Confess to you in early summer

"What's the matter with Jiang Youyi? Did you have a conflict with her?" Zhou Xiaoxiao realized later that it seemed that things were not simple.

Just now he rushed to send Yan Wei to the school infirmary faster than anyone else, but now he suddenly ignored him.

Yan Wei pursed her lips and sighed: "I made her unhappy."

"Ah?" Zhou Xiaoxiao looked puzzled.

Yan Wei didn't say much, put down the plate, and sat down where Jiang Youyi was eating just now.

Going back to the dormitory from lunch break, Yan Wei found an excuse to go to the end of the corridor, deliberately passing by Jiang Youyi's dormitory, looking towards Jiang Youyi's bed, only a glimpse of a drawn curtain.

Yan Wei didn't talk to Jiang Youyi all afternoon, the two of them are far apart, not as convenient as last semester.

Yan Wei and Jiang Youyi had been at the same table for a semester just after they were divided into arts and sciences in the first semester of their second year of high school.

At the beginning of this semester, teacher Xu, the class teacher, rearranged the seats according to the grades at the end of last semester. Jiang Youyi, a poor student, was ruthlessly thrown into the last three rows, while excellent student Yan Wei stayed in the first three rows.

Moreover, boys and girls cannot sit at the same table. At that time, many students complained about this seating arrangement. After two days of arguing, it was useless, so they stopped.

After the evening self-study was over, Yan Wei took his five-three book, and was stopped by the class monitor as soon as he stood up.

"If you don't have time to eat in the morning, just eat some snacks." The squad leader stuffed a bag of snacks into Yan Wei's hands, and ran away after speaking.

At the same time, Jiang Youyi walked slowly past Yan Wei's seat.

Yan Wei: "..."

She glanced at the snack bag in her hand, then handed it to Zhou Xiaoxiao: "You help me return it to the monitor, and if he doesn't want it, you can eat it yourself."

When she walked out of the classroom, Jiang Youyi had long since disappeared.

Yan Wei held on to the railing of the corridor, and the classmates who got off the evening self-study passed behind her in twos and threes. Zhou Xiaoxiao came over and asked her if she wanted to go back to the dormitory together. Yan Wei shook his head: "You go back first."

Zhou Xiaoxiao said oh, and left first.

Yan Wei stepped on the small steps under the railing, leaned down to look at the neatly trimmed shrubs, flowers and plants in the flower terrace downstairs.

On the evening of March 2013, 3, Jiang Youyi confessed to her here.

Back from this moment, it was only 24 hours ago, but in Yan Wei's memory, seven years have passed.

The confession that day was obviously very far away, but at this moment, it seemed that it really happened yesterday, and she could recall every detail.

The teaching building was gone, only a few office lights were still on. One of them was standing and the other was sitting on the ground, blowing the night breeze in the corridor.

"Still going back to the dormitory? The lights will be turned off later." Yan Wei lowered his head, lightly kicked the railing under the handrail, and there was a thud, which spread far in the silent night.

Jiang Youyi was holding a small gift box in her hand, playing with it over and over again, she pulled her left hand away and pinned her ear hair: "What's wrong with staying a little longer?"

"Not so much, your birthday is your biggest." Yan Wei also sat down with his back against the railing, beside Jiang Youyi.

Jiang Youyi stretched out her right hand and took Yan Wei's left hand: "Then I want to sing, will you listen?"

"You sing." Yan Wei let her lead her, leaning against the railing and closing her eyes.

In the silence, Jiang Youyi hummed softly:

"Send an unaddressed letter

There is a distance between such emotions

whose song are you playing

what kind of mood

Can you tell me..."

Yan Wei didn't understand music, she had also heard the original singing of this song, but she felt that Jiang Youyi sang it better, but she couldn't say what was better.

"I can accompany you to see the stars..."

Jiang Youyi's voice was very low, very soft, light and floating, like the cool wind in the night, confiding something.

Yan Wei felt something was wrong.

Jiang Youyi's mood was a little strange, Yan Wei felt indescribably nervous and anxious.

After a song was sung, Yan Wei withdrew his hand, stood up again, and cheered, "It's very nice."

Jiang Youyi took a deep breath, then looked up at Yan Wei.

The silence lasted a second, two seconds...

Yan Wei pursed her lips, turned her face away: "It's time to go back, if you don't leave, you have to register your name."

She wanted to leave, but Jiang Youyi stopped her.

"Yan Wei, I like you." Jiang Youyi suddenly went straight to the point, with a face that was all-or-nothing, "I want to be your girlfriend."

Yan Wei wasn't sure how long she had been silent, so long that when she said that sentence, she even thought she had an auditory hallucination: "I'm sorry, I don't like girls, I don't have any interest in this area, I think we can only do friend."

She leaves no room for her words, not even a chance to try.

Jiang Youyi may have guessed this would happen a long time ago, she was not too disappointed, but she took a long breath and put out a smile that was uglier than crying: "That's it, Yan Wei, this is the end, I won't mention it again , and I don’t want to be friends with you.”

After finishing speaking, she grinned again: "Shall we go back together? I want to have a happy birthday today, so just pretend that you refuse me tomorrow."

Yan Wei's memory of that night ended here. After that, Jiang Youyi deliberately distanced herself, but she let it go, and they never talked properly again.

The conflicts, contradictions and unhappiness that had happened in that scene suddenly seemed to have happened in the previous life.

