Unforgivable

When Shi Zhiyuan arrived at the hospital, Nan Che was standing in front of the operating room.

The two of them stared at each other for a while, and neither of them spoke. This was the first time they met after five years. Nan Che saw him wearing a suit, and found that the experience of the past few years had made him mature a lot from the inside to the outside. .

The light in the operating room was still on, Shi Zhiyuan took a look and turned to leave.

"Wait!" Nan Che looked at him and said in disbelief, "...you don't even know if he's out of danger, are you so ruthless?"

Shi Zhiyuan looked towards the end of the corridor: "Whether he lives or dies has nothing to do with me."

"Don't forget why he was injured." Nan Che clenched his fingers tightly, "Although I don't know who Ding Yu is, you must know."

"He beat someone to the hospital last time, is it surprising that someone came back this time?" Shi Zhiyuan laughed, "Nan Che, you are so worried about him, so please take good care of him, don't let him come to me all the time. "

"Shi Zhiyuan!" Nan Che couldn't understand how a person could be so indifferent to his younger brother. "He has suffered a lot in the past few years, but he has never suffered such a serious injury... the His body was covered in blood at the time, I won’t stop you if you want to leave, it’s okay when he wakes up, right?”

He didn't know which sentence he heard, Shi Zhiyuan frowned slightly, at the same time there was a voice from behind the door, he heard the doctor say that the patient is fine and out of danger.

Shi Zhiyuan rubbed his eyebrows, leaned against the wall, and watched Nan Shu being transferred to the ward.

Nanshu who is asleep is very quiet, he will not call his brother, nor will he pester him.His face was bruised, and his arms were not spared, but the most frightening place was his chest, where dozens of stitches had just been stitched up.

Ding Yu's revenge was ruthless.

Nan Che stood aside and fell into deep self-blame: "Blame me, I shouldn't have told him how to make porridge. He had an accident on the way to make porridge for you."

Shi Zhiyuan didn't understand, so he turned to look at him.

"He stayed at your house for one night when he was sick," Nanche said, "I gave him a porridge the next day, he thought it tasted good and nourished his stomach, and asked me how to make it, and he planned to go to Shili'an Villa to make it For you to eat."

Hearing Shili'an Villa, the light in Shi Zhiyuan's eyes froze slightly.

This villa is also under the name of his mother. It is located in a remote place in City A, close to the sea, and further east is the high mountain. When he was a child, Nan Shu would clamor to live here for a while every time he was on holiday. He had no choice but to let it go. he goes.Nan Shu will pull him to watch the stars in the night sky together, he will also prepare barbecue for Nan Shu on the rooftop, plant flowers in the backyard, and listen to him playing the piano on the first floor. bed.

In the past five years, he has forgotten this villa and everything that happened there with Nan Shu.

The ringing of the mobile phone brought Shi Zhiyuan back to his thoughts. Nan Che watched him go out to answer the phone, and reappeared at the door a minute later. He stopped there, as if he didn't intend to come in.

Nan Che frowned.

"I'm leaving."

"you……"

"His life is very hard, he won't just die like this." Shi Zhiyuan turned his back, "Wake up and can't see me, let alone die."

Seeing him leave, Nan Che felt powerless, and he had no reason to keep him.

It was a bit late when Shi Zhiyuan arrived at the hotel, Xu Ming saw him coming in, smiled and got up and walked to him, and introduced to the man sitting on the other side.

The man sitting in the center was very young and extremely handsome. He had already taken off his suit jacket, two dark green shirt buttons were unbuttoned, and his collarbone was looming.He didn't express his dissatisfaction with Shi Zhiyuan's late arrival, he just nodded slightly to signal him to sit down, they all brought their assistants, this dinner mainly focused on business talks naturally required wine, Xu Ming drank most of it for Shi Zhiyuan , he barely drank a drop in the second half.

The cooperation between the two parties was only a contract away, and the phone rang amid the noise, and the assistant handed it to the people around him: "Boss Ye."

Ye Xian didn't take a look, and said: "Hang up."

The assistant looked embarrassed: "It's your...sister."

The private room fell silent, Ye Xian took the phone, and everyone heard his tone changed from his previous calmness, with pampering, and finally said: "Okay, you wait at home, go back right away."

