You can eat it but you are not allowed to miss it

Marriage is just a matter between me and Yan Ning, even though I think "I won't marry, I won't marry".But I was still no match for the "patriarchal society" in Yan Ning's hometown where men were superior to women, and I was still regarded as a woman whose greatest value was a "reproductive tool" and "a husband and a child".So what if I have a higher degree?

Perhaps, for many women, if the husband is quite good and can earn money to support the family, then these are not completely unbearable.However, since that unpleasant tearing of the skin, I began to experience the biggest "gender dysphoria" of my life.Probably the male consciousness living in my body couldn't bear the way they treated me, let alone the fate of being a little daughter-in-law kept in captivity.Why do I have to endure this even though I am a man?

26. Love is separated by mountains and seas

◎"Why don't you speak up for me?" "There is no such thing as helping someone or not. If my parents are wrong, I will also point it out."...◎

"Why don't you speak for me?" I asked Yan Ning in a tone full of complaints.

"There is no such thing as helping someone or not helping someone. If my parents are wrong, I will also point it out."

He's a rational nerd who doesn't understand that all I really need is a hug.And I'm an emotional fool.

"Are you really going to do it? But just now, it was your mother who sowed discord like a 'shit stick', saying that I want you father and son to sever ties, why didn't you come out and clarify!" I admitted that I was angry and spoke out. .

"Keep your mouth clean! That's my mother after all!"

When did he treat me so fiercely, I immediately grabbed another excuse to accuse him: "Well, even if you don't talk about this, why did you lie to me? Don't you plan to share with me such an important life plan as where to find a job in the future?" Do you want to discuss it?"

"Isn't this matter not a word? I told my mother about it first, and they all encouraged me to submit my resume. I want to tell you when the matter is clearer."

I scolded him in my heart whether he was really stupid or fake stupid. Of course others have to follow him in order to achieve their goals. important!"

"Honey, I really didn't mean that." He explained.

"It turns out that you and your parents think the same thing. In this family, anyone can ask me to have a child, ask me to have a son, ask for this or that, but I can't ask others!"

"Honey, they're not forcing you. It's only natural for them to expect a full house of children and grandchildren."

"But I'm upset! I'm under a lot of pressure, do you know? Husband, if I say that I don't want children in my life, will you agree?"

How I wished that he could turn to me, even if it was just to coax me, but his silence has already given me the answer.

"Ayu, don't be angry if I tell you something. Before I met you, I had dinner with other school girls, and we had a good conversation, but the other party said that my family has immigrated, and I will only consider living in the United States in the future. , so I knew at the time that it was impossible to develop with her. However, when I met you, I said that I would return to China to work in the future, so now you have no reason to do so. "

Haha, it turned out that I thought I was special, and how much I thought he loved me was just me being sentimental.This man is more realistic than I thought.All he needs is a good wife, but it doesn't have to be me.

"So you also think that all this is my fault? What do I owe you? Have you bought me? Why should I go to your house to live under the fence and be angry with your family! I have no confidence at all to go home with you Already!"

I slammed the door angrily, went back to my room and covered my head with a quilt and fell asleep, but he didn't enter the room.I don't know how long it took, but I found in a daze that the sky was already bright and the pillow was empty.After sleeping, half of my anger has disappeared.Instead, I began to worry about why he didn't go into the room to sleep all night, whether he would catch a cold outside.I walked out of the bedroom and he wasn't there.The empty one-bedroom apartment is extremely cold.

I called Yan Ning, but no one answered, and I still hung up when I called again.He really doesn't want me anymore!As I thought about it, I started to cry uncontrollably, until the phone screen was soaked with tears, and it was a mess.After a long time, I got through his phone.

"Hey, I'm at my parents' homestay. They will go back in two days. I will spend more time with them. I won't be going home for a few days." Yan Ning said these words indifferently.

For months after that, I was plagued by fear, anxiety and depression about the future.When the situation was bad, I started to be listless as soon as I woke up, and I didn't want to eat or drink, so I could only lie down, and I couldn't help crying when I thought of those quarrels.In a short period of time, I lost several pounds.Yan Ning was busy with his affairs, he only thought that I was under a lot of academic pressure, and he didn't notice that I was in a daze all day long.

