I dare not
Chapter 49
"Oh, remember."
Xiang Zenan did not sit where the Queen Mother asked him to sit, but sat down beside Gu Qiao.
The Empress Dowager lowered her eyes slightly, glanced at Gu Qiao from the corner of her eyes, and smiled at Lin Wanqing: "It seems that your third brother is busy with government affairs today, and he will call the courtiers to the palace to continue discussing after the court."
Lin Wanqing glanced at Gu Qiao, a little surprised that the civil servant was so handsome, she pursed her lips, and then glanced at Xiang Zenan again, "If the third brother still has something to do, Wanqing will go back first."
Before Xiang Zenan could answer, the Queen Mother said again, "Things are so busy. Your third brother has just been in prison and he wants to have some snacks, but there is still time to say a few words. You two are childhood sweethearts and have been in love since childhood. Best, he, talking to you is the most relaxing thing."
Lin Wanqing lowered her head and brushed the tip of her nose with her fingers, the blush on her cheeks became a little darker.
Xiang Zenan didn't seem to understand, but sat there carelessly and started eating pine nuts.
The atmosphere was a bit awkward for a while, but the Queen Mother remained calm, and she said, "Third son, the water lilies in Xiaoyaochi are blooming, you can take Wanqing to have a look."
"Okay," Xiang Zenan agreed, "Another day, there are still things to deal with today."
After saying a few words without embarrassment, the Empress Dowager ordered the palace servants to serve the food, and after the meal, she took Lin Wanqing away.
"Your Highness," Gu Qiao bowed and saluted, "The humble minister has also retired."
"Don't listen to the Queen Mother talking nonsense, there are no childhood sweethearts, just met a few times when I was young."
Gu Qiao still showed a respectful attitude towards the superior, "Yes."
Xiang Zenan said to the palace man, "You all go down."
The maids in the palace retreated silently, and the round-faced little maid who walked at the end turned and closed the door. Seeing His Highness the Crown Prince reaching out to hug Gu Qiao, Gu Qiao took a step back to avoid it.
The third child frowned slightly, "You don't believe me?"
"Your Highness," Gu Qiao bowed even lower, "It will be a matter of time before a concubine is established, Your Highness, please think twice."
The third child forcefully pulled him into his arms and rubbed his hair with his broad palms, "Don't think too much about it, I'll take care of it."
Gu Qiao reached out her hand to touch the disheveled bun, and said with a straight face, "Your Highness, please put Guozuo as the most important thing."
"I see, don't worry." After speaking, she kissed him on the forehead again.
Just these few words, Gu Qiao pondered all night, what is "I see, don't worry" - is he planning to become a concubine?
A voice in my heart said, Gu Qiao, you are worthless!Get away from him now!Another voice said, wait a little longer, give me a little more time...
Tossing and turning unable to fall asleep, he put on a coat casually and went out the door.
The moonlight quietly flowed on the plants and trees of Prince Yu's mansion, covering the mansion with a layer of silver frost.
He strolled to the edge of the small lake, and saw the full moon falling into the water, and was broken into shimmering fragments by the water waves.
In the dead of night, he suddenly found a person sitting by the lake not far away—it was King Yu.
I don't know whether I should step forward to disturb her, and turned around to leave. Just as I stepped on the stone path, I heard King Yu say, "Gu Shiyi, since you're here, why don't you just talk."
Gu Qiao was a little surprised by his hearing ability, as he could tell who it was just by doing so.
He walked over and stood next to King Yu, remembering what the third child told him two days ago, he became a little closer to King Yu in his heart, "Your Highness, will you not sleep tonight?"
"Day and night don't make any difference to this king, but Gu Shiyi, who can't sleep at night, is it because of my prince brother?"
Gu Qiao froze for a moment, not knowing why King Yu said this suddenly, and for a moment didn't know how to answer.
King Yu continued on his own, "It's about the two of you, I can't say anything. But since you have decided to get together with him, you must be prepared to face everything. Is the queen mother She will not agree to small resistance. It is very difficult to persuade the old woman, but with your support, the third child should be able to handle it..."
"His Royal Highness Yu Wang may have misunderstood something." Gu Qiao couldn't help interrupting him when he heard him go further and further away. Do you have such unreasonable thoughts about Prince Chu?"
"Then what do you mean now?" King Yu's tone was a little surprised, and then he seemed to understand it, and sneered, "Do you regard my brother as a plaything of Qinlou and Chuguan?"
