[hp doujin] the way home

In the autumn of [-], the autumn rain outside the window continued to fall.The owner of the room was sitting obliquely at the table in front of the window, and the few balls of paper thrown by his feet revealed his restlessness.

After not writing for a long time, a drop of dark blue ink fell down the tip of the pen onto the letter paper, blurring a mass of ink stains with the sound of rain.The black-haired boy stared blankly at the ever-expanding ink blot, his gray eyes lost all expression.His black curly hair was unkempt and unkempt.Two thick dark circles are very obvious on the fair face, even the shirt is wrinkled.

There was a muffled thunder.He straightened up subconsciously, like a startled cat.Seeing the stained letter paper, he frowned, as if scolding the pen nib for missing ink.Instead of using his wand to blot away the ink stain, he grabbed the letter with his slender hands and threw it on the ground in a ball.The ball of paper rolled in a circle and stopped, and one corner happened to reveal the crest of the "Forever Pure" family.

Hesitating long enough.Regulus Black reached out to the flaming whiskey at the corner of the table, took a sip of the wine, and wrote with a pen:

"Good afternoon, Mr. Black."

Regulus stared at the title, and laughed lightly.No, this is too ridiculous, really too ridiculous... Who would have thought that the last letter of the Death Eater Black was actually going to be sent to his deviant brother?

Not Sirius, dear Sirius, but "Mr. Black."

Regulus laughed at himself and satisfied, took another sip of his wine, raised his sleeve and wiped his mouth in an imageless manner, and continued to write:

"I think you must know who I am."

Yeah yeah, who is he?How could anything escape the peerless genius Sirius Black?Ha, can't he guess?There was a malicious gleam in Regulus' eyes.If Sirius was here, there was no doubt that they would have had a fight.But Regulus didn't care, he didn't care if Sirius would have a leg broken by him, and he didn't care if he would be killed by a spell from the other party.

What's more, it sounds good, maybe his brother who claims to be righteous will feel guilty for it for the rest of his life.Regulus didn't care at all whether Sirius would be crushed by the guilt in his heart, even if he was determined to end the prison of Azkaban because of this for the rest of his life, Regulus would not contribute a little sympathy.

Want Regulus to sympathize with Sirius, wait for the next life.Thinking of this, Regulus grabbed a pen and wrote triumphantly:

"I've come to say goodbye to you."

It's fantastic, it's a blast.This may be the most outstanding sentence Regulus has written this year, even more beautiful than his near-perfect test paper.Regulus almost wanted to kiss his quill and dance with her.

Sirius has always been one step ahead of Regulus: he was born first, went to Hogwarts first, took flying lessons first, got the girls attention first, made himself notorious first, left home first, Graduate first, enter the battlefield first.Finally, Regulus had one thing ahead of Sirius—say goodbye first, leave first.

No, don't use such a serious and ugly word as "death", and don't want to be so sensational as "farewell".Only a little girl would cry to death for parting, and that would only highlight the cheapness of tears... flooding, cheapness, sincerity, none of which had anything to do with the current Regulus.

He's just leaving, that's all.

"I hope you're not clapping your hands with your friends right now, although I think there's a good chance you are."

Regulus had no doubts about this, he had never counted on the poor relationship between him and Sirius.Yes, they were good, and they had good times, but it was worn away by both of them a little bit, consciously or not.

For Regulus, it was the endless pranks, the quarrel between Sirius and Walburga louder than once, the torn newspaper clippings in the room and the back view of him resolutely leaving; , that must have been Regulus admitting to him that he was already a Death Eater.

Regulus and Sirius have had a dog-tooth history of fighting for so many years, and even Regulus himself can't say that he is completely wrong.But knowing it is one thing, being willing to admit it is another.He would never admit it in his life, let alone to Sirius.In his view, that represented a concession.

Back down, a word that does not exist in the relationship between the Black brothers.Regulus had no intention of spending two parchments of indictment (though he thought he could write a series of books on it), so he concentrated and went on:

"But it doesn't matter. I just hope you will be patient enough to read this letter to the end. It won't be too long."

It won't be too long... No one wants to go into a lengthy argument to justify their mistakes in order to leave others with a tool to attack them, not even Dumbledore, even if he is about to throw his life away.Regulus twitched the corners of his mouth, feeling that he had already taken the first step of "being a good person".That's better than a lot of people, he thought.This proves that he is different from them.Oh, what a blessing in misfortune.