At the end of the show, Xu Ming and Shi Zhiyuan saw him get into the car, and the assistant said, "Tomorrow they will send someone to the company."

Xu Ming drank a little too much, his eyes were dim, and he smiled and said, "Interesting."

Shi Zhiyuan looked at him: "What?"

"I have raised a boy as my younger sister for ten years."

Outsiders don't know about family affairs, and no one will continue to talk about this topic.Xu Ming might be a little drunk, Zhiyuan approached slightly, with a lazy voice, said: "Are you full? Go home, I'll cook you something."

"No, I'm not hungry." Shi Zhiyuan said to the assistant beside him, "Please take him home, please."

Xu Ming grabbed him and said, "Where did you go just now?"

"I am busy."

Xu Ming asked: "What can make your face change like that after answering the phone?"

Shi Zhiyuan looked at him for a while, and he could see from his eyes that he already had an answer to this question.

He lowered his head and said, "Go back to sleep and have a good rest."

Xu Ming suddenly laughed, but his words were blunt: "You have changed a lot during this time."

The lights on the side of the road fell quietly, Shi Zhiyuan watched, and once again chose to solve the problem between him and Xu Ming with silence.Ever since Nan Shu left his house that day, there seemed to be an endless road between him and Xu Ming, because of his refusal to explain, and also because of Xu Ming's reticence to speak.

The relationship between him and Xu Ming has always been delicate, Shi Zhiyuan closed his eyes, feeling tired.

"Just leave me alone."

The direction of the car was not the way home. Shi Zhiyuan drove for half an hour, and finally stopped in front of a villa in Shili'an.

This villa is three stories high and magnificent, but it is not populated all the year round, and it is even darker at night. He remembers being scared every time he came to Nanshu when he was a child, and he would always be asked to go in and turn on the lights.

There was no change here, Shi Zhiyuan looked around and saw the piano covered in black flannel.

That year, Nan Shu signed up for the International Piano Competition. Because he needed a lot of practice, he didn’t want to disturb the neighbors around him, so he dragged him here. Sometimes he would just sleep here when it was too late, and he would go to the kitchen. Cook for Nanshu.

Everything is vivid in my mind, and the time is five years in a flash.

The back garden has long been deserted, only some weeds have emerged, and the ground is full of dust. Shi Zhiyuan sat here until late at night, resting with his eyes closed, when the piercing ringing of the bell woke him up.

The caller ID is still the same string of familiar numbers, it seems that Nan Shu has woken up.

The ringtone echoed in the silent surroundings, Shi Zhiyuan didn't answer it, and after hanging up automatically, a text message came over——

Brother, I miss you.

Not knowing what came to mind suddenly, Shi Zhiyuan frowned deeply, and the hand holding the phone trembled slightly.

He remembered that when he was a child, his mother took him to a relative's house, and promised to go back at noon, but who knew that it would take one day to go there. In the afternoon, Nan Shu started to call him frantically, and when he learned that he would not be able to go back for a while, he started making trouble and hung up. After the phone call, I sent dozens of text messages in succession, complaining every sentence, and finally lost the strength to make a fuss, and only sent one sentence...Brother, I miss you.

How did he do it?It seems to be taking a taxi home.

But now he has no choice but to choose to return to him immediately because of this sentence.

When the phone rang again, Shi Zhiyuan was in a state where he couldn't figure out anything. He pressed reject directly, and Nan Shu immediately sent: Come and see me...it doesn't matter if you only have one glance.

He didn't reply, and he was ready for the next text message, but Nan Shu actually calmed down, Shi Zhiyuan kept pressing the screen, and did not receive any more messages from him.

About half an hour later, the call came again, and he hesitated to press the connection button, but it was Nan Che's anxious voice: "Shi Zhiyuan, can you come to the hospital to see him? Only you can comfort him Emotions……"

Shi Zhiyuan heard the noise over there, and asked, "What's going on?"

"He didn't want to fetch water and wanted to run out to find you, and the wound opened again!" Nan Che said, "Seeing that you two have lived together for 13 years, you come to see him, it's considered..."

Nan Che couldn't find a suitable reason, so he stopped here and didn't go any further.Shi Zhiyuan stood up: "I see."

When he arrived at the hospital, Nan Shu was already in a deep sleep state, the wound on his chest was bandaged again with gauze, his whole face was pale, without any blood.

