[Tuyan] Yimu

#after many years#

Open your eyes, it's already dawn.Close your eyes and open them again.

There was another bed across the distance from a bedside table, and a sleeping person lay on the side between the snow-white quilt and sheets.

It's not really an illusion.I walked out of the house with my small footsteps, and walked towards the public toilet.When I returned to the ward, I found that my kindness seemed to have no effect. The real patient in the next bed had woken up and sat on the head of the bed.

"Morning." The soft morning light curled up gently on his bed.

"...Morning." I answered flatly.In the past few days, our conversations have been limited to the necessary exchanges in daily life. I have no desire to talk about my own affairs, and Shen Tu has not asked any more. "What's for breakfast?"

"White porridge, eggs, and some pickles are fine." After finishing speaking, he still added, "I'm sorry, An Yan."

Trouble or no trouble, superfluous, I thought, on my way to the canteen.I'm still not used to saying my name from that mouth again.That voice should have been erased from my memory long ago.

I put the breakfast I bought on the bedside, and Shen Tu ate it. I sat on my bed and played with my mobile phone without communicating.I'm used to it these days.

I walked out of the ward all the time, pretending that I had work to call, or to buy cigarettes.In short, I can't talk if I stay here, and it seems awkward to be in the same room without talking for too long. Why don't you let me, who is convenient to go to the ground, walk around to ease the atmosphere.

"Aren't you used to it?"

"What are you not used to?" As soon as Shen Tu spoke, I immediately answered nervously.

"Live here."

"No, it's fine, nothing inconvenient."

No more words.I don't know if I don't want to chat with him, or I really have nothing to say.

Shen Tu put down the chopsticks, and I habitually picked up the plate to return the tableware. Suddenly, I found that there was more than half of the porridge bowl left, and the other dishes on the plate were exactly the same as when I brought them, untouched.

"Aren't you hungry? Why don't you eat?" I asked.

Shen Tu didn't speak, didn't look at me, just looked out of the window in a daze.Outside the window, there are a few small black-brown birds with white spots singing and chirping on the branches, like wild thrushes.

"Go back first." Shen Tu said calmly.

ah?I froze for a moment, only to hear Shen Tu continue to say: "Go back to Yanping."

"Why are you losing your temper... Are you a child who comes and goes when people call you? Are you not satisfied with serving you like a master every day?"

Shentu looked at me in surprise, and I was even more angry when I saw that face. I took out a cigarette from my pocket and bit it hard, leaving a sentence "I smoke" before slamming the door and leaving.

What was he thinking, Uncle Shen Tu?I don't understand.I really don't get it, this man.The structure of the brain is probably the same as mine.

The ward is not far from the end of the corridor. I walked to the glass window at the end and remembered that smoking is not allowed here.I was amused by my confused self, and when I was about to take the cigarette out of my mouth, I suddenly took the cigarette from between my teeth with one hand.

Broken, I thought.What a beautiful hand.The joints are distinct, the fingers are slender, not a woman's hand, but the skin is as white as snow, probably because it has been soaked in things like preservatives all year round, and there is less sunlight.

I grabbed the wrist of that hand with my fingers, and pulled up the loose sleeve of the hospital gown regardless of the opponent's resistance, revealing several scars like centipedes crawling on my right arm.

Shen Tu twisted his wrist and withdrew his hand forcefully, and there was a pain in my tiger's mouth that was almost torn apart.Those are the wounds left by Su Zhi when he was tortured, and some are when those bastards used him for experiments...

"It's no longer painful."

I know that Shen Tu is watching my face, he knows me too well—at least the former me, it is too difficult to hide my thoughts.I just gritted my teeth to suppress the attacking anger, and said bravely: "That's good."

"When I said that I want you to go back to Yanping, that's not what you thought." He approached slowly patiently, as if trying to avoid a trap that was about to be triggered, "Don't force yourself, An Yan."

It was the voice saying my name again.My heart tightened suddenly, and when my consciousness caught up with the speed of my body, I found myself pushing Shen Tu's shoulder to my death, preventing him from kissing him.

"No, Shen Tu, no!" I tried my best to breathe hastily, and there was a more obvious tingling pain from my heart, "It's not right now..."

Obviously already so close to him, everything I wanted to get back in my dream is already within reach, why am I so scared that I have to back down?What am I afraid of?

I tried my best to break away from the rudimentary form of the embrace formed by Shen Tu's hands on my shoulders, and fled far away as if escaping from reality.