"I'm leaving, don't try to find me, you won't find it. This is the path I chose, and it has nothing to do with others. I have turned my back on the wrong path, and I have to pay for it."

He wrote this little paragraph carefully and calmly.Yes, he didn't say anything, and no one could find a clue from it.In fact, he should have said nothing and left quietly, but he desperately wanted to leave something behind.

How many more years will the traces he left in this world be completely erased?How terrible it sounds to choose to leave, with all traces erased, as if you have never been in this world.For the first time, he was touched by that insignificant decision.He gently placed his left hand on the heart, and was absent-minded for a moment.

He is still sitting here alive: the young heart is beating powerfully, the warm blood is rushing through the blood vessels, and the shiny skin tissue is perfectly insulated from the outside world.He still has keen senses: the light falls on the retina, and the colorful images are accepted by the nerves; the eardrum vibrates, and the subtle sound of rain outside the window is caught; he sniffs his nose lightly, and as expected, he smells the smell of his favorite ink.Why, will this living entity, everything that can be called a miracle, be wiped out and forgotten by everyone one day?

It would, said a voice of reason wearily, and it wouldn't take long.He knows, doesn't he?A spell, a green light, life was taken away; a few hasty forgetting spells, everything returned to normal track, and the flow of people on the street continued to flow the next day.

He has witnessed it with his own eyes, why is it so difficult for him?No, that's not the same after all...

His hand unknowingly grabbed the cloth, and the cold fear seeped into Regulus' skin little by little, forcing him to want to leave something behind.It's not for leaving a name in history or leaving a bad name forever, this is just a very simple and very personal wish.He doesn't need to prove himself to the world, nor does he need everyone to remember him.What did those who did not know him say and do, and what did it matter to him?

His world is very small, so small that there are only a few people.To be remembered by one of them is equivalent to getting the whole world.He could tell Sirius, because he had been identified as a traitor; but not his parents.Ahh, this is really sad.Maybe this sheds some light.

"Even though I know it's unlikely, I'll say, I hope you'll come home and see. I think Momma's going to be very sad these days."

Regulus wrote a sentence like a routine, that's what he should do.He stared at the "Mom" he wrote, trying to find some emotional fluctuations to persuade himself to change his decision, but his heart was empty and peaceful.There's nothing there but blood that continues to make him a walking dead man.

Weak people take the heart too seriously. In fact, it is only responsible for beating mechanically, and it cannot carry such deep feelings.Walburga spent 18 years turning Regulus into a machine for her family's glory, and she succeeded.

The Black family was about to lose its male heir, and Regulus didn't feel bad about it at all, even if it was him.Since the beginning is doomed to end, and since everything now is doomed to be forgotten at some point in the future, then he just moved it a little earlier, so why should he feel guilty?

Anyway, one hole and one death is better than two holes.If he also "reduced" to the point of being expelled, Walburga might really go crazy.She will probably stick herself to the wall before she dies, so that Black's old house will not be peaceful all day long.Very well, or it would be a lifeless tomb of the former glory of a group of self-important people.

Regulus found a new excuse for his choice: in order to maintain the honor of the family, and to maintain the "eternal purity" of the family.How decent and beautiful, Walburga must be proud of her for raising such a good son—as she wished, he would think about her family until his death.

Of course, Sirius wouldn't be visiting.Although the people of the Order of the Phoenix are stupid, they are not stupid enough to show up in the dark wizard's lair.Regulus just wanted to write this, and he didn't want to consider the feelings of the recipient.Why should he write a bunch of words that make him feel comfortable?

Hell, Sirius never showed mercy to him.

"Thinking of throwing this letter away? I know you're not going back, and it's better. Because it's only going to backfire if you go back. I feel more and more that it was a mistake for you to be born Black."

Wrong, downright wrong.Regulus wanted to kill Sirius in the womb if possible.It's a real shame they weren't twins, because Regulus knew what a better place for Sirius to be.

He should have gone to the Potters to be the second son of the Potters (and, in fact, he did).Just because they crawled out of a mother's belly to conclude that they are brothers who want to unite and love is too rash, really.He'd wager that Sirius would have dreamed of throwing his blood brother away, preferably by drowning him in the water.Because, as it happened, he wanted to do that too.

"At this point, I want to say, I gotta say—Sirius, you're a—"

Regulus stared at this half of the sentence for a while, restraining the urge to write "bastard", "traitor" and "rebel" in his heart.Those beautiful words all come from their learned mother, Mrs. Walburga.In retaliation, what had Sirius said?Regulus didn't want to think about it, because as a Black he should be ashamed of it, should be.But the alcohol has sapped his grip on his thoughts, and his instincts crave a humiliation...an adventure.

