salt by salt

Going to say goodbye in a daze, Song Cheng's mother asked, "Why does Jun Yan look so bad?"

Song Cheng put his arms around my shoulders, his tone was gentle and concerned, and he could even tell a lie: "His younger brother's condition worsened suddenly, which hit him hard."

"Oops." She held my hand in surprise, "Don't worry, just tell me if you need it, our family is not short of money for treatment. How is the situation? I have a few old classmates who are in the medical system, I can contact you .”

Song Cheng said slowly: "It can be cured with money, don't worry mom, I will solve it."

The last words bite the accent, my fingernails dig into the palm.

I kept silent on the way out of Song Zhai. Xiao Liu was very good at looking at people. After returning to the residence, he didn't follow us into the house. He excused himself to take care of the flowers and stayed downstairs.

Song Cheng went upstairs in front of me, I looked at his back and said softly, "You still remember that incident."

I once lied to Song Cheng that my younger brother needed medical treatment and needed 100 million for emergency treatment, so I had no choice but to "sell myself" to Yang Chen.

"After that day, I started to formally investigate you." He turned around and smiled, as if a little sad, brushing the broken hair on my forehead with his fingers, "Junyan, before you knew it, I have forgiven you countless times .”

The afternoon sun is very good, falling into the room through the window, and fine dust is floating in the air.

Looking at the outline of his facial features shrouded in light, I suddenly remembered that we went to Lao Luo's studio one afternoon, and Song Cheng changed his clothes and waited for me.I was a model for the first time, and I was so stiff that I didn't know what to do. He whispered to me to relieve the tension, and gently patted my back with his warm and slender fingers.

It was winter at that time, the room was empty, and the glass windows for lighting were shining brightly, which was a bit dazzling.

Standing in the light, Song Cheng is more real and powerful than the statue.

I stared at him, it seemed that there was no difference from that time, and it seemed that something had completely changed: "Song Cheng, we have no way to go."

"You are always so pessimistic, and you want to shrink back when you say something negative. Don't talk about it, let the past pass by, I don't mean to blame you." He smiled helplessly, "Everything can start again, here It's your new beginning."

I lowered my eyes, and my eyes slowly moved down from the slightly shorter armrest beside me.

The house used wooden stairs. In the environment of simplicity at the time, one side of the wall was inlaid with exquisite decorations, which were thoughtfully designed.

The dark staircase spirals up layer by layer, looking like a round stage from upstairs, where the dolls that meet the owner's wishes dance.

A vicious circle that never ends.

"No." I muttered to myself, "I can't live the way you want."

"I don't want you to become anyone, this is just the best arrangement for you. Toshihiko, you are unhappy all day because you were under too much pressure before. Just change your environment and work. You are suitable for a slow pace life, don't be brave, okay?"

Seeing my silence, Song Cheng coaxed me softly, "We can discuss which part we don't like."

"In Xu's family, everyone told me that I can't show off, I want to be a foil for my brothers, and my family's ugliness can't be exposed. They need a qualified background board, so they told me that being a transparent person who doesn't say a word is the best. Good choice, don't try anything else."

It was hard for me to speak, because my head started to hurt like a heavy burden on my shoulders, ready to fall to the ground at any moment.

Am I really born so mediocre?

Or because... since I was sensible, people have been telling me that I am the son of a rapist, my father is a scumbag, and there is dirty blood in my body, so I am destined to be inferior.

——Xu Junyan is a fool, an idiot, he can't do anything well, I don't have a brother like you.

——Why do you like to catch butterflies, so cruel and disgusting!

——Can your pig brain understand this kind of book?What to wear?

——Ms. Keyan is so smart and beautiful, how come Master Junyan didn't inherit any advantages?

——For such an easy thing, your brother has already done it.

——Look at the activities you participated in all day long, such as summer camps and competitions, do you have to ruin your family's reputation to be happy, and quit all of them.

——Xiao Yan, it’s okay if you can’t do it, you don’t have to work so hard, it’s not your fault, everyone is different.

——If you choose finance, your family will arrange a job for you after graduation.If you look like this, if you don't rely on your family, you will be unemployed if you learn anything.

——Having learned so many foreign languages, I am quite qualified to be a secretary.

