Water lanterns and dreams in 1 nights

"But it's absurd to be afraid of things that haven't happened, or fear itself is an absurd emotion, which is useless and can only hold you back a lot of the time."

Afterwards we talked a bit on the subject, mostly the Duke speaking, and I occasionally chiming in and listening the whole time.Thinking about it now, it seems that our way of getting along has not changed in those years. He is always the exporter of that thought, and I am the one affected. It’s just that maybe, a thought that I occasionally pass by, despite my reluctance, subtly, He was far more influenced by me than he realized.

It’s not about how he agrees with my words on the surface, but that on many occasions, before I confess my thoughts, he already understands and is unconsciously influenced by my thoughts.He once told me in a strange tone that he caught a group of thieves and sent them all to prison. Although each person would spend an average of 40 to [-] years in prison, they still survived.It took me a while to understand that what he meant was that these people were all killed on the spot after they were caught before, and they didn't even have this harsh chance of survival.

The duke sometimes plainly complained to me that my presence made him weak.Of course I couldn't understand when this function was emitted. Every time I listened to him, I seldom refute and basically didn't express my opinions, but he blamed me unreasonably: "It's all your fault for looking at me all the time. You Although I don't speak, I can completely read your thoughts." I was tongue-tied and could only admit this crime.

The Duke has always been uncomfortable with me. He thinks that I am too gentle and will inevitably suffer in the future. To him, this is nothing more than another manifestation of my lack of real manliness. Teachers think that those scholars "messed up my brain".He acts as the speaker of my life, aloof and decides all my development. Although I am basically unwilling to be controlled by him in my heart, sometimes when I encounter unresolved questions, it is inevitable that he will be the first person to ask, but I think of him all day long. I decided that it would be best not to disturb him with trivial matters, but when I did, he thought he was alienated from him and became very angry at me.

The Duke has a particular love for white, and it's evident that he loves to celebrate things that are pure and flawless.White buildings, white sculptures, and white flowers are his favorites. At the same time, there are girls in white dresses, children in white clothes, and snow in winter. He also prefers people with light-colored eyes.In my guess, this unusually persistent love is mostly related to religion. In his religion, the gods wear white clothes, the gods make white wings, and the believers are God's docile and white lambs. This must have some kind of spiritual direction for him. significance.Yes, even though he has been teaching me theology for many years, I still cannot believe in it, although it does not prevent me from pretending to be a devout believer like him in front of him.

However, his preference for white did not change his original and constant love for red.Occasionally, the Duke would describe to me the hunting after the snow. The bright red blood was splashed on the white snow, and the fiery colors collided. That scene couldn't be more beautiful.There are also funerals at weddings, and death at birth. The Duke thinks these paradoxes are so wonderful that human beings should worship before such a collision of pure existence and destruction.There is a tinge of self-destructiveness hidden in his pursuit of pure beauty, which is undoubtedly dangerous, both to others and to himself.

Apart from religious influences, I would like to know what kind of experience made him such a sharp character.Once I asked him about his childhood, he didn't try to hide it, or he almost never concealed it from me, but was honest with me from beginning to end.

He told me about the strife, betrayal and duplicity between parents from two noble families. Every night, his father brought a beautiful woman into the bedroom, and the woman woke up the next day. Will be killed by a strong and jealous mother. "She doesn't love my father, and she doesn't want others to touch him." The Duke described his mother without special tenderness. Especially touching, she did it herself and smeared herself with the blood of the spoils, thinking it would preserve her youth."

"Stupid woman," the Duke sneered, teasing the canary in the cage casually with his hands behind his back, "she doesn't know that the shadow of death is gradually approaching her, and her old and ugly heart has made her every pore stink. "I guess this is the reason why the Duke devoted himself to religion. For the rest, I have nothing to say about the old things he revealed. Take it away and tell me it's nothing.

"Maybe that's why I fell in love with your mother back then. She is a clear stream that can be seen to the end at a glance." He bluntly said, analyzing: "People are naturally attracted to beautiful things, and they are also attracted to you completely. Opposite things attract. Watch out, be careful not to jump into the fire."

