Senior, follow me

On the other side, after Zhang Fan was dragged away by Jian Junhao, he kept walking forward, ignoring the people behind him.It wasn't until he wandered around the school several times, when the night was getting dark and pedestrians became rare, that Jian Junhao took a few quick steps and stopped in front of Zhang Fan.

Under the dark sky, Zhang Fan's face was gloomy, and he lost his usual calmness and gentleness, as if he was shrouded in thick fog, making it difficult to see clearly.He stared at Jian Junhao and shouted in a low voice, "Get out of the way!"

Jian Junhao refused, and held his shoulder, with a hint of distress in his eyes, "I won't let it go! Zhang Fan, that's enough. You've been walking for more than two hours. Do you want to walk until dawn?"

"Even if I want to go until tomorrow night, it has nothing to do with you! Get out of the way!"

"I won't give in!" Jian Junhao refused to give in at all.

Zhang Fan stood in a stalemate with him for a few seconds, and frowned, "Jian Junhao, what do you want to do? Although we are good friends, we are not so close that you can follow me for so long. If you can speak directly, it will save me guessing."

Jian Junhao froze, his face became embarrassed, and he was speechless for a while.

Seeing his appearance, Zhang Fan felt more and more suspicious, and immediately suppressed the expression on his face, showing a look of resistance, "Jian Junhao, don't you... You are here to watch my jokes for Yan Zicheng, right?"

"How is it possible!" Jian Junhao was startled, and denied it flatly, for fear that he would misunderstand.

"Then why did you come here!" Zhang Fan asked impatiently, "Are you afraid that I will fall out with him? If that's the case, then there is no need. I am not a person who holds grudges, and I understand Feelings can’t be forced. Now I’m just getting angry and can’t hold it back, so I can’t give him a good face. After a few weeks, this matter is over, and I’ll be fine, and I won’t bear any grudges against him for the rest of my life—— "

"That's not it!" Jian Junhao blurted anxiously, interrupting Zhang Fan's words, "That's not the case! I wish you hated him forever, and I wish you never saw him again! What's so good about Yan Zicheng? Bad temper, mouth Hurt, you have already been harmed by him like this, and he still said that kind of exaggerated words, it's simply...why do you like him!"

Zhang Fan was stunned, unable to react for a while, and just stared blankly at Jian Junhao.

Jian Junhao stared at him, could no longer suppress the impulse in his heart, grabbed his body, and kissed his lips fiercely.

Zhang Fan was stunned, his eyes widened, and his whole body was stiff.

"Zhang Fan, don't you like Yan Zicheng anymore, okay?" Jian Junhao's kiss was heavy, but very shallow, it only stayed on the lips, gentle and not aggressive, he moved closer to Zhang Fan's ear, Soften your voice, "Like me, okay?"

Seconds later, he was jerked away.Zhang Fan covered his mouth in disbelief, stepped back step by step, turned around and ran away.

That night, there were many people who could not sleep.

Yang Ze was very considerate and didn't go back to the dormitory, but sent a text message to Yan Zicheng, reminding him vaguely that he could take Fang Qiao back to the dormitory.Looking at the short words on the screen, Yan Zicheng could vaguely imagine Yang Ze's reluctance, so he couldn't help laughing.

Fang Qiao heard it, and couldn't help poking his side face with her hand. Hearing his gasping in pain, she said dissatisfiedly, "You're quite happy to be slapped by that guy?"

Yan Zicheng glanced at him, with a smile still on the corner of his mouth, "You don't understand. This slap in exchange for Yang Ze's approval and support can't be more cost-effective."

"Anyway, you just value him." Fang Qiao was a little apprehensive, "In short, don't let him beat you again... You don't feel bad, but I do..."

"Okay, stop nagging, it's nothing serious, it will be fine in two or three days." Yan Zicheng didn't take it seriously at all, and waved his hands indifferently.

The two were walking back to the dormitory. It was already late at night, and there were few pedestrians. They walked side by side and were silent for a while. Yan Zicheng suddenly moved closer and gently held Fang Qiao's hand.

Fang Qiao was surprised, this was the first time that Yan Zicheng was so proactive in a public place.

"Fang Qiao, we are different from most people." Yan Zicheng lowered his head and whispered, "We can't hold hands in the busy city, we can't kiss in the sun, we can't get married, we can't have children...our future It's really difficult, it's so rare that it scares me, so...even if it's just one person's approval and support, I want to fight for...can you...understand me?"

Fang Qiao froze for a moment, and suddenly realized that Yan Zicheng was explaining to him what happened before. He looked at the man walking beside him, and suddenly felt very moved.

It turned out that he was not the only one who thought of a way for the relationship and future of the two of them.It turned out that unconsciously, both of them were working hard for the same goal.This vague sense of tacit understanding is really happy.

"Thank you, senior." Fang Qiao held his hand tightly, warming his cold space, "I will work hard too."

I will work hard, and I will never let down your hard work and dedication.

"Fang Qiao, as long as you don't give up, I won't give up..."

"Yes, I know."

The story of Yan Zicheng and Zhang Fan is like a messy ball of yarn, with no beginning and no end, but it hurts everyone involved.

More than a year ago, everyone in the theater knew that there were four talented young people among the freshmen.They formed a small studio and made a lot of great achievements.However, such brilliance did not last long. In their sophomore year, when they were planning to rehearse a brand new stage play, a vicious incident occurred in which Zhang Fan was injured and dropped out of school, and the group of four also disbanded.

"Zhang Fan...why was he injured?" In the dark dormitory after the lights were turned off, Fang Qiao asked Yan Zicheng in his arms, puzzled.