--a shame!Immortal!

If you follow the paved road, then in the end, there is really only this road left in front of you.

Song Cheng rubbed his brows, and wanted to walk towards me down the stairs, I took a step back: "I can't accept it, and there is no room for negotiation. If I want this kind of life, I won't even meet you and me. "

As Yang Ke said, Yang Chen is good-looking, has a wealthy family background, and has outstanding abilities, so he can be called close to perfect.For someone as dazzling as him, willing to be with me is a condescension, it's just some small flaws in character, why can't I tolerate it?

I endured his moody temper, the demanding sex, the indifference that has not changed for several years, the gossip and open and dark arrows from the people around me, and the violence and ridicule that are commonplace.

One step back, so the second step and the third step, until there is no way to retreat.

In Yang Chen's eyes, I may be a little puzzled, why do I strongly oppose him wanting a child?But for me, it was just saying the sentence that has been lingering in my heart.

No.

Don't make love where people might find out, don't use me as a plaything, don't ignore my pain, don't hurt me.

After so many years, I finally learned that since I know I can't bear it, it's better to reject it from the beginning.

"So... Song Cheng, I'm sorry. Thank you for thinking so much for me, but I really can't do it."

I know what I don't want, what Song Cheng gave me was exactly the trajectory I couldn't accept.

The breathless, one-way street firmly in his hands.

"Junyan, don't make excuses, because I won't let you answer the phone, are you angry with me?" His face was terribly gloomy, "For you to meet my parents, all the efforts I have put in can't compare to Yang Chen's words Yeah?"

"It has nothing to do with Yang Chen." I was taken aback, "I didn't mention him at all."

"I told you how important today is. You performed very well before, but suddenly changed your attitude. Why don't I think about it?"

Song Cheng's tone was still restrained, but he showed an expression of hurt and disappointment: "Do you think he wants to talk to you? Some of the assets of Yang's company were just announced to be frozen, and he contacted you today. How could it be such a coincidence?"

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out.I want to say that you misunderstood, Yang Chen was able to find me, mostly because I took the initiative to contact Lin Ya yesterday; these feelings are not because of others, but my true thoughts...

But looking at Song Cheng's face without a trace of a smile, I couldn't say anything, only felt the suffocation that was about to overwhelm me.

"It's not like this." I repeated numbly, the words stuck on the tip of my tongue, and the words were sour, "Song Cheng, it's not like this."

"Xu Junyan, look at me." He sighed, restrained his aggressive posture, and softened his voice, "I don't want to quarrel with you, some things are not as simple as you think. Look at me, let's talk .”

I looked seriously at the bottom of his eyes, the brows were deep, but the eyelashes were long and soft.

The combination of toughness and tenderness has become such a complicated person.

Don't look at him again.A voice in my heart said, I can't stay any longer, leave here, and go back and bear everything that needs to be faced.

Song Cheng always uses detours as means to achieve his ultimate goal.The moment the glass shattered, I knew it was the end of me and him.

Some contradictions cannot be eliminated, and there is no need to wait until the day when they completely erupt.

"Wait, Toshihiko, where are you going?"

I turned around and left, Song Cheng tried to reach out to hold my wrist, I was fully focused on the sideways dodging movement, I was caught off guard and stepped on the air, half of my body leaned out of the armrest.

Because of the overall spiral structure, if you fall down the stairs here, it is equivalent to falling straight from the gap in the middle to the bottom floor.But knowing what to expect doesn't put off the unexpected.

Those few seconds didn't become long, and the stunned expression on my face didn't even have time to dissipate.

When I fell, I heard a loud bang, and there was a terrible pain from my spine and tailbone. My brain was buzzing, and my eyes became dizzy and black. In the posture of coming down, tears and sweat rolled down instantly.

Am I dead?

How can it be so painful?

Song Cheng ran down the stairs, half-kneeling beside me and talking, while Xiao Liu was calling for a doctor and an ambulance.I can't wait to die immediately, I don't want to endure the continuous pain from inside my body anymore, but I can't pass out no matter what, and I can even remember everything that happened just now very clearly.

His flailing limbs, the wind that brushed his cheeks when he fell, Song Cheng's gradually blurred face, and——

He held my hand briefly, then let go of it suddenly.