fifth year of divorce

The audition is coming up, and I often dream about An Tang these nights.

That face is mine, but I know he is An Tang.

He was wearing a black suit and a hat, and he raised his head slightly when someone was talking.

The complexion is strangely white, the color is haggard, and the description is haggard, like a wandering soul in the world.

I saw him leaning against a big tree, and when he looked up to the light, the moment was eternal.

An Tang is the beauty of contradiction between poor mountains and bad waters.

Under the dazzling light, An Tang's figure became faint in the crowd, and then disappeared.

The town was peaceful again.

I woke up in the middle of the night, looked at the charming lights outside the window, and never fell asleep again.

I have to go to the audition at [-] o'clock tomorrow morning, but I lost sleep the night before.

I think of the "Sword Without End" filmed when I was 20 years old. I don't have much experience in acting, and I didn't have the energy to study the characters in order to earn money to keep my mother alive.

I acted completely by instinct. At that time, the director of "Sword Without End" always said that I was a genius.

I am very useful, I don't think I am a genius, and I don't bother to work hard.

Art originally relies on talent.

I am humbled in face and vain in heart.

During filming, my mother was gone.

For the rest of my life, I felt at a loss.

What am I filming for, what am I making money for, and why am I living.

I haven't figured it out until now.

My own life is a mess, so I just want to be immersed in other people's lives.

That's why I got into the drama too deeply and got sick for a while.

The tragedy of a genius probably lies in the fact that he is paranoid and selfish, and there is no way out.

My throat was a little itchy, and my thumb and index finger rubbed unconsciously. I was a little addicted to cigarettes, but I also controlled myself not to smoke for several days.

I was afraid that my voice would be damaged, so I couldn't even speak the lines clearly during the audition.

But I didn't expect that after staying up all night, not only my voice became hoarse, but also my complexion became unsightly, and dark circles under my eyes became dark.

As far as I am like, it would be better to directly play the part where An Tang jumps off the building in the audition later.

I cleared my throat twice, and I felt like cursing.

Jiang Ling sent a message, "I will accompany you to the audition."

I shook my head amusedly, Jiang Ling was afraid that I would be bullied in the past alone, and wanted to support me.

"Don't mind, if you have two paparazzi behind your ass, it won't be appropriate for us to gossip."

Jiang Ling sent a sneer, "I'll pick you up after the audition."

"it is good."

In order to avoid the morning rush hour, I went out an hour early, but I was still stuck in the middle of the road.

When I arrived at the epic time at eight o'clock, I almost ran into someone head-on.

I saw that this girl has a very unique temperament, not like an entertainer.

I hurriedly supported her, "Are you all right?"

The girl grinned her teeth in pain, and was stunned for a long time after seeing me.

"Sister Yao?"

I can be recognized wearing sunglasses and a mask, I am a true fan. "Be careful."

She covered her mouth, but couldn't hide her excitement, "Are you really Xie Yaoyin? God, you... You came here, you, you and Qin Huang are reconciled?"

Sure enough, the cutest will always be the CP fans who love CP, I smiled and walked in, "I'll let you know when we're reconciled."

"it is good!"

When we arrived at the audition room, everyone was already there.

Qin Weiji was chatting with Zhou Kong, seeing me come in, Zhou Kong frowned.

"Teacher Zhou, Brother Qin." I felt a little guilty, this was the first time I was late when I was an actor in so many years.

"Little bastard, why don't you come over after dinner?!" Zhou Kong threw the script to me. "Hurry up and watch this scene, let Xiao Qi start first."

Being scolded in front of Qin Weiji always makes me feel uncomfortable.

Without saying a word, he took off his hat and sunglasses, and when he was about to read the script, Zhou Kong shouted again, "Why did you go last night?!"

I was taken aback, took off my mask and smiled awkwardly, "I couldn't sleep last night."

"What's the matter with your voice?!"

I cleared my throat, and whispered to Zhou Kong, "Didn't my throat become hoarse if I didn't sleep all night?"

"Promise." Zhou blankly glanced at me, and pointed at Qi Lianyu, who sat aside and looked down at the script, with a rosy expression, compared to me, he looked like an apple that had just been washed and still had drops of water on it. "In your state, people still hang you up?"

I gritted my teeth and snorted in my heart, you didn't have this attitude when you called me back.

Qin Weiji didn't speak to me, just sat there looking down at the script.

"Xiao Xie." Zhou Kong said in a low voice beside me, "You are not kind, and you will be angry at Weiji, don't recruit him."

How dare I recruit him, I have done something wrong and I wish I could find a hole in the ground so that he can't see me.

I muttered in a low voice, "I haven't done it yet..."

"You can fight for your strength today. If you fail to play An Tang, it will really belong to someone else."

I looked down at the script and said indifferently, "If I fail, I will spend all my money to buy the copyright of this script, and you don't even want to make it."

Zhou Kong stretched out his leg and kicked me, "Go away and read the script, don't block my eyes."

I awkwardly found a corner and sat down.

I'm really in a bad state. Sitting down now, I feel my throat is dry and my head still hurts.

