静物

Almost done.

Watching a blank canvas slowly become a painting is a lot like watching a child grow up.

As the time progresses, the semester has passed without knowing it. Everything is within Wu Tong's handy range. The oil painting will be completed a week earlier. She is very lucky. Unlike many students who have come to this point, one hand shows the other homework. He looked like he was in a hurry.

She can still sleep at least five hours at night, a very luxurious figure.

"Drink a little, heh, drinks are the lubricant of life."

Between the canvas and Wu Tong's line of sight, a can of beer appeared.

Bo Sen spoke in Wu Tong's ear, and the faint smell of alcohol wafted over her body with the scent of eau de toilette, more intoxicating than alcohol itself.

"Huh?" Wu Tong took the soda can that had been opened earlier in confusion, and took a sip.

"Get you drunk so you'll sleep with me today!"

Bo Sen said with a chuckle, turned around and walked into the room without stopping any longer.

Is Wu Tong too slow?She thought about it for a while, and believed that she had heard correctly. What Bo Sen said was purely a joke, without complaining, without insinuation, and she didn't even want Wu Tong to follow into the room.

When Wu Tong turned his gaze back to the canvas, he couldn't stop thinking about it.

What this means is that Bo Sen is no longer trying to make any effort to Wu Tong. Is it because of the frigidity between the two of them, that a crack will be dug out one day, the hole will grow bigger and bigger, and love will eventually rupture.

three times.

It is embarrassing to refuse a lover's courtship once, and Wu Tong has experienced it three times.

This kind of setback is mortifying, even though Bo Sen understands so tenderly, Wu Tong still clearly feels the hurt between the two of them.It’s as if you are rubbing charcoal on the sketch paper bit by bit, even though there is only a touch of gray each time, it will eventually pile up into a heavy black.

Wu Tong doesn't want to disappoint anyone, but she has never followed through with her wishes.

My mother asked Wu Tong to write a letter of apology to the Chinese teacher for her failure in the oral report...

The music teacher called home and said that Wu Tong had no final grades because he refused to sing...

The class guide asked during the school day, why Wu Tong always placed orders in the group report, and no one was willing to work with her...

The head of the student education group really couldn't bear it anymore. It's very annoying for the students to insist on not wearing their uniforms well...

Wu Tong knows the taste of setbacks too well. She knows best how not to lose herself in sadness and depression, how to live calmly, and how to breathe fresh air every time she is knocked down.

She stared at the painting titled "Secret" at the moment, feeling very dazzling.

Wu Tong raised his head and downed all the beer.

She really couldn't believe that what really made her helpless and frustrated her was actually in the field of love.Unlike academics or skills, she can't make a breakthrough just by strengthening her own abilities.She didn't know how long Bo Sen would tolerate her own flaws, she...she was a person who was immersed in the world of lust and couldn't extricate herself...

Wu Tong really regretted his untimely curiosity.

If sex and secrets are like water, sunlight, and air, and they are indispensable elements in life for Person, then I am afraid that it will be a matter of time before she is removed from her life.

Wu Tong let go, and the paintbrush fell to the ground. It was the first time in her life that she was in such a mess, like a used palette in her hands, the colors were chaotic and wantonly messed together.She stood up in despair. Although she wasn't the worst drinker, she drank beer on an empty stomach and drank quickly and urgently. The moment she got up, she became dizzy.

She couldn't figure out whether it was her own incompetence and excessive probing that caused all the pain, or the love with Person itself was destructive.

Exploring the bottom of her heart, her wish in this life is so simple: to paint well and make friends.Now there is one more thing: being with Person makes her happy.

Because Bo Sen is happy, Wu Tong is happy.

Desires are desires, often wanting but not attaining.

When Wu Tong entered the room, he saw Bo Sen curled up on the bed with his head buried in his knees, not moving at all.Wu Tong watched her silently for a long while, not knowing what to do or how to say it, and then she realized that Bo Sen had always been the one who took the initiative, and now when Wu Tong was asked to do something, she was completely helpless.

Bo Sen gently raised his head, smiled at Wu Tong, and said, "Tong, are you finished painting?"

"It's finished."

The painting for the exhibition has been completed.

"Come on, come sit down and let me tell you a story, okay?"

Wu Tong felt so heartbroken when he heard that, Bo Sen's tone sounded frail and frightening.

Wu Tong sat gently on the edge of the bed, and heard Bo Sen say again, "Come on, sit in a little bit."

"...this is a story about me."

The two of them, back to back.

Bo Sen said that she wanted Wu Tong to be by her side, so close to her, but she also needed space.

This silence made a beginning for all the realism that was about to pour out. Wu Tong thought of her selfishness. She was a person who had never revealed herself in her whole life, but now she asked people to confess to herself...

"The beginning of the story is always a girl who can't achieve her ideal."

As Bo Sen said, she gave Wu Tong the outline of the story, her high school tragedy was followed by White Lies, and a life of indulgence, but these things lacked connection.

"I have never been so eager for something, but I can't get it. It's another thing not to get it. But in that ideal, I pursued it hard, but found that even if I ran, I was out of breath and carried The beginning is the same as the end point."

She really wants to study in the art department.She knew that if she changed her department, she would definitely shine in other places and achieve something, but she was powerless to do so. Regarding the fact that she couldn't face her family, she kept her head down and became a loser.

"Once upon a time, such a small thing as the department exhibition could control my emotions. I really tried my best. When I walked into the exhibition room and raised my head to browse through each work, I began to have a burning desire. I really hope that I can Seeing a piece of my own work on the wall, I want to be seen and admired, but in fact all I want is affirmation, just a little affirmation.”