Gu Qiaorao has long seen the prince's moodiness, and at this time he will be scared to kneel, "I didn't mean that, I just..."
King Yu turned his head and said darkly, "You just want to have a dewy marriage with him? When he ascends the throne and proclaims himself emperor, you can retire unscathed and continue to be your sage official?"
Gu Qiao saw his eyes by the moonlight, those eyeballs glowing dimly in the darkness seemed to be piercing through his skin to see through the shallow soul inside.
He was so shocked that he couldn't speak, and it took him a while to recover his voice, "His Royal Highness...there will always be a Crown Princess."
Yu Wang turned his head back and turned his back to him, "You don't know Lao San too well, if there were you, he wouldn't have anyone else."
It was the first time that Gu Qiao heard others confess Xiang Zenan's thoughts to him. He opened his eyes wide, and heard his heartbeat was extremely noisy in the quiet night. It seemed that something was blocked in his throat, making him unable to breathe. Come.
"What about you? Will you stay with the third child regardless of everything?"
Gu Qiao fell silent.
Yu Wang waited for a while but did not get his answer, and said in a mocking tone: "I see, you don't trust him, nor yourself."
"Go away, you don't deserve to love him."
Gu Qiao stood by the lake for a long time, he didn't know when King Yu left.
That sentence was like a stick, hitting him hard on the head: You don't deserve to love him!You don't deserve to love him!
The wind at night was a bit cool, and Gu Qiao felt a little dizzy.He didn't know how he walked back and lay down on the bed.
When he closed his eyes, he saw Yu Wang staring at himself with those eyes similar to the third one, and then the owner of those eyes became Xiang Zenan, he said, you are not worthy to love me.
In her sleep, Gu Qiao clearly felt that someone was gouging out her heart with a blunt knife, and the pain spread from her chest to all her limbs.He opened his eyes, and it was still dark outside, as if it would never dawn.
The nights in Lianzhou used to be so long. At that time, the third child was in severe pain, and he felt that every night was endless.
In Gu Qiao's short life, she has never had such complicated feelings with others.Although he is a very smart person, his head that won the first prize in the examination and cured one party just couldn't figure out what to do with him and Nan Aizawa.
Confused, he hated that little fool in Lianzhou, but he hated the third child when he returned to Beijing.He gave himself many warnings and made many resolutions, but as soon as Aizawa Nan stood in front of him, the fortifications in his heart collapsed automatically.
He was reluctant, he was reluctant to leave, he was reluctant not to see that person, and he was reluctant to see that person with others.
Gu Qiao asked himself, if one day the eldest son gets married, is he really willing to retire and become a minister?
No, as long as you think about it a little bit, you will be overwhelmed with pain.
So he was neither willing to leave Xiang Zenan, nor dared to love wholeheartedly.
Gu Qiao thought, King Yu is right, I don't deserve to love him.
Early the next morning, he dragged his exhausted body on Suzaku Street, and happened to meet Tang Buque's carriage. Gu Qiao asked Tang Buque to ask for a leave of absence for him, and then went back to his home.
He couldn't be seen by Xiang Zenan as a waste of himself.
He didn't dare to go back to Prince Yu's mansion, fearing that King Yu would see through his weakness.
I haven't been home for more than a month.
That day I had a quarrel with the third child, and then was kidnapped by Huang Qi from the house. This month has been a turbulent one. At this time, when I stepped into my own room, I finally felt a little calmer in my heart.
Having not slept all night, he fell headlong on the bed, overwhelmed by drowsiness, and fell asleep without taking off his clothes.
After an unknown amount of time, someone called his name softly. Gu Qiao thought he was dreaming, so he rolled over and continued to sleep.
A warm palm stretched out to touch his forehead, and a familiar smell immediately filled his nostrils.
Gu Qiao's heart throbbed and she woke up.
"Are you uncomfortable? Why don't you go to Prince Yu's Mansion?"
Xiang Zenan sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him.
Gu Qiao woke up all of a sudden, "Your Highness, why are you here? Isn't there a court meeting today?"
"The court meeting is handed over to Zhang Shizhong. I will go back and make a decision after they finish discussing."
Gu Qiao pointed out disapprovingly, "His Royal Highness has just started supervising the country, so don't be so lazy."
"Okay, Gu Shiyi, I know." Xiang Zenan pressed his face to his forehead, "It's not hot."
