salt by salt

20 days.

Can pass quickly.

I don't look at dates, numbers mean nothing to me.During the ward rounds, I asked the doctor I had seen to borrow a ballpoint pen, and drew a line on the sticky note pasted on the bedside, which was right to count.

Most of the time, I look out of the window and fall asleep, and the cycle repeats.

There was no one to chat with in the single ward. The nurses turned on the TV every day, and I occasionally watched programs in bed.Flipping through the channels aimlessly, the children's channel is showing Tom and Jerry, just in time for an episode of them skating.

Tchaikovsky's waltz acts as the background sound of the empty room, melodious, innocent and cheerful.

On New Year's Eve, I taught Songcheng to dance, and I chose this song.There are delicate and beautiful roses on the table. It is cold and windy outside the window, but the interior is warm and eager.

I waltzed with him in the narrow rental house and kissed deeply, as if there was an infinite future.

It can be slow.

Song Cheng came to give me a massage every day, mostly in the early morning and late at night, during that time I often realized that someone was by my side without opening my eyes.One is that it is unnecessary, and the other is that it is really sleepy, and it is difficult to stay awake most of the time.But after realizing that it was him, he deliberately paid attention to it several times, and only then did he feel the pattern.

Before he comes in, a nurse will enter the room. I am sensitive to people's gaze, and even with my eyes closed, I know that the other party will use the window to change the dressing to observe whether I fall asleep.

Song Cheng's footsteps were very light, as if doing something bad, he was careful not to wake me up, but he traced my eyebrows and eyes for a long time, lingering.

I feel even more uncomfortable. I would rather he leave me in the hospital and leave me alone, than lower my profile and bother to do this kind of useless work.He secretly told himself that no matter what he did, he just pretended to be ignorant.

One morning after the massage was over, Song Cheng stood by the bed and did not leave.

I thought he would leave quietly like a few days ago, and was about to fall asleep when I suddenly heard him whisper: "I didn't fall in love with you at first sight."

I still closed my eyes, and my fingers hidden under the quilt trembled.

Song Cheng touched my forehead with his hand, his voice was very soft, a little tired: "At first it was a novelty, I admit it. The first time I saw you, I found that your eyes and He Yun's eyes are similar. Like. At that time, I thought why you are so cold, you seem so far away from me, and you are two extremes with him."

"I didn't act so nice sir. I don't know why, but when I saw you, I always became a little silly. I exchanged contact information, took you back to the rental house, and cooked soup for you. After I finished, I was also at a loss, as if more than It's over the line, but you look happy."

His tone was flat, he restrained his tough aura, and there was a trace of tenderness hidden in his breath.

"Seeing you walking into the corridor, I told myself, don't open the door for you this time. But you have been sitting in the car for a long time, and if I'm not here, you will definitely be very sad. So I opened the door, every time."

"You said that your younger brother needs money for his illness. It is obviously full of loopholes, but I still believe it. I asked someone to investigate your family information and wanted to help you solve it in private. In fact, your acting skills are very poor. I already realized that you were lying, but I didn't expect to investigate It turned out to be much more exciting than I guessed.”

"You just treat me as a pastime. No one has ever dared to do that. It's a shame. I've thought about it for a long time. I plan to coax you to fall in love with me deeply, and then discard you beyond recognition as revenge for cheating."

Song Cheng spoke slowly, with long blank spaces between each paragraph.

I waited a long time before I heard a deep sigh, and knuckle fingers ran through my hair with unbelievably soft movements.

"Doing this is complicated and boring. It wastes my energy and effort in vain. It's not my style at all. Seeing you kneeling in front of me and crying, I feel happy, but my chest hurts like hell."

"Before I figured out that I love you, I hated you so much that I couldn't help it. When I realized it, it was too late. Don't blame me for turning my feelings into a business, Junyan. There is no time left for me to plan slowly."

"I fell from the second-floor platform when I was a child, and I know that the height will not kill people. I took you to the ambulance that day. I swore that if there is an emergency and you die, I will accompany you." Song Cheng said, "You must hate me very much, don't you?"

silence.

I don't hate him, I'm too tired, too tired, I don't have the energy to entangle love and hate.

"I don't want to be at a disadvantage anymore, lose all the initiative, and be slaughtered by others. If I take a step back, I will give in everywhere... Jun Yan, I don't ask your forgiveness, but I ask you to understand why I did this."

He seemed to be kneeling on the side of the bed, his cheek was pressed against my other hand on the quilt, and his long eyelashes brushed against my skin: "I know you are awake. Your heartbeat is not at this frequency when you are asleep, I Feel it."

I kept silent, closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep, the sound of Song Cheng's suppressed breathing filled the air.

He is waiting for my answer, questioning, or hysterical venting, and then he can apologize, repent, and make up for it logically until he turns the page lightly.

A soundless wall rose from among us, expanding infinitely in the dead space.

I have nothing to say.

Maybe it was to make up for the insomnia in the past, and now I can fall asleep even if my nerves are tense.When I woke up again, the room was full of morning light, and Song Cheng had already left, as if he had never been here at all.

After a long time, I finally understood that he babbled a lot abnormally that day, and there was only one sentence hidden in it.

don't go.

The leaves outside the window began to turn yellow, and the temperature in Jincheng dropped rapidly and violently in September. In the morning and evening, the nurses would put a thin coat over the hospital gown for me.

Song Cheng still came at a fixed time, and left in a hurry after the massage.I gradually accepted his existence, and I was even a little relieved, at least I was not forgotten, and someone still remembered.

The repeated days passed day by day, and the traces drawn on the bedside had already exceeded the limit of twenty, and Andrei did not move for a long time.It's useless to be impatient, it's inconvenient to do anything in such a state.

The only good thing is that the psychogenic amnesia has improved a bit, and it doesn't happen as often as before, turning me into a useless person.

These days, I occasionally think about the company that once belonged to me, estimate the current situation of the Xu family, guess the confrontation between Yang Chen and Song Cheng, and what that bastard Andre is dawdling about.

The legs could not move, but the hands were not injured.Once I was going to draw something, only to find that my fingers trembled uncontrollably after picking up the pen, and the lines I drew trembled into ugly balls.

It's all over.

Counting the beatings and falls, I had several concussions, and this result was expected.After handing the blank book back to the nurse, she pointed to my face in astonishment, and I realized that I was crying.

Since then, most of the time can only be used in a daze.

The old me returned to my body, albeit part of it forever lost.

After an autumn rain, it cleared up again, and the sky outside the window was as clear as a wash.Knowing that this kind of good weather is not for me, I still couldn't help staring at it for a long time until my eyes were sore.

After a while, the doctor who made the rounds brought good news: my pelvis recovered well, and I could sit in a wheelchair to bask in the sun.

When I heard this sentence, I was as happy as a child. I lay down all day, and every part of my body was numb. It was extremely uncomfortable, and I was finally able to sit up.

I looked at the dumb nurse. Although I don't know his name yet, he is considerate and cautious in his work. He can think of everything I didn't expect. Except for being unable to actively communicate with me, he is impeccable.

He moved the wheelchair, laid a thick layer of cushions and blankets on it, and carefully hugged me to sit on it.The female nurse who often comes to help me change the needles is also happy for me. When she smiles, her eyes are curved like crescent moons, which is very beautiful: "Mr. Xu, the lawn downstairs is beautiful, you can go shopping."

I nodded, and when I went downstairs, the nurse steadily pushed the wheelchair towards the lawn.The weather was fine, many patients and their family members came out to exercise, and the sun was warm on their bodies.

From here, you can see the children running back and forth in the square, glance at the legs that are weak due to long-term bed rest, and suddenly feel how wonderful it is to be able to walk, and I feel a little envious in my heart.

Turning around on the lawn, the light gradually became dazzling. I stretched out my hand to block my eyes, and the blue veins on the back of my pale hand were illuminated almost transparently.

"Go over there." I was used to the quiet ward, and the noise outside was a bit harsh, and I became anxious after staying for a long time.I pointed to the corridor covered by vines, "It looks quieter."

The nurse had no objection and pushed me to the cool and quiet corridor.The breeze blew the shadows of the trees, and I closed my eyes, feeling him help me tuck the blanket, and I fell asleep comfortably in the wheelchair.

I fell asleep for a while, and when I woke up again, it was almost noon. I rubbed my eyes and said, "Go back."

The nurse didn't move. I was told by the doctor not to turn my body too much, so I just tilted my head back slightly: "What's wrong?"

The hand on the handle of the wheelchair is slender and strong, and there is a special custom-made jet-black wrist watch clasped on the wrist. You can tell who the owner is at a glance.

The people behind me didn't say a word, my throat was dry, and I forced myself to speak: "...Yang Chen."

"It seems that you haven't completely forgotten about me." His voice was hoarse, with strong mockery, "You have a good life with your little lover, but I can't let you go to the hospital directly."

"Why are you here? Where's the nurse?"

"I'm here to talk," he said, "and see if you're dead by the way."

I frowned, and suddenly remembered that Song Cheng said that sincerity is only in face-to-face interviews, and Yang Chen, a person who dares to do anything for the benefit, really came.

I can't count how many times I have betrayed him and turned to others, Yang Chen's anger towards me almost broke through the distorted tone and rushed straight in front of me.Based on my understanding of his cruelty, in the next second he might kick over the wheelchair and admire my embarrassed posture on the ground.

"As you can see, the leg is broken, but not dead." I calmly lowered my eyelashes, "Isn't it a pity?"

There was no one around, and I could only silently pray that someone would find out before I was beaten to death by Yang Chen.

Yang Chen's breathing was heavy, and the veins on the back of the hand that was clenched tightly showed that he was trying his best to endure.I waited and waited until he let out a breath slowly: "Xu Junyan, you are so fucking... I will be mad at you one day."

He pinched my cheek hard to vent his anger, the pain made me tremble, and tears welled up in my eyes.

"I was thin at first, but now there is no flesh on my face. I don't know how long it will take to raise it back. Letting you sneak away and suffering so much is your own fault, and you deserve it!"

I thought a unilateral beating was inevitable, but Yang Chen's attitude changed so quickly it was jaw-dropping.After being stunned for a long time, I asked without thinking: "That project was finally returned to a state-owned enterprise. How is your family doing?"

He said angrily, "There's no TV in the ward?"

I shook my head, there was TV and news, but there was nothing about Yang's: "I didn't see any relevant news."

"No news, just fine."

Yang Chen said viciously: "I was tricked by the surname Song. Fortunately, someone pointed me out, otherwise I would really suffer a big loss. Your man almost bankrupted the whole family. You have a conscience, and you care about it after the fact."

I asked with a question mark: "There is nothing wrong with your family, so what are you talking to Song Cheng about?"

"Talk about the ownership of you idiot." He sneered, "Hey, Xu Junyan, you said that it would be easy for me to beat people to hospital in the hospital?"

I stared ahead and saw a tall man walking into the corridor, his figure as tall and straight as a green pine when he walked.The man stopped in front of us, he was handsome, with deep eyebrows, long and thick eyelashes, with an illusion of tenderness.

Song Cheng smiled slightly, but the frost in his eyes was clear: "After a long time, Mr. Yang, we meet again."