Sir, I'm not good

"How is he doing?"

"It's good. I gave up the postgraduate entrance examination because I was driven crazy by your major. He said that computers are not learned by humans, so I went back to open my own bar."

Shen Yao rested her cheeks, looking resentful and aggrieved.

The life of the rich is a joke, especially Shu Xian, who has become more manic recently, and even more so, he is erratic and capricious.

After being tormented by computer expertise for half a year, although Shu Xian was sure of going ashore, the thought that he would have to study for three years to pass the exam was painful.

In the end, under the persuasion of many parties, Shu Xian went back and forth many times, and finally gave up the postgraduate entrance examination.

But this is not a problem, after all, Shu Xian is also a man of property.

For a person who opened a bar with his lucky money in high school, the postgraduate entrance examination is just a life experience for him. The old man also said that he would not be allowed to take the exam, so he naturally did not take the exam.

"He's recently renovating his second bar, and Yu Jingcheng gave full control over the previous one."

"Yu Jingcheng... is he with Jiang Ran?"

"No." Shen Yao shook her head, bit her lip, and said after a while, "Jiang Ran is dead."

The deathly silence broke up in an instant.

The two people in the ward fell silent.

The boy wearing a baseball cap pressed the brim of his hat to hide the obscurity in his eyes.

Shu Xian, Yu Jingcheng, Jian Wan, one by one.

Either love is too late, or love is too bitter, or simply can't fall in love.

After a long silence, the boy asked, "Did Zheng Shuyang kill it?"

"Well, Love Killing, I originally wanted to kill each other, but Yu Jingcheng was rescued by Jian Wan who rushed to him, and he has already been imprisoned."

"What about Jian Wan?"

"The little girl is in good spirits, but because she always goes to Shu Xian's bar to drink, her stomach is outrageous, and now she has been controlled by her two fathers, and bars in the whole city dare not let her in."

"She has always had a bad stomach, how dare Yanyan let her drink it?"

"Of course Shu Xian refused. She took advantage of the time when Shu Xian and Gu Yinian were traveling. At that time, Jiang Ran had just died, and Yu Jingcheng also ignored her."

"Then it seems that Yanyan is living the best life?"

"Perhaps." Shen Yao rested her chin, her eyes didn't focus on the person opposite, she just stared at the white wall.

Saying that Shu Xian is doing well, indeed, he is now the only one among them who has found love.

However, Shu Xian's spirit was still difficult to deal with, and his mood dropped greatly every day. Even if he was with Gu Yinian again, he still couldn't resist and committed suicide once.

That time Gu Yinian was only on a business trip for two days, and he came back early. When he got home, he saw Shu Xian cut his wrist in the bathtub.

Since then, Gu Yinian has never been on a business trip. Apart from work, he just spends time with Shu Xian every day. Yu Jingcheng and Jian Wan also take time to accompany him.

If Shu Xian is happy, then the main reason is that he has gathered the love of many people.

"Are you really not going to see him? If you go back, his illness will definitely recover in an instant!" Shen Yao asked suddenly, she had asked this question many times.

And every time I ask, I get the same result.

"I can't, Shen Yao."

"...Bai Yu, why are you bothering?"

The boy raised his head and didn't answer, but just smiled, still with such a clean smile.

As time passed and the sun was setting to the west, Bai Yu walked out of the Third Courtyard, took a taxi, and told the driver a destination.

In front of the apartment building.

Gu Yinian and Shu Xian crossed the road hand in hand, and when they were about to enter the building, Shu Xian stopped suddenly.

"that."

Shu Xian pointed to a small stall selling roasted cold noodles on the side of the road.

Gu Yinian seldom rejects him, but this time his eyes are severe: "No, you are coming to your emotional period soon, you can't eat spicy food."

"It's okay not to add spicy."

"That's too oily."

When Shu Xian frowned and curled his lips when he heard the words, he was about to cry.

"You clearly said that you will agree to anything I say!"

"But darling, your glands have been seriously damaged and will hurt."

