overdue love

I know that these angry answers and stalemate words are all trying to cover up.

I still love him, and I still want to be with him, so there are some things I can't listen to, and some things I can't see.

But I'm confused, and there are still many things I haven't figured out, so I can't say I love you, and I can't say that I'm worried. I can only let people rest with a bad voice.

It's been a long time since I've looked at Qi Xiaoyun's sleeping face without distraction, but now that I've had the opportunity, I fell asleep right away.

When I opened my eyes again, I heard a coughing sound when I was drowsy. I got up thinking about it and poured Qi Xiaoyun a glass of water. When I opened my eyes with effort, I saw Qi Xiaoyun covering his mouth with his hands, coughing with his head tilted to one side.

His voice was very low, and his movements were very careful. Except that he couldn't control himself not to make a sound when he coughed, he acted lightly in all other aspects, as if I was the patient who needed to be treated carefully, and I was afraid of the slightest movement wake me up.

It is precisely because of this that when he turned his head and met my gaze, he was surprised and vividly annoyed before he could hide it.

He didn't speak, but I always felt that his expression was saying, why was he so careful, he still woke me up.

Xu was bewitched by Qi Xiaoyun's expression, and by the time I realized it, my palm was already attached to his forehead again, and I could feel his warmth against my skin.

Qi Xiaoyun, who was in a stiff posture, and I, who didn't take back my hand after reacting, neither spoke. Dusk cast a layer of golden light on the quiet bedroom, and we were in it, with different thoughts.

"It's not hot." In the end, Qi Xiaoyun was the first to break the eerie silence. He stepped back a little, stretched out his hand to touch it, and said somewhat uncertainly, "Is the temperature okay?"

I pressed his hand, took the thermometer from the bedside and gave it to him, "Measure it."

While waiting for the result, I went to pour two more glasses of water, Qi Xiaoyun took it with one hand, and said "thank you" to me again.

Suddenly, I couldn't help it, those words that were pressed down in my heart and wanted to wait for Qi Xiaoyun to get better, blurted out naturally at this moment.

I asked him, "Qi Xiaoyun, what do you mean by that you are too stupid?"

The gurgling sound of drinking water suddenly stopped, Qi Xiaoyun's hand holding the glass was tighter and tighter, and it took a long time before he asked me dully, "Do you want to... listen?"

In fact, it is not accurate for him to ask this way. For me, it is not that I want to listen, but that I dare to listen.

I nodded, and felt that this seemed a bit too natural, so I asked him again, "Do you still want to talk?"

"Think," Qi Xiaoyun responded quickly, and almost couldn't wait to make a sound the next second I just finished speaking.

"I, I am not for those, I just like you, I like you the first time I saw you, I have always liked you, but I didn't know that I like you after a long time, I didn't want to use you, never, I really I like you."

"Those words were not sincere. I didn't think about anything clearly at that time, and I didn't know what to say, so I said a lot of things that I didn't know what they were. I don't know, I don't know you will hear it, I don't know it will Hurt you, I wanted to tell you a long time ago, don't be sad, don't be sad, what happened is my fault, I was blinded, I was stupid, don't be sad."

The unstructured speech was confusing and messy, but eager and sincere at the same time, he confessed Qi Xiaoyun's sincerity in front of me.

When I didn’t dare to listen or believe it, I felt that what he said was false and made me sad, but when I listened to these words now that I had confidence and determination in my heart, those worries and hesitation in the past disappeared again. become ridiculous.

I really never asked him, some of those sad bastard words were true or false, I was only busy fleeing in a daze, but I forgot that I couldn't see the road in front of me, and I couldn't find the way to leave. So I could only circle around in place, but I thought I had gone a long way.

"I was really sad at that time." I tried to make some efforts that I hadn't fought for myself, and shared the feelings buried in my heart. so."

The thermometer that took Qi Xiaoyun's body temperature had long left its place and fell on the quilt, with Qi Xiaoyun's tightly clenched hands beside him.

"I don't know what you like about me, I feel like I don't have anything worthy of being liked, so that kind of reason makes everything reasonable, you don't love me, you just need me, so you have to be with me .”

The past that I kept silent was not forgotten, nor was it buried because I had no intention of arguing and looking back. The reason why they were hidden in my heart was just because I thought no one would care. Saying this kind of thing has no meaning except to increase the joke.