Nan Che sat on the sidelines, looked up and saw Shi Zhiyuan, and breathed a sigh of relief.

"I have no choice but to call you here."

He didn't speak, Nan Che followed his gaze and looked at Nan Shu on the hospital bed. He was silent for a while, thought twice, and said: "I know I don't have the identity to say these words, but he is also your brother, Shi Zhiyuan, You know."

Well, he knows.

"He didn't get any better during your painful days. He was in a bad state during that time, and I was afraid that he would hurt himself." Nan Che paused, "But I know he won't, because you still In this world."

"He always wanted to ask your forgiveness, even though..." Nan Che said, "Although I don't think he did anything wrong."

Nan Che looked at him: "I don't ask for anything else, I just want you to be less cruel to him, isn't that okay?"

Shi Zhiyuan lowered his eyes: "What's the point? Forgive or not... Whether it's right or wrong, I can't even accept him coming back to me."

All Nan Shu brought him was pain, and this pain would deepen again when he saw him. All the scenes in the past were turned into clouds and smoke. 13 years, a long but unattainable 13 years, became an insurmountable relationship between him and Nan Shu. Every time he thinks about it, he only has hatred in his chest, but that person is dead, who is he hating?

It didn't happen very suddenly. For a long time before the tragedy, his stepfather would beat him, drag his mother's head and hit him against the wall, but he would never touch Nanshu.

Nan Shu liked to cling to him since he was a child, and he had a big brother in his mouth. What did the little Nan Shu know?Is Nan Shu wrong?What's wrong?After all these years, he still has no answer.

That man has no other skills, he can only coax his mother around. He hates him for not stopping in time. He was too young to stop him at that time. He watched the little life Nan Shu grow up with his own eyes. Human blood, referring to this point alone, he will never be able to let go.

Nan Che went back to school, and Shi Zhiyuan stayed until midnight. He sat by the hospital bed and looked at the moonlight outside the window. The surrounding was so quiet that even the sound of dripping water could be clearly heard.

Nan Shu woke up this night, turned his head and saw Shi Zhiyuan, he blinked his eyes, afraid it was a dream.

He shouted: "Brother..."

Shi Zhiyuan was slightly taken aback, then turned to look at him.

The two looked at each other, unable to figure out the emotions in each other's eyes, Shi Zhiyuan looked away first: "Nan Che will come over in the morning, and I will leave then, Nan Shu, stop making trouble."

Nan Shu panted slightly, looked at him and smiled: "Brother, I just had a dream, a long dream."

He said: "In the dream, we all went back to when we were young. You sent me to kindergarten. I cried and refused to let you go. I couldn't bear to leave you for a second. I cried so sad because I saw you throw me away. hand."

"But you in the dream also loved me very much. I saw you looking back and looking at me distressedly. I was thinking...Will you run over and hug me and take me home? But it's a pity, you No." A tear fell from the corner of his eye, Nan Shu was not feeling well, and he stopped for a while when he was tired, "Tell me, wait until I come back after school to pick me up. That morning was so tormenting, I counted the time to pass , You really came after school."

"I ran to you, and you caught me firmly and said, let's go home." Nan Shu closed his eyes, frowning, "Although this incident didn't really happen, but you in the dream and the childhood Love me the same."

"We have lived for so long, why can't we grow up like we were when we were young?"

"Why do you leave me again and again..." His words were full of bitterness, and he said tremblingly, "Brother, why don't you want to take me home when you grow up?"

While talking, Shi Zhiyuan kept looking out the window, he didn't move and didn't respond.

It took him a long time before he opened his mouth and said, "Impossible."

Never again.

Nan Shu looked at his side face, letting tears fall from the bridge of his nose, his begging eyes gradually changed, became calm, dark, like the night.

"Brother." He closed his eyes and said, "Take me to Shili'an, okay? I learned yam porridge, and I want to make it for you..."

Shi Zhiyuan rolled his Adam's apple up and down, and said calmly: "And then? Can you stop pestering me?"

Looking at the light reflected from the ceiling, Nan Shu repeated expressionlessly: "...Brother, take me to Shili'an."

During the hospitalization, Shi Zhiyuan never came again. Nanche would bring three meals a day, which were basically the meals in Qingheng's cafeteria. Nutritious, Nan Shu doesn't know how much effort Nan Che put in.