By chance, I read a tweet about transgender, and I clicked into it out of curiosity, only to realize how similar it was to my experience growing up.It seems that a window of a new world opened to me. I was originally a boy, but I was born in a girl's body by mistake. That's why I resist the things that girls should do for granted.I didn't realize that I was sick, maybe it was a psychological hint, and I couldn't bear this marriage more and more, including the few and joyless hugs.

Yan Ning finally received a letter of appointment from a university in his hometown. I really wanted to be happy for him, but I still couldn't be happy.I don't want to compromise, especially after a family war.Back then I stubbornly believed it was about dignity and family status.And going home or not going home has gone beyond the original meaning and has become an inextricable knot in our marriage.

But I found myself still attached to him.In the repeated struggles in my heart, I finally broke down completely, and I showed my cards to him relentlessly: "Yan Ning, maybe I am not the perfect and obedient wife you have always wanted. Maybe I also have a lot of responsibility for that matter , I can't stand your parents asking me to be a good wife and mother who is always centered on you, I can't stand you treating me like this. And I'm with you, I've never experienced an orgasm. And now I've found The answer, I think I might be a man in my heart..."

His expression changed from shock, to disappointment, to discouragement, and he said fiercely: "I don't want to mess with you in the future, can't you!"

After that, I discovered that Yan Ning had chat records of several women in his mobile phone. I knew that he didn’t do anything wrong to me. The other party just sent a few stolen photos of dew/milk. I read them intact. Put the phone back.Sure enough, it is my man, and my love for women is so consistent.

But even if I find that I love him more than I imagined, I can no longer continue.I still can't believe that love can transcend gender and orientation, let alone abandoning biological parents.

I woke up crying in my sleep, and when I opened my eyes, I saw a handsome face looking at me worriedly, and asked me: "Brother, why did you fall asleep and cry so that the pillow is wet? Are you having a nightmare?"

Not a dream!I grabbed Nan Heqian's arm desperately, and his arm subconsciously hugged my back tightly and embraced me in his arms. The temperature radiating from his heart touched my sweaty skin. The cold ice that penetrated the heart was melted into dew dripping from the heart in an instant.His love is gentle and hot, which gave me a solid feeling.

"Don't be afraid, don't be afraid, I'm here." He patted my back lightly, as if coaxing a child.

"Aqian, I'll go to the hospital with you." I said with my arms around his neck, and I was hugged and sat on him.

"Believe me, others say that love is separated by mountains and seas, and mountains and seas can be flattened." He continued to comfort me.

"Is it because mountains and seas cannot be flattened?"

"Everything is not a problem here!"

Where did he get so much confidence?I forgot that there is a big golden retriever's heart under his good skin.So loyal, I hope he just looks silly.

That Saturday, we went to the clinic together.When he sent me in, his eyes were full of worries, and he told me all the way: "The doctor has a bad temper, so don't quarrel with others later."

"Do I look like I'd go around getting into fights?"

"That's not true. If he asks you why you didn't take your parents with you, you can say that you came to consult first, and bring your parents next time."

"I know, I know."

"Or I'd better go in with you!"

"No, I'm not a child."

"Then you go in, come out to me if you have anything to do. I'll wait for you at the door." He made a cheering gesture.

Seeing him defending me in every possible way, I couldn't bear it.I came out about 10 minutes after entering the clinic.

"Why so fast? Is this the end of the chat?" He looked puzzled.

"Well, we're done talking." I sighed, "But the doctor said that I still need to talk to you."

He pointed at himself, "Me? Could it be that Dr. Li is still obsessed with me because of me? No, I told him that I already have a partner!"

"Okay, the doctor is married. Don't be too sentimental." I felt apprehensive, and lightly swung my leg towards his ass, and sent him in.There are some things that I really can’t say, so I can only ask the doctor to explain to me. I’m sorry, I’m a coward.

When Nan Heqian came in, there was a stack of documents on Dr. Li's desk. He seemed to remember Nan Heqian still fresh, and he asked him to sit down before he began to say slowly: "This situation is like this, you The one at home doesn’t need to receive psychological counseling anymore.”

"Huh?" Nan Heqian