burial

Su An's life stopped when he couldn't see any hope.

Yelling, Chu Zhi'an rushed forward recklessly and wanted to jump down, but the police rushed over and hugged him in time, not even touching a piece of his clothes.

He watched Su An fall further and further away from him.He stretched out his hand weakly, and in his blurred vision, the corners of Su An's mouth rose slightly, and then turned bright red.

"I'm sorry, Chu Zhi'an, I love you, you want to live."

These were the last words Su An left for him.

Gentle to cruel.

For a long time afterwards, Chu Zhi'an thought over and over again, in fact, something was wrong with Su An for a long time, always relying too much on him, why, why didn't he ask.

At that time, he was cut off from his source of income, and without telling Su An, he was making extra money every day by making software, so he was so busy that he knew little about what was wrong with him, and he didn't even think about it.

Regret and pain tortured Chu Zhi'an all the time.

Unfortunately, there is no regret medicine in the world.

Su's mother collapsed on the spot and was taken to the hospital.Chu Zhian sat on the chair outside the ward with a pale face, opening and closing his eyes was the last scene on the rooftop.Strong emotions hit him like Mount Tai, his hands and feet were numb, his heart was suffocating, as if a sharp knife had pierced into his heart, and his internal organs were ruptured.

After calming down in the ward, Mother Su covered her eyes with her trembling hands. After a long time, she slowly moved away. It seemed that the whole spring, summer, autumn and winter had passed in a second.

She said hoarsely: "Our son..." Before she finished speaking, a stream of tears overflowed from her eyes and kept falling down.

Father Su sat on the edge of the bed, his stiff back suddenly hunched, his eyes were red, his hands clenched into fists by his side, and then loosened weakly.

"I'm his mother. I didn't even know that his condition was so serious. We should have found out that something was wrong when he knocked blood on the ground... Always skipping meals, saying that he has no appetite, darling Staying in the air-conditioned room in summer and wearing long sleeves is to cover the knife on the arm... But we knew to blame him at that time, scolded him, felt that he was dying for a man, and said he was ashamed... I still took it to death Threatening him..." Su's mother broke down and cried out, "He has been afraid of pain since he was a child, and every time he touches something, he has to let his mother brag about it...so many cuts...how can he do it...fall down When... how painful it must be..."

Father Su's tears slammed onto the quilt in front of him. The father who had been strict for most of his life bowed deeply at this moment, crying silently.

"..." Chu Zhi'an's hand on the doorknob of the ward lost strength and fell down. He lowered his head, his face was bloodless.

Turning around, I saw my parents standing behind, my father's eyes were red, and my mother was still sobbing, so I should have heard the conversation in the ward.

Chu Zhi'an passed by them in silence, but was suddenly grabbed by his mother's arm, her fingertips were trembling, and her eyes were full of fear: "Where are you going?!"

"Go for a walk." He knew what his mother was afraid of, with a bit of bitterness in his smile, "I promise him, I want to live."

Mother Chu stared at him blankly, and slowly let go of her hand.

Until standing on the road, Chu Zhian's heart was filled with a sense of emptiness and unreality.He subconsciously stretched out his hand, but he took a handful of air. He always felt that there should be someone beside him, holding his hand affectionately, and crossing the road with him.

"Didi!" In a daze, the sound of the horn came along with the harsh sound of brakes. Under the glare of the lights, Chu Zhian looked at the rushing car, but he didn't even have the slightest desire to back away. There, I didn't think about anything, and calmly waited for the car to hit me.

"Be careful!" Suddenly, a strong force pulled his arm and dragged him to the side of the road, narrowly passing by the car. It was the policeman on the roof.

"You don't want to die?!" The policeman roared with red eyes, "Think about the consequences before doing anything! Young..."

Suddenly, his voice stopped abruptly: the young man in front of him burst into tears at some point, he shed tears silently, without any sound of crying, not even a sad expression, but it gave people a feeling of depression that was so sad that he was dying .

"Brother, remember to watch the traffic lights when crossing the road." Su An's voice suddenly rang in his ears.

Chu Zhian nodded and agreed: "Okay."

The policeman looked at him and said to himself, and let out a deep sigh: "Your parents were worried about you just now, and I happened to be dealing with things in the hospital, so please ask me to come and see you... You have to think about your parents , and his parents..."

Seeing that Chu Zhi'an didn't speak, the policeman said again: "My name is Chen Yang, and I have saved your life twice. If you need anything, come to me in the future." Chen Yang took out a piece of paper, wrote the number on it, and stuffed it into Chu Zhi'an's mouth. Ann's pocket.

Chu Zhian was silent, not sure if he listened, numb like a walking dead, turned and walked towards the hospital.

Su An's body was sent to be cremated, and no one wanted him to be buried in such a tragic state.

On the day of cremation, Chu Zhi'an went to Su's house and knelt down in front of Su's father and Su's mother, kowtowed heavily, and begged them to hand over Su'an's ashes to him.

