Lin Jue of the Red Chamber

Feeling unacceptable, going deeper.

I never in my life thought I'd like a man, or a boy, because he was just a boy up to my chin when I realized I liked him.What surprised me the most, or feared me, was that my liking for him was not the kind of liking that my father and the king used to tease concubine Ji, but deep, deep, and even unknowingly turned into love.

I consider myself to be a relatively self-disciplined person, and I don’t place much emphasis on the desire for pleasure.At least until the age of 14.

When I was 14 years old, I was blamed by my father. The reason was very funny. The third brother invited us brothers to get together. I went and drank a lot of wine in a daze. Luqiao lay down together.

God knows, who would like a girl with sharp teeth and sharp mouth, let alone a girl who can't tell if a man sleeps or not?

However, the result, hehe...

In short, he was assigned to Jiangnan in the end!

In Jiangnan, I met him and encountered the most difficult hurdle in my life, or in other words, encountered the disaster of my life.

I can’t remember our first meeting very clearly. I just remember that I went to a banquet that day, drank a lot of wine, and then saw a man in my room who was wearing only his underwear, or a boy, because he was too small and his body was too small. They haven't grown yet.

Before that, I rejected many beautiful maids sent by many people, saying it was a maid, but everyone knew that she was not the person who sent him, so when I saw him, I thought it was a boy sent.It's also possible that if you don't like maidservants, don't you just like boys?

It was too late and I was too tired.I just made fun of a few words and wanted to sleep first before talking.

Later, I clarified to him more than once: If he hadn't taught me severely, I wouldn't have done anything, because I don't think I like boys.Every time I say that he just laughs like this.

But the fact that day was that I returned to the yard with injuries all over my body, because I started to go to the wrong yard and was tricked again... The evil fate began.

In fact, after five years of our acquaintance, I confessed our affairs to my concubine, and my concubine regretted it more than once: "If I had known this, I would have desperately, and I would definitely not let your father send you I went to the south of the Yangtze River." Especially in those days when I was desperately looking for something to do for myself, I couldn't sleep every night because I was afraid of dreaming about him, and my mother and concubine accompanied me, and I regretted it night and night.

But I insist that getting to know him was the best thing in my life.

Of course, when Lin Ruhai introduced us to each other, I didn't think so.At that time, he was like a proud peacock, with a humble mouth, but anyone with a discerning eye could see his pride imprinted in his bones.Haha, even a small scholar, even a genius, I can turn him into a genius who died young, this was my thought at the time.

So I got a wonton with lots and lots of crab sauce. I didn't think he did it from the beginning. With his pride, he wouldn't do it.Especially when I lived in the Lin Mansion, wouldn't that be causing trouble for Lin Ruhai?It's very easy to check, it was done by the boy watching chess next to him, I didn't need to kill a boy for no reason, and then, I didn't expect that he would take this matter down, because this matter can be big or small.So after he came forward, I covered it up.After realizing that I fell in love with him, I once wondered if I fell in love with him at that time, so I subconsciously protected him.There is no answer.

Later, I thought about why I fell in love with him more than once, saying that he is kind, he can watch others go to a dead end, and even push them behind; Standing where I am; say that he has a good temper, but he often loses his temper with me, and I can only laugh at it.

Later, I thought: There is no reason for love.

Because of the allergic incident, we became bad friends, you make trouble for me, and I make trouble for you.But we really became friends when he came to me and asked me for shelter.

A few small pharmacies can be sold in Gusu, but in Jiangsu, in Jiangnan, and in the entire Daqin Dynasty, they are definitely not able to do so. That was my first thought: I can draw him My boat is up, and the opportunity has finally come.

After I came to Jiangnan, I received a letter from Zichen. He is the eldest son of the fourth elder brother, five years older than me, and is both my cousin and my cousin.With so many people of the same age in the entire clan, I have the best relationship with him.

So when he wanted me to help him bury a few nails in Jiangnan, I agreed without hesitation.

Facts have proved that I did the right thing again. My Lin Jue, my brother Jue, my Jue'er, and my Feng Xian were all dragged into the thief boat by me, and I also brought Lin Ruhai, the Jiangnan Yanzheng, along with me.

