My country is dead again [Rebirth]

He Xiaoman has been leaning against Song Qinglai's house since noon, he doesn't know what he is doing here, the world is so big, he doesn't want to go anywhere, there is no place inside or outside the palace that he likes.

He just wants to find Song Qing, even if he knows no one is home during the day, he just wants to stay here.

I didn't eat at noon, and my stomach hurt for more than an hour, and it gradually recovered. In fact, he didn't have any consciousness at the end, and even his thoughts seemed to fly away. He obviously thought a lot but couldn't remember anything. What happened just now? I don't remember for a moment.

Song Qing came to live in the innermost part of this alley, so he didn't have to worry about anyone passing by him. He watched blankly as the shadow of the sun in the sky gradually slanted to the west. One afternoon, the flowing clouds sometimes covered the warm sun, and sometimes were blown away by a gust of wind. I don't remember counting how many times the clouds gathered and dispersed.

The last rays of the setting sun were engulfed by the night, and every house in the alley lit up the lanterns at the door. He still didn't leave, and he didn't want to eat. He couldn't stand still, so he hugged his knees and squatted in front of the door.

Song Qing must have gone somewhere to drink and have fun again, maybe she will go to Hualou or Nanfeng Hall, and she will hold a girl or a young man around the waist for entertainment, and drink the same glass of wine with the other party.

He clearly knew that he had no position to be angry, and even being sad was unreasonable, but he was still extremely wronged, so wronged that his eyes turned red just thinking about it.

His face was extremely pale, and the stomachache started again at night, and he would throb a few times at intervals, like endless repeated torture. Thin sweat appeared on his forehead and sideburns, and the blood on his lips gradually faded. He seemed to be Afraid, I am afraid that I will not see Song Qinglai today, and I will never see this person again tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. Song Qinglai will leave like those people Wang Chen said, and maybe he will regret what he has done. Disgusted and will never smile at him again.

Wang Chen said, if that day really comes, don't be sad, it's that person who doesn't deserve him, not that he doesn't deserve that person.

But what he knew was that he was not good enough for Song Qinglai, and he shouldn't have such wishful thinking from the beginning.

Song Qinglai's family background looks good in everything, he can't have any man and woman he wants in the world, and no one would think it wrong if the emperor issued an imperial edict asking him to marry a princess. Many times he would think that Song Qinglai was willing to tease him so intimately, It's probably just for fun, and when you get tired of playing, you will let go, and you will marry a royal family or a lady from a noble family.

And Song Qing talked about how he would like people from messy places. He didn't know if he was a part of that messy place. When they met for the first time, Song Qinglai saw his unbearable appearance after being bullied/humiliated. He must have known that he had been touched, kissed, and touched.

He already knew that he was not clean, but at the beginning he didn't want to sleep with Zhou Bin, and later he didn't want to sleep with Fu Chong. Maybe he was just deluding himself, thinking that if he didn't sleep, it wasn't dirty to the end, and he could still hide. Take a few more glances at the person you like in the corner, and get a faint smile from that person.

In many terrible nightmares, he heard Song Qing come and say to him, I think you are dirty.

But he can't help it, he has tried his best to live, he has... tried his best to make himself clean.

Although he climbed to the pinnacle of power and could quietly take away many people's lives without anyone daring to criticize him, he threw away the title of Governor of the East Factory, and he was an eunuch. Women despised them, and men even more so. will despise them.

Since he entered the palace, nothing has changed.

The second watch drum has already been beaten, and the alley has already fallen into a deathly silence. Everyone who lives here has slept peacefully. He squatted for too long, his legs became numb and he lost consciousness, and there were tears rolling in his wet red eyes. , the long wait seemed endless, and his despair overwhelmed him, and his stomach pain doubled because of this. He couldn't help letting out a sob, buried his head in his arms, and whispered softly, as if addressing someone Said, but it seemed like a soliloquy that only he could hear.

"I'm not dirty...not dirty..."

Why, you are not here yet?You said that you have loved you for so many years and you can't give up easily. Why didn't you come so late?

He no longer knew what he was thinking, there was no reason, no basis, and it was bad and overbearing.

I don't know how long I waited, but the sound of footsteps came faintly from the alley, getting closer and closer, and finally stood in front of He Xiaoman.

"You... Governor, why are you here?" Song Qinglai drank a lot of wine, her mind was half-drowsy, her blurred eyes saw a person squatting in front of her house, she was so shocked that she almost woke up from the wine, and almost drew a knife Come out, take a closer look, and see the familiar Dahong Yesa through the lantern in front of the neighbor's door. After a sigh of relief, the shock that followed.

He Xiaoman's mind was also dizzy, maybe he was tortured by stomach pain, or maybe he was stuffed with grievances. He heard someone talking, and it took him a long time to realize that it was not a hallucination. He raised his red and swollen eyes to look past.