But just can't get it, this kind of desire has evolved into a stupid desire close to the dream.

"Can you imagine? The department exhibition, which other students don't pay much attention to, has become a big goal in my life. I really want to exhibit a painting, even if it is an octavo one."

This almost paranoid expectation was distorted by despair, Wu Tong felt sad.This is why Bo Sen is willing to provide a space for Wu Tong to draw pictures, right?When Bo Sen saw that he had unlimited opportunities, he didn't want to miss the emotion. In a certain part, there was still the melancholy that the crazy expectation of one or two years ago failed.

"You must think this kind of thinking is boring and stupid, but when you really have nothing to look forward to in your life, you can only focus on such small things."

People can be defeated, and it is good to stand up after being defeated.

Bo Sen is a typical life fighter. She has been the best in her class since she was a child. She may be born excellent, but her biggest advantage is that she can correct and review her mistakes, and then become more and more courageous as she gets frustrated.It is true that the more frustrated, the more courageous, if anything can frustrate her, it will also arouse her continuous challenge, and she will always want to overcome the things she can't do.

There are many ways for people to face setbacks. Wu Tong is passive, while Bo Sen is active.

"That's the only thing that really broke me down."

She said she really couldn't see hope, so she lost the motivation to move forward.Frustration hit her for the first time, and Person was unable to stand up anymore.

Nearly out of money a month after she was cut off from her family's financial support, she stepped into WhiteLies on one of her most desperate nights and found a way for her to escape.

"I think I'm too desperate, and I haven't been favored by people for too long. Once someone is willing to release affirmation to me, it will make me addicted like a drug."

Berson is beautiful, but it's not just about her beauty.People at night worship her body with vision, admire her, and be fascinated by her, which makes her frustrated life have at least a small night light, and she can barely cheer up.

Like a vampire, she came back to life relying on the admiration and fascination of those people for her.She can't let go of people's eyes focusing on her body, she likes those eyes, she knows the attraction of her own body, and knows what kind of thoughts people's eyes will arouse when they walk on the body, it makes her...excited.

"I have to apologize," Person said. "Besides making extra money, mannequins are a sick joke."

Wu Tong didn't care, she moved to see Bo Sen's expression.

Bo Sen pulled Wu Tong back with his arms.

"do not."

Wu Tong sat down quietly.

"These... are all stories you've heard before, nothing special." Person laughed a few times.

"If anyone wants to enter my heart, there is only one person...it can only be you..."

As Bo Sen said this, her tone gradually became serious.

"I'm strong," she said, "I wish I was strong."

You are very strong!Wu Tong thought.

"If I lose, I don't want to look like a loser. I'd rather other people think that I lost this time on purpose."

Hearing her stubborn tone, Wu Tong knew that Bo Sen, who was always laughing, had such an unyielding heart.

"I don't like when people look at me and find my negative emotions, those sadness, those frustrations, those angers, these are all signs of weakness. I will not give in to anyone or anything."

So she laughs, she laughs melancholy, laughs sadly, always laughs, tears are the banishers in her life, they shouldn't exist.

But how can people be strong forever?

What is the reward for being strong?

"Sometimes I'm really tired. I feel like I'm a tall tower. Sometimes I just want to relax and stop insisting. Let the tower just fall to the ground..."

Sometimes I want to sleep, so I can't wake up, so I don't have to run hard and insist on pointless persistence.

"But when I saw other people's progress, but I was stagnant, I couldn't admit this failure in my heart."

This is really a contradictory psychology!

"Tong, I can't lose the crowd..."

What's the meaning?Wu Tong was confused.

"Because I am in the crowd, I need to be armed and smile. When I am alone, it is a bit too desolate to smile to myself. And loneliness makes me face myself too clearly, those who are unbearable, those who are powerless Yes, there is nothing to hide when you are alone.”

Bo Sen's tone was very steady, and there was nothing unusual about it.

But Wu Tong felt the vibration, the vibration from her back.

Turning my head to look, I found Person...

Actually crying.

Tears slid down her face, her tears were shocking, so helpless, yet so unwilling...

"Sen..."

"Tong... I'm so conflicted, I can't lose the company of the crowd, but I'm very tired living in the crowd..."

"The memory of the past is a kind of unbearable. When I am awake, it falls on my shoulders. It is also like a taste of defeat, and I have never been able to break through..."

The memory has passed, and it is impossible to tamper with it.

Bo Sen buried his face in his knees, so that Wu Tong would not see her crying face.

"never mind…"

Wu Tong put his arms around Bo Sen and whispered that she really hated herself for insisting on knowing.

Even though he longed to see her real expression, when Bo Sen cried and let the long-suppressed frustration pour out, Wu Tong still felt a huge pain that turned the world around and broke out from his heart.

"Tong, you are such a pure white person, I am filthier than anything else in front of you." Bo Sen hugged Wu Tong's neck tightly, crying and said, only then did she know the pressure buried in Bo Sen's heart, those inferior people feelings.

Wu Tong said in a low voice in his heart.

No, I don't care at all, the you in front of me is the most real you, because I love you now, so I even tolerate your past.If smiling with arms wears you out, cry when you feel like crying before me.

Laugh, I want to see you smile happily; cry, please cry to your heart's content, for me, you can have the most genuine expression, and you don't have to be always strong by my side...

Wu Tong couldn't say a thousand words, but she whispered in Bo Sen's ear and told her.

"I love you because you are you."