Yan Zicheng was silent for a few seconds before explaining, "When the four of us were sophomores, that is, when we were planning that stage play, Zhang Fan suddenly found me and said he liked me and wanted to be with me."

Fang Qiao subconsciously tightened the arm around Yan Zicheng's shoulders, Yan Zicheng moved, turned sideways, and leaned against his chest, "You know, at that time, I was thinking about Yang Ze in my heart, of course not I would agree with his confession, not to mention that at that time, I was not ready to be with a man...so I lied and told him that I liked women."

"He believed it?" Fang Qiao asked in a low voice.

"...No." Yan Zicheng shook his head, "No matter what I say, he doesn't believe it. Things got worse and worse, he was very angry and sad, and his condition obviously declined. Soon, Jian Junhao and Ze found out that something was wrong, and finally one day, they found me together..."

Yan Zicheng recalled the scene at that time, showing a bitter smile, "Zhang Fan asked me again, he asked me, don't you have any affection for him at all? Can you really not be with him?"

"...Of course I can't tell the truth. I can't tell the truth, I can't say 'Sorry, I like Yang Ze, so I'm sorry, I can't accept you...'"

"So I swear..."

……

——"Zhang Fan, I, Yan Zicheng, tell the truth today. If there is even half a lie, I will let you dispose of it! I, Yan Zicheng, have never liked men in this life, and it is impossible to like men! Not a gay!"

……

"You really said that?" Fang Qiao was a little shocked, and turned to look at him.

"Yeah." Yan Zicheng's face was hidden in the shadows, and it was difficult to distinguish the expressions on it, so he nodded slowly.

"……and after?"

"Later... Zhang Fan finally stopped looking for me. I heard that he often went out drinking and clubbing with his friends, and didn't go back until five or six in the morning. I also heard that he had a few minor conflicts. Every time it was Jian Junhao who helped him settle it... I felt very uncomfortable, a little guilty, and a little worried. But at that time, I was thinking about emotional matters, and it was not a difficult hurdle, so I put it aside and let it go. If it cools down, one day, Zhang Fan will be able to figure it out, and then return to the original him... It's a pity, I couldn't wait for that day."

"Maybe it was because of a slip of the tongue after drinking. In short, Zhang Fan's sexuality was leaked by someone. It was like popping a balloon that was blown too big. Soon, the rumors blew across the whole city like the wind." College... He refused to admit defeat, he just ignored our obstruction, and came out in the circle of friends." Yan Zicheng's voice revealed bitterness, "You may think that homosexuality is not uncommon in theaters, and everyone accepts it." The speed is also stronger. However, things are not like that. For this kind of thing, as long as there is one person who hates you and disgusts you, it is enough for you to suffer..."

"Zhang Fan lost a lot of friends, and also received a lot of cynicism. After repeated blows, his mental state became worse and worse, and finally he refused to say a word for a whole day...he put all his attention on It’s all on the camera, and the stage play is also closely followed. Not to mention spending time in the theater every day, I often take pictures as if fascinated, and stay for a whole day. During that time, the rumors about him intensified, and I couldn’t get used to it He's getting more and more people."

"Then his injury...?" Fang Qiao listened, and suddenly had some bad premonitions in his heart.

Yan Zicheng nodded, "Someone intentionally loosened the pedals of the landing platform on the stage. Zhang Fan was filming the part about the lift at that time. One of them didn't pay attention and fell down... His arm was shattered and fractured. After that, I couldn't afford a camera anymore... Later, the school dealt with this vicious incident in a low-key manner, recorded the student who caused the accident and persuaded him to leave, and compensated Zhang Fan and his family a lot of money. However, for Zhang Fan , these are meaningless..."

"After that, he dropped out of school and transferred to another school. Before leaving, he told me that he would never see him again, so I have never seen him for more than a year, until today." Yan Zicheng's voice was a bit Hoarse, it puts an end to the story of the past.

For a while, both fell silent.

"I'm sorry for him." In the end, Yan Zicheng said in a low voice, and finally shed tears.

If he hadn't told that lie, if he had been more mature, if he had been more tactful, if he had been less timid and less hypocritical, wouldn't Zhang Fan be so sad, would he not have gone to the bar to get drunk? Wouldn't those rumors stop spreading, wouldn't he... wouldn't be hurt?

Yan Zicheng didn't know the answer, but he couldn't stop assuming, and he couldn't convince himself that none of this was his fault.

He was wrong. Although he was not the most direct perpetrator, he did indeed hurt Zhang Fan.He regretted it for a long time, but there was no way to repay it.

He still remembered Zhang Fan's eyes full of madness and pain when he called him out alone before he left the school. He grabbed his shoulder and screamed hoarsely——

"Zicheng, I did something wrong, and what you said is right... This is a secret! I did something wrong! You can't tell anyone about this kind of thing, and you can't let anyone know. This should be a secret." Secret, I should have carried it into the coffin!"

"I was wrong... I was wrong... I was wrong..." That day, Zhang Fan cried bitterly, and finally knelt down in front of him.

That was the first time he realized what a terrible thing homosexuality was.

It can destroy a person, a person who should be shining like a star.

After that, that scene often lingered in his dreams, and even gave rise to many versions.

——"Yan Zicheng, this is a secret, you can't tell anyone!"

——"Yan Zicheng, you are gay, you have to be careful not to let others find out..."

——"Yan Zicheng, my feelings for you and your feelings for him must be a secret, no one... can tell..."

He kept in mind these mixed words of truth and falsehood, as well as Zhang Fan's struggling face, until he met Fang Qiao.

That night, Yan Zicheng buried his head in Fang Qiao's arms, crying like a child.

The author has something to say: