moon boy

"What's wrong?" I was so anxious that I was at a loss, "What's written on it?"

"Luoyang." Ainu'er didn't turn his head, but still knelt and said to me, his voice trembling badly, but there were no tears on his face.

"What's the matter?" I trotted over and squatted down to wrap my arms around his shoulders.

"Without you, I might end this life now..."

I was so surprised that I couldn't speak, and I thought about it in my mind, that is to say, what was written on it was very hopeless, but Ainur has me, and the last one alive Reason, so he doesn't want to die yet.

That's okay, in short, the result is that I don't want to die yet.

"It's me, it's me," my voice began to tremble, "what's written on it?"

After a minute, Ainuer stood up, found a corner and sat down, and then said slowly: "I have to think about it before I tell you."

"Well, don't be in a hurry." In fact, I was so anxious that I felt as if I was stuck with a peach hair. "There is no rush for anything. I'm here."

I also leaned over and sat beside him, embracing his shoulders like a brother, not daring to look at him.I really love him very much. Seeing him in such an uncomfortable state makes me feel very uncomfortable. I would rather be myself who kneels down and tears.

We fell into dead silence like this, with only the sound of running water around, which seemed very ethereal.I suddenly hated that belief a little, and a little hated that stone wall.What kind of broken belief? A mere stone wall can make people collapse?

I don't know what Ainur was thinking, but at this moment I remembered Ainur's understanding of religion.

"If I could choose, I would be a man of no faith."

"When a person has faith, he has a psychological pillar. And this pillar is not necessarily absolutely firm. When this psychological pillar collapses, that person will also end."

"There is a kind of person who has no faith, no belief in ghosts and gods, no desire, and cannot be destroyed. He does not have any psychological support, and you cannot destroy his heart. In Buddhism, if there is desire, it is called 'gap', which is your psychology. Let evil have a gap; on the contrary, if you have no desire, you are 'no gap'. This kind of person, for his enemies, is of course the 'most terrible', but if we become like this, it is not quite Has Yu become very powerful?"

If I was shocked by these words at the time, then I feel horrified now.It's so reasonable, it's like a prophecy.

The pillar of Ainur had obviously collapsed at this time.

So, what is the meaning of living?

Didn't Ainur say that there are two meanings for his life: one is faith and the other is me.Even if the faith is gone, wouldn’t there still be me?It's always possible to be alive.

After an unknown amount of time, Ainur suddenly spoke slowly: "There is nothing here."

"What do you mean? Where are those words?"

"Those words," Ainuer looked at me and smiled wryly, "it just means that there is nothing here."

"What?" I almost jumped up, even though I had prepared for the worst, even dying here, but I never expected such a result.

"What's written on it?"

Ainuer sighed and said slowly:

"The previous part is nonsense. It introduces the development of our nation all the time, when did it reach its peak; when did the first female patriarch appear; including how a genius who became the patriarch at the age of four dealt with disputes within the clan. I I should have told you that our family experienced a severe drought one year. The people in the family were not united and there was turmoil. Many people died, some people fled, and many people planned a bigger exodus. Go to a place with abundant water and grass.

"At this time, the patriarch was an old man, around 1000 AD. I was surprised that this belief did not appear with the emergence of our nation, but appeared at that time. People in our family At the beginning, he didn't believe in any religion. The old man wanted to prevent his clansmen from rebelling and fleeing, but he was forced to go out because of the powerful force, so he could only come up with a very strange trick, which was to use "faith" to stabilize people's hearts.

"The old man and his son and daughter-in-law first excavated this series of caves and made the mechanism, and then deliberately took advantage of the strange magnetic field and strange landscape here to lie to the tribe, saying that this place is a secret that we have been guarding for generations. Only we can get close in the world. This secret can only be seen by the team leader leading his partner, and only those with strong mentality can see it."

I was dizzy for a while, so it was like this?No wonder Ainur reacted that way.The belief that I have been proud of for the past twenty years has nothing!

delusional.

Utopia.

child's play faith.

White lie.

The bane planted for survival.

Ainuer sighed, and then said: "Our moral education is that it is best not to look at it. No one knows what this 'faith' is, but as long as there is a so-called 'faith', there is a 'belief'. Like a strong backing, that escape ended because they were all from the same clan after all, the old man was very prestigious, and the family rules were relatively abided by.

"Since the old man's grandson, he has been sticking to the 'secret' underground. Those words were written by the old man's son after his father left. He expressed his concern about this deception. He said that secrets and beliefs , This is naturally tempting, and it is impossible to imagine what will happen when the people of the tribe cannot restrain their curiosity and spy on this belief that does not exist at all."

Ainuer didn't continue talking.

I suddenly wanted to laugh, that kind of ironic laugh, the irony of fate and belief.Faith, is it really good?If faith is the meaning of a person's life, it may eventually destroy that person, right?

"that's it?"

Ainuer shook his head: "There is a message from my father later. No, it should be said to be a last note."

Ainur's father?Haven't people in recent generations never seen it?The fonts before and after the words on the stone wall are different, so the hastily written fonts should be Ainur's father's... last words?

"My grandfather didn't let my father come down, but my father was 25 and six years old at the time, and he was still a big boy. He didn't hold back his curiosity, so he sneaked down by himself without telling my mother. I finally understood why my grandfather said he was depressed. He was widowed and sad until he died of illness. His father's belief was his meaning, how could he not be depressed when he learned that his meaning of more than 20 years had disappeared?" Ainur smiled wryly.