What did Sirius say?He tried to remember his ugly face.

"Old hag." Regulus spat the word, and a wave of dizziness hit him.For Regulus, who broke the taboo for the first time, the stimulus of disrespect to the elders was far stronger than alcohol.The claws that had been forced to hide came out, tearing off the false coat that belonged to "Reculus Black".He rejoiced at this, flapping the free and fresh air with his thin wings that he had never used... But he forgot that he had been domesticated for too long, and he would lose himself when he broke free from the shackles.

Who is Regulus Black?who is he?His head was stuck on this question for half a second, and then he found the standard answer——

He is the son of Orion and Walburga Black, a graduate of Slytherin House, a former Seeker, and now a Death Eater.He once swore to be loyal to the Dark Lord forever, but halfway found that it was a dead end for him; he discovered the secret of Horcruxes, but cowardly planned to take this secret to an early grave.

By the way, he also has a brother who is sixteen months older than him, Sirius Black.That damn thing was brighter than him even in the sky, and Regulus had hated that.

It didn't take Regulus to imagine how embarrassing Mr. Sirius Black, the bright favorite of Gryffindor, would be to have a brother who was a pure-blooded Slytheringa Death Eater.The occasional scornful look Sirius gave him once in a while said it all, and he damned cared about it.

"Yes, he hates me," Regulus said, throwing down the quill, feeling that the letter had become obnoxious. "He hates me because I'm a Death Eater." He sat quietly at the table , Feeling the countless long-suppressed resentment and jealousy biting each other in the body, the body trembled because of it... It should be a circular arena, the beasts rushed out of the cage roaring, and the cheers of the audience poured in overwhelmingly.They yearn for blood, screams, and death. The cruelty on the field is just an extension of the sanctimonious humanity outside the field.Come on, we need a winner, we need a winner to sway his mind!

Anger overwhelms the cowardly, resentment kills warm memories, unwillingness to show sharp teeth at the weak and kind... The good are too weak, and only the evil can stand in the end!

No, that's not the case.Regulus grabbed his hair roughly, hoping to let those ridiculous thoughts pour out.The pain in the scalp awakened a little sanity—right, cold, painful sanity.He loathes it, needs it, dreads it.He knew that he was just drinking poison to quench his thirst...

The audience was silent, and everyone held their breath.The warrior named "Sense" subdued all the beasts, put a sharp dagger on his neck, and forced him to dig out the truth buried in his heart.

"Actually, it's not him who hates me." He was forced to admit.Blood oozed out, and the beasts all around stared at him covetously, and might pounce on him and bite his neck off at any moment.Reason saved his life, but it will also take away everything he is proud of in another form...

"The person who hates me is myself...I'm afraid of being rejected." Regulus said these words with difficulty in his heart.

This, he knew, was the desperate truth, and this was what he was running from.

He is afraid of being rejected, avoiding even one out of ten thousand possible harm.He hesitated, and at the same time hated such a cowardly self, so he longed for a break.

The truth is often unpleasant.Regulus is used to avoiding, Sirius is good at pulling all the people around him to face bravely.They really are a match made in heaven.

Regulus opened his eyes.The phantom disappeared, and the icy autumn rain beat on the window panes, washing away the remaining fanatical breath of life-and-death struggle.Other than that, the world is so quiet and confused.How strange, the world inside and outside the body is so divided, the skin is so great.

He wiped his face, not sure if it was sweat or tears.After a life-and-death struggle, his heart found a weary peace.He let out a breath slowly, leaned back on the chair, and reached for the quill that had been thrown aside.

The tip of the pen slowly slid across the paper, the letters formed words, and the words joined together to form a complete sentence.Humans call this writing.So simple, so amazing...he couldn't help but wonder, could they really say what he meant?Are they really willing to be his faithful servants, driven by him?

Regulus stared blankly at his work, slowly pondering the taste.He thought he might be crazy.

"I hate you. But I'm proud of you."

Why would he be so proud of that bastard who ran away from home?The anger built up involuntarily, and it had done it a hundred times—for the newspaper clippings that were torn across the room, for the dead frog that suddenly appeared in Walburga's quilt, for his leaving without saying goodbye.Also, he didn't just "hate" him, but "hate".He wished he could use him as a teaching tool for practicing the Unforgivable Curse, and then dragged him into the bottom of the lake, and kicked his face that deserved to be punched before he died—no, two kicks.

