Xu's child have sexual problems?Did he do something to you?

People always tend to choose the possibility they want to believe, let alone a mother, a mother who instinctively protects her children.

Even though, when Lin Xu called her "Auntie", his smile was so warm.

Fang Xue can only speculate on the development of the matter and try to restore the truth of the matter as much as possible.She knew something was wrong with her child, but she was not sure whether her child knew it, nor whether the other party knew it, let alone whether the two children had progressed, or where they had progressed... She could only keep telling For herself, the matter is not as serious as she thinks, maybe even what she is thinking at this moment is thinking too much.

In adolescence, it is normal to be a little curious, and it is understandable to have other emotions.Xiaofeng has always lacked the guidance of his elders, yes, he lacks the guidance of others.

Fang Xue hinted to herself like this again, so she couldn't be anxious or appear flustered.She tried her best to laugh: "Do you need mom to prepare anything for you? Did you bring the new down jacket?"

"Bring it, I have to ask Xiao Xu." Yang Fengrui thought for a while and muttered.

At this moment, Fang Xue's uneasiness magnified countless times. She almost couldn't help holding her son down and asking: Do you know what expression you have now?What happened to you and that kid?

Yang Fengrui waved his hand, "I'll go down first, Xiao Xu is still waiting below."

Fang Xue stood in the corridor, watching helplessly as her son turned around and left behind his back until the figure of the big boy disappeared at the door.She lowered her body as if she was exhausted, and finally smiled wryly, "Why don't you even say 'goodbye mother'?"

She would always think of the phone calls Xiaofeng made secretly when she was very young. On the other end of the phone was a childish voice, and every time she would ask: "Mom, when are you coming to pick me up?" Later, the child stopped asking this question , he would say: "Mom, will you come to see me?" Later, the child would cry when he heard her voice, the voice was soft and hoarse, "Mom, I miss you so much." Until one day, she was surprised She felt that she hadn't received a call from that child for a long time.

The call that couldn't be stopped no matter how I changed the phone number, just disappeared one day.

Every time she thinks about it, she will cry and tremble all over.

At that time, when the temperature officially returned to temperature, the warm sunlight shone through the window on the two squinting boys, and the swaying long-distance bus made people drowsy even more.

Yang Fengrui curled up and leaned on Lin Xu's shoulder, confused: "It's so bright."

Lin Xu used Ling half of his body to carefully close the curtains to cover up the gradually dazzling sunlight.

There are still two hours to the station, not a long time, very suitable for catching up on sleep.Yang Fengrui grasped Lin Xu's hand gropingly with his hands, curled his mouth in satisfaction, and fell asleep peacefully.

The knuckles are clasped together, the slightly hard touch, the familiar strength, and the slight body temperature are transmitted from the contact place.

Lin Xu was also sleepy. Looking at the guy next to him who was already asleep, he leaned on the guy's head, found a comfortable angle, and closed his eyes.Before going to bed, he covered the two of them with a large coat, and by the way, covered their clenched hands.

In his sleep, Lin Xu frowned tightly and was not at peace. After being woken up by the chatter of passengers next to him a few times, he simply stopped sleeping and opened his eyes in a daze.

Occasionally, he would look at the guy next to him who was sleeping like a dead pig, unable to tell what he was thinking.Yang Fengrui was used to being heartless, but he was much more sensitive. Aunt Yang's behavior made him feel weird, and he always felt that something was wrong.

"It won't be discovered." Lin Xu murmured softly, startled by his own thoughts.But soon, it was covered with empty confusion and loss of what to do.

If found out, found out... what would happen?He couldn't imagine that in the future, his mind would be filled with darkness, like a dead sea, so deep that it didn't know the bottom.

Unexpected, or, dare not think.

School is like an isolated world. As soon as school starts, all the children are like cogs that have been forcibly installed, creaking and chasing the clock to turn.

The aftertaste brought by the winter vacation has not disappeared, and the students are still talking about the interesting things that happened in their winter vacation, laughing and chatting with their long-lost companions.On the other hand, new textbooks have been issued and new courses have started.The days when every day was teachers and classmates, classes and homework came back like this.

There are a few big words on the blackboard of the class meeting: new semester, new beginning, new goal.

The squad leader speaks, the study committee members speak, and the top students in the final exam introduce their learning experience... The already arranged process is repeated every year, no matter what region or age, they have never escaped this cycle.