"Pain is another matter. I'm so hungry now."

Gu Yinian was still very resolute on this issue, holding Shu Xian's waist and dragging him into the building step by step.

But Shu Xian was also very determined, seeing the roasted cold noodles getting farther and farther away from him, he was so angry that he bit Gu Yinian's shoulder, giving Gu Yinian a breath of air.

Really unable to bear it, Gu Yinian pinched the back of Shu Xian's neck and lifted him down, and then hugged him up on Shu Xian's legs.

"Are you hungry?" Gu Yinian asked him with a smile.

Shu Xian blinked his eyes, came to his senses, punched Gu Yinian twice sullenly, and then buried himself in Gu Yinian's shoulder with a blushing face.

"I want to eat cold noodles after cooking. I can't bake cold noodles. Let's go to the head office of Korean cold noodles..."

"That's cool."

"Then warm it up in the microwave."

Shu Xian leaned on his shoulder, speaking in a low voice, making it impossible to refuse.

So Gu Yinian agreed, but speaking of experience, Shu Xian always sleeps right after he's having a good time, and doesn't care about him, let alone Korean cold noodles, he probably will forget about it by then.

"I can eat whatever I want."

"When you say that, I feel that there is no play."

Shu Xian sighed, looked up and saw that Gu Yinian had been carried into the building by himself, and knew that the cold face was far away from him.

Alas, I didn't eat cold noodles, and I got angry for no reason.

Shu Xian leaned on Gu Yinian's shoulder, his eyes still fixed on the small stall that baked cold noodles.

Suddenly, he saw a person standing beside the stall.

The distance was so far away, and the night was so deep. With only the dim light from the stall, he couldn't see the person's figure at all, but he felt inexplicably familiar.

Suddenly, his heart twitched violently, and tears fell down uncontrollably.

He saw that figure, until Gu Yinian hugged him and turned into the elevator, he was still standing there, motionless, as if he was also watching something.

"Okay, what's the matter?"

Sensing that there was something strange about the person on his shoulder, Gu Yinian hurriedly put him down, seeing that Shu Xian's face was already full of tears, and his eyes were dull.

The sudden tears caught Gu Yinian off guard, he didn't know what happened, so he could only hug him into his arms to comfort him first.

"Why are you crying? Have you thought of something sad? Don't cry, I'm..."

Shu Xian couldn't understand himself either.

It's true that he can't control his emotions well. Sudden crying, sudden laughing, and sudden rage are common things, but at least there must be a reason.

For example, if it’s cloudy today, if the flowers are wilting, or if the delivery guy is late, there must be a reason, no matter how insignificant.

But this time, he suffered uncontrollably without any warning, unable to stop, his heart seemed to be in a ball.

Why, why are you crying...

Outside the apartment building, the man in the baseball cap saw that Shu Xian had already entered, and turned around to leave, but just as he turned into an alley, he was strangled by someone, slammed against the wall, and his cap fell off go down.

"Bai Yu, it really is you."

"You Haozhe..."

Bai Yu gritted his teeth and called out the name of the person opposite him, with cold eyes, he grabbed You Haozhe's wrist and twisted it fiercely, swept his foot, and directly threw You Haozhe to the ground.

You Haozhe knew that he couldn't beat Bai Yu, so he hurriedly begged for mercy: "Wrong, wrong, raise your hand..."

Bai Yu pressed his knees against his neck, pulled his arms and wrists back, remained silent for a few seconds, and finally let go.

You Haozhe "hissed" for a long time before he recovered.

When standing up, You Haozhe helped Bai Yu pick up the hat and handed it over.

Bai Yu took it, dusted it off, and placed it on his head again.

"Tsk, sure enough, Shen Yao will only serve the Bai family."

Seeing Bai Yu's face that he hadn't seen for a long time, You Haozhe laughed out loud.

At first, he became suspicious when he saw Shen Yao calling outside Shu Xian's ward.

Who is it that must get news from Shen Yao instead of Shu Shengkang, Li Su and others?