"What's wrong, Lord Governor?" Song Qinglai was taken aback. This man's eyes had obviously been crying, his face was as white as paper, bloodless, his lips were a little dry, and his skin was slightly peeled. There was a flash of tears in his eyes Surprised, more tears gathered immediately, obviously with a pair of seductive fox eyes, but at this time it is more like a homeless fawn, with big watery eyes looking at the passing by pitifully. of pedestrians.

He Xiaoman wanted to stand up, but he felt numbness when he moved his legs, and he fell to the ground as soon as his legs softened.

Before he fell to the ground, a pair of warm hands supported him, pulled him up vigorously, and found that he groaned/groaned in pain as soon as he stood up, and the owner of those hands directly hugged him , patted the door with one hand, and shouted: "Uncle Ye! Open the door!"

Squatting on the ground could relieve the pain a little, but when he stood up, his stomach hurt like being pierced by a thin needle one by one. He Xiaoman couldn't help shivering in Song Qinglai's arms, his whole body trembling, and cold sweat dripping down.

When He Xiaoman heard Song Qing came to knock on the door, he realized that there had been someone at home all along, but after thinking about it, he felt that this had nothing to do with him. Why did he go into Song Qinglai's house and wait for him to come back?

A middle-aged man echoed from the door, and soon the latch fell, Song Qinglai didn't even have time to wait for the door to be fully opened, so she raised her leg and kicked the door open, hurriedly walked in with He Xiaoman in her arms, facing the man who opened the door Said: "Go ask Aunt Qin to boil some water and cook some porridge."

After finishing speaking, he carried He Xiaoman to his bedroom, put him on the bed, he was completely awake from the little wine, and was about to cover He Xiaoman with the quilt, but He Xiaoman sat up propped up, without saying a word Fa looked at him.

He wanted to ask He Xiaoman why he was at the door of his house, but looking at He Xiaoman's appearance, it was obvious that he had been waiting for him for a long time without even eating, and when he saw himself, he showed such an aggrieved appearance, but when it came to his mouth, he couldn't say anything. I couldn't ask, so I just asked softly: "Apart from stomach pain, what else is uncomfortable?"

He Xiaoman shook his head, smelled the smell of alcohol on his body, looked at him and asked in a hoarse voice: "Drinking? Eating with others? Or..."

"I just finished a tricky case two days ago, and I went to drink with Jin Yiwei's brothers." For some reason, Song Qinglai seemed to know what he was going to ask, interrupted him almost without thinking, and said quickly, "I didn't go to other places. place, I really didn’t go.”

He Xiaoman lowered his eyes: "I didn't even know you were gone."

"Master, you can't do this, I really didn't go! If you don't believe me, ask the people in Qingpingfang if I have left there for half a step tonight?" Song Qinglai almost swore to God, "I will go there in the future I’m sure I’ll tell you everywhere, if I touch someone else with one hand, you’ll cut off my hand.”

He Xiaoman twisted the mattress unconsciously with his fingers, his knuckles turned white, he closed his eyes and opened them again, but he didn't say a word after all.

There was a knock on the door, Song Qing came and went to open the door, brought over the hot water and porridge, and said "Thank you, Aunt Qin". Aunt Qin worriedly asked your friend if you want to see a doctor, and he looked back Eye He Xiaoman, finally said no.

"Drink some hot water." Song Qing came to test the temperature of the water. Aunt Qin had already turned it into lukewarm water, and handed it to He Xiaoman, "After drinking, have some porridge."

He Xiaoman's eyes were a little empty, he took the water and drank it, and went to take the porridge bowl with a numb expression, but Song Qinglai retracted his hand, took a spoonful of porridge and blew it on his mouth, saying: "I'll feed you Bar."

Aunt Qin wondered why Xiaoman suffered from a lack of energy and blood. She added goji berries and red dates to the porridge, and added a little sugar. He opened his mouth obediently and drank it spoonful by spoonful. If the expression on his face could be a little more lively, Song Qinglai felt that this situation was quite touching.

"Why are you crying again?" After drinking most of the bowl of porridge, He Xiaoman's tears suddenly fell from his eyes and flowed down his pale cheeks, drop after drop, but he didn't speak. Tears, "Who bullied you? It wasn't me? I..."

He Xiaoman lifted the quilt and got down from the bed. His stomach pain was relieved. He wanted to leave, but he couldn't move. After waiting for a day, from day to night, he just left like this. He admitted that he was not reconciled.

Song Qinglai stood in front of him still a little dazed, and said, "What's the matter?"

He Xiaoman looked at him calmly, and suddenly asked: "Does what you said that day still count?"

"What did you say?" Song Qinglai was stunned for a moment, but immediately understood, secretly glad that he was not so stupid that he couldn't be saved, and hurriedly said, "It counts, why doesn't it count? When did my words not count?"