But there seemed to be some kind of magic in that line that kept it from being altered.Regulus cursed loudly in his heart, the mobile phone holding the pen alertly detected the dissatisfaction in advance, reacted quickly, and covered the wet ink.It's okay, it can be adjusted with a spell, a voice immediately reassured.

He suppressed the irritability in his heart, otherwise he might tear this disgusting letter to pieces immediately.Leave something in this world... He laughed hard at himself an hour ago in his heart, trampled that childish thought under his feet, and crushed it into powder.

No, he had nothing more to say to his nasty brother.The fact that he didn't throw the letter away just because he didn't want to write another one doesn't mean he likes that guy, let alone give in, he growled viciously in his heart.

"It's time to say goodbye, Sirius. My time is precious, and I have nothing left to waste. Please remember, I chose this path myself."

"Maybe it's a long time from now. But I hope you'll say the same thing to me someday."

"Goodbye, Sirius."

It is illegible and has no signature.Regulus was going to make Sirius suffer for it.Ha, who told him to throw his summer homework into the waste paper?This is belated revenge, and he deserves it.He folded the parchment, grabbed his wand, closed his eyes and cast a few protective spells, then randomly stuffed it into the envelope, having trouble writing the envelope.

Can't owl this letter, and better not get involved with the owl post...that's the last thing he can do for them.Regulus looked out the window wearily, and suddenly had an inspiration.He gripped the Flamewhiskey bottle hard like a cat smelling fish.

He saw a Muggle "post box" in the square.Using Muggle contact information is seriously inconsistent with the status of the heir of the Black family, but Regulus enjoys the pleasure of humiliating himself.

In just a second, Regulus came to the square outside.He could cast himself an invulnerability spell, but he didn't choose to do that, preferring to enjoy the pleasure of indulgence.He took out a letter with the Flying Charm, and copied a string of stamps with the Duplication Charm and pasted it on the envelope.

On the margin of the envelope it read: Remus Lupine, please pass on to Sirius Black.

Thanks to his status as a Death Eater, Regulus knew where the poor Lupine was recently.He took a job in a Muggle bookstore, working part-time there.Bellatrix tried to kill him, but Lucius insisted they cast long lines and catch big fish.I don't want this to be convenient for Regulus who wants to steal.

Regulus took the last sip of his drink and noticed that there was still a string of numbers written on the standard Muggle envelope... what was that?Muggles have come up with so many weird ideas to live a normal life without magic... Don't they feel tired living?If Regulus had been born a Muggle, he would have been butted to death as a newborn.

Regulus had to change his plan.He dropped the bottle, and the randomly selected Muggle letter fell into the puddle, and he didn't bother to pick it up and stuff it back.It was probably the closest that poor Muggle got to magic in his life... what a pity.

Apparition, Apparation, Drying, Transfiguration.Regulus spent a few minutes dressing himself as a Muggle and swaggering into the bookshop.

He was the only customer in the bookstore, so quiet that one could hear a needle drop on the ground.Books brought Regulus a strange sense of peace, even though he had no idea what they were about.

He saw Remus Lupine.With his back turned to him, Lupine was arranging the bookshelves.This is a good opportunity, and he can just take this opportunity to put the letter on his table openly.Regulus walked around the corner in a relaxed manner, and saw the person sitting next to Lupin, his body froze uncontrollably, and the blood in his whole body was congealed.

Why didn't the Death Eater report add "Sirius Black is here"?A surprise surprise for a condemned inmate?Thanks, but he doesn't need it.Damn, Regulus' lungs were going to explode.

Sirius Black looked up and saw someone glaring at him with hellish eyes.He first checked whether he was dressed properly, and then smelled the pungent smell of fire whiskey.

Something is wrong.He drew his wand quickly, and cast a Impeding spell, Body Binding spell, and Anti-Apparition spell before the man turned and fled.The power of the spell was too strong, and the precarious bookshelf next to it shook a few times and collapsed.

Regulus had envisioned many ways to die for himself, none of which would include being crushed to death by a Muggle dictionary.By the time he was awakened by the spell, he had already been unmasked, his wand removed, and fixed to a chair by the spell.He didn't want to open his eyes, but someone poked him in the neck with a wand without knowing it.

"Stop pretending. I know you're awake." Sirius' voice.What else can he do besides messing with him at this time?

Regulus opened his eyes.Things are out of his control, he should feel at a loss, even anxious.But he was so exhausted that he just wanted to resign himself to fate.

