Sir, I'm not good

"Hey?"

"Sister-in-law, can you answer his phone call? He is looking for you like crazy, or if he doesn't answer the phone, it's okay to add him on WeChat to report that he is safe. He is very worried about you..."

This is already the third call Shen Xingran has made to him today.

And today is the third day since Gu Yinian woke up.

Shu Xian tucked his mobile phone between his shoulders and listened to Shen Xingran's begging over there, while his subordinates were busy, he was making lunch for himself.

This is his last lunch here, and the moving company will come in the afternoon, so he won't live in Bai Yu's apartment in the future.

"Sister-in-law, you should say something!"

"Wait, I'll set the time for the porridge."

When Shu Xian finished setting the pressure cooker, he rubbed the water on his apron, and used his middle and index fingers to pinch the phone from his neck and put it to his ear.

"Wait a minute, I'll wipe my hands."

When Shu Xian wiped his hands, took off his apron, and walked out of the kitchen, there was no sound on the phone, probably because he lost his temper with him.

I was a little tired after cooking, so Shu Xian sat down at the dining table, which was next to the floor-to-ceiling windows, and the sunlight was very good, which made people feel less gloomy.

Supporting his forehead, Shu Xian said to the phone: "Shen Xingran, don't look for me, I don't mind blocking your call too."

"No, it's not, sister-in-law, at least tell me why! It's a good thing that Gu Ge woke up, why did you leave all of a sudden?"

"Didn't I tell him the reason?"

"The reason? You said the last wechat message you sent him? Want to go to school? Sister-in-law, don't tease me. This is your last semester of university. How can I have a class for you?"

Shu Xian turned his mobile phone into hands-free and put it on the dining table, picked up the cold cup and poured himself a cold one.

The cup was long and cylindrical, without any decoration, and the water stains slid down the transparent cup wall, making it impossible to tell whether the water droplets were inside or outside.

Holding the glass, Shu Xian raised his head to drink the water. Under the sun, his whole body became as clean and transparent as plain water.

"Probably, I want to experience the campus life." Shu Xian put down the cup and said lightly.

There was another two seconds of silence on the other end of the phone. He could imagine Shen Xingran's sluggishness. Shen Xingran might not be ready to refute such a bizarre reason.

After deliberating for a while, Shen Xingran spoke again: "Sister-in-law, although it is true that you have never experienced college life because you are married to Gu Ge, but if you go to experience it now, there is no need to block Gu Ge? What you want to do, He won't stop you."

"Aren't you tired of holding back?"

"What?" Shu Xian's sudden words made Shen Xingran puzzled, why are you holding back, why are you not tired?

Shu Xian was still calm and calm, lying on the dining table with his arms under his pillow, looking at the glass of boiled water, pierced Shen Xingran: "He is by your side, watching you talking on the phone with me, he has been holding back his mouth, not tired ?"

There was silence again.

Shu Xian is very clear about what Shen Xingran's silence means.

He tried his best to imagine Shen Xingran's expression on the other end of the phone, and Gu Yinian's expression behind Shen Xingran, but he couldn't imagine it.

"Give him the phone." Shu Xian broke the silence.

In this case, if he doesn't break the silence, Shen Xingran will always be in the embarrassment of being punctured.

Moreover, he wanted to hear Gu Yinian's voice a little bit.

It's fine if you're not sure where Gu Yinian is, but once you're sure, once you know that Gu Yinian is listening on the other end of the phone, he can't control himself, he really wants to hear his voice and see him.

There was a moment of noise on the phone, but it soon quieted down.

Shu Xian knew that the person on the other end of the phone was Gu Yinian.

The sunlight penetrates through the floor-to-ceiling windows, illuminating the entire room brightly.

It turned out that he was always reluctant to draw the curtains, but Shen Yao told him that a good environment is conducive to maintaining a good mood, so he opened the curtains today.

But his current mood, how should I put it... is the same as the half cup of cold water in front of him.

Standing still on the table, it was easily penetrated by the sunlight, as if there was nothing, but looking behind it, the shadow reflected on the tablecloth showed the shape of surging water, with light waves.

For a long time, he didn't speak, and he didn't speak over there.

All emotions are silent, brewing and piling up in the exchange of electricity.No words to each other, but better than a thousand words.

There came Shen Xingran's subtle urging voice, telling Gu Yinian to speak quickly, to ask why, to beg him to go back...

But Gu Yinian still didn't speak.

No matter how eager Shen Xingran is, Gu Yinian will only be more eager than Shen Xingran and yearn for his turning back.

But no matter how much he wanted, Gu Yinian would not beg him, because Gu Yinian knew that it would be difficult for him, it would put him under pressure, and he would be forced to make a decision he didn't want to make.

For no reason, Shu Xian's nose was a little sour, and tears began to roll in his eyes.

He is the one who loves him so much.

"Gu Yinian." Shu Xian stood up, wiped away tears, covered his eyes, and called his name, his voice choked up.

A seemingly difficult answer came from the other end of the phone: "I'm here."

Shu Xian said, "I don't love you."

The other party said, "It doesn't matter."

But Shu Xian knew, no, how could it be okay?You love me, and it is impossible for you not to crave my response.

So Shu Xian broke his tears into a smile, and said angrily, "You lied to me."

For a long time, Gu Yinian did not open his mouth to refute him.

That's right, how could it be okay.

Although Shen Xingran kept asking him why, why he left the hospital suddenly, why he didn't visit Gu Yinian after he woke up, why he blocked all contact information after leaving the reason "I want to go to school".

But in fact, Gu Yinian himself knew it, he must know why he left.

Even if you didn't know it at first, you definitely know it now.

To be honest, he hates himself, why can't he fall in love with someone.

He really hates himself.

He covered his eyes, but couldn't hold back his tears.

It is very difficult for him to control his emotions now. Once it starts, it will break down the weak line of defense like a flood or a dike.

From the silent tears at the beginning, to sobbing and sobbing, to crying uncontrollably, Shu Xian couldn't control it at all.

Shu Xian didn't know why he was like this, he just hated himself, the more Gu Yinian loved him, the more he hated his own incompetence.

On the other side, Shen Xingran had consciously left the ward upon seeing this.

Gu Yinian lay on the bed with a plaster cast hanging on him, covering his eyes with his arms.

Before hanging up the phone, Shu Xian kept apologizing to him with a trembling voice, "I'm sorry" was repeated countless times by Shu Xian.

He really didn't love him, but he was also really guilty.

Every time he said "I'm sorry", he wanted to respond "It's okay", but he couldn't speak, he was afraid that his voice would be choked if he opened his mouth.

Shu Xian finally made a decision, he didn't want to embarrass Shu Xian, and he didn't want to put pressure on him anymore.

He has always understood that his love is endless psychological pressure for Shu Xian, and the increasingly unrequited love will only make Shu Xian breathless.

Is he in love wrong?

Gu Yinian would never take the initiative to hang up on Shu Xian's phone, this is the first time, he did so on his own initiative.

The whimpering sound of apology stopped abruptly, and there was a moment of silence in the empty ward, and there was a low choked sob.

And Shu Xian looked at the message Gu Yinian sent him, crying uncontrollably.

——In the future, we must treat diseases well, go to the hospital on time, take medicine on time, remember to eat breakfast, and don’t always eat dumplings if you don’t like them.

——The last time I saw that you were drinking Hu spicy soup vigorously, I bought you a food bag and put it in the refrigerator. It looks a little ugly, so don’t throw it away as mold.

——It's cold, remember to wear the gloves I bought for you, don't think it's ugly.

——Hey, don't cry.