Every class meeting Yang Fengrui used to catch up on sleep, and this time was no exception.Lin Xu, on the other hand, listens obediently from the beginning to the end every time.Yang Fengrui can never understand why Lin Xu can hear meaningful content, and Lin Xu also can't understand why Yang Fengrui always despises and slanders the efforts of these students.

This seems to be doomed, some people's rankings will always be at the bottom of the crane, while some people will always be at the top of the class, and some people will never be so high or low.

But these did not affect, Yang Fengrui and Lin Xu were inseparable.

The two get up and brush their teeth together, eat breakfast together, do morning reading together, eat lunch together, and do exercises together... Wherever there is Yang Fengrui, there is Lin Xu, and where there is Lin Xu, Yang Fengrui will appear soon.

When Lin Xu buys breakfast, he will bring an extra piece of bread for his tablemate who is hungry in the morning; Yang Fengrui will buy an extra sweet milk for his roommate to drink before going to bed when he buys drinks after playing basketball.

Yang Fengrui's black fountain pen is always placed in Lin Xu's pen case, and Lin Xu's Chinese workbook will always appear in Yang Fengrui's drawer.

At that time, even at the most noisy time, as soon as Lin Xu pushed open the classroom door, Yang Fengrui could reflexively raise his head from his seat and look towards the door.However, Lin Xu always looked at Yang Fengrui's seat immediately.

Because of Lin Xu's request, Yang Fengrui would quietly use an evening self-study to recite his most hated political book, just to keep the teacher from bothering Lin Xu; English homework and painstakingly excused the other party, and even asked for punishment.

At that time, they used such a simple and clumsy way to express their love.

Those days were ordinary and beautiful, so that every time Yang Fengrui recalled them later, he would think that those days only appeared in his imagination.

He had thought that days like that would last for a long, long time.

Mother called again.

Yang Fengrui sat on the bed, resting his head on the shoulder of Lin Xu who was reading next to him, feeling the vibration of the phone, and muttered, "Xiao Xu, I don't want to answer it."

Lin Xu gulped down the sweet milk from the school canteen, "You didn't pick it up yesterday."

"Hmm. She's so annoying, I don't know what to say."

The dormitory with the lights off, the narrow one-meter-wide bed, and the still warm quilt of Lin Xu's house, these are the environments Yang Fengrui is most familiar with, and more importantly, there is Lin Xu here.

In the end, he grabbed his mobile phone and got out of bed irritably, and went out of the dormitory door to the other end of the corridor to answer the phone.

After Yang Fengrui left, Lin Xu raised his head, put down the unturned book in his hand, and quietly waited for the other person to come back on the bed.

"Hey, what's the matter?" The corridor was connected to the small balcony, the night wind was cold, Yang Fengrui didn't wear much, and now he was shivering.

"It's nothing, Mom just misses you."

"It's okay, I'll hang up."

"No," the other side hesitated for a while, "How did you think about the idea of ​​changing classes that Mom told you before? The head teacher of that class is very good..."

"I said no!"

"But……"

"What the hell do you want to do? I think my academic performance is poor? Do you think it will be better if you change the head teacher? Why didn't you care about my grades before..."

"Xiaofeng, it was my mother who was wrong before, and my mother admitted everything to you, so just listen to me this time, okay?"

Yang Fengrui wanted to drop his phone a few times, "It's so wooly! I've done well in class, why did you ask me to change classes? The transfer you mentioned before is even more ridiculous! Who sent me here before?" !"

The other side finally got anxious, "It's not about grades, mom just hopes that you... hope you..."

"what do you want to say in the end!"

"I hope you stay away from that Lin Xu!"

Yang Fengrui was stunned, he didn't react for a long time, but suddenly the weight of the clothes came from his body, he turned around, and saw Lin Xu who was coming with a fleece coat, the boy's eyes were very clear and bright in the dark night, Yang Fengrui made a hoarse voice .

The voice on the phone still continued, "Xiaofeng? Did you hear that? I know you find it unpleasant, and that's your good friend too... Hey hey hey..."

Yang Fengrui hung up the phone subconsciously, his heart was beating very fast, as if hitting his chest, making him short of breath.He had no way or time to think deeply about the meaning of the sentence just now, but he instinctively cut off the subsequent conversation.He stared at Lin Xu in a daze, his mind was so dizzy that he couldn't utter a single word when he opened his mouth.

"Finished?" Lin Xu asked.

"Well, I'm done." Yang Fengrui gathered his coat guiltily, and suddenly said, "Why did you come out without putting on your things?" He was about to take off his clothes.