Since then, perhaps because of our shared secret, we've gotten a lot closer.

But before I can get closer to him, he will be preparing for the country test, the damn country test, because of it, I was forced to see Jueer from three or four days to not seeing each other in half a month , the rural test is so difficult?

So, during those two months, I frequently had sex dreams, and the other main character of the sex dreams was him without exception.I fell, fell into your hands, Jue Er, are you happy?

It's not that I don't know anything about personnel, I'm only four years older than Jue'er, if it's in the capital, it's time for my concubine to prepare a housemate for me.What's more, those people in Beijing, what kind of noise can't they make when they are having fun?So, even though I am a genuine virgin (well, I admit, this is what Jue Er said later), I should have understood it earlier.

Thinking about it now, I was really cowardly at that time. I didn't dare to admit my feelings for Jue'er, but after having a sexual dream for more than a month, I finally faced up to this relationship.Encountering Jue'er's rural examination again, I just thought that I couldn't tell about it, so as not to harm Jue'er.Finally came the day when Jue'er left the examination room, she couldn't stay in the mansion, so she went to pick him up excitedly, but he was fine and slept all the way.

The next day, I got the news that he was going to the capital.

He is about to leave, and I, if there is no accident, will stay in Jiangnan for a year or two.

To be honest, at that moment, I was sad, but I also felt unspeakably fortunate.

The sad thing is that I will not see him for a long time. I have just realized my emotions and haven't said it yet. How can I not be sad when I face such a long separation?

But I was a little fortunate, and even thought that after a year or two of separation, maybe I would forget this relationship.That's great, after all, it's so hard to maintain a same-sex relationship.

So, I personally sent him aboard the ship bound for the capital.

I was bitter in my heart, but I still forced myself to smile and send him on board.

I prepared many gifts for him, and asked him to bring them home for me.With these things and the letter I sent to my fourth brother, he has a reason to go to the gate of Prince Liang's mansion, at least he can protect him.

You don’t have lovesickness in your life.

Things didn't go as expected, and in the days and nights after he left, I was even more sad, or in other words, I was sick with longing.

When I was reading a book, I thought of him, the way he was frowning and reciting the book while looking for mistakes in the book with a look of disdain.

When admiring the flowers, I think of him and the good memories of spring with him.

Even when I look at the account books, I miss him and the Baicao Pavilion he built in just two years.

The wine is no longer intoxicating, the scenery is no longer charming, and even the food is tasteless.

Hehe, Jue'er, did you play a trick on me?

Well, I admit it, who made me... fall in love first?

He is stingy, difficult, and cleanliness.

Well, in order to cater to him, I will definitely do my best.I think so, and I do so.

Later, Jue'er leaned in my arms and asked me: Oh, then why did you recognize me?Where does the confidence come from?Are you still guarding yourself like a jade?

I just smiled and just fed him water. How could I tell him that since I fell in love with him, no matter how beautiful a woman is, she is just a skeleton in my eyes. I can't read it, tell him, then he will be proud again.

But when I was 15 years old, I didn't think of that. At that time, the thing I was most looking forward to was to receive his letter.

But that little heartless, hmph, unexpectedly, a letter came after two months away, and the most mentioned in the letter were his new friends.

I have the heart to strangle him!No, it should be said that I have the heart to fly to the capital.

If this continues, when I see him again, I'm afraid he won't remember me anymore.

No, I absolutely do not accept this.

On the one hand, I wrote to my fourth brother, telling him to make friends with him.

On the one hand, I mentioned Master Lin a lot in the letter to him. Although I don't know why Master Lin adopted him, I know he must really want to know about Master Lin from me.Who made Mr. Lin used to report good news but not bad news?

Very good, in this way, the frequency of communication is finally fixed at half a month.

When I was overjoyed by this incident, I realized my own pity more deeply. From love comes sorrow, and from love comes fear; if I am separated from my lover, I will have no worries and no fears... I think, I am no longer satisfied In the position of a friend.

I decided that when I return to Beijing, I must express my emotions in the shortest possible time.

I want to tell him: I love him!

It's just that I didn't expect that falling in love is easy but staying together is difficult!