Rebirth of Jinse Nianhua

When sleeping at night, I deliberately wrapped myself in a quilt and lay on my side against the wall to sleep. Song Yu was lying next to me. The room was very quiet. I could hear his breathing clearly. Disordered, I know, he wasn't asleep like I was.

Roland said that everything cannot be predicted in advance, and the only thing that can be mastered is what you see in front of you and what you have in your hands.

And what can I have?

From what I can see now, I am actually so poor that I have nothing, except this person behind me.

Before today, I have never doubted Song Yu's love for me, and I have been overwhelmed by this relationship more than once, but now, Song Yu still loves me but I am a little timid, I am afraid.

"Isn't there still class tomorrow, why don't you go to bed?" In the silent night, Song Yu's voice was not loud, but with a slight hoarseness, which made his heart hurt like a scrub.

"Aren't you still asleep?" I didn't mean to be provocative, just said it out of conditioned reflex.

"Tongtong, you know, I can't fall asleep if you're not asleep." The person next to me moved, put one hand on my waist, and made no further movement.

"Song Yu, do you know?" One turned over and met Song Yu's eyes in the dark. Even in the absence of light, I could clearly see the tiredness in his eyes, and suddenly my heart twitched, and I still felt sorry for him. It seemed that this had formed an instinct. It has been engraved into my bones and blood, and it cannot be erased or gouged out.

"Well, I'm listening."

"Maybe in your opinion, as long as you can achieve your goal, you can use any means..." Take a deep breath, no matter when this topic is heavy, but today I have to make it clear with Song Yu, otherwise, I don't know if I will accept it. What will I do next? I have poured too much into this relationship, and it is really impossible for me to give up completely.

"Tongtong, you should give me one..."

"Listen to me first." Covering Song Yu's mouth with his hand and interrupting him, "Ruan Jifeng is my own sister, isn't it too cruel for me to pick her as a springboard to break free from the shackles of the family?"

Song Yu grabbed my hand covering his mouth and held it in his palm, and dragged me to his chest. He didn't use his arms to hold me in his arms, just sticking to my ear Almost devoutly said: "Some things are really too dirty, I don't want to dirty your ears by saying it, but Tongtong, you should believe in the person you love, even though it was my fault when I used Jifeng back then, But these years, I have also tried my best to protect you two siblings. For you, it is because I love you, and I am willing to fight for you. For Ji Feng, it is because we used to cherish each other, so as long as she speaks to me I didn’t try my best. Back then, I wasn’t purely using your sister. The relationship between me and her might be difficult for a third person to understand, but Tongtong, you must know that whether it’s you or Jifeng, I It's because I want to protect you from the bottom of my heart, even though Ji Feng and I are divorced now, she is still different from other people to me, do you understand?"

I listened quietly, and when Song Yu finished speaking, all I could ask was this sentence: "How many things have you kept from me all these years?"

"I just don't want you to worry, and I don't want you to be too tired."

"But can I not worry?" I growled softly and beat Song Yu's chest, "You clearly know that I love you, and you clearly know that I don't want you to carry everything alone!"

"Tongtong, do you know how it feels to love someone?" Song Yu grabbed my fidgeting hand, turned over and pressed me on the bed, looking down at me condescendingly, "If you love me because of me, I will love you even more do you know?"

"..." I bit my lower lip tightly and stopped talking, turning my head to prevent Song Yu from seeing the contradiction in my eyes.

"Ruan Jitong!" Song Yu let out a low growl, forcibly turned my head back to let me look into his eyes, and said word by word, "You just need to tell me do you still love me now? Before you know After I used your sister, after knowing that I am not as clean as you always imagined?"

"I..." I was startled by Song Yu's sudden outburst. As long as I can remember, Song Yu has never called me by my first name.

My eyes widened and I couldn't speak, Song Yu got closer to me, and the close gaze made me see clearly the angry and hurt look on his face, I opened my mouth to ease the atmosphere, Song Yu said He leaned down and whispered against my lips: "Do you know what will happen to me if you say the word 'no love'?"

"How?" Almost subconsciously, he followed Song Yu's words and asked.

Song Yu laughed in a low voice, with endless bitterness in his voice, he had contemplated for a long time but only one word came out, a word squeezed out between his teeth - death.

"Don't do this!" He turned his head suddenly to avoid Song Yu's kiss, he was so abnormal today, I couldn't resist at all.

"You don't believe it?" Song Yu stretched out his hand to pinch my chin and turned my head back, "You don't believe that you can't live without me, right?"

"What's the matter with you, Song Yu?" I've never seen such a willful Song Yu, and I'm sure he must have been stimulated by something.

But what was waiting for me was not Song Yu's reply, but the warm liquid that fell on my face drop by drop, hitting my heart like beating a drum.

I reached out to touch it in disbelief, and the cold touch of my fingertips once again attacked my heart that was caught off guard.

Song Yu cried, in front of me, weeping so unscrupulously.

In my consistent impression, even Song Yu would not even frown when the sky fell. His perseverance and forbearance can almost be written into the textbooks for all the students to worship, but right now, he is like a helpless child The most authentic self was torn apart in front of me, trembling like a wounded beast.

"Song Yu." The brain didn't know how to work at all, so it could only follow the subconscious mind and reach out to hug Song Yu's generous back, patting him gently.

Song Yu let go of his strength and laid himself on top of me, and soon wept the shoulders of my pajamas, but he didn't make a sound from the beginning to the end, he just continued to cry silently.

I was completely at a loss, and even froze when I patted my back. Song Yu's fragility was unreservedly displayed in front of me.

My throat was so blocked that it made me very uncomfortable, but no matter how uncomfortable I have to say, it was not until this moment that I witnessed a man's tears that I realized that love really doesn't have so many rules and regulations. Love is love, no matter what the person has. How heinous, no matter how unforgivable that person is, no matter how many people are angry with that person, as Roland said, all I can have is this person in front of me. If I miss it, I will really be destitute.

"Listen, Song Yu!" I turned my head to kiss Song Yu's face, and told him in a hoarse voice, "I love you, no matter what you have done, I will love you."

The next second, there was a dull pain in my shoulder. I gritted my teeth and endured it, allowing Song Yu to leave his exclusive seal on my shoulder.

"If you can't rub me into your heart..." He stretched out his hand to hold Song Yu's head, as if encouraging, "Then eat me into your stomach."

2014-03-24

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