prefer silence

Chen Zheng's birthday is coming soon.

I thought hard for several days about what gift I should give him, and Yu Qingshan's circle of friends gave me inspiration.

Chen Zheng, do you still remember what I was like ten years ago?

At that time, I was still in junior high school, and I had the short hair that boys usually have, the kind that is slightly longer than the cut, not prickly, and soft to the touch.

Wearing a blue and white school uniform every day, riding a bicycle back and forth.The bicycles are left unlocked in the small garage on the first floor, and Chen Zheng's skateboard stands against the wall.

I would park the bike next to the skateboard and carefully touch the pedals as if hugging it.

Mom's unit sometimes distributes seasonal fruits, and asks me to send a plate to the Chen family across the street.

I will secretly pick the best-looking plate to serve, such as a Japanese-style arabesque plate.

The moment I knocked on the door, if I saw Uncle Chen or Aunt Chen, I would smile obediently.If it was Chen Zheng, I would find an excuse to enter his room.

It is usually an excuse that he cannot refuse, such as reading a book.

But Chen Zheng also had a way of sending me off.

He asked me to take the book away directly. I walked to the door with the book in my arms and turned my head to take a look.Look at the entire wall of books in his room, and the white curtains on his bay window.

These secret thoughts often troubled me at that time.

Made me happy, made me sad, and made me panic.

I have never deliberately thought about whether it is worth it to have a crush on Chen Zheng.

Judging from the results, I got Chen Zheng, which should be worth it.

Judging from the process, before Chen Zheng responded to me, liking him was a matter for me alone. Whether I should persist or give up is entirely up to me, so I also think it is worth it.

Because I have liked him for too long, the sunk cost is too high, and I can't like others before hitting the south wall.

Fortunately, Chen Zheng didn't give me a chance to kill myself.

"You want to give him a book?" Yu Qingshan raised his tone, "Do you want me to draw illustrations for you?!"

"Yes, yes. Just treat me as a customer, and I will pay for your labor." I begged him with a shy face, "Brother Yu, just help me."

Yu Qingshan knocked on the table and said, "This is an urgent order, just this one time."

I described my idea to him in detail.

——I want to give Chen Zheng the me I was ten years ago.

That Li Yuyuan who was at a loss because he was aware of his unique sexuality, that Li Yuyuan who was cautiously approaching the big brother next door.

I want Chen Zheng to know that hidden behind those ordinary little things is my whole heart.

These floating shadows of the past will be presented through the brush in Yu Qingshan's hands.

……

In a blink of an eye, it was Chen Zheng's birthday, and he asked me if I wanted to eat at home or outside.

Nonsense, of course it is eaten at home.Do you still have the nerve to take out this gift if you eat me outside?Do I still have the nerve to say those sour words?

Thanks to Yu Qingshan, I got the rush-made picture book the day before.

It's not in vain that I race against time every day to call Yu Qingshan behind Chen Zheng's back and send small essays.Sometimes a memory suddenly flashes, even in the middle of the night, I have to record it immediately as the material for the drawing book.

On Chen Zheng's birthday last year, I was rushing off work alone, shopping for vegetables and cooking.

On the same day this year, Zheng Chen picked me up by car, and we went to Carrefour together.

It's not a weekend, and there are not many people.

Chen Zheng pushed the shopping cart and followed me, walked all the way to the fresh food area and cooked food area on the first floor, and arrived at the colorful fruit and vegetable area.

I picked out a handful of celery and was about to put it into the cart when Chen Zheng stopped me, "You don't like it, don't buy it."

Thinking back carefully, it has been a long time since celery appeared on the table at home.

That's right, since Chen Zheng took charge of the list of vegetables in the basket, there is no celery among the vegetables delivered to the door by the property every day.

I never told Chen Zheng that I hate celery.He... discovered it by himself.

I thought I was pretending well.

After a while, I resolutely stuffed the celery into the cart, "Today is your birthday, I want to make you braised fish with celery."

Seeing that Chen Zheng wanted to say something more, I softened my voice and said with a smile, "It's just today, I know you love celery."

"Okay." Chen Zheng was defeated, and turned his head to look at me seriously, "Yuan Yuan, you have to know that I love not only celery. I also love broccoli, and you love it too. Let's eat broccoli. We can eat together."

"Celery isn't essential to me, you are."

You are.

These words sounded like a huge wave to my ears, beating my soft-shelled heart non-stop.

It has more plain, comforting and cleansing magic than "I love you".

Did Chen Zheng notice it?

Did he notice my unspeakable anxiety during this time?

That's why he comforted me again and again.

But in fact, I have gradually thought about it.

The way and measure of love varies from person to person.If you care too much and too deeply, you will only disturb yourself.Compared with the years when I couldn't love at first, I have gained too much.

I raised my hand to cover the back of Chen Zheng's hand holding the handle of the shopping cart, and whispered, "You too."

You too, you are my indispensable.

……

in the kitchen.The range hood silently removes a large amount of mist.

The stove was turned on to medium heat, and the braised fish was collecting soup in the pot.

Chen Zheng leaned against the door, and I leaned against him.We wore the same blue plaid aprons and the same gray velveteen slippers.

"Gulu Gulu...", the fragrance factor of the fish soup drifted away.

I rubbed a black soft hair into Chen Zheng's side neck, and finally "chirped" on his protruding Adam's apple.

"That's great, Brother Zheng."

Chen Zheng pinched my earlobe, and his fingers felt cold to the touch, "I wish I could celebrate my birthday like this every year from now on."

After dinner, while Chen Zheng was washing the dishes, I arranged the small balcony in advance.

A bouquet of lilies and an assorted platter of blueberries just bought at the supermarket in the evening were placed on the small coffee table.

The two flower stands next to the sofa are hung with small beige lanterns.

A crooked little Emei moon hangs in the sky.

Everything is ready, I only owe brother Zheng.

I nestled into the sofa and stroked the coral pompom on the pillow.

A black shadow came over, stretched long by the lamp.

"What surprise did you prepare?" Chen Zheng sat next to me and pinched my nose with his wet hand, "No wonder the dishwasher broke down suddenly today, you little rascal."

I smiled at him, "Brother Zheng, tell me about your past."

The author says:

When I wrote this chapter, I was very gentle in my heart, and I hope it will be brought into the text.

This is Brother Zheng's second birthday after the beginning of the story. It is compared with the first one. In the future, the birthday will not be written in such detail in the main text.