salt by salt

I don't know how I got on stage.

Maybe it was because Yang Chen didn't let go of the hand holding my arm, maybe it was Xu Yucheng who came to me thoughtfully, maybe someone took me there.

I don't remember, my vision and my mind seemed to melt under the blazing light, and I stared blankly at Xu Yucheng's tie.

Take a deep breath, take a deep breath, don't embarrass him on this occasion, I said to myself.

Can't see other people's faces clearly, don't know where Song Cheng is at the moment, but no matter where he sits, it's all ruined.

Relying on a little instinct, I said a few words in a wrong way, probably to thank you for your support, and I was just doing my job.Xu Yucheng put his hand on my shoulder, and I shivered suddenly.

"Xiaoyan is a little nervous, but it's okay, we all see your dedication."

See it all... see it all.

My pretense, every lie I tell, all the wild dreams I make—

The fig leaf was torn off and thrown naked before his eyes.

Xu Yucheng said a few more words and patted my shoulder lightly.He bowed to everyone calmly, I watched in a daze, and suddenly remembered that it was impolite to stand on the stage like this, so I also bowed.

When the applause sounded, he led me down together, and asked softly, "Xiao Yan, what's wrong?"

I forgot to answer and just shook my head.

"Today I wanted to give you a surprise." He touched my cheek, "Is it because the lights are too bright and dazzled your eyes? Are you uncomfortable?"

I still shook my head, yearning to step back but almost tripped.

"What's wrong with you?" Xu Yucheng's voice seemed to be far away, I only heard loud and sharp noises, "Xiao Yan?"

"I... I'm leaving first. I'm leaving."

I pinched the back of my hand hard to wake myself up.The sequelae of blurred vision are that it is easy to be confused, the body becomes heavy, and it is difficult to speak a word.Without waiting for his answer, I turned around without hesitation.

Fortunately, I can't see anything. This blurred vision is enough for me to stumble out of the banquet hall while saying sorry.

This floor is all taken over by the company, and I don't have to worry about being kicked out if I open a door casually.He hurriedly found the phone, the screen was dazzlingly bright, his fingers trembled as he swipe the address book, and he could recognize the characters of Song close to his eyes: "Song Cheng, I beg you to answer it."

"The number you dialed is active..."

Almost at the same time as the cold female voice reminded me, I heard a familiar gentle male voice outside the door: "Is it convenient to open the door?"

"Song...Cheng."

It's hard to describe how I felt the moment I hit the doorknob.

Shame, unwillingness to face it, despair, or numbness.

That's it.

At the exhibition dinner where I poured my heart and soul into it, my love collapsed into irreparable fragments.

"I followed you out." He walked into the room and closed the door behind his back.The tone wasn't terrible, just a kind of indifference that broke my heart, "I thought you might have something to explain to me."

Song Cheng is wearing a light-colored suit tonight, which brings a faint halo to my eyes.

"It's too late for me to say anything, isn't it?" My internal organs seemed to be grasped by a hand, and I laughed so hard that I felt embarrassed.Tears flowed down and I wiped them away, any tears would only add to my hypocrisy, "Song Cheng, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

This is the end of the matter, only sorry.

I'm sorry I lied to you, I'm sorry I've been lying, even though you gave me a chance to confess.

I don't deserve to have such a good lover as you. Now that Xu Junyan's ugliness and ridiculousness are exposed in front of you, God will take all of this back.

Everything I had for a short while... was ruined.

destroyed in my own hands.

I deserve it.

I deserve it.

"...Then, why?"

After a while, Song Cheng opened his mouth.I looked up at his direction, he seemed to have tilted his head, and there was only a simple puzzlement in his question: "Why did you lie to me that you were Jun Yan in the first place?"

"I'm... obsessed with ghosts. I don't know, maybe because I'm a liar by nature, maybe because I wanted to play tricks on you at that time, maybe because I just said that on a whim."

It's hard for me to tell the truth.Do you want me to tell him that I fabricated Jun Yan's identity to approach him just because I wanted to...

"It's because you want to have a one-night stand with me irresponsibly, and you don't want me to pester you after knowing your real name, right?"

Song Cheng's tone was flat and firm, and it took me a while to realize that he had spoken my thoughts.

I smiled wryly and lowered my head: "...Yes, you guessed it."

He stepped past me and sat down on the couch behind him, his movements and demeanor seeming to be extremely relaxed.

The only sound in the air was my rapid breathing, until the sound of glasses clinking.

"There is also wine here, which is good." He sighed, "Jun Yan... no, Jun Yan, would you like a drink?"