And Shen Yao's sentence "Keep doubting and fear the truth" actually gave him a vague answer in his heart, but he couldn't believe it.

The person standing in front of him now has realized the most impossible possibility.

You Haozhe took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, handed one to Bai Yu, and smoked another for himself.

He rubbed the lighter, lit it, and threw the lighter to Bai Yu.

Bai Yu pulled off the mask, bit the cigarette, lit the cigarette with the fire on, took a deep breath, and let out another suffocating breath.

In this situation, You Haozhe should have asked many questions.

Why are you still alive, where have you been, since you are alive, why don't you show up, why are you spying on Shu Xian...

But all the problems disappeared in a puff of smoke.

I don't know where to start, it's too fucking weird, so just don't ask.

The cigarette was almost burnt out, Bai Yu pressed the cigarette against the wall next to him, and threw the cigarette butt in the trash can at the entrance of the alley.

Then Bai Yu turned and walked to the depths of the alley, rubbed You Haozhe's shoulder, and said lightly, "Don't tell him."

"... At least give me a reason?"

Bai Yu stopped, raised his head, and looked at the narrow night sky between the buildings on both sides.

There are no stars tonight.

"Because I won't live for two years."

After finishing speaking, Bai Yu walked into the darkness without looking back, step by step away from the light and his light, and walked into his silence and eternal loneliness.

You Haozhe stood at the entrance of the alley until Bai Yu's back completely disappeared, then he threw the cigarette butt and turned to leave.

He knew that this was the last time he saw Bai Yu, the last time in the real sense.

And Bai Yu may be seeing Shu Xian for the last time, so he can only stand and watch from a distance, hiding all his emotions, including himself, in the darkness.

Passing through the alley, Bai Yu's eyes suddenly opened up, the lights were bright, the traffic flow was turbulent, and the people passing by were in twos and threes, chatting in detail.

The little girl with shofar braids was bouncing ahead, and the two fathers who followed her called her after a while, "Run slower!"

The social animal white-collar worker sat on the rest chair at the bus stop, took a bite of the egg-filled pancakes he bought at noon in his hand, and said to his mobile phone: "It's good, I'm off work, and I'm going to have a big meal."

The bus pulled into the platform, snorting, and picked up all the waiting people, and the world became a little quieter.

Suddenly, two students in school uniforms ran to the station. The bus in front had already left, and they missed it.

The two boys wrestled together, not seriously, like cuddling.

"It's all your fault for insisting on eating fried skewers. Come on, I missed the bus."

"Do you dare to spit out the string of gluten you ate?"

"Don't scratch me hahahaha..."

Bai Yu turned his head, took a look, and froze in place.

That's their school uniform.

It was his and Shu Xian's high school.

In an instant, many pictures flashed in front of my eyes.

They also skipped class together to eat roasted gluten. Jian Wan asked them to bring back a few skewers, and specifically asked them to have spiced and slightly spicy, without cumin, because cumin would stuff their teeth.

They also went home together. At that time, Shu Xian had an electric car. They were stopped by the traffic police halfway on the way, saying that they were speeding.

They used to play basketball together, when Shu Xian played point guard and he played small forward, Shu Xian never passed the ball to him, and he never let go of his hand.

They used to go to the bar together, and he kept every song played by Shu Xian in the playlist.

They used to buy the same shoes in different colors, and then swapped one of them.

Shu Xian once squatted down to tie his shoelaces, but he couldn't bear Shu Xian to squat alone, so he untied the other shoelace and tied it together with him.

They used to sleep together in winter, covered with a quilt, squeezed into a 1.9*0.9m? bed, facing each other, neither kissing nor holding hands.

He thought of the piercing on Shu Xian's ear bone, which he pierced for him, and he told Shu Xian that he wanted to make him hurt for him.

At that time Shu Xian was facing him, leaning against his arms, nervously asked him "are you alright", he pinched Shu Xian's ears, but he was also very nervous.

Suddenly, another bus stopped.

