Water lanterns and dreams in 1 nights

Head: "He beats me, suppresses me, and doesn't see me well. I should hate him."

"You really shouldn't give in again and again. People's desires are unlimited. If you retreat to the point of nowhere, begging the other party to treat you more lightly is wrong in itself. He only wants to be happy without you." I stroked Caressing his wet black hair, asked: "Do you hate him?"

"It's just envy." He said quietly: "In my memory, my parents never praised me for being smart and capable. I would only cause trouble for them. I'm disgusted with martial arts. It's always so severe. When I'm at a loss, he always has a way to solve it. My father only praised him for his good martial arts, and he avenged his family. When he was suffering, I was still lying on the ground of the old house like an earthworm."

"Besides distaste for martial arts, is there anyone else you envy?"

"I envy him the most for being so strong."

I smiled, "The two of you brothers are really similar. Wu Wu admires and hates your innocence the most. Do you know where your biggest problem is?"

Xiuwen doesn't know.

"There are a lot of powerful people in the world. There are those who won the middle school in three years, some who became famous at a young age, some who are talented and intelligent and can write beautiful articles in one go, and some who are naturally eloquent and good at dancing, but I have never seen you jealous of those people. .In the final analysis, it is because those people are too far away to threaten you, but you and Yanwu grew up together and get along day and night. You are too close, so you have to care about everything, lest the other party surpass you. People have always been afraid of close things Therefore, some people can happily praise the success of people they don鈥檛 know, while friends around them will feel panic if they are a little further than themselves.鈥?br>
"But the fault is not the other party's fault. It's your thoughts that imprison you. Why do you compare? Isn't it okay if you don't compare or surpass the other party? Can ordinary people not exist? Of course it is possible. You just don't want to be ordinary, so you are afraid The people around you are extraordinary, so they hold each other back and refuse to act weaker than others. The more you struggle, the more you are shackled. Now that you have grown up and experienced so many hardships, your fatigue is no longer there. , You can jump out of that circle, think about yourself, and think about the world around you, which is also a good thing.鈥?br>
But Xiuwen shook his head and said sadly: "No." He said that he couldn't jump out freely, and he was never a person who could do so freely.

"I'm stupid and dull, and my love makes me petty. I might as well hate martial arts. If I were like him, I wouldn't hate myself so much." Xiuwen blocked his eyes with his hands, preventing me from seeing his expression. "I hate him for overpowering me and controlling me. The more capable he is, the more useless I am. In the beginning, I robbed him, fought with him, and laughed at him for being unpopular."

"I want to be as useful as him. He avenged his revenge. Not only did I lie on the ground wanting to die, I didn't even have the courage to die. After that massacre, I tried to throw in water. I waded into the water, and the cold water overflowed little by little. The calf, the clothes sticking wetly on the two legs, suddenly became heavier than a thousand jun, and then I walked deeper and deeper, it covered my waist, chest, neck, it was as if my whole body was stuffed into the soil. Breathing, I was determined to kill myself, so I walked in again, smelling the wet fishy smell of the river, and then the water flooded my mouth, nose, eyes, ears, up to the top of my head, and I seemed to be sinking and floating When I got up, the air in my lungs was used up little by little, and by this time I was still very calm."

"I decided to wait to die, but the time was too long. From the time the air in my lungs was exhausted to the time I died, I was gradually suffocated, my heart was pounding, my head was dizzy, and I seemed to fall, but I knew I would fall If I go down, I won鈥檛 be able to stand up, and I鈥檓 sure I鈥檒l die, so I just stood in the water a foot below my head, and I was determined not to fall down. How ironic, I obviously went down to seek death.鈥?br>
Xiuwen's voice was choked up, "I'm out of breath, I'm so suffocated that I'm dizzy, I can't help opening my eyes to look around, the water hurt my eyes, I immediately closed them again, but at that moment I saw the things around me. The water wrapped me like a green curtain, the water was full of floating impurities, and there was nothing around, only that sinister green, so green that it was so black that it would wrap me to death. I was flushed, confused, and nothing I can鈥檛 even remember, but my heart is getting more and more afraid, and the more I am afraid, the more I can鈥檛 stand. At this time, I don鈥檛 think about anything, revenge or other things, nothing. My lungs are about to explode, as long as I can breathe a little Air and my pain would go away in an instant, and I would do anything to get another breath. I completely forgot that I walked down to die by myself."

