howling breath

When I lay down at one o'clock, I still couldn't fall asleep peacefully.

Tang Yushu woke up suddenly from his sleep in the middle, and sat up confusedly: "Hey... have you finished taking a shower? Then I'll take a shower."

"Don't go." Lin Lang held him back, not wanting to leave his temperature.

Tang Yushu rubbed his eyes and looked at the time - 01:13. "Why haven't you slept yet?"

Lin Lang glanced at Tang Yushu in the dark: "I can't sleep."

"I snore?"

"No. I'm so scared."

"Are you still afraid?"

"..."

"Then I won't go tomorrow."

"This time I came back for nothing."

"If you can't forgive, don't force yourself to forgive, it's not time yet..." Tang Yushu said.

Lin Lang stared at the ceiling without speaking.

Tang Yushu tucked his arm from the back of Lin Lang's neck, and wrapped his head in the direction of his shoulder.

Lin Lang turned his head to look at Tang Yushu's eyes - even in the dark night, Tang Yushu's eyes could accommodate the dim light outside the window.

For someone as nice as you..."Have you ever had something unacceptable?"

"Yes, I have."

"Tell me about it?"

"Well. It's not a big deal..."

"In my sophomore year—Qingyang was in my second year of junior high... right? Do you remember that year? There was a food safety issue. At that time, the whole industry was affected, and Papa Tang's factory was also affected, and something went wrong. Tang's father was in a particularly bad state at the time, and became... the kind of person we didn't know. There was a heavy snowstorm at the French airport, and the flight was cancelled. Tang's mother was not able to come back, and Tang's father was not at home, so I took the young seedlings and went out to buy fireworks."

"Buy that one, the thin and long one, which can spray small sparks... what is it called? You said you also like to play."

"Slender and long, can emit sparks, I like to play... Tang Yushu's second brother?"

"Don't make trouble! Where am I?!" Tang Yushu's face flushed a few degrees even through the dark night.

Lin Lang took pleasure from the boring teasing, felt better, and turned sideways to pillow in Tang Yushu's arms.

"Fairy wand?"

"Yes, fairy stick. When we came back from shopping, on New Year's Eve, we were blocked by two vans and a group of people at the entrance of the community. It was the employees of Tang's factory. I have met them. I know what they are here for: come here Asking for wages—Tang’s father couldn’t pay them in the factory that year. The worker in the lead called me Master, and he said: Master, there’s no money for Chinese New Year... That man brought a woman and a child to play family cards : The children didn’t buy new clothes during the Chinese New Year, and they still have to pay for it when school starts.”

That child is not much younger than Qingyang.

In the cold night, the child hides behind his mother.Tang Qingyang hid behind Tang Yushu.

Tang Yushu tried to communicate: "Uncle, my dad hasn't come back. I haven't contacted him for the new year's Eve. Once he comes back, I will urge him for you!"

Those people have no culture, and it is really difficult to communicate.

These people can die for money.

The man lit a cigarette slowly and finished it again.The whole process was silent.

Finally, he stamped out the cigarette butt, ordered the people following him to drive one of the vans, and took the woman and the child away first.

"I know what they mean - courtesy first, then soldiers. The family card has been played, it's useless; but today I just want to take the money and leave. At that time, Qingyang held my hand very tightly, trembling, and cold - then I feel that I remember it very clearly. It hurts my heart from the cold. I can only hold her tightly. At that time, I thought: I may not have too many people in this life, such as relatives, lovers, brothers and friends, but every day in the future, I don’t allow people around me to live in such fear.”

The man looked at Tang Qingyang who was hiding behind Tang Yushu, and greeted Tang Yushu again. He said, "Master, shall I take you out for a walk?"

Tang Qingyang was already wiping tears behind her back.Because of holding Tang Yushu's hand, tears also flowed down Tang Yushu's hand.

Tang Yushu refused to get in the car, and took a few steps back: "How much does he owe you?"

The man was keeping accounts, took out a note from his pocket, and pointed to the heads behind Tang Yushu and counted them: "The brothers in the family are all working for Boss Tang. The total number is: [-]."

——Brother, ninety-eight thousand, for life-saving.

"I sent a text message to Chen Nun and told him this. After a while, Chen Nun called me and confirmed that I borrowed it from him, so I borrowed money from his father. Within a quarter of an hour, the Turn it around for me."

"He's really interesting."

"After sending those people away, I took the young seedlings back. She didn't dare to cry until she entered the house."

I really hated my dad back then.

For a whole year, I didn't speak to my dad.

Then one day my grandpa got sick.The reason was because he was so angry with the children in the village because of playing diabolo that he got so angry that he had a sudden cerebral hemorrhage.I watched Tang's father run up and down in the hospital, and was scolded by the little nurse when he hid by the flower pond downstairs to smoke a cigarette and wipe his tears, so I suddenly felt that he was not to be hated.

Do you know why?

Lin Lang, you say a person, what is the limit of his maturity?

At my grandpa's age, he would get mad at diabolo too.Tang's mother and Tang's father are so old, and they often accompany Qingyang to watch idol dramas, watching them and getting into the drama, because they bicker over who the heroine should be with.

Maturity is not that we don't like playing diabolo later, we don't like candy, we don't like idol dramas anymore.It's the stuff we all forget later—forced to forget.

Because we always have to do things that we have to do as "adults".

Isn't Papa Tang a good man?