The chain is dropped at a critical moment.

I leaned on the sofa, eyes empty.

I don't even need to watch the scene in the script, it's already memorized in my mind.

"Xiao Qi, it's time to start, Wei Ji will help out with the scene."

I propped my chin with my hand, the scene that Zhou Kong gave me didn't have a rival scene with Qin Weizhi, Mr. Qin was so petite that he didn't even want to play with me.

Qi Lianyu smiled, "I feel much more at ease if Teacher Qin plays for me."

I snorted coldly, what's the big deal, it's also true for anyone who hasn't filmed with Qin Weiji yet.

I was sombre, seeing that Qin Weishou had turned into Xu Jiang in just a second.

An Tang has been afraid to go out for several days.

The old pervert next door was waiting for him to go out almost every day.

When Xu Jiang came back, he saw An Tang sitting by the window, "Why are you pretending to be a ghost?"

An Tang turned his head, not knowing how many times he had outlined Xu Jiang's outline with his eyes.

"I can't get out."

Xu Jiang looked at him incomprehensibly, "What?"

"I'm locked up."

"Dad locked you up?"

An Tang smiled and shook his head, "He doesn't care about me, I locked myself up."

"Nervous." Xu Jiang got a little impatient, and locked the door behind him, "You just think too much."

Xu Jiang stepped forward and rubbed An Tang in his arms, "Did I think too much? Why do I feel like I smell like blood all over my body, and I can't even wash it off."

Xu Jiang was stunned, and looked at him with a frown, "An Tang, don't talk nonsense with me."

An Tang sighed, and buried his head in Xu Jiang's arms, "Brother, come back to see me more often, one less time."

An Tang has been talking nonsense like this recently, Xu Jiang's eyes are a little disgusted, An Tang's sick expression has stained his good-looking eyebrows with a layer of dust.

I couldn't stand it anymore, went out, hid in the corridor and took a breath.

He took out a cigarette from his pocket and took a puff until tears came out.

Qi Lianyu played An Tang there, but there was a place in my heart where An Tang lived.

My love for Qin Weiji also tends to be a little sick. I watched him hold Qi Lianyu in his arms, and my jealous hands were trembling.

What Qin Weiji said is correct, I don't even have the basic professionalism of an actor.

If I want to watch them finish those intimate scenes, maybe I can spend money to buy all these copyrights, he makes one, and I buy one.

My throat was very uncomfortable. I smoked a cigarette and felt hoarse and sore. I coughed twice and found that I couldn't speak a complete sentence.

My heart sank for a moment, and I scolded myself for not living up to expectations.

Qin Weizhi opened the door and came out, seeing me with red eyes from coughing.

"what happened?"

"Brother Qin..." When I opened my mouth, I was taken aback.

Qin Weiji frowned, "Are you smoking?"

"I'm fine..."

Qin Weiji looked at me coldly, snatched the cigarette from my hand, and threw it on the ground, "Xie Yaoyin, are you still a child?"

I was a little afraid that Qin Wei would be angry, so I stepped forward and tugged on his sleeve, "I'm just a little nervous, I can still act, it's fine."

Zhou Kong came out hearing the voice, "What did you blot on?"

Qin Weiji said lightly, "The audition is over, I'll take him to the hospital."

"Finish?"

"It's Xiaoqi." He looked back at me, "You do it yourself, the opportunity will not wait for you."

I bit the tender meat in my mouth and let go only after I tasted a bit of blood.

"Mr. Zhou, I can't speak with my throat..." I swallowed, "Give me a scene without lines."

Zhou Kong frowned deeply when he heard my voice, "Come in."

My complexion really acted out the scene before An Tang jumped off the building.

No lines, just an eye scene.

Zhou Kong was worried about me even if he had to act a suicide scene without any emotional foreshadowing.

But he didn't know that I died once.

I have tried the feeling of life passing, and the despair that comes from loneliness when people are eager to die.

An Tang's wish for death is not very similar to mine.

I am lost because of love, and I am because of love that never came.

But at least at the moment when he was standing here and was about to jump off, An Tang didn't love Xu Jiang.

Undoubtedly, this is not Zhou Kong's sliver of tenderness when he has no love for An Tang.

Does it mean that after a person dies once, he loses the courage to die again?

I seem to be standing on a tall building, my face is blown by the wind, and my heart is wet by the rain.

My breathing became heavier, and I thought that before An Tong died, even though he felt that the whole world was hurting him, he still hoped that someone could give him a hand and let him survive.

but.

People's hands are ruthless executioners, just pushing him down step by step.

"Stop acting."

I came back to my senses and looked at Qin Weiji.

Qin Weiji seemed a little uncomfortable, turned his head, stood up and walked out.

I subconsciously went after him.

"Brother Qin..."

Qin Weiji stood where he was, without looking back at me. I looked at him with his head down, looking lonely just like the one I saw when I woke up in the hospital that night.

"I won't let you play An Tang."

I took a step forward, but didn't dare to get too close to him. I said with a hoarse voice, "Then I'll go find other investors, and I'