Program yuan off the single plan

There were not many customers in this teahouse, so Xiang Yun and Lin Zhixin found a remote corner to sit down.

Lin Zhixin did not refuse Xiang Yun's invitation in the end, she was not disappointed, sad or wronged, but, even so, she was still unwilling to deny Xiang Yun's character all at once.

She could tell that Xiang Yun had something to fear, just like she was afraid of thunderstorms, Li Sheng, and being alone, Xiang Yun also had scars deep in her heart.

It's just that she never said it in the past, and Lin Zhixin also believed that she was not qualified to get to the bottom of it. Now Xiang Yun was willing to open her heart, and Lin Zhixin also wanted to know why Xiang Yun was so flustered on this issue.

This is her chance to get to know Xiang Yun, and she doesn't want to give up easily.

The waiter served the tea, bowed and said "Two, please take your time", and then walked back with the tray, only Xiang Yun and Lin Zhixin were left in the corner.

"teacher LIN……"

They sat for a while, each took a sip of herbal tea, and it was Xiang Yun who spoke first.

Lin Zhixin looked away from the window, looked into Xiang Yun's eyes, and waited quietly for her next words.

"actually……"

On the way here, she had thought for a long time how to tell Lin Zhixin her unspeakable secrets. The past had passed for many years, and she couldn't express it clearly in a few words. She didn't know when to start and where to end .

She rolled her throat twice, finally made up her mind, and said frankly:

"I used to like girls too."

After saying these words, Xiang Yun had the feeling of tearing open the scar with his own hands, stripping away the secret that he had tried so hard to hide for Lin Zhixin to see.

Lin Zhixin was really stunned, her eyes widened, she was so surprised that she couldn't even maintain a calm expression.

"That was a long time ago, when I was still in junior high school."

Xiang Yun smiled wryly. Now that the story has started, the story must continue.

"I liked a girl and wrote her in my diary, but it was exposed later."

Once again, Lin Zhixin's eyes showed surprise. This sentence was calm, but Lin Zhixin knew that it was a cruel thing to have a crush on homosexuality when she was a student.

"The teacher came to talk to me, and the classmates laughed at me. My parents were also invited by the head teacher to chat. They ordered me to suspend school for a year out of face, and asked a psychologist to treat me. They couldn't accept that they had a gay child. daughter."

Lin Zhixin's folded hands had already started to tremble, and her eyes flashed shock, which soon turned into deep and silent sadness.

She remembered the reaction of her parents when they heard that she was in a relationship with a woman, and she could still vividly remember the angry and hideous expressions on their faces.

In many cases, the power that crushes a person is not the gossip from the outside world, but the tolerance of the closest people, and their indifference is the biggest blow to her.

When she fell out with her family, she was already an adult with her own judgment and the ability to make a living, so she had the confidence to struggle and even leave home.

But Xiangyun is different.

At that time, she was only in junior high school, and she was forced to bear unwarranted blame from her peers and their parents before she could bear the pressure of public opinion.

At this time, her closest parents did not choose to stand by her. She was supposed to study hard in school, but she was suspended for one year and had to receive psychological treatment.

Lin Zhixin couldn't imagine how Xiang Yun survived that year.

"Since then, I have had a great fear of the crowd, and I have the most real and personal feeling of the social pressure faced by the 'homosexual' minority group."

No matter how much courage you have, after such an ordeal, it must be exhausted.

"I saw a therapist for a year and only learned one thing."

Xiang Yun exhaled, picked up the teacup and took a sip, moistening his throat.

"It's about hiding your true thoughts."

She continued to speak, her eyes turned to the window, as if she was seriously recalling the details of the past.

"I learned to be their good daughter, hide my preferences, follow the life they arranged for me, and move forward step by step."

"And my rebelliousness buried under this obedience had already taken root in that era. When I found a chance to escape, I did not hesitate to choose the city farthest from my hometown to study."

Xiang Yun lowered his head again, stroking the edges and corners of the teacup, his gaze was silent and sad.

The sadness in her eyes is like today's rain, cold and silent.

"But after going around for a while, I still returned to Qizhou, because I found that my resistance was meaningless."

"No matter how far I go, I am still their daughter. They gave birth to me and raised me. When they grow old, I have to take on the responsibility of supporting them. A rope is always tied to me, and the other end of the rope is connected to them. .”

"The education they gave me left an indelible influence on me now. They always think that they are right, but all my choices are wrong. The cowardice, indecision and resignation in my character are all because of that. developed in time."

While she was speaking, there was a sudden tremor in her deep voice, and her eyes were moistened by years of despondency.

"I don't want to marry a man to be a loving mother and wife, and I don't dare to like women anymore, because I know that I don't have the courage to bear the criticism from the outside world. I just pass by like this, and I have nothing to pursue. I can see my end in this life at a glance."

Xiang Yun spoke with more and more difficulty, and finally arched his body involuntarily, covered his face with his hands, and wept bitterly.