He Xiaoman's voice trembled: "Then will you tell your family? Tell your mother, your brother, your uncle, tell them that you like me, will you?"

Song Qinglai took a step forward, stretched out his hand to gently support his face, and faded away all the incongruousness in the weekdays. The romantic eyebrows and eyes became quiet, and there was a sense of unreasonable oppression, which would make people subconsciously follow the look in those eyes. look.

The wet tears beside the corners of his eyes were gently wiped away with his fingertips. Song Qinglai seemed to know what happened to him today, and said softly, "I will."

He Xiaoman pinched the sleeves of his flying fish suit with both hands, his breathing was trembling, his lips parted several times before he said in a hoarse voice: "Then do you want to be with me and like me for the rest of your life?"

Song Qinglai pinched one of his hands, stopped his trembling, without hesitation, looked into his eyes firmly, and said, "Yes, I am willing."

The halo of the candlelight reflected the sparkling water in his eyes, which was clear and bright, shrinking Song Qinglai's figure again and again, and fitting it into his eyes, Yesa's belt fell to the ground, and Dahong Yesa was also caught by He Xiaoman He pulled it off and slid down to the ground along his body. He calmly asked the last question he wanted to ask tonight: "Then do you want me?"

Song Qinglai's breathing was burning hot, and he was short of breath because of this sentence, the smell of alcohol seemed to evaporate again, he also took off the flying fish suit on his body, and hugged He Xiaoman again.

The underwear fell under the bed, He Xiaoman was trembling, turned his back on the bed, and said softly, "From the back, don't look in front of me... Your eyes are dirty..."

Song Qinglai forced him to turn over, imprinted a kiss on his trembling eyelashes, and then kissed his lips, his voice was hoarse due to passion/desire: "The person I like is the best everywhere. .”

He Xiaoman closed his eyes, hugged Song Qinglai tightly, endured his kisses and demands, felt his caressing those two ugly scars, the candlelight flickered, he felt as if he had turned into a moth, never turning back He rushed towards the burning flame, willing to burn himself in the flames, willing to go and never return.

After today, he would add a word to his liking for Song Qinglai.

Like he likes to - would rather be killed by fate.

The author has something to say: I am too busy at the end of the semester, and there is no small theater, so I will make up later, so let me send a congratulatory message to the two of you first.

It’s really painful to write a long novel. It’s still an old-fashioned drama. Sometimes I don’t know if my writing collapsed. The background data is always decreasing. The main reason is that I am most afraid of writing a collapse. I am a person who is not confident in my writing. People, I always feel that I am very dishonest and rubbish. Some people like surprises and surprises, but I am also afraid of bringing you a bad reading experience and making everyone feel lonely after reading it.

Later, Jiyou said that because many Gudan readers like to fatten up and read the conclusion, and they don’t like to comment too much, I don’t know if my readers are also like this, or it’s just my writing, but actually think about it , I feel that the author of a long-form drama really wants to be accompanied by someone, and he will fail to write it countless times in the middle. Maybe a reader's encouragement will immediately fill him with energy, and he feels that he has not written badly yet.

Recently, I have been struggling academically, and writing essays has also entered a very exhausting period. I know this is a very critical period. The plot is at a stage where the plot is at the same level. I have to slowly push it from the transition period in the middle to the climax period in the later period. I know how to get through it I won, but I felt that I couldn't make it through countless times, and because of this, I broke down and cried while writing. Will any readers feel sorry for abandoning the pit?

But in the end, I finished writing the update while crying. Looking at the data that is plummeting, and the rankings that cycle between the poison list and the bye, I still choose to stick to it. The original intention of writing the article is very pure, because I like and love , Some of the cuties who are familiar with me should have also discovered that I am a Buddhist author, and I don’t care much about anything, so I return to my original intention, and I shouldn’t abandon my original intention for some inevitable difficulties.And I hate the cubs, the cuties who have been chasing the article, and I feel responsible for myself, the readers, and the story.

Also, I promised a lot of sisters that they would write all the dozens of brain holes and be the most beautiful boy in Jinjiang. The first book must be persisted to the end no matter what. After finishing one book, there will be many second books. Abandoning one book may be abandoning countless books.I want to plant many, many trees, and I want to keep telling my favorite stories, so! ! !I'm still stuck! ! !

Regarding the number of words in this article and when it will end, I estimated the number of words before starting the article to be 60, which may be more or less, depending on the specific writing situation, and strive to finish it within the summer vacation.

下本要跑去写仙侠休息一下脑子了，几年内暂时不再写复杂权谋了～感谢在2021-06-1616:56:37~2021-06-1718:00:00期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angels of irrigation nutrient solution: 10 bottles of Gu Changan; 9 bottles of ss_phoenix; 1 bottle of Luo Xiyuan;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!