Su's father didn't speak, and Su's mother wept silently holding the urn.Feeling guilty about their son doesn't mean they accepted the matter and the relationship between them.

"Why? Don't let him go to the ground for your own selfishness?" Father Su opened his mouth, his eyes sharp and his tone compelling.

Chu Zhi'an looked at the urn and said: "An'an likes bright places, he doesn't like darkness, he will be unhappy if he is buried underground."

Hearing this sentence, Su's mother burst into tears, but Su's father was silent. He originally wanted to ask, would he be happy if it was given to you?But I don't know what I thought of, and I didn't ask in the end.

That day Chu Zhi'an got his wish and returned home with his beloved boy in his arms.

On the day of Su An's funeral, Chu Zhi'an didn't shed a single tear. Chu's father and Chu's mother watched him nervously the whole time. He was too silent, nothing unusual, and his silence made people panic.

It's like a refurbished old machine with a complete outer skin, but the inside has long since fallen apart.

Only Su An's clothes were buried in the cemetery, and after the noisy and crying, only Chu Zhi'an was left here.

He sat down with his back against the tombstone, bent one long leg, and looked up at the sky: "You like sunny days the most, look how good the sun is today..."

"I used to hear people say that when people are extremely sad, they don't have tears. I thought it was unreasonable at the time, but now I finally understand... Even though it hurts so much that I can't breathe, my eyes are so dry that I can't even shed a single tear."

He made an analogy: "It hurts more than my dad hitting me with a stick... An An, do you blame my brother for not coming out to find you earlier, or blame my brother for replying to your text message..." Chu Zhi'an took care of himself He explained: "I didn't send it, you must have guessed it, I said, I will not give in to this matter... I was sleeping at the time, and your Aunt Chu took my mobile phone and sent it ..."

At that time, Chu Zhian did not dodge the glass thrown by Chu's father. His forehead was smashed with blood, and his back was covered with scars. He was dizzy for a while and passed out. Ready to go abroad.

"That's because I went too late. If you had waited for me for half a day, no, an hour, I would have gone to your house and taken you away..." After thinking about it, Chu Zhian shook his head again, "No, blame me, no I should choose to jump out of the window in the airport toilet, even if I jump out of the car halfway, I can still go out before you, right..."

"It hurts." Chu Zhian looked at his arm, there were shocking knife marks under the fabric, "I tried it the day before yesterday... You said you were so afraid of pain, how could you do it... You must have been very scared at that time Well, I'm not by your side yet, when you're scared, do you keep thinking why Chu Zhian, that big bastard, isn't here..."

"...you asked me what I like about you before, but I didn't answer at that time, because I didn't know myself... It's as if I was born to meet you, and I met you to love you. Before I fell in love with you, my life From nothing important to what must be done, after falling in love with you, I can't find anything more important than loving you..."

"When I was young, I only played with you not because of the good relationship between the two families, but because I thought it was interesting for you to greet me on the surface and make faces when you turned around...Stupid, you must not know that I saw it all... In the third year of junior high school, I found out that I liked you, and I was very scared. As for me, I have never been afraid since I was a child, but that time I was so scared that I couldn’t sleep well for a few days... I was afraid that you would feel sick, and I was afraid of myself I can't help but provoke you, I'm afraid you will stay away from me after you know..."

As if thinking of something, Chu Zhian raised the corners of his mouth: "It turned out that you also secretly liked me, but it was too late. You said you were stupid, I was so nice to someone since I was a child, and I didn't like who you liked, not to mention Your acting skills are so poor, you put all your thoughts on your face... So I took the initiative to attack, we are in love with each other, it's not like I'm bullying you..."

He remembered the kiss that was secretly printed on Su An's cheek while Su An was asleep during tutoring in the third year of junior high school. It was very light and almost felt nothing.But at that moment, his heart beat like a drum, and for the first time he knew what a heartbeat was like.

He regretted it, why he confessed, why he exposed, why he wanted to be together.If he hadn't dragged Su An off, none of this would have happened.But he found sadly that if he did it all over again, he would still do that, and he couldn't bear to give up any chance to be with Su An.

He is always too conceited, thinking that he can handle everything well, and that as long as Su An is around, he can handle no matter how difficult it is, but he forgets that accident or tomorrow, you never know which will come first.

Perhaps the sun was too harsh, and Chu Zhian's eyes were a little red. He sat up straight and looked at the smiling young man in the photo on the tombstone, and flicked his forehead with his fingers: "Still smiling, heartless little liar..."

"When we are 80 years old, we will become bad old men and stick together every day." Su An's words echoed in his ears through time and space.

"Liar..." Chu Zhian rubbed his photo with red eyes, gritted his teeth and choked up: "You lied to me again..."

The only answer was silence, and he leaned back against the tombstone, one hand over his eyes.

He was silent for a while, his voice was low and hoarse, and he seemed to be crying and laughing: "You said you want me to live, but when you think about the long decades to come without you..."

"It's only the first year, and I can hardly hold on anymore..."

……