Nan Shu leaned against the soft pillow and saw Nan Che cleaning up the dishes for him.

He lowered his head, opened his mouth, and finally just said, "Thank you."

His voice came so suddenly, Nan Che was stunned for a moment, then smiled: "Thank you, I hope you are healthy."

Nan Shu's eyes were fixed, looking at him without knowing what he was thinking.Nan Che sat next to him and said: "It's just that you haven't been doing well in class since the beginning of school, and I can't always ask you for leave. After you get out of the hospital this time, be more honest. You still have to recover from your injury for a few months, do you hear me? "

His voice was soft, his eyes were full of doting, Nan Shu suddenly smiled at him after listening.

Nan Che had rarely seen such a smile, so he froze there, and it took him a long time to come back to his senses.

It had been a week since the stitches were removed, and Nan Shu was about to go through the formalities and be discharged from the hospital after the removal, but Nan Che stopped him and blamed him for being ignorant.

It's just that those who wanted to run couldn't be stopped, so Nan Shu changed his clothes the next day and took a taxi directly to Shi Zhiyuan's community.He called Shi Zhiyuan, but was hung up by the other party.

He sent a text message: brother, I was discharged from the hospital.

Shi Zhiyuan would not take the initiative to ask him anything, Nan Shu sent another message: I am at your door.

Shi Zhiyuan seems to be very busy, he only replied in an hour: I am not in

Nan Shu stared at these three words for a long time.

During the hospitalization, he was very obedient, and he hadn't seen Shi Zhiyuan for ten days. During these ten days, he would send many messages every day, but Shi Zhiyuan didn't reply to any of them. Maybe they both remembered the agreement. After learning that he was discharged from the hospital, I still took care of him.

After the contract with Ye Xian was signed, the company has been busy all the time. These two days have been relatively free. After Shi Zhiyuan returned home, it was already evening. He saw Nan Shu sitting in front of his house. Rest, pale.

Shi Zhiyuan didn't call him, took out the key and said, "Another day."

"Brother, you promised me." Nan Shu looked up at him, "You promised that you would go with me when I was discharged from the hospital."

"Look at you like this, how dare I." Shi Zhiyuan looked at him condescendingly, his voice didn't fluctuate, "If something happens to you again, won't you just cause trouble for me?"

Nan Shu lowered his head and said in a muffled voice, "I'm fine."

Shi Zhiyuan didn't move, was silent for a long time, and sneered: "That's fine."

Half an hour later, Shi Zhiyuan drove him to Shili'an.

It was already dark when he arrived at the place, and Nan Shu followed him silently. When Shi Zhiyuan turned on the light, he had the opportunity to take a look at this place that he hadn’t been back to for five years. There was no change, no dust, just Even the piano is brand new.

The fingertips rest on the keys, making a dull sound. Nan Shu has not touched the piano for five years. At that time, he would practice every day and play music for Shi Zhiyuan. Now when he starts to play, even his fingers are stiff .

He stared at the keys without moving. Shi Zhiyuan sat on the sofa and took off his coat: "Hurry up, I'm very busy."

Nan Shu didn't move, and sat down in front of the piano. He played a piece casually trying to get back the feel, and turned his back to Shi Zhiyuan: "Brother, let me play a piece for you."

It is very difficult to play an amazing piece of music after not touching the piano for a year, not to mention that he hasn't touched it for five years. Nan Shu's fingers trembled a little. He closed his eyes and calmed down for a while before he began to press the keys.

It seemed that the rhythm was deliberately slowed down, the sound of the piano was slow and heavy, just after listening to the prelude, Shi Zhiyuan instantly remembered this piece... He hadn't listened to it for a long, long time.

He played this piano piece to Nan Shu at the beginning. He liked the way Nan Shu played the piano very much, and also liked the slightest emotion revealed from his fingertips. At that time, Nan Shu was innocent and carefree, playing the piano. The tone seems to be mixed with a calming soothing.This song is not in a cheerful style. I wonder if it is because they have all changed. It is obviously the same score, but it is not as good as it was when it was played.

The sound of the piano is like weeping and complaining, as if they are regretting, as if they are redeeming, as if they want to regain what they have lost. Their steps seem to follow the sound of the piano and return to the past. What happened here is played in front of them, so unreal , like a dream.