I shook my head reflexively. He deliberately emphasized his voice on Jun Yan's enunciation, which made me feel at a loss.

"I should really drink some, or I won't be able to control my feelings about hitting you." Song Cheng said slowly, "I've spent more than half a year with a man whose real name I don't even know, isn't it ridiculous? ?”

"Sorry……"

"Shh." He whispered, "Stop saying that word, okay, I'm upset."

I immediately silenced, even though Song Cheng's tone was as soft as ever, I didn't need to think about it to know that he was not in a good mood.He sipped the wine in silence, my limbs were cold, and I couldn't think of anything to say except to apologize for a while.

"Jun... I don't even want to call you by your name. I have said many times that I hope you will be honest with me, and you agreed. This time I am really disappointed in you..."

"...Let's break up."

The wine glass made a slight sound when it was put down, and this sentence was suddenly uttered by Song Cheng.When I realized it, my eyes went dark, my knees went limp, and I fell to my knees on the ground with a plop.

There is no heart-piercing, no tears streaming down the face, only a momentary loss and endless despair.

"Song Cheng..."

I seemed to have been drained of all my strength, put my elbows on the ground, stretched out my hand to grab his suit pants, my throat was convulsed and I couldn't speak a continuous sentence: "No... Please, don't break up... I, I am real I love you! Except for lying about my identity, I'm sorry...I really love you..."

I knew he would leave the room without looking back, and then shut the door to me, never to welcome me in that cramped but cozy apartment.I will no longer drink the soup he cooked with his own hands, I will no longer have the opportunity to listen to his thoughtful instructions, and I will no longer have a pair of gentle hands to hug me.

Maybe after a long, long time, he will become a real big star, and the last time I see him will be the moment when I stare at his poster, or we pass each other like strangers at another reception.

"We have been together for so long, can't you feel it for so long, I was wrong, I'm sorry, I shouldn't lie to you, I doubted you before, I was wrong! But I love you, this is not fake... Please Forgive me, no, I will prove it, I love you...I'm sorry I lied to you, I repent...you can hit me if you are angry, I beg you, don't break up, don't break up."

If there is a god in this world, no matter what I have to pay or do, I don’t want to regret why I said the name Jun Yan before I die.

I don't want...don't want to lose him.

"Don't break up, please, you are always so good to me, I will die without you... Just this time, forgive me for the last time! I will never hide anything from you in the future, I swear, if I If I lie to you again, I will die a terrible death without a whole body!"

I begged incoherently, and I was still imagining that Song Cheng's usual gentleness and tolerance could save me once again, and give me, a prisoner sentenced to death, another chance.

I will change it, from now on I will change anything he is not satisfied with, just this time, please——

His gaze fell on top of my head if there was any substance, I was cold all over, and I firmly grasped the life-saving straw in front of me and didn't let go.

I even thought that if Song Cheng was determined to break up, I would ask Xu Yucheng and Lin Ya to help me. Even if I insisted with background and power, I would keep him by my side.

"Xu Junyan." He said word by word, "You really let me down."

"I know, I know, I shouldn't lie to you. I'm sorry, I won't, Song Cheng, I beg you, don't break up, it's fine, don't break up, I will change, you don't know what you mean to me How important, I really love you..."

I raised my face, Song Cheng bent down, and put his hands on my face.Because he has been a martial arts stand-in, he has been running around on the set and is tired. His palms are not smooth, and my cheeks hurt when I slap them hard.

I didn't dare to make a sound, thinking that my face at the moment was in a state of embarrassment, and it would only make me uglier if I forced a flattering smile.

I heard him ask softly: "Do you love me?"

"Love. Song Cheng, I love you." Although the posture was a bit humiliating, I didn't care, I just wanted to say a sincere answer that made him change his mind, "I love you. So give me a chance, don't split..."

"Shh."

His fingers were on my lips, stopping my almost frantic pleading.Fortunately, the gentle tone that I am familiar with still gave me a glimpse of life in the quagmire of regret: "It is enough to say it once. I thought about it, and I would be very sad to break up with you, so we will not separate for the time being. Okay? But—”

I couldn't see Song Cheng's expression clearly in my blurred vision, but I could only see the light cast from above his head. Because of his deep facial features, there was a deep and unpredictable shadow.

"——I hope you correct some shortcomings, and also so that the situation that makes me sad today will no longer appear in the future. Are you willing?"

If there is a God in this world, then he must have heard my prayer.

Hit by the happiness of being reborn, I nodded heavily.