Stop chasing me!Lu Yingdi

Lu Junyao was taken home by Duan Shuyi, took antipyretics and lay down.Duan Shu also thought that he would take a leave of absence tomorrow, so he sent an email to the teacher, and then began to study in his room with a light on. After studying for a few hours, he fell asleep.

Early the next morning, Duan Shu also heard movement in Lu Junyao's room, thinking that he must be awake.After getting up, he knocked on his door: "Are you awake? I'm coming in, or you come out by yourself and take some medicine after breakfast."

No one in the room agreed, Duan Shu also hesitated for a moment, and gently opened the door.

Even in the early morning it was dark because the dark curtains were drawn.Duan Shu also saw Lu Junyao sitting on the head of the bed with his back facing the door under the quilt, moving up and down, as if he was scratching something.

He suddenly felt that something was wrong, rushed forward and grabbed Lu Junyao's hand.

Lu Junyao hung his head, his hair hadn't been cut for a long time, it was a little too long, it hung messily and almost covered half of his face, making his face look ashen and gloomy.His arms were full of red scratches one after another, and some places were even slightly broken. His skin was already very white, and these scars were set off even more shockingly.

"What are you doing?" Duan Shu was also shocked, "Are you abusing yourself?"

Lu Junyao lowered his head and began to exert force on his hands: "Let me go."

Duan Shu also found that Lu Junyao looked thin and weak, but his strength was still as strong as a cow. His two hands could not hold back the strength of his one hand, so he had no choice but to let him go.

Lu Junyao withdrew his hand and curled up on the head of the bed with his arms around his legs. His hair covered his eyes, making it impossible to know what he was thinking.Duan Shu also gently pushed back the hair on his forehead, touched it, and found that the fever had subsided.Lu Junyao's exposed eyes lifted up slowly, and he glanced at him, his gaze was like a monster with open eyes in the abyss, confused, dull, and covered with black mist.At the same time, his fingers kept pinching the flesh of his arm, crushing and grinding, leaving tiny nail marks, but he seemed unconscious.

"Enough." Duan Shu also pushed aside Lu Junyao's overlapping arms, "Stop doing this again, I'll go to the medical kit and apply some ointment for you."

He was just about to leave when he heard Lu Junyao speak, his voice was hoarse and low, like stones and gravel being run over together, heavy and dragging scars.

"Don't worry about me anymore."

Duan Shu also stood on the spot, looked down at Lu Junyao, his standing posture was a little slack and tired.He sighed long, took a deep breath, and slowly extinguished the nameless fire in his heart until the scattered sparks were reduced to ashes. Then he put aside his slippers and stepped on the bed, squatting quietly and heavily in front of Lu Junyao.

"Don't go crazy, Lu Junyao." His voice was very calm, like a pool of stagnant water, "You live in my house, if you really want to die, crawl out by yourself, don't die in front of me."

Lu Junyao raised his eyes and glanced at him: "Are you angry?"

"Guess what? You idiot." Duan Shu also had no expression on his face, "Why did you scratch yourself?"

"do not know."

Duan Shuyi: "What are you thinking?"

"I just can't live anymore. It's not that I want to die, but I just don't know how to live." Lu Junyao's eyes were as black as magnets, as if all the light was sucked in and disappeared, "Sometimes I even think, I can You cannot kill Li Hongzhi and Lu Wenkang before committing suicide."

Duan Shu also sneered: "If you really do this, do you want to kill your mother out of the coffin? Your life is worth so little, and you will die with a few scumbags?"

"...Then what should I do? Maybe I'm really going to die." Lu Junyao lowered his head, his hoarse voice trembling, "Li Hongzhi didn't behave like a scum at the beginning. I vaguely remember that when I was young, maybe three Before the first grade, there seemed to be so many happy days. When did he show his true colors, I have forgotten. I always thought that my mother is enough, and the two of us can have happiness, but she is gone .”

Lu Junyao closed his eyes: "There are all kinds of people living in the world, animals and scum are living well, why can't my mother survive, why?"

"Isn't this world too unfair?"

Duan Shu also stared at his gloomy face, remained silent for a long time, and slowly revealed the truth: "So, because no one loves you anymore, you can't survive?"

Lu Junyao: "..."

"You know, when I met you for the first time, I actually envied you, because no matter how many fights you were forced to fight outside, there was a mother who greeted you gently when you came home, and she was so nice to you that she hardly blamed you you."

"I also had a mother a long time ago, but I was too young and a primary school student. My memory is so far away that I can't remember what she looked like, because I don't even have a picture of her."

"She was not good to me. She ordered me to do housework and heavy work. If I didn't do it well, I would be beaten, and if I didn't get good grades, I would be beaten. My memories of that time are almost only beatings and scolding."

"Besides, she is very poor. She can't afford electric heating in winter, and she is not allowed to use hot water except for bathing. I just remember that I knelt on the ground to wipe the floor in winter, and after I finished wiping, I went to do my homework, and my hands were torn apart from the cold."

"Sometimes I suspect that she has no love for me at all, because she is an alcoholic and will yell at me when she is drunk. When I was born, I was born just to hug Duan's family to ask for money, but it failed."