"What about you? Aren't you exactly like your father now?"

"I..." Ainuer seemed to hesitate, "I still have you, don't I?"

"But your father also had your mother back then."

"In our family, parents arrange marriages, not free love. My parents must not love each other, they just want to complete the task of carrying on the family line."

I didn't know what to say, I just patted Ainur on the shoulder, as if hypnotized, and said softly: "Ainur, don't worry, there is still me, didn't you say that the meaning of your life still has me? ,I will always be at your side……"

Ainuer sighed and asked me, "Are you hungry?"

"a little bit."

"Then shall we go up here?"

"Row."

Ainur should still be depressed, but he tried his best to look calm.People, no matter what happens, they still have to live.I thought so.It took us a long time to climb up, and it was really a joy to go and a disappointment, not to mention the discomfort.

Our goal is to "be a little bit different", but we did not expect this to be the result.Hundreds of thousands of results were expected, but this one was not expected.I was thinking, has this illusory result made me different?

Maybe it's a little bit different.I began to disbelieve in "faith", and I understood that what Ainuer said was right, don't have a psychological support.But love, isn't it my psychological pillar?

We were speechless all the way, and it took a lot of hard work to return to the cave. Ainuer took out a steel pipe and fiddled with the mechanism on the wall of the pool. The stone closed again, and the water level of the pool continued to increase.

We made lunch in silence. I was most worried about Ainur's appearance. His character is that he is willing to bury everything in his heart without telling me.Will such a personality lead to depression?like his father.

I said to Ainur, "Are you okay?"

Ainur squeezed out a smile at me, a smile uglier than crying.

"Now," I said with feigned relief, "you can live for me."

"I understand," Ainuer finally showed a normal smile, "If it wasn't for you, I might have died. It's good for us to live a happy life together."

"Yes," I was very happy when I heard it, "then what are you worrying about?"

Ainuer hesitated for a moment, and said slowly: "My father's last letter stated that he felt that his body could not hold on anymore. According to the rules, he should go to the holy tomb to finish, but the journey to the holy tomb is very long. The distance is also very dangerous, he is very skilled, but his body is extremely weak, he feels that he should not be able to persist there, and he may die on the way."

"Ah... so, then he shouldn't be here now, right?"

"Sure," Ainur frowned, "The point is, my father said, he hopes the next person who sees the secret and doesn't collapse will do him a favor."

"What?" I asked impatiently.

"He asked me to go to the holy tomb, and search for his body along the way, and send it to the holy tomb for burial."

I gasped, feeling as if the end of the world was coming: "Then are you going?"

Ainuer nodded silently, with a gloomy expression.

"Go to... the holy tomb?" My voice trembled uncontrollably, I think I was as desperate as Ainur when he saw the stone wall.

Ainur nodded again.

"How long?"

"I do not know."

I really want to curse, this is even more unbearable than the ending of Notes on Tomb Raiders, naively, I can wait for my brother for ten years, and if I wait for Ainur to come home, I don’t even know when he will come back!a year?ten years?Or a lifetime, until death?

"You decide to go?"

Ainuer nodded without looking at me.

I was out of control, my hands and feet were shaking, and I shouted at him: "Ainur, you have to think about it, I said I won't leave you, so why did you leave me? You know what it feels like to be abandoned Yes! Your father has no love, so he doesn’t know the feeling of separation, he only has that vain faith in his heart; what about you! You still have me, you have me besides faith! Now you don’t even have faith, you Do you want to abandon the only meaning of living—me?"

Ainur looked at me, hugged me in his arms, and said softly: "Don't cry, don't cry, let's not cry..."

Only then did I realize that I was crying, and I beat him with my fist, but I knew it didn't hurt.I cried and said, "I really want to hit you...I hate your father too..."

He patted my back lightly and said, "Can you wait for me?"

"Can't..." I was out of breath from crying.

"Luoyang." Ainu'er let go of me and looked at me seriously. His voice returned to normal and was pleasant to hear.

I wiped away my tears and looked at him with misty eyes.

"Do you know how hard it is for me to accept this reality? The reality that this belief is nothing."

"I...I know."

"Then do you think it's difficult to accept the reality that I'm leaving?"

"Of course it's difficult! Nonsense!"

"Do you remember you asked me by the lake, what would I do if you left?"

I nodded.

"Then do you remember, I said without hesitation, that I will wait for you?"

"remember."

Ainuer took my hand: "Waiting is a very romantic thing."

"Romantic about your size!"

"I will definitely come back, don't worry about me."

We didn't eat well, and I had no appetite at all, so I couldn't eat.I sat on the bed, feeling wronged and hopeless no matter what I thought about it.I asked Ainur again: "Can't I go with you?"

"No," Ainur said, "If you wait for me, I will definitely come back."

"Of course I will wait for you."

Ainur said: "If you really don't want to wait for me, or don't like me, you can leave."

"How could it be possible to leave?"

"Maybe there will be that day. You can wander around on the grassland, or ask that family of Uighurs for help, and let them take you to the nearest city in Xinjiang, or go back to your hometown in Luoyang..."

"I didn't make such a plan at all. If I leave, what will you do?"

"I'll wait for you."

I was shocked by his answer.I wait for you, you wait for me.Is it really romantic?Ainuer thinks waiting is very romantic, but the point is that I don't think so.