"I don't want to either... I'm really, not reconciled. But what can I do..."

Speaking these words exhausted what little courage she had left, emptied her body, and there was nothing left.

It's not that she didn't resist, the diary was exposed, and she also had a moment of enthusiasm and argued hard, but she was too weak, her shoulders were too immature, and she couldn't bear anything, even the person she secretly liked didn't give her any comfort .

She can't convince anyone, she's just a complete clown, labeled as "perverted" and "homosexual" by the people around her, and she may not struggle at all.

Sitting across the table, Lin Zhixin didn't know what to say. At this moment, she even felt that she was cruel, why did she force Xiang Yun to say these words.

Compared to Xiang Yun, her teenage years were considered to be smooth and smooth, without any ups and downs.

And Xiang Yun, who has experienced so much suffering and lived a life of depression and pain, not only did not go astray, but also retained his sincere sincerity and pure tenderness, which is really rare.

The scene when Xiang Yun broke into her house drunk for the first time and burst into tears came back to her eyes.

It has to be how much pain is in the heart and how much sadness has been endured to cry so sad after losing his mind.

What was suppressed in that cry was the despair of life.

Lin Zhixin has reason to believe that, even if Xiang Yun didn't say it, in the past few years, she might have wanted to end her young life at one time, but because of the responsibilities she had to bear, she has survived until now.

What bound her footsteps was her kindness, and likewise, her filial piety as a child.

For some reason, Xiang Yun heard that his father was about to undergo surgery in the hospital, and when he packed up his things and went home, he stood in the elevator, and the slumped shoulders clearly appeared in Lin Zhixin's memory at this moment.

She didn't know what to do to comfort Xiang Yun who was crying bitterly at the moment.

In addition to heartache, there is also heartache.

But she still wanted to express the truest thoughts in her heart after hearing Xiang Yun's story, and after careful consideration, she spoke:

"A person's life, in the end, he still has to think for himself, and other people's suggestions can only be used as a reference. Xiang Yun, you have done a good job, and I think you are very brave. Really, if it were me, I'm afraid I can't do it like that." You are as strong."

Life is not destined to be smooth sailing, everyone will experience different degrees of suffering, life itself is a cruel chore.

The world is so big, there are many people who are trapped in the same place by suffering, but there is always hope in life, just like everyone suffers, luck may be late, but it will come eventually.

If her words can give Xiang Yun a little bit of strength, she is willing to reach out to Yun, just like Xiang Yun helped her many times before, she also wants to do something for Xiang Yun.

"It doesn't really matter what other people say."

Lin Zhixin sorted out her words, she stared at Xiang Yun, saw him covering his face and bowing his head, resting his forehead on the edge of the table, took a deep breath and continued:

"Three aunts and six wives or people who eat melons, these people have no direct relationship with your life at all. Some people, if their own life is not satisfactory, they will not see others live a good and free life, and people will be separated from their stomachs."

"If you don't get married, they will urge you to get married. If you are married, you are happy. If you meet an unlucky person and want to leave, they will say that it is not easy for two people to be together, and try to persuade you to make up. "

"Even if you have a happy marriage and a harmonious family, there are plenty of people who are behind the scenes with sour grapes."

"Society says that men and women are equal, but in fact, where is there any fairness? A woman who is married to a man's family will be said to disregard her family if she is more ambitious. A yellow-faced woman will also be disliked by others."

"As a human being, no matter what you do, you will be criticized by others. How can you be a homosexual group?"

"It's up to you to choose how you want to live your life. The reason why people care about those ugly words is because our own hearts are not strong enough. When you have the courage to face criticism, you will find that those words that don't hurt or itch are not worth it at all. Can't hurt you."

"You are also human, why do you let yourself live so hard?"

Lin Zhixin picked up the teacup, blew lightly into it, and then took a sip.

"As for parents urging marriage, I guess the reason is that most women our age already have their own families, and some are even pregnant with a second child."

"From your description, your parents should be very face-saving people. They don't want you to look different from your relatives and friends around you, and they don't want you to be a different person in the eyes of others."

"However, what does marriage mean? It means that you will be tied to each other for the rest of your life, and you can only be separated after birth, old age, sickness and death. Although flash marriages and divorces are commonplace in modern society, if you can easily divorce, we don't need to discuss this topic."

Xiang Yun's parents are used to controlling everything in their hands and dictating her life. It is too difficult for her to make a decision.

"Think about it, now they are urging you to get married, and they will urge you to have children in the future."

"If you can't follow your own mind at the beginning, there will be decades in the second half of your life, and you will make it every day, every month, year after year, and the things that make you painful now will either be numb or more painful in the future .”

What time will make people get used to suffering is a lie. It only teaches people to forget and become numb. The more you don't fight, the easier it is to be bullied.

Life is the most impossible thing to make do with and muddle along.

"You have to fight for what you want. You are a very good person, qualified and capable. As for the courage you lack, if you don't mind, I am willing to accompany you and cheer you on."