After the song ended, Nan Shu didn't move for a long time. He held his shaking hands and opened his red eyes. At that moment, his eyes were full of unwillingness, and when he looked back, he was covered by other emotions.

"Brother." He looked at Shi Zhiyuan and smiled softly, "Why don't you leave tonight?"

Shi Zhiyuan avoided his eyes when he turned around, and didn't look back after hearing this, but said sternly, "You're going to make an inch, don't you?"

"That's right. I used to be like this when I was young." Nan Shu's voice was very soft, his eyes were deep, "Brother, just take pity on me."

Shi Zhiyuan rubbed his eyes, took a deep breath, and finally turned his head to look at him after a few seconds: "Why should I promise you?"

"You are all here, is there any reason not to agree to me?" Nan Shu chose a way not to irritate him, and said, "Brother, are you tired? You go upstairs to rest first, and I will finish the cooking." I will call you for porridge."

Shi Zhiyuan stared into his eyes, and found that he was abnormally calm tonight, he couldn't figure it out, and he didn't bother to guess, so he gritted his teeth and said, "Remember what you promised me, don't appear in my presence after tonight. before."

A few days ago, he asked someone to clean the villa from the inside to the outside, even the sheets and bedding were newly changed, but now standing in this huge bedroom, he was always in a state of mind, and he couldn't calm down even sitting on the bed for a long time .After the emotion that surged up just now faded away, only weak limbs remained, Shi Zhiyuan felt tired and closed his eyes for a nap.

He really didn't have a good rest these days, and now he has fallen asleep on his side.

Even in his sleep, he couldn’t be at peace. Nanshu’s figure would always appear in front of his eyes, calling for his brother, begging him not to leave him. When they were separated, Nanshu held him very firmly. How can such a small body have such great strength, it seems that he will not let go.

In the end, he pushed him away heavily, pointed at him and said he didn't want him anymore.

Nan Shu cried with tears all over his face. He had a face that took advantage of him. Anyone who saw it would soften his heart, but only he knew that his younger brother looked cute, but he was actually a little devil.

A possessive, paranoid and unreasonable little devil.

The picture kept replaying, when the door of the house was opened, the corpse in the living room and the bright red blood on the ground were imprinted in the eyes again, Shi Zhiyuan's chest was suffocated, he woke up from the dream, breathing heavily.

There was only one night light turned on in the room, the whole room was dim, and outside the window was the silvery sea in the distance under the moonlight. On the sofa inside the window, sat a quiet figure, whose outline was clear under the night.

Shi Zhiyuan looked at him for a while, then sat up.

Hearing the sound, Nan Shu looked over, and the facial features that melted into the night were illuminated by the moonlight for a moment, and his eyes were as dark as ink, as if they wanted to pull people into an endless abyss.

When he saw Shi Zhiyuan looked at the time, he also knew that it was past three o'clock at night.

He saw Shi Zhiyuan straighten out his messed up shirt, he didn't know what he was thinking, and fell silent.

He saw Shi Zhiyuan picked up his phone and coat and got off the bed, as if he was about to leave.

"Is that enough?" He heard Shi Zhiyuan say, "I won't change the keys here, this is my concession. Nan Shu, after tonight, there should be no further involvement between us."

His voice was as cold as giving an order, Nan Shu lowered his eyes, his voice was hoarse, and he shouted: "Brother."

His voice was very low, as if he was muttering to himself: "I love you so much, why do you always push me away?"

Nan Shu's eyes turned red in the dark night, like a rakshasa full of hostility.He knew that he was wrong, maybe he deserved death and went to hell with his father, but he still stubbornly believed that Shi Zhiyuan would not be so cruel, he wanted to atone for his sins and relieve Shi Zhiyuan's pain.

All he did was to want Shi Zhiyuan to come back to him and allow him to call his brother.

It's just that none of them can go back to the past, and no one is better than the other.

"Do you know how uncomfortable I was when I saw you being so intimate with other men? I wish I could rush over and kill him..." Nan Shu grabbed his hair with both hands, closed his eyes and said in pain, "Why did it become like this... I don't know what to do, bro."

He stood up and approached Shi Zhiyuan step by step.

"I'm sorry, even if you'll never forgive me."

The author has something to say:

Amazing Grace—David Nevue

A song played by the younger brother to the older brother.