This was not the bookstore just now, it looked like a living room, maybe it was Sirius' kennel, but Regulus didn't want to get into it.

"What's this?" Sirius put the letter in front of Regulus' eyes, "You put the stamp on it? Too bad." He sarcastically said mercilessly.This was his style, and Regulus would never be able to adapt.

"To me?" he asked again, but Regulus didn't bother to answer him.Sirius glanced up and down his attire and grinned.

"Since when did your taste become so bad?"

"Shut up!" Regulus looked up at Sirius gloomily, "Black, you will die if you dare to open it." He threatened.

His words and deeds betrayed him.Sirius raised his eyebrows slightly, and tore open the letter neatly, Regulus' face suddenly turned pale.Sirius picked up a corner of the blank parchment and eyed it suspiciously.

"It seems that after you joined the Death Eaters, your IQ and taste are outrageously poor," he said jokingly.

"Give it to me," Regulus struggled fiercely, "give it back to me!"

What did he write in the letter?The effect of the alcohol gradually faded, and every word written on that letter paper seemed to be engraved in Regulus' brain, and countless needles pricked him densely, reminding him of the stupid things he had written.

"I turned my back on the wrong path, and I have to pay for it."

"I feel more and more that you made a mistake in being Black."

"I hate you. But I'm so proud of you... I hope someday you'll say the same thing to me."

His deepest thoughts, his most secret wounds, his last extravagant hope-will be torn apart in this way?No.As long as he has a conscience, as long as he is a human being—

Regulus watched in desperation as Sirius pointed his wand at the parchment, as if he knew just what to do. "I'm Sirius—I'm Sirius Black."

It's all over.

Regulus lowered his head, closed his eyes, and made the last useless escape... What Sirius was doing was no different from stripping him naked in public.He didn't have to think about what he would say, what he would do.Sirius really doesn't have much credit in Regulus.

Not all the grievances are hidden behind the drifting away. It was just a small detail at the beginning, and then it accumulated over time, and the water dripped through the stone.

Sirius used to ask Regulus for pocket money every month, Sirius once asked Regulus to help him write his summer homework on the history of magic, Sirius once asked Regulus to help him hide the fire whiskey... To be honest, it was very difficult for Regulus to have a good impression of Sirius, he had long since lost the courage to trust him; and Sirius used this as an excuse to laugh loudly at his cowardice.

Now, this vicious circle game is about to start again, isn't it?Regulus was heartbroken.The only thing that comforted him was that the letter burned himself after showing all the handwriting, which was very similar to what he wanted to do, very similar to...

Sirius stood there dumbfounded, the flames of the letter paper still burning on his retinas.The handwriting that just slipped lightly on the letter paper carved into his heart with great force, making his soul tremble together in the silent and confused night.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Black. I think you know who I am. I've come to say goodbye to you. I hope you're not applauding your friends now, though I think it's quite possible that you are. But it's all It's not important. I just hope you can read this letter patiently. It won't be too long.

"I'm leaving, don't try to find me, you won't find it. This is the path I chose, and it has nothing to do with others. I have turned my back on the wrong path, and I have to pay for it.

"Even though I know it's unlikely, I'm going to say, I hope you'll come home and see. I think mum's going to be very sad these days.

"Thinking of throwing this letter away? I know you're not going back, and it's better. Because it's only counterproductive if you go back. I feel more and more that you made a mistake in being Black."

"At this point, I want to say, I gotta say—Sirius, you're a—I hate you. And yet I'm proud of you.

"It's time to say goodbye, Sirius. My time is precious, and I have no more to waste. Please remember, this path is my own choice. Maybe it will be a long time ago. But I hope One day, you'll say the same thing to me.

"Goodbye, Sirius."

He said he was proud of him... Sirius wanted to laugh a little, but the sore tip of his nose made him realize that wasn't his intention.Finally, is that persistent and stupid Regulus going to wake up?Although he couldn't believe it, it was so good... Sirius felt that the boulder that had been hanging in his heart for more than a year finally fell to the ground.

In countless nightmares in the past, their wands had faced each other.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked with a smile.

Finally, is he going to judge him?Regulus hated this.He wanted to break free immediately and go to the cave by the sea, to the tragic ending he had chosen for himself.He would rather die at once, so he closed his eyes and did not answer.

Sirius crouched down to meet him at eye level. "Where are you going, Reggie?" he asked with rare patience.

Hearing that distant address, Regulus suddenly opened his eyes.

"It's disgusting that you call me that," Regulus said with exaggerated malice. "Is the Order of the Phoenix a nursery?" He gave a wry smile.