"But she was my biological mother and she died in front of me. I was still very sad at that time."

Duan Shu also smiled self-deprecatingly, with a bitter forced smile, "Owning and losing at the beginning, and not having it at the beginning, there is no one that is worse than the other."

Lu Junyao opened his eyes and looked at the previous paragraph with complicated eyes.The two looked at each other in silence for a long time, Duan Shu also said slowly: "So, why do you?"

Lu Junyao subconsciously: "Huh?"

"Why can't you live on? Why do you dare to go crazy?" Duan Shuyi's suppressed emotions were piled up to the limit, anger shot out from his eyes, he reached out and grabbed Lu Junyao by the collar, and lifted him to his Standing in front of him, with his voice pressed down, a fierce light appeared, "You have to think of a way to live alone! Bastard, don't make me look down on you."

The distance between the two seems to be a fight at any time, and all the emotions in the eyes, confusion, decadence, anger...all can be put into each other's eyes by the other party.

After a long time, Duan Shu also let go of his hand, Lu Junyao's body fell back like a rag doll, leaned against the head of the bed, and said slowly: "...I'm sorry."

Duan Shu also: "..."

"You've been nice to me, thank you."

Duan Shu also regained his composure, and said coldly, "I am not a selfless person, I need something in return."

Lu Junyao raised his head, showing some expression for the first time in a long time, because he was puzzled.

"Live well, become more valuable, at least have some use value." Duan Shu also got up, and his tone became a little indifferent, "After all, there will no longer be anyone in this world who can love you without asking for anything in return." , but there will be people who want to use you and treat you well."

"So, you can live on this alone, can't you?" Lu Junyao's eyes were empty, and when he looked at people blankly, he inevitably panicked, "But, I still feel that something is missing in my heart. , empty, unable to touch the ground.”

"You are really troublesome." Duan Shu also sighed, "Then you find something to fill it yourself, but if you die now, you will never be able to fill it up."

Only those who have had love will continue to seek love extravagantly.After giving Lu Junyao the medicine, Duan Shu also leaned against the wall, and a sentence like this suddenly popped up in his mind.Ah, so it is like this, he thought, it turns out that he and Lu Junyao are in a similar situation, but they have never been the same kind of people.

**

Lu Junyao shut himself up in his room for several days, and finally returned to normal. The traces on his hands disappeared quickly after applying the medicine.But for some reason, the communication between the two of them was not as easy as before, one was preoccupied and the other was unpredictable.

As the last semester of senior high school was drawing to a close, Duan Shuyi's father passed away one night. He had advanced lung cancer and could not be saved no matter how hard he tried.Duan Shu also didn't know what Duan Yawen did in the previous days, but the only thing he knew was that she won.The Duan family's property, business, shares...all are in her hands.

At the funeral, Duan Shu also felt that Duan Yan seemed to be a different person. He lost all his previous arrogant posture and became stooped, depressed and haggard.

"If you are free, go and say goodbye to your dear brother." Duan Yawen walked behind Duan Shuyi at some point, and said quietly, although his face was serious, his tone was light and flirtatious, "After this time, you must also It's hard to see him again."

Duan Shu also said: "Why, are you going to kill him?"

"What do you think of me? No matter how much I hate him, he is still my biological brother." Duan Yawen's tone was quite mocking, "If he wants, he can take care of the business in Africa. If he doesn't want to, he can When I take some pocket money to support a useless person."

"What about you, I remember that your third year of high school is going to be over this semester." Duan Yawen changed the subject, "Have you decided which university to go to?"

Duan Shu was also very straightforward: "Don't beat around the bush like this, do you have any orders for me?"

Duan Yawen smiled, unhurriedly: "Go to study abroad, the United States, I have found several good universities, you choose one yourself, at least get a master's degree."

Duan Shu also had no waves on his face, and his tone was blunt: "It sounds like a good arrangement, are you thinking about my future?"

"Take care of my business over there for a few years, and then I will arrange someone to familiarize you with the business and teach you some things." Duan Yawen slowly approached him and whispered in his ear, "At least let me see your value , I don’t keep useless dogs.”

Duan Shu also: "..."

"By the way." Duan Yawen helped him straighten his clothes in a pretentious manner. It seemed friendly, but Duan Shu also got goosebumps, "Have some fun with your life, don't waste your pretty face."

"However, don't get involved in sex, even similar ones." She reminded carefully at the end, this is a bit like a sister.

**

"I'm going abroad. I may leave after taking the graduation exam. I won't take the domestic college entrance examination." After Duan Shuyi went back, he told Lu Junyao straight to the point, "If you want to live in this house, you can continue to live in this house. I have extended the rent for a long time. .”

"Really." Lu Junyao didn't have much reaction, and said casually, "Then did you tell Shi Yu?"

Duan Shu also fell silent suddenly.

Seeing his strange reaction, Lu Junyao asked, "It seems that you and that child haven't seen each other for a long time, what happened?"

Duan Shu also casually said: "Maybe she hates me."