"I'm fine, I just didn't sleep well last night."
"I heard from Tang Buque that you were sick, and you couldn't be found in Prince Yu's mansion. Fortunately, a guard saw you coming back here."
Thinking of what King Yu said, Gu Qiao couldn't help hugging his waist full of grievances, and she was extremely disgusted with herself in her heart. She hugged him for a while before saying, "I'm sorry."
"Why do you say sorry?"
Gu Qiao buried her face in his waist and said sullenly, "Because I am a selfish and cowardly person."
Xiang Zenan inserted his hands into his hair and gently rubbed his scalp, "Why do you say that about yourself? What happened?"
"Nothing happened."
"Is it because of Lin Wanqing?"
Gu Qiao buried her face deeper and shook her head vigorously, "No!"
Xiang Zenan pressed the back of his head with his big hand, "Stop rubbing it, it's going to be hard."
Gu Qiao stopped immediately, only to realize that her face was buried in that place, and she vaguely felt something touched the tip of her nose, and raised her head with a flushed face.
Xiang Zenan smiled badly, and kissed his bright red lips, "Are you thinking about going back to Lianzhou to be Sima again?" He kissed again, and solemnly declared: "I won't let you go .”
"But you will always have a princess." Gu Qiao said in a low voice.
Xiang Zenan raised his eyebrows, "Who said that? I have no such plan."
"Then there will always be a queen."
His smirk became more obvious, and he said as a matter of course, "The queen will, but I still won't let you go."
Gu Qiao's heart was empty, and she said to herself, didn't you say that there would be no one else?But he felt that it was very humble to ask this question, so he simply shut up.
Xiang Zenan kissed him again, "Stop thinking about it, go back to Prince Yu's Mansion, the mansion is safe, I don't worry about you here."
"Well, I want to get something and go there later."
"Then be good, rest today and come into the palace tomorrow."
"it is good."
At the court meeting, there were still many ministers waiting for him to go back, and the prince dared not stay for long.He left a guard here to protect Gu Qiao, and hurried back to the palace by himself.
Gu Qiao didn't know whether it was bitter or sweet in his heart, he thought to himself, he could love even if he was not worthy of love, no matter if he was humble or weak, if there was a day, he would shave his head and follow the law to escape into Buddhism.
Xiang Zenan did not sit where the Queen Mother asked him to sit, but sat down beside Gu Qiao.
The Empress Dowager lowered her eyes slightly, glanced at Gu Qiao from the corner of her eyes, and smiled at Lin Wanqing: "It seems that your third brother is busy with government affairs today, and he will call the courtiers to the palace to continue discussing after the court."
Lin Wanqing glanced at Gu Qiao, a little surprised that the civil servant was so handsome, she pursed her lips, and then glanced at Xiang Zenan again, "If the third brother still has something to do, Wanqing will go back first."
Before Xiang Zenan could answer, the Queen Mother said again, "Things are so busy. Your third brother has just been in prison and he wants to have some snacks, but there is still time to say a few words. You two are childhood sweethearts and have been in love since childhood. Best, he, talking to you is the most relaxing thing."
Lin Wanqing lowered her head and brushed the tip of her nose with her fingers, the blush on her cheeks became a little darker.
Xiang Zenan didn't seem to understand, but sat there carelessly and started eating pine nuts.
The atmosphere was a bit awkward for a while, but the Queen Mother remained calm, and she said, "Third son, the water lilies in Xiaoyaochi are blooming, you can take Wanqing to have a look."
"Okay," Xiang Zenan agreed, "Another day, there are still things to deal with today."
After saying a few words without embarrassment, the Empress Dowager ordered the palace servants to serve the food, and after the meal, she took Lin Wanqing away.
"Your Highness," Gu Qiao bowed and saluted, "The humble minister has also retired."
"Don't listen to the Queen Mother talking nonsense, there are no childhood sweethearts, just met a few times when I was young."
Gu Qiao still showed a respectful attitude towards the superior, "Yes."
Xiang Zenan said to the palace man, "You all go down."
The maids in the palace retreated silently, and the round-faced little maid who walked at the end turned and closed the door. Seeing His Highness the Crown Prince reaching out to hug Gu Qiao, Gu Qiao took a step back to avoid it.
The third child frowned slightly, "You don't believe me?"
"Your Highness," Gu Qiao bowed even lower, "It will be a matter of time before a concubine is established, Your Highness, please think twice."
