Eye of the Leopard

Xu Yiqing said: "Her mother said: 'Sister Zhao Xuan used to suffer from depression. After she dropped out of school, her father and I wanted to change her environment. Her class teacher Zheng Lihua recommended this suite. But her condition is still getting worse. It got worse and turned into schizophrenia. Today, when I went to buy some vegetables, she opened the door and ran out. I’m really sorry for you.’ Her mother left the apples and went home. That evening, my father and I went to the basketball court in the community to play. Zhao Xuan was sitting alone on a bench, hugging an orange and smoothing her fur. When I passed by her, I couldn’t help asking: "Sister, why did you go to the balcony?" Zhao Xuan said: "Cats can’t tell the distance. Your house The windows are not sealed, I am afraid that the oranges will jump from the balcony.' I said: 'The oranges are still in your arms. Have you sealed the windows in your house?' She said: 'No. I want to seal the windows or install a fence , but my parents still don’t agree.’ I said: ‘Please ask your parents. They will agree.’ She smiled: ‘I’m not going. My mother just had a new baby. Oranges cost money and trouble.’ Although her face was pale, she still looked pretty when she smiled. At this moment, the oranges jumped out of her arms, but she didn’t grab them.”

"Juzi is quite free." Yang Yue said.

"Well. After the orange grew up, she has been moving freely in our community, and often asked me for food. After that, Zhao Xuan was sometimes sober and sometimes crazy. I thought all mental patients were like her. In the first semester, after the exam During the final exam, I was taken home by my father. My parents went to work, and I secretly played World of Warcraft in the study. On Sunday night, I was caught by my mother. During dinner, my parents taught me not to indulge in games. After dinner, my father Take me out for a walk. As soon as I walked out of the gate of the unit building, Tangerine came and rubbed against my legs. I hugged it, and suddenly heard a muffled sound, and a figure fell in front of my eyes. Dad covered my eyes and didn’t let me see. I was tight Hug the orange tightly, and then sneeze continuously. Snot and tears flowed down, and my arms were so itchy. The orange struggled desperately in my arms, and I had to let it go. Dad led me into the elevator, let go and covered me Eyes and hands. I asked: "Who jumped down?" Dad said: "Zhao Xuan." My arm floated with more than ten bars, and I kept digging. I was taken to the hospital by my mother on Monday to screen for allergens, so I couldn't attend Zhao Xuan's memorial service. My dad went. I came home from the hospital at noon. My dad said: "A lot of her junior high school friends attended Zhao Xuan's funeral. Teacher Zheng Lihua was also there. Alas, Teacher Zheng Really good for students, house hunting and funerals.'”

"You knew from then on that you were allergic to cat hair." Yang Yue said, "Afterwards, you quit Warcraft for a while."

Xu Yiqing said: "Yes. My parents used to be strict with me. But after Zhao Xuan's death, my father became more relaxed with me. He always sighed: "Zhao Xuan's mother went out to buy groceries, and Zhao Xuan jumped off the building. Yiqing, you Just do your best and don’t go into a dead end.’ This matter is actually relatively common. I didn’t tell you before, nor did I tell any classmates, just because I would feel uncomfortable when I mentioned it.”

"I guess your father is afraid that you will also suffer from depression." Yang Yue was indifferent, "Did you ever like Zhao Xuan?"

"No." Xu Yiqing said to Yang Yue, "She is at most a symbol to me, an enlightenment to beauty. Some people are Madonna, some are Sora Aoi, some are Qiu Shuzhen, and some are "Lust, Caution" Tang Wei in the movie, some are DH Lawrence, some are even My Little Pony. Zhao Xuan is just my very vague enlightenment. I don’t even really understand her, and the conversation is limited to small talk. But she moved next door to me for a year , I didn't do anything..." He realized that Yang Yue didn't have much sympathy and couldn't understand his feelings in this regard, so he stopped stating his feelings.