"No, I'll just come out to deliver a piece of clothes and then go back. I didn't expect you to finish the fight." Lin Xu was absent-minded, turning around to go back while talking, when suddenly he was grabbed by the hand behind him.

Yang Fengrui's immediate reaction was that he didn't want Lin Xu to leave, but he didn't know what to say, so he could only hold his hand so stiffly, lowered his head and said nothing.

The temperature dropped very quickly at night. Even though he was wearing a coat, Yang Fengrui felt the chill was piercing. After a while, he hurriedly pulled Lin Xu onto his body and hugged him gently with his still warm body. Only then did he realize that the boy was covered with cold.

Yang Fengrui put his head against Lin Xu's cheek, trying to wipe off the cold with his face.

If someone walked out of the dormitory at this time, they might find two little black figures embracing each other on the balcony.

During that time, the two had always had this tacit understanding.Lin Xu never asked what Aunt Yang said, and Yang Fengrui never mentioned it.

He began to refuse to answer his mother's calls, and even threw the phone off in the cabinet.

It was an indescribable intuition that refused to know any reason even without asking why.

Yang Fengrui stopped playing with his mobile phone every night, and would accompany Lin Xu to do exercises. When he was bored, he would look up at the person opposite him and see his yellowed silhouette under the desk lamp.

Lin Xu looked up at him occasionally, with straightforward and pure eyes, the two of them would stare quietly for a while.

It was a kind of silent depression, often Yang Fengrui would not be able to hold on first, and would look away.

"Xiaoxu, I..." Yang Fengrui gritted his teeth, his mother's words always lingered in his mind, like an invisible landmine, he didn't know where it was buried, always worried that the next step would explode.

Lin Xu suddenly turned off the desk lamp. In the darkness, Yang Fengrui felt Lin Xu lean over and leave a soft kiss on his cheek.Lin Xu's kiss was very quiet, just like his own.Quietly sticking to it, moving gently until the eyes met and the lips touched.

The forcibly propped up barrier in Yang Fengrui's heart was easily poked a hole, exposing the infinitely magnified uneasiness and panic inside. He stretched out his hand tremblingly to cover the boy's face, and kissed carefully.

Suddenly someone passed by outside the mosquito net, and the sound of footsteps approached. Lin Xu and Yang Fengrui immediately separated until the sound of footsteps left.

The sound of slightly rapid breathing was amplified in the dark space, and after they separated, the two of them drooped their eyes and said nothing, and under the quilt were tightly clasped hands.

Yang Fengrui blinked, and found that the corners of his eyes were a little sore. From that moment on, he suddenly felt that liking someone would be very uncomfortable, as if his heart was being squeezed into a fist, and with the gradually exerted force, it was tightened bit by bit. , until almost suffocated.

It was a long wait before the death sentence.

With the end of the first month of school, the first monthly exam also came.

The study alarm in the class was sounded, starting from a few top students who were busy reviewing, gradually more and more people were reviewing in the class.

High school study is like this, like an old bullock cart being pushed, with a whip, it slowly moves forward two steps.

Yang Fengrui is really busy. The results of the previous monthly exams this semester will be used as the standard for class placement after the division of subjects in the next semester. Yang Fengrui is good at partial subjects, and his total score is not enough to advance to the key classes.

He cursed this evil system of sub-subjects and overall rankings more than once, "If you have the ability, you only look at the comprehensive results."

Once the timetable is full, there is less time for cranky thinking, and the two big boys will honestly nest together to review.

When the head teacher took the mobile phone to the door of the classroom and called: "Yang Fengrui, your mother gave you the phone number", Yang Fengrui and Lin Xu were arguing fiercely about the next step of this question, Yang Fengrui took the phone from the teacher, Rebellious emotions appeared in the whole body, and there was a voice that had not been heard for a long time.

"Xiaofeng."

Yang Fengrui almost lost his grip on the phone. He only had time to glance back at Lin Xu who was sitting in his original seat, and then ran out of the classroom with the phone and walked away.

Lin Xu stood up, unable to restrain himself from wanting to follow, and heard the teacher say again: "Lin Xu, someone from your family has come to see you."

Lin Xu raised his head hastily, his face pale.

The corridors of the classrooms are very long, passing through most of the grades, the windows reflect the color of the school uniforms of the classmates in each classroom, and when the bell rang for the end of get out of class, the teaching building was like a waking beast, with a buzzing sound in its throat.

"What do you want to do?" Yang Fengrui found a secluded corner and leaned against the wall.

"Xiaofeng, I know you don't want to listen to me all this time, but this time you must listen patiently, it's all for your own good." The woman's voice over there lost the softness of the past, and was hoarse after crying.