Regulus was not a puppet to be manipulated, and he refused to join Sirius in a Brother Christine sitcom.Realizing this, Sirius stood up.In Regulus' eyes, all he got was a sneer. Hurting Sirius was the only thing that could bring him happiness now...or think he was hurting himself.

"The Order of the Phoenix is ​​dedicated to dealing with dark wizards. If you're not one of them, we don't need to be enemies." Sirius said calmly, and Regulus wondered how long he could maintain such calmness.

"I'm a Death Eater, you already knew that," Regulus pointed out ruthlessly, "Why, do you expect me to change?"

"Then what's going on—"

"What was written on it?" Regulus interrupted him coldly, making up his mind not to admit it, "You are so easily deceived, aren't you?"

The colorful soap bubbles that Sirius managed to form were burst.Regulus saw with satisfaction that his words seemed to take the light from Sirius' eyes.Clutching the envelope in his hand, Sirius staggered back half a step.He earned it by being able to see this scene before he died.

Suddenly, Sirius stepped forward, grabbed Regulus by the hair with one hand, and poked his wand around his neck with the other.That's right, this is the plot that suits them.

"Say, your purpose." He hated deceit and betrayal, so he said through gritted teeth.

Regulus could feel that he was about to be irritated.He had never imagined that he would have the ability to irritate Sirius so effortlessly.Very well, he didn't mind lighting another fire at all.

"Kill you." Regulus said softly, meeting his brother's gaze not to be outdone.He looked into his angry gray eyes, smiled unexpectedly, and had a sudden desire to continue making up nonsense.

"By killing you, I can prove my loyalty, and I can become the most trusted person of the Dark Lord! I can bring the supreme glory to the Black family—"

"I don't believe it!" Sirius shouted at him, breathing in his face, "I can't believe you're—"

"Sirius Black and his blind trust. You're killing your friends like this, you know?"

"You are my younger brother!" The words popped out of Sirius' mouth, and both of them were taken aback.Regulus refused to admit that he was touched, he needed words to prove it.

"So what, Blake? It didn't stop you from walking away from home without a word, and it didn't stop you from poking me with a wand like a criminal now! If you were my brother, you were the world The worst one ever!"

"Where do you think you can get better?" Sirius retorted, snorting through his nose, "A troublesome person who can only cry. Cowardly, cowardly, only obedient. Stupidly working for Voldemort, waiting to regret it It's too late. You're the stupidest person I've ever met in my life."

Regulus ignored the wand pointed at his neck.He gathered enough strength, and bumped his forehead forward suddenly.Sirius absolutely didn't expect it, staggered backwards, almost fell down.Before that, Regulus' neck was almost broken.He coughed violently, his vision blurred by tears.

Sirius folded his arms as he steadied himself, looking down at him.He could solve his predicament with an "Ankexiao", but he didn't.Regulus couldn't hold back his tears, almost overwhelmed by shame.His hands were tied, and there was no way to wipe away the tears, or even to keep him from seeing them.He was always like this, proudly watching him make a fool of himself, and taking pleasure in it.Regulus had had enough of this humiliation.

"You're crying." Sirius was damn honest.Regulus lowered his head, knowing how terrible this look was. "A troublemaker who can only cry" - the great and wise Sirius Black guessed it right for the ten thousandth time.He was really stupid, and he did regret it.

Like so many times before, Sirius always found his weakness immediately, and all the words he said just turned into sharp knives and drove into him...he always did.

No, he was going to die soon... This seemed to be the last straw.He was going to die and he didn't care.

Regulus closed his eyes, numbly feeling two lines of tears flowing down his cheeks, and his tense body relaxed.He gave up, just fell like this...

"Go away," he said softly.

Needless to say, the truth has been revealed.

What he should have realized...he'd never be able to beat Sirius, he was just testing.He also naively thought he could control his emotions.He was right, he was as stupid as hell.Frustration, anger, pain, and useless emotions filled this body, making the stubborn soul inside want to leave even more.

Regulus couldn't see the way forward or the way back. He felt deeply tired.This fatigue comes from his suppressed nature for 18 years, from his discarded self, from his mother Walburga who puts family glory first, and from his elder brother Sirius who is always superior but does not know how to restrain himself.It seemed that sinking was his only option.Death is so tempting.

Sirius moved a chair and sat beside him in silence.What happened in just a few hours was more complicated than what happened in the past ten years, and he also needed time to sort it out.

"I admit that I am