The third child forcefully pulled him into his arms and rubbed his hair with his broad palms, "Don't think too much about it, I'll take care of it."
Gu Qiao reached out her hand to touch the disheveled bun, and said with a straight face, "Your Highness, please put Guozuo as the most important thing."
"I see, don't worry." After speaking, she kissed him on the forehead again.
Just these few words, Gu Qiao pondered all night, what is "I see, don't worry" - is he planning to become a concubine?
A voice in my heart said, Gu Qiao, you are worthless!Get away from him now!Another voice said, wait a little longer, give me a little more time...
Tossing and turning unable to fall asleep, he put on a coat casually and went out the door.
The moonlight quietly flowed on the plants and trees of Prince Yu's mansion, covering the mansion with a layer of silver frost.
He strolled to the edge of the small lake, and saw the full moon falling into the water, and was broken into shimmering fragments by the water waves.
In the dead of night, he suddenly found a person sitting by the lake not far away—it was King Yu.
I don't know whether I should step forward to disturb her, and turned around to leave. Just as I stepped on the stone path, I heard King Yu say, "Gu Shiyi, since you're here, why don't you just talk."
Gu Qiao was a little surprised by his hearing ability, as he could tell who it was just by doing so.
He walked over and stood next to King Yu, remembering what the third child told him two days ago, he became a little closer to King Yu in his heart, "Your Highness, will you not sleep tonight?"
"Day and night don't make any difference to this king, but Gu Shiyi, who can't sleep at night, is it because of my prince brother?"
Gu Qiao froze for a moment, not knowing why King Yu said this suddenly, and for a moment didn't know how to answer.
King Yu continued on his own, "It's about the two of you, I can't say anything. But since you have decided to get together with him, you must be prepared to face everything. Is the queen mother She will not agree to small resistance. It is very difficult to persuade the old woman, but with your support, the third child should be able to handle it..."
"His Royal Highness Yu Wang may have misunderstood something." Gu Qiao couldn't help interrupting him when he heard him go further and further away. Do you have such unreasonable thoughts about Prince Chu?"
"Then what do you mean now?" King Yu's tone was a little surprised, and then he seemed to understand it, and sneered, "Do you regard my brother as a plaything of Qinlou and Chuguan?"
Gu Qiaorao has long seen the prince's moodiness, and at this time he will be scared to kneel, "I didn't mean that, I just..."
King Yu turned his head and said darkly, "You just want to have a dewy marriage with him? When he ascends the throne and proclaims himself emperor, you can retire unscathed and continue to be your sage official?"
Gu Qiao saw his eyes by the moonlight, those eyeballs glowing dimly in the darkness seemed to be piercing through his skin to see through the shallow soul inside.
He was so shocked that he couldn't speak, and it took him a while to recover his voice, "His Royal Highness...there will always be a Crown Princess."
Yu Wang turned his head back and turned his back to him, "You don't know Lao San too well, if there were you, he wouldn't have anyone else."
It was the first time that Gu Qiao heard others confess Xiang Zenan's thoughts to him. He opened his eyes wide, and heard his heartbeat was extremely noisy in the quiet night. It seemed that something was blocked in his throat, making him unable to breathe. Come.
"What about you? Will you stay with the third child regardless of everything?"
Gu Qiao fell silent.
Yu Wang waited for a while but did not get his answer, and said in a mocking tone: "I see, you don't trust him, nor yourself."
"Go away, you don't deserve to love him."
Gu Qiao stood by the lake for a long time, he didn't know when King Yu left.
That sentence was like a stick, hitting him hard on the head: You don't deserve to love him!You don't deserve to love him!
The wind at night was a bit cool, and Gu Qiao felt a little dizzy.He didn't know how he walked back and lay down on the bed.
When he closed his eyes, he saw Yu Wang staring at himself with those eyes similar to the third one, and then the owner of those eyes became Xiang Zenan, he said, you are not worthy to love me.
In her sleep, Gu Qiao clearly felt that someone was gouging out her heart with a blunt knife, and the pain spread from her chest to all her limbs.He opened his eyes, and it was still dark outside, as if it would never dawn.
The nights in Lianzhou used to be so long. At that time, the third child was in severe pain, and he felt that every night was endless.
In Gu Qiao's short life, she has never had such complicated feelings with others.Although he is a very smart person, his head that won the first prize in the examination and cured one party just couldn't figure out what to do with him and Nan Aizawa.