And even though the duke was so honest with me, there was still one thing that kept him silent, and that was why he sent me to Biezhuang for six years in the first place.No accident, no trouble, no reason I was exiled, and suddenly sent back to him one day.I didn't ask at first, and he didn't say anything later. This question was like a heavy stone, with a silent and firm attitude, as if it would be stuck there forever and refused to move away.

8. Duke 07

I shared breakfast with the Duke, and it was an all-too-normal morning, not expecting his love of white to spread to me.I lost my appetite at the time, and I fiddled with the vegetables on the plate with the utensils. Suddenly, the Duke said to me: "You should wear more white."

I looked up in surprise.

"White suits you." It's hardly an explanation, just his own opinion.You can't make a person suddenly change their habits just because of your thoughts, and then I realized that ordinary people can't, and the Duke naturally has the privilege of making others bow for him.And I found that in him, I also had a certain privilege. This power made me unwilling to easily twist my will and compromise, and believed that there was still room for change.

The concern about my clothes may faintly mean that he finally recognized me, but I chose to refuse.Because it is too troublesome to re-make clothes. First, you have to measure the number, choose the color and pattern, and then try on and adjust the clothes again and again. The whole process is long and boring. I don't want to have those tailors flying around me. "Why bother? Father, I'm already 14 years old, and I'm going to make people laugh if I wear white every day and pretend to be innocent."

"Who would dare to laugh at you?" asked the Duke.Of course I couldn't find a candidate. "Andre, you have to get used to it. It's not that you adapt to the world, but the world kneels down for you." He put down the tableware, and patted me on both shoulders jokingly, like a simplified conferring ceremony. The name of Zgerald bestows upon you pride and glory, and you will return him with pride and glory. Other than that, you need not care about anything else."

"I thought you didn't like that surname." The Duke's hand lightly brushed off his shoulder, as if he had just touched a rare bird. "Well, sometimes, though, I have to admit it's practical."

"Hands," he ordered.

I obediently put my palm on his hand, and he turned it over so that his hand was facing upwards, and he rolled up his sleeves a little, exposing one of my wrists. I don’t like the sun, it’s okay Physical activity, thin and pale wrists with blue-purple veins stretching like branches or streams.

"Blue blood is often stained with filth and madness. Your blood is clean, and you shall be dressed in white."

There seems to be another meaning in his words.

I don't know the reason, but before I figured it out, I asked a question that I couldn't even understand: "What about the mother?"

He paused for two seconds, then withdrew his hand, "You know I don't want to lie to you."

"Then tell me the truth." I looked straight into his eyes, with a bit of prying curiosity, "You said that you no longer love her, that is, you loved her before, and why did you change this feeling later?" ?”

"You want to hear the truth?"

"I've thought about it long enough." I leaned forward slightly, pushing towards him, asking for an answer that I had a hunch that I was finally going to know, "Mother left too early, long before my memory, I feel sorry for her, but I won't be sad. If you have anything to say, just say it."

"Okay," he conceded.He seldom backed down, and somehow I seemed to have the ability to make him back down—or maybe not unilaterally this time—"You have to agree to my previous request first," he said.

I nodded in agreement.However, it is worth the trouble to tailor the clothes for a few days to change the answer to this question.

"I love her, and she loves me too, otherwise we wouldn't get married. Not only me, but she is also a rather picky girl who yearns for love and a bright and happy life. Our marriage is a two-way choice."

"but?"

"But we don't share the same feelings we have for each other."

I was a little puzzled, "Isn't it all love, what kind of conflict would there be?"

"To my surprise, compared with her peaceful appearance, she loves me in a passionate and possessive way. Her love is a flower made of roses, blood and fire. Since she loves me, It is necessary to truly have my desire and passion, and not allow the slightest retreat, she tied her whole soul to my finger, and wanted us to be as close as bones melted together."

"It's impossible." I said firmly, relying on the Duke's personality to make a judgment.