Seeing this, the two slapstick boys rushed into the car.

The entire bus station was empty again.

Bai Yu didn't get on the bus, nor did he wait for the bus, but just stood by the side of the station and watched everything passing by.

He remembered the question Shen Yao asked him countless times, why didn't he come back.

He said, "Because I said I love him." And loving him shouldn't bother him anymore.

Shen Yao thought it was ridiculous at the time, and felt that such vulgar words should not come out of his mouth.

Maybe Shen Yao is right, he has always possessed Shu Xian, and his way of expressing his feelings should also be possessive.

"You will bring him hope." Shen Yao was very sure.

In fact, he is also sure, he believes that he can pull his Yanyan out of the darkness, and Yanyan will live for him, and his life must be much better than now.

But what he was more sure of was that he would also push him to death.

He told Shen Yao, "If I die, he will definitely die with me."

"Didn't he not die with you last time?"

"That's because he didn't die. If I die again, he will definitely die with me."

Shen Yao felt that he was a bit stubborn, that he was delusional, and she said: "You can use these two years to tell him to live a good life and take your part of the job..."

Shen Yao stopped talking halfway through.

Because Shen Yao also realized that those were not words he could say.

Die with me, Yanyan.

That's what he would say.

But he didn't want him to die.

He knew that if he really appeared in front of his Yanyan, Yanyan would love him unconditionally.

And when he really tastes that kind of beauty, he will definitely not let him go.

It is estimated that in the end, he can only say to him before dying like last time, "I love you."

Either let him accompany him to death, or let the rest of his life be completely branded with his mark, struggling with his memory every day.

Anyone can mark your body, but only I can mark your soul.

Shen Yao is right, my emotions are selfish and possessive.

But Yanyan, I love you.

I love you, so I don't want you to die, I hate Gu Yinian so much, I don't want to see you with him so much, but I love you.

I can't see you anymore, and I can't help but walk towards you when I see you again.

Until I die, I will live in a world without you. Fortunately, this time is not too long.

I used to want to be separated from you every minute and every second. I stayed by your side despite the pressure of the whole family, but you still left me for three years.

I lived in the house we had planned together, furnished and furnished as planned and everything came true except you.

I don't want to disturb you, and I'm also very angry, thinking that you betrayed me and went to pursue love by yourself.

But you are my love, Yanyan, I love you so much.Seeing you come back with scars, I can't even give you a cold look, I can only open the door for you, don't kiss you, just take out a pair of slippers for you that have been prepared for three years.

Seeing you suffer for him, I also had a secret joy, I think I can have you again.

But when you kissed me, I subconsciously stretched out my hand to block it. Although I really want to kiss you, I love you, so I can't.

I once thanked Gu Yinian, I thought he would give us a child, I even thought about her name, I thought about sending her to the kindergarten, elementary school, junior high school and high school we had attended, and told her, I And your dad used to be the school bully in these places.

But you lost your child, I lost the rest of my life, and I lost you.

I remember you kissed me at the last moment, and you still didn't love me, but I knew that I had you, marked you, and possessed you.

Until I woke up, I knew about your suicide, your struggle, your increasingly broken body.

To be honest, the last sentence "I love you" is really to make you never forget me for the rest of your life.I succeeded, but I wondered if it would be better to fail.

My salt, I love you so much.

But goodbye, this is my goodbye to you, and you will never have to respond.

Another bus came into the station, and the driver opened the front door and yelled at Bai Yu, "Get on the bus? The last bus is here."

Bai Yu shook his head.

The car drove away, bringing with it a gust of stale wind, and the smell of exhaust gas filled the nostrils.

In a daze, Bai Yu remembered that poem by Borges.

[There will be erected between my lover and me

Three hundred long nights, like three hundred high walls,

And what separates us is the sea of ​​nightmares,

There will be nothing left but memories.

Evening given by sorrow,

Longing to see your night,

Desolate fields, desolate skies,

I come and go

……

You and I are separated like a rock,

More fields will be sad without you. 】

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