"I'm dizzy." Xiuwen didn't cry, although he didn't cry, he looked very painful. "When I woke up, I was lying on the bank. I walked up by myself. I haven't tried suicide since then. I thought I was not afraid of death, but the horror before dying...I know very well that I can't, even if No matter how many ways I try to die, whether I hang myself or take medicine, I will definitely save myself at the moment before I die."

"It's this kind of thought that makes me uncomfortable. I can't eat or drink, and I can't have any desires, because desires are a living thing. I shouldn't and I don't deserve it. I deserve to die, but I don't deserve it. I lie on the ground all day, I don鈥檛 talk, I don鈥檛 move, and I gradually learned that as long as I lie down for a long time, I seem to be able to forget my limbs, like a tree growing on the ground, it鈥檚 good to suffer from hunger, cold, backache, and he makes me feel less sad. I鈥檓 isolated from the world , Blindly trying to forget myself, until that day you knocked on the door and came in, and then led me into the human world again."

"At that time, I thought that being disgusted with martial arts really wanted to kill me to protect myself, in exchange for surviving. When I saw him, I was surprised and resentful. I scolded him for being heartless and unjust, but I was secretly happy. What if I was as strong as him? I was also living in a daze, and he even killed me so that I could scold him condescendingly from the position of the victim. I thought that although I couldn't beat him, he was not much better than me. I was really despicable. In the end, he told me another story. It turned out that I was the only one who was despicable, so how could I hold my head up in front of him? He is a real hero, and I am a worthless person, and only because I am good Fortune entrusted him to be his twin brother, and he managed to rescue him to survive. What qualifications do I have to compare with him?"

He asked me miserably: "How can I not listen to him? Even if he wants my life, I already owe him one."

I listened to a long list of what he said, and said slowly and thoughtfully: "Even so, he died, and now you are the one who survives. Don't let the emotions in your heart overwhelm you, look up at this fact, he certainly put you Forced into a difficult road, but it may not be a dead end. As you walk and watch, there may always be a turning point. It is useless to worry about the hardships in the future. You might as well calm down and look at everything with the eyes of a mayfly. One day is one day " I said such a call, although it was a bit dogmatic, after all, it was out of good intentions, if Xiuwen could listen to it, it should make his life easier. "From now on, you have to figure out your own way."

He looked at me blankly, extracting only one kind of information from my words, so his eyes gradually panicked: "You are leaving too!"

I calmly scrubbed him, like baptizing a baby. "I was going to leave a long time ago. You don't have to be so surprised. Don't you know that I'm a traveler from the moment we met?"

Xiuwen sat blankly, and suddenly opened his arms around my waist, and confessed eagerly: "Anyway, take me with you, you can do whatever you want, please, I can no longer live alone !"

"Live for yourself."

"If you're gone too, what's the point of my being able to protect anyone!" He buried his face in my body, crying like a child, his body temperature and hot tears sticking to my bare skin. / On the bare skin, the calm just now is like a thin layer of paper being torn apart by the wind carrying sand and gravel, and I suddenly become bored.

I shoved him violently, he couldn't sit still, and fell off the rock.I went ashore, regardless of the fact that my body was still wet, I put on my clothes one by one, Xiuwen was still lying on the ground, not getting up, staring at me with his red, sad eyes, I just pretended not to see , put on his clothes, walked back to the cabin quickly, and began to pack his luggage.

I had already packed it up before, because of the unsatisfactory death of Wuwu, I took out the things in the package for use in the past few days, and scattered them in various places, so I need to find them one by one.I was about to leave with my packed luggage on my shoulders, when Xiuwen also arrived panting and blocked the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked urgently.

"You can't control it."

He asked desolately: "Are you going to force me to die?"

"You are fine, why did you die all of a sudden?"

Seeing that I was determined to leave, he felt anxious and shouted: "Don't go! I don't want to use force on you. I really want to fight. You know that you are not my opponent. I don't want to hurt you. As long as You stay with me again."

At this moment, I understand that Xiuwen is the same.He is not similar to me, but he is also similar to those who only know how to take. He will never stand up, and will only find a master and an attachment for himself again. He wants others to give his life meaning, I don't know that he was the task he should entrust to himself.Now he is afraid of being alone, and he wants me, so he listens to the weak desire in his heart to connect with me, whether I want to or not.

"People always have to learn to live on their own, no one is an exception."

Xiuwen stubbornly refused to listen, and stretched out his hand to catch me, but the teaching I had received was finally useful, and I was barely able to cope with it, but Xiuwen stopped at this time, and asked in amazement: "Do you have internal strength?"

I saw that his expression was not right, so I asked him if he didn't know that there is a pill to increase internal strength, he shook his head and said