But he cared, and I cared, so these words appeared here.

I said, "But I still feel sad, because I really like you, and sometimes I think, what if God took a nap and made me lucky? If the nap lasts a little longer, If I'm not careful, I can spend the rest of my life with you?"

Qi Xiaoyun's eye sockets were always red due to illness, but they were very dry, but now they seemed to be overflowing with water.

"Isn't it pretty stupid?" I smiled a little embarrassedly, always feeling like I was a few years older than him, and not much smarter than him.

Qi Xiaoyun sobbed and shook her head, came to grab my hand, said sorry to me, and said I love you, you are the most worthy person in the world to be loved.

I took out a piece of paper to wipe his tears, and when I wiped, I found that my tears flowed down too. I sniffed and asked him, "Qi Xiaoyun, do you want to make up with me?"

Qi Xiaoyun nodded hastily, and said "I think" while wiping my tears.

While talking, he changed his tone and called me, "Xinxin, I miss you so much."

After hearing this sentence, I couldn't bear it anymore and went forward to hug him.

For such a decent, warm embrace, both of us have waited too long and are too tired.

We waded through mountains and rivers, crossed mountains, rivers, lakes and seas, and twisted and turned to find our way in the path in the forest. We looked for directions, looked for signs, and wanted to get out of here with everything we knew.

We have failed, been confused, and yelled to give up, but when we look up, the stars are still in the sky, the moon is still shining, the road under our feet is chaotic and complicated, but the direction of our heart is always the same.

I said Qi Xiaoyun, because I love you, so I don't believe you.

Qi Xiaoyun said he knew.

I said again, but I love you so much, can I trust you again?

Qi Xiaoyun's arm is very strong, it hurts me to hug me, his voice is trembling and choked, but he is firm in every word, he said, yes, Xinxin, you trust me one more time, I was stupid once, the price is too high , there will be no next time.

It's not that his price is high, but the price of love is high.

Loving someone gives him the right to hurt himself. If he doesn’t love you enough and isn’t careful enough, you’ll bleed and get hurt. I used to think that the hurt I got here at Qi Xiaoyun would follow me for the rest of my life, but it’s amazing, I thought The long-lasting pain and injury disappeared together with Qi Xiaoyun's illness on such an ordinary day.

I also hugged him harder, feeling the new strength.

Everything yesterday is like death yesterday, everything today is born of love.

The moon in my sky, finally, I put it in the bowl again.

End of the full text.

Extra

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13. Qi Xiaoyun's Diary of Broken Love

1.

On x month x day of x year, the weather is sunny and the mood is depressed

Today Xinxin broke up with me and moved out of the house. When I wanted to find him, I found that he had heard all the stupid things we said.I feel so sad when I recall it, and my heart must be so sad.

2.

On x month x year x year the weather is fine and the mood is not bad

I went home and had a showdown with my dad. I told him that your son likes men, and I will let you know when I come back. If you can accept it, you can accept it. If you can’t accept it, there’s nothing you can do. That’s what I did. My dad broke my legs angrily. Yes, I'm hospitalized.

My leg hurts, but there is an inexplicable sense of pride in fighting the dragon for the one I love, and there is one less obstacle for me and Xinxin to be together, so happy.

3.

On x month x day of x year, the weather is sunny and the mood is depressed

Xinxin came to see me in the hospital, I was a little happy, because I felt like I hadn’t seen him for a long time, but Xinxin didn’t come to see me specially, and didn’t ask me a word when he saw my broken leg. It’s hard, but I didn’t think it would be more uncomfortable. I said in my heart that what we said was right. I knew those bastard words would definitely hurt him, but I didn’t expect it would hurt so deeply. I regret it and want to go back Go to the past and beat yourself up for saying these words, and also want to go back to the day when we first met, tell yourself that you fell in love with Cheng Shuxin at first sight, don't think about those messy things, live with him well, don't make him sad .

4.

On x month x day of x year, the weather is sunny and the mood is depressed

Xinxin came to the hospital to see me again, I wanted to explain the matter to him clearly, but he didn't believe me at all, he thought I wanted to use him, I wanted to say no, Xinxin, I really love you, but he The expression on his face was too sad, as if he could cry if I said one more word, I didn't dare to say anything.

5.

The weather and snow on x month x day of x year continued to be depressed

Heart