"I don't think she will. Lu Wenkang probably forbids her to approach you, so she is waiting for you to find her." Lu Junyao said seriously, "But if you want to leave, you have to say goodbye. She should be reluctant to part with you."

Duan Shu also smiled wryly: "I'm afraid she won't let it go."

Until the end, Duan Shu also didn't say goodbye, he knew in his heart that it was he who flinched.This was the only cowardice he committed in his life.

When Lu Shiyu knew about this, Duan Shu had already left the country.

Two months before the college entrance examination, Lu Junyao successfully received an offer from a European university.The school was chosen by Lu Yishan. During his lifetime, Lu Yishan chose many suitable universities for him, both at home and abroad. They were listed in a table and placed in the training institutions. No matter which one he chose, the professional teachers there would give him a thorough examination. Orientation training, trying to help him reach the admission level.

Lu Junyao thought about it for a long time, but he still didn't want to stay in the country anymore.His heart is very empty, if there is a wind blowing, it seems to be able to make a bleak empty sound, maybe changing to a farther place can allow him to find a way to fill his heart.

Moreover, there is a psychological counseling room near the university, and his mother thought about him very well, as if she had braced her body and made all the preparations before she could die with peace of mind.

It's just a pity, leaving him alone in the world is really too lonely.

"I'm leaving." The day before leaving school, Lu Junyao asked Lu Shiyu to say goodbye.

"Really, at least you came to notify me." Lu Shiyu lowered his head, not wanting to look at him.

Lu Junyao didn't know what to say, he just said "Take care" and turned to leave.Lu Shiyu suddenly shouted behind him: "Why—"

"...Why are you all leaving and leaving me here alone?"

Lu Junyao turned his head and saw Lu Shiyu's tears finally fell down.

"sorry."

I don't know why he wanted to apologize, but anyway, he finally turned around and left.

After going abroad, Lu Junyao will also contact Duan Shu by email.Duan Shu also seems to be in the water like a fish in water, and his life style has gradually become frivolous, almost approaching the orthodox second generation of dandyism and rich.

"Do you know." Duan Shu also told him in an email once, "People used to call me a bastard, but now, they actually call me Mr. Duan."

Lu Junyao replied: Get carried away?

Duan Shuyi: To be happy in life is to have fun~

However, Lu Junyao felt that the vacancy in his heart was getting bigger and bigger, and his spirit began to be very restless. Even seeing a psychiatrist every week would not help.He once went to a nearby bar to have some drinks to pass the time, and was accosted by a gay.

Only then did he realize that he had entered a gay bar.

Lu Junyao thought to himself, maybe he can try, just like Duan Shuyi described in his email, "have some fun".

As it turns out, he's a grown man and does have a healthy libido, but...

"boring."

The second time, the other party wanted to continue talking softly to him so as to leave his contact information. He was silent for a while, dropped the word, put on his clothes and left.

Lu Junyao was still very anxious, his spirit seemed to be hanging by an inexplicable string, as if he was walking on a steel wire, and he might lose control at any time.There is nothing in his heart, he can't find his ideals, he can't find what he wants to do, he has insomnia at night, and he is confused during the day.

Many people will approach him because of his appearance, but he can tell at a glance that no one loves him.

Then, on an ordinary day, Lu Junyao suddenly met his manager who was on a business trip.His first agent was a young, capable and strong woman, who made a strange mistake. His first practice was a small supporting role in the local area.The following things seemed to have been arranged by fate, and he became an actor very smoothly.

He is extremely talented in acting, which is evaluated by others.Knowing how to act, or in other words, knowing how to be someone else, even though no one has taught it.

Lu Junyao didn't understand the reason, but he guessed that it might be because he hated himself that he wanted to become someone else urgently by becoming an actor.

Self-loathing is like a shadow split from his body, holding a dagger, following him all the time.When Lu Junyao was acting, he was very devoted to becoming someone else, and this shadow stood outside the stage, blending with the shadows outside, together with countless pairs of unknown eyes, staring at him like torches.

Later, when he debuted, he amazed everyone, and won the best actor award at a young age.Acting eased his restlessness, but it still couldn't fill him up.

until……

……

...

Lu Junyao suddenly opened his eyes from the bed.

Lu Junyao felt that he had a very long dream, so long that he seemed to have forgotten the year and month.He moved his fingers slightly and felt that his body was a little stiff, so he slowly raised his upper body and found that something seemed to be pressed on the quilt, which was a bit heavy. He lowered his head and rubbed his eyes, and it turned out that Xia Shui fell asleep beside him, holding him down Half quilt.

Lu Junyao was stunned for a moment, stretched out his fingers and lightly touched Xia Shui's forehead, and then moved away immediately, as if he was touching some kind of bubble, for fear that he would disappear.

"Still dreaming..."

Lu Junyao murmured weakly, then lay back down again, trying to close his eyes and wake up again.

He opened his eyes again and found that Xia Shui was right in front of him, sticking his head out of the quilt like a kitten, blinking at him.

"It's not a dream." Xia Shui smiled slightly, "Welcome back to reality."