Sure enough, Yang Yue asked: "Zhao Xuan jumped off the building in front of your eyes. So do you think that if you tried to save Zhao Xuan in the first year of junior high school, maybe the result would be different? Even if you were 13 years old?"

"It's not 'if', it's 'next time'. I thought, the next time I encounter this kind of thing, I will try my best to help the other party. Then on the day our class was on strike, Yao Lingling jumped off the building in front of my eyes again. She jumped off the building The image of the scene and the sound of Zhao Xuan jumping from the building overlapped in my mind, and I couldn't forget it even more. This time Yao Lingling's matter is full of strange things, and I need to give her as much justice as possible."

"To make up for one is to make up for everything. You and your teacher Liang Yan said the same thing." Yang Yue said, "The psychiatrist has nagged me, what is this called... guilt?"

"It's possible. I haven't received counseling, so I'm not sure if it's the guilt you're talking about."

Yang Yue suddenly asked: "Is the child pregnant by Zhao Xuan's mother born?"

"I gave birth. Less than half a year after Zhao Xuan left, her family gave birth to a little boy, who is 5 years old this year. I often meet him when I go up and down the elevator. He also loves to say hello to me."

"Then is her house sealed and fenced now?"

"That's all there. She just pretended after she passed away."

Yang Yue sneered: "Xiao Xu, don't you think her actions are too fast?"

"Afraid that the next child will repeat the same mistakes?" A chill ran up Xu Yiqing's spine from the soles of his feet.

"Zhao Xuan's parents knew that she had a mental illness, but they frequently left her at home alone, and refused to seal the windows and install fences. They gave birth to a healthy new child, and they were immediately protected. Xiao Xu, have you ever thought about it? Parents probably let Zhao Xuan die on purpose? In order not to let her drag down the second child."

"But my father said that her parents were heartbroken at the funeral. Zhao Xuan's friends even went to comfort them..." Xu Yiqing rested her forehead with her left hand and thought of another possibility, "Her parents raised her for 17 years, so she will have feelings no matter what. . Even if they do it on purpose, it’s still going to be sad at the end of the day.”

"There is no evidence to prove that they did it on purpose. Maybe Zhao Xuan's death was really just an accident." Yang Yue was strangely relieved, realizing that Xu Yiqing didn't think badly about human beings, "Everyone wants me to die. I'm redundant. Zhao Xuan still has friends. I don’t even have friends.”

The sound of punching and drinking at the next table stopped.

Xu Yiqing bent her right index finger and pointed at the tip of her nose.

"Except you." Yang Yue said.The sun is setting outside the window.

"I don't want you to die. You are my friend." Xu Yiqing said.The sky behind him was dyed with a streak of orange red, which reflected magnificently on the river.The waves of the Jialing River are surging, and the evening wind is whispering.

With a sound of "dong", half a plate of crispy meat was placed on their table.

"I heard you two talking about death just now. Few people have never seen death. Although you both look less than 30 years old together, you are not immune. There is nothing you can do about life and death." The middle-aged man at the next table Said, "Please eat half of the crispy meat for two."

"Thank you uncle." Xu Yiqing picked up a piece of crispy meat.

"You're welcome." The man stood up and turned down the temperature of the air conditioner.Their table continued to punch and eat meat.

"I saw a car accident on the highway, and a dozen people died not far from me. But I don't seem to have any experience, and I never thought about what will happen next time." Yang Yue said.

"Everyone's feelings are different." Xu Yiqing does not occupy the moral high ground, "Correct feelings are not more important than real feelings."

Yang Yue realized the real feeling on the other hand: as long as you don't die, other people... will die if they die.

Xu Yiqing sandwiches crispy meat.

"Is this crispy meat okay?" Yang Yue didn't stretch out his chopsticks.

"I just served it to their table." The waiter walked to his two tables, "Do you two add more food?"

"No, thank you." Xu Yiqing picked up the crispy meat, "We will make room after eating this plate of crispy meat."