Yan Wei stayed in the teaching building alone until very late, when the security guard saw her on patrol and drove her back to the dormitory.

The lights in the dormitory building have been turned off, and the dormitory auntie is guarding the stairs, stopping her: "Where are you going so late?"

"I feel a little uncomfortable. I went to the school infirmary." The good student Yan came here before opening his mouth.

The aunt looked at her suspiciously: "You and Jiang Youyi also went to the school infirmary yesterday."

Caught off guard, she really forgot about this, but there is still help: "I went with her yesterday, and today I am not feeling well."

After dealing with the dormitory auntie, Yan Wei was physically and mentally exhausted, she walked past her dormitory unknowingly, and stopped outside the door of Jiang Youyi's dormitory, she paused for a while, half a second later, she was awakened by irrelevant voices in the room, and then Hastily turned and walked away.

Seven people in the dormitory were lying on the bed and secretly playing with their mobile phones. Zhou Xiaoxiao poked her head out of the bed when she heard the movement, and when Yan Wei came to the bed, she asked her in a low voice, "Why is it so late?"

Yan Wei threw the unnecessary Wusan on the bed, lowered his head when he heard this, and replied in the same low voice: "I didn't pay attention to the time."

Zhou Xiaoxiao thought that what Yan Wei said was that she went back to the classroom to read books and forgot the time, so she said oh and gave a thumbs up: "A top student is a top student, forgetting to eat and sleep!"

Knowing that she misunderstood, Yan Wei didn't explain, went into the laundry room in the dark and climbed onto the bed after washing.

Yan Wei didn’t play with mobile phones like her roommates. Her family education was very strict. Her parents thought that playing with mobile phones would definitely affect her studies, so they didn’t buy them for her at all, and she wasn’t allowed to save money by herself.

She has no privacy at home, and there is not even a novel in her bedroom except for study-related tutoring materials.

So she didn't keep a diary since she was a child, and she didn't keep a diary until she graduated from high school, but the rebellious bad girl Xiao Jiang had such a little habit that didn't fit her temperament.

What Yan Wei was thinking in her heart, no one knew except herself.

Yan Wei lay on the bed with one hand on his head, unable to fall asleep, closed his eyes, his mind was full of messy memories, the more quiet the night, the more complicated things he thought.

After she falls asleep, where will she wake up tomorrow?Should we go back to the feasting KTV box, or continue this dream of returning to the past?

If she really went back to the past time and space to live again now, wouldn't the future as she knew it happen?

In Yan Wei's memory, after she rejected Jiang Youyi, her friendship with Jiang Youyi ended. Although she would still attract attention when this name was mentioned in other people's mouths, she did not try to repair their relationship.

After this semester ended, Jiang Youyi became even more silent in the first semester of senior year.

She was isolated by her classmates because of her withdrawn and rebellious personality. She completely abandoned herself, skipped class every now and then, went out to play games online, smoked and drank, and made some friends outside the school. She was criticized by the school and still refused to obey the teacher's discipline. Her academic performance also dropped again and again. The bottom of the grade.

Teacher Xu approached Jiang Youyi's parents, but it turned out that her father felt very humiliated and slapped her in public in the corridor in a fit of anger.

Not long after, someone in the school reported that her mother had died due to domestic violence by her husband. She knocked her head on the corner of the coffee table.

The court held a trial and classified the incident as an accident, and did not sentence her father.

When the students met her on the road, they took a detour. No one wanted to talk to her, and everyone regarded her as the plague god.

At that time, Yan Wei was very shocked when she heard the news. She wanted to care about Jiang Youyi, but after she stopped Jiang Youyi in the corridor, Jiang Youyi told her that she was fine and didn't need others to pity her.

Yan Wei has been classified as someone else by her.

Facing Jiang Youyi who was like a pool of stagnant water, Yan Wei finally didn't say anything meaningful to comfort others.

After that, Jiang Youyi died.

·

A few days before the college entrance examination, Jiang Youyi was on vacation for the weekend, and Jiang Youyi's condition was not right after returning from the vacation. It was not until the night before the exam that Jiang Youyi swallowed sleeping pills and was sent to the hospital.

Yan Wei didn't believe it at first, and ran out over the wall in disregard of school rules at night, seeing Jiang Youyi for the last time.

But Jiang Youyi didn't open her eyes until her heartbeat stopped.

The doctor said that there were two things in Jiang Youyi's pocket, a diary and a letter.

Yan Wei intercepted the things under the pretext of handing over the relics to Jiang Youyi's father for the doctor, but accidentally saw that her name was written on the letter.

It's not a suicide note, it's a confession letter from a year ago.

The reason why the letter was not sent was written in the diary, and that diary also clearly recorded the whole process of Jiang Youyi step by step towards despair and self-destruction.

At the end of the diary, there are a few lines written in confusion:

He drank like a lunatic, no, he was a lunatic.

He hit me, scolded me, mistook me for the woman he killed, pulled my hair, tore my clothes...

I can't live anymore.

·

Perhaps, what made Jiang Youyi most desperate was not her father, but the three words on the title page of the diary:

She is light.

Yan Wei hugged her head and curled up.

That beam of light comes and goes, so it is not the executioner.

But in fact, she is not light, she is a shadow.

The three words Jiang Youyi are her light.

On March 3 of that year, she gave up the light that should have belonged to her.

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