Confused, he hated that little fool in Lianzhou, but he hated the third child when he returned to Beijing.He gave himself many warnings and made many resolutions, but as soon as Aizawa Nan stood in front of him, the fortifications in his heart collapsed automatically.
He was reluctant, he was reluctant to leave, he was reluctant not to see that person, and he was reluctant to see that person with others.
Gu Qiao asked himself, if one day the eldest son gets married, is he really willing to retire and become a minister?
No, as long as you think about it a little bit, you will be overwhelmed with pain.
So he was neither willing to leave Xiang Zenan, nor dared to love wholeheartedly.
Gu Qiao thought, King Yu is right, I don't deserve to love him.
Early the next morning, he dragged his exhausted body on Suzaku Street, and happened to meet Tang Buque's carriage. Gu Qiao asked Tang Buque to ask for a leave of absence for him, and then went back to his home.
He couldn't be seen by Xiang Zenan as a waste of himself.
He didn't dare to go back to Prince Yu's mansion, fearing that King Yu would see through his weakness.
I haven't been home for more than a month.
That day I had a quarrel with the third child, and then was kidnapped by Huang Qi from the house. This month has been a turbulent one. At this time, when I stepped into my own room, I finally felt a little calmer in my heart.
Having not slept all night, he fell headlong on the bed, overwhelmed by drowsiness, and fell asleep without taking off his clothes.
After an unknown amount of time, someone called his name softly. Gu Qiao thought he was dreaming, so he rolled over and continued to sleep.
A warm palm stretched out to touch his forehead, and a familiar smell immediately filled his nostrils.
Gu Qiao's heart throbbed and she woke up.
"Are you uncomfortable? Why don't you go to Prince Yu's Mansion?"
Xiang Zenan sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him.
Gu Qiao woke up all of a sudden, "Your Highness, why are you here? Isn't there a court meeting today?"
"The court meeting is handed over to Zhang Shizhong. I will go back and make a decision after they finish discussing."
Gu Qiao pointed out disapprovingly, "His Royal Highness has just started supervising the country, so don't be so lazy."
"Okay, Gu Shiyi, I know." Xiang Zenan pressed his face to his forehead, "It's not hot."
"I'm fine, I just didn't sleep well last night."
"I heard from Tang Buque that you were sick, and you couldn't be found in Prince Yu's mansion. Fortunately, a guard saw you coming back here."
Thinking of what King Yu said, Gu Qiao couldn't help hugging his waist full of grievances, and she was extremely disgusted with herself in her heart. She hugged him for a while before saying, "I'm sorry."
"Why do you say sorry?"
Gu Qiao buried her face in his waist and said sullenly, "Because I am a selfish and cowardly person."
Xiang Zenan inserted his hands into his hair and gently rubbed his scalp, "Why do you say that about yourself? What happened?"
"Nothing happened."
"Is it because of Lin Wanqing?"
Gu Qiao buried her face deeper and shook her head vigorously, "No!"
Xiang Zenan pressed the back of his head with his big hand, "Stop rubbing it, it's going to be hard."
Gu Qiao stopped immediately, only to realize that her face was buried in that place, and she vaguely felt something touched the tip of her nose, and raised her head with a flushed face.
Xiang Zenan smiled badly, and kissed his bright red lips, "Are you thinking about going back to Lianzhou to be Sima again?" He kissed again, and solemnly declared: "I won't let you go .”
"But you will always have a princess." Gu Qiao said in a low voice.
Xiang Zenan raised his eyebrows, "Who said that? I have no such plan."
"Then there will always be a queen."
His smirk became more obvious, and he said as a matter of course, "The queen will, but I still won't let you go."
Gu Qiao's heart was empty, and she said to herself, didn't you say that there would be no one else?But he felt that it was very humble to ask this question, so he simply shut up.
Xiang Zenan kissed him again, "Stop thinking about it, go back to Prince Yu's Mansion, the mansion is safe, I don't worry about you here."
"Well, I want to get something and go there later."
"Then be good, rest today and come into the palace tomorrow."
"it is good."
At the court meeting, there were still many ministers waiting for him to go back, and the prince dared not stay for long.He left a guard here to protect Gu Qiao, and hurried back to the palace by himself.
Gu Qiao didn't know whether it was bitter or sweet in his heart, he thought to himself, he could love even if he was not worthy of love, no matter if he was humble or weak, if there was a day, he would shave his head and follow the law to escape into Buddhism.
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