prefer silence

Saturday, Hongshan Hospital.

Xu Rong's ward is on the twelfth floor of the annex building of the inpatient department, and his father personally led us there.

Uncle Xu was the middle-aged man I met in the elevator. I asked why he was looking at Mian Shan. It turned out that I had met him before.

When he was a freshman, it was Uncle Xu who followed Xu Rong to report.

I still remember the day when Xu Yun walked in against the setting sun, it was the first time I saw such a beautiful boy.In the past, I was always said to be delicate and good-looking, and I was also very confident in my appearance.But from the time I met Xu Rong, I realized the truth of "there are mountains beyond mountains, and there are people beyond people".

Pushing open the door, Xu Yun was lying there.He was quiet, with a feeding tube in his nostril.The pale cheeks were slightly sunken, still beautiful, but morbidly beautiful.

"Can you please talk to him for a while?" Father Xu begged, "The doctor said that close family members and friends can stimulate him by talking to him."

I nodded, and Dad Xu went out, leaving me and Song Zhiyuan behind.

"Xu Rong." I sat down and called him.

Of course there will be no response.

"You still remember me, I'm Li Yuyuan." I paused and continued, "It's the idiot who pestered you to give lectures every time the exam week came."

"Xu Rong, why are you always unlucky? I remember that you had a car accident when you were in college, and you took a semester off from school at that time."

"But you are so good. You are a very good person, why don't good people get rewarded."

"I'd rather be blacklisted by you."

"Yu Yuan." Song Zhiyuan interrupted me, "Say something happy."

happy?If Xu Rong is really conscious now, he will also want to hear happy things.Yes, I can't say these things, Xu Rong is not the object of my bad emotions.

I dug out all the good memories of my college days stored in my mind, and said what came to mind, rambling on, Song Zhiyuan was my fan, and echoed me.

Before we knew it, more than two hours later, the nurse invited us out.I looked back for the last time, Xu Rong's eyes were still closed, neither sad nor happy.

Time moves forward along the regular ruts of the cycle, and grandpa ushered in the last day of his life.

There were no flashbacks, no miracles, and the cancer made every day of his life miserable.According to the nurse, he asked us to see him on his own initiative.

People who are about to die have a magical premonition about the time of their own death.

On this day, Grandpa looked haggard and looked at everyone present seriously.Uncle also came, and I noticed that he stayed on Uncle's face for an exceptionally long time.

Then he closed his eyes and breathed very lightly, so lightly that he couldn't hear it.

Mom couldn't help sobbing in a low voice. Grandpa suddenly opened his mouth, made two hoo hoo, and left the last sentence, "Su Lan, that child, put it down."

Su Lan is my mother's name.That child should refer to my elder brother whom I have never met—the biological son of my parents.

He is the eternal regret of his parents.

"dad!"

"grandfather!"

There was a lot of crying around the hospital bed, and my crying was mixed in, no matter how loud it was, it couldn't be too loud.I shed tears to my heart's content. At the last moment of my grandfather's life, he comforted his daughter.I was reminded again: I am not the real son of the Li family, nor the real grandson of my grandfather.

My surname was originally Zhou, and I might have been called Zhou Yuan.

For a moment, I dare not face my parents, even though this is a fact that everyone has known for a long time, even though my mother is crying heartbreakingly for my grandfather's death.

I felt a heavy sense of guilt.

——Because I can't fully make up for the pain of my parents who lost their child, and because of my elder brother who has been wandering somewhere.

I enjoyed everything he had in his place.

……

We cremated my grandfather's body and rushed to my grandfather's hometown with the urn to prepare for the funeral.

This was my grandfather's last wish. He asked the nurse to leave a note, saying that he would be buried in his hometown, and that he would use the photos of his youth as the portrait.

At the funeral, we wore white chrysanthemums on our chests and took turns offering incense to Grandpa.The table was covered with flowers, and a few wisps of smoke hung over the stove, so thick that it hid his face.

When it was my turn, I stepped forward to light incense and bowed three times. Every time I bowed, I stopped for a while to take a good look at Grandpa's face. Grandpa was very handsome when he was young. Mom probably inherited his nose.

The saddest thing about the funeral is sending the coffin.Grandpa chose to be buried in the ancestral grave, so a male from the same clan was needed to carry the coffin.Mom was crying so hard that Chen Zheng and I held her and pulled her away, but she broke free and threw herself on the coffin lid and shouted, "Dad, don't go—"

The heart-wrenching sadness was enough to infect everyone present.

"And then?" Song Zhiyuan asked.

"Then, everyone pulled her together and persuaded her, and my grandfather's coffin was buried smoothly."

I blew on the hot air of the coffee, and covered the sides of the cup with the palms of my hands.

I have asked for leave several times in the past month, and Sister Bing is already dissatisfied. Since I joined the group, I have been the one with the most problems. If it weren't for my high degree of task completion, I might have been fired by the company long ago.

Song Zhiyuan comforted me: "The bad things are over, and things will get better in the future."

"I always feel uneasy." I sighed for the third time, "Stop talking about this, how are you arranging the class reunion?"

"It's scheduled for next Sunday, and I'll post an announcement in the group when I make an appointment for a farmhouse in the suburbs." Song Zhiyuan frowned slightly, "No one in the whole class knows about Xu Rong except us. Uncle Xu specifically asked us not to go outside. Said, how can I explain to them that Xu Rong didn't come?"

Me: "Let's just say he's not free. Everyone is scattered, and no one will find out if it's true or not."

"Yu Yuan, people are really fragile things."

"You are a thing and I am a person, don't take me with you."

In a blink of an eye, it was the day of the party, before leaving the door, Chen Zheng stared at me calmly, without saying a word, but I felt his resentment inexplicably.

At this moment, in my eyes, he is like a poor puppy who can't cry, just waiting for the owner's conscience to find out and take him away.

My conscience found out, and my heart softened.

I decided to take Chen Zheng with me.In case other people also have a partner, then it's no big deal for me to bring one.After all, it has long been an open secret in the class that I am gay.

Chen Zheng quickly changed his clothes, and even sprayed on styling gel and perfume, making him extremely handsome.

I suspect that he has planned it long ago, and he is sure that I will take him with him.

I was dissatisfied and said, "Why are you dressed so nicely?"

"Swear an oath of sovereignty." Chen Zheng buried his head in my neck and sniffed, "I'm using your perfume, didn't you notice?"

Of course I found out!The problem is that our class is basically straight men, okay?Who cares about your declaration, oath, master, right!

They won't even realize we're wearing the same fragrance!

"No, you can't be that handsome." I turned my face away, "Go and put your backside down."

Chen Zheng rumpled my hair, "Then wash your curly hair."

No!

I protected the hairstyle I had finally done, raised the flag and surrendered, "Okay, let's go."

The author says:

Life is beautiful, don't give up even a little hope.