Yang Fengrui's eyes widened, his heartbeat was very fast, and every second was stretched out.

"For some children, after entering adolescence, with their physical development, their physical and psychological needs will enter a period of prosperity. Boys will generally start to pay attention to some characteristics of girls, and girls will also subconsciously avoid contact with boys. Physical contact..." The voice over there paused, and then continued after a while, "And some people, due to various subjective and objective reasons, are prone to restlessness under the drive of sex and the instinct of longing for love. In the absence of necessary environmental guidance, sexual orientation may enter a period of transition..." As if reading some professional text, the woman's voice was always intermittent, and would even stop suddenly and be quiet for a long time.

Yang Fengrui's fingers holding the phone tightened more and more, his whole body tensed up, his throat was extremely dry and hoarse, and his head was in a mess. He wanted to stop the woman from saying anything.

With every word the woman said, he would find that his head gradually became blank as if being pumped.

What the fuck are you trying to say...

"This kind of person is called—" the word was difficult to say over there, "pseudo-sexual homosexuality."

Yang Fengrui almost instinctively wanted to drop his phone, "It's so loud! I can't understand what you're saying!"

"Xiaofeng, calm down, listen to me, you used to like girls, do you remember? You have been in love with girls..."

"Get lost." Yang Fengrui trembled.

"Xiaofeng, how long are you going to be willful! Do you know how many people you will hurt like this? Think about it carefully, why do you like men..."

Of course I don't like men!

"I...just..." I like Xiaoxu.Yang Fengrui was hoarse and wanted to speak out.

"My parents have never been by your side since I was a child, and my grandma and aunt didn't take care of you. Mom knows we owe you a lot and never cared about you..." Fang Xue broke down crying, "Mom really knows it's wrong , will mother accompany you in the future? Mother will try her best to give you whatever you lack, and give you whatever you want. You are still so young, you don't understand anything..."

A mother struggles to spread her wings and protect her ignorant child.

"Stop talking!" Yang Fengrui knelt down, fisted his hands, and his veins burst out.

"You really thought you liked that boy? What did you like about him? He was nice to you? That's why you liked him?"

Under Fang Xue's questioning step by step, Yang Fengrui seemed to be back when he was beaten and kicked by all the children in a circle when he was young. He couldn't refute or fight back. He could only curl up together and bury himself in the dark middle.

"Mom told you, this is not really like. How old are you, what do you know about love... It's all our fault, baby, I beg you, if you want to hate, hate your mother, hate your parents, don't treat me like this My... mother's future is like this, but you just started, you are not even an adult..."

The more Fang Xue thought about it, the more desperate she would become. She never thought that during the time she was away, her son might undergo such a change.She can imagine how a child who lacks a family might feel dependent when they meet another warm child.She always felt that her son was still the seven-pound baby in her hands, the baby who foolishly hoped that his mother would come home, even if he suddenly grew up, he was still a child.That child is only 16 years old, has never left school, has never seen the ugliness of society, and does not know the hardships of life, but he is still so young, his future is still so long, and he can live for 50 years, or even 60 years.But boy, homosexuality is really not an optional toy, it is a demon that may change your future for 60 years.This mistake was not the carelessness of breaking the bowl, or the malice of talking back to the teacher. This mistake may ruin a lifetime.

My mother made mistakes when she was young, why can't my mother make up for it, why does my child have to pay the bill for the rest of his life?

The woman's crying sounded through the mobile phone, as if passing through space, resounding empty in Yang Fengrui's mind.

That voice was like a small dagger, scraping Yang Fengrui's heart, every time, the pain made his whole body twitch.

"Mom, please stay away from that boy. That boy must have a problem with his sexuality. You are so close to him..."

"That's not it!" Yang Fengrui went crazy, and murmured unconsciously, "I forced him, I hugged him, I kissed him...it was me, it was all me." In the end, Xian Shi Tears flowed into his mouth, Yang Fengrui buried his head in his knees, his shoulders trembling.

The voice on the other side stopped abruptly, and suddenly raised its voice, "What did you just say? What did you do, Xiaofeng! How far have you guys gotten! Oh my god...do you know how old you are?..."

Is he really wrong?

Yang Fengrui was powerless to refute, his expression was confused, and he could only utter two syllables, "Don't, don't..."

Please, stop talking.Please, let me be quiet for a while.

The mobile phone that was still connected fell beside him, and Yang Fengrui hugged his knees and curled up trembling, like a child who would never grow up.