Before the factory went wrong, we loved him very much too—we got along like brothers.I failed the exam and was scolded at school. When I got home, he invited me to play in the community.He also said to me: "It's nothing to fail once, after ten years, these shitty things will be our appetizers!"

Do you think he is funny?Ha ha!

But when he couldn't hold on, I stopped treating him as a brother—as a "father".At the moment when he couldn't bear it the most, I asked him confidently not to be vulnerable, not to be at a loss.Didn't invite him to play basketball, didn't pat him on the shoulder and tell him: "It's nothing, after ten years these crap things will be our appetizers!"

At that time, I felt that he could not be hated.

"Forgive" probably means: accept that he is not omnipotent.Not omnipotent, but I'm still willing to love him.I should stand up and help him do what he failed to do, and what he was struggling to do; I don’t need him to protect all of us alone, I should also protect myself and the young seedlings well.

Later, Father Tang stood up and did a good job all the time.That shitty thing really became his later appetizers.

But I have always felt guilty: when he fell into the quagmire, I just stood on the edge of the quagmire and looked at him indifferently.

So after I had you, I couldn't help but want to help you.

It's because I like you.

Also because I want to get rid of my guilt.

"My experience can't be used as a reference for you, you just listen to a story. I'm not trying to persuade you to forgive your mother, I only care about your feelings: if you still hate, I will accompany you; but if you hate If you feel tired, you might as well let go, and I will accompany you."

Lin Langwo fell asleep beside Tang Yushu.

That night he was surrounded by Tang Yushu's body temperature, and he had another dream.

Still that unforgettable scene.

Mom picked herself up and walked upstairs.

Lin Lang predicted the ending, so he wanted to escape, but his body was out of control, so he could only follow the established script.

"Standing on the third floor, can I see Dad's orchard?"

The orchard—the place where my father served his sentence was called by the elders.

"I can't see it." She said, "What's the point of seeing it?"

But when she stood on the third floor, she hugged herself vigorously and asked, "Can Lang'er see the orchard?"

So... does she hate him?

In the dream, Lin Lang thought of this question for the first time.

Lin Lang was a little afraid of heights.But at this time, he was not in the mood to "fear".

After looking hard for a long time, he told his mother: "I can't see it!"

She wailed.She seemed to be enduring the pain habitually, and even when crying, she suppressed her throat so hard that she couldn't make a sound.

So she hugged herself and fell backwards.

Before falling backwards, Lin Lang saw a little boy about his own age in his sight.

In the dream, Lin Lang knew that the little boy was Tang Yushu.

He was standing behind himself and his mother, shouting something to himself, but he couldn't hear it—even though he was in the same dream, there seemed to be an insurmountable space between them.

When falling in mid-air, Lin Lang saw Tang Yushu coming down from upstairs with a very anxious expression on his face.

But then, he couldn't see Tang Yushu anymore, because his body was twisted, so what he saw became the ground, steel bars, and bricks and soil again.

She is dead, he is not dead.

He fell in a daze, and lost control of his body due to the dull pain.

He stumbled to his feet, turned around and saw her on the ground, completely changed.Her last breath passed through the throat full of blood, bringing out a vague and long hoarseness.

There was actually something in that hoarse voice.I didn't understand.

Or don't want to hear it.

Or dare not listen.

But this time Lin Lang had the courage to get closer to her.

It was only from the dream that everything was completely silent that I heard clearly the voice that I had left behind in the long time.

"Fortunately," she said.

Fortunately what?

Lin Lang took a few steps back.

He was covered with her blood, smelled, and had temperature.

Then, the young Tang Yushu also jumped down from upstairs and fell between himself and his mother.

Lin Lang woke up from the dream in shock.

The sky at dawn is still dark, and some planetesimals have not been completely blocked from the light.

Tang Yushu lay beside him.

Not young.

Lin Lang's head was a little swollen. He looked to the left and looked at Tang Yushu for a long time.The boy fell asleep, not knowing what dream he was having.

Rubbing his temples, Lin Lang turned his head and looked down to the right, and saw his own and Tang Yushu's slippers.

Tang Yushu obviously slept on the left side of the bed, but the slippers were on the right side of the bed—it must be that after he squeezed into the bed domineeringly last night, he silently moved into the inner side to make room for himself.

On the left... Tang Yushu.

On the right...underground.

Lin Lang suddenly noticed something, and his body froze in an instant.

Lin Lang, you say a person, what is the limit of his maturity?

Forgiveness probably means accepting that he is not omnipotent.

When he fell into the quagmire, I just stood on the edge of the quagmire and looked at him indifferently.

It's because I like you.

Also because I want to get rid of my guilt.

Afraid of waking Tang Yushu up, Lin Lang covered his mouth.

Weeping silently.

She wanted to die with herself.

But at a certain moment, she regretted it and turned over.

When I fell backwards, I saw the sky in my sight.

But when it landed, the sky that was out of reach instantly became the ground that was close at hand.

When she landed, she was lying down, the steel bar pierced through her left chest, but only grazed her own arm.

And he fell on... her body.

She said "fortunately".

Fortunately, I regretted it at that moment.

Luckily you didn't die.

The author says:

Lin Lang's dream is a bit brain-burning (?), and he has real memories, but part of the dream (Tang Yushu) is mixed in.

Contact with the mother is a memory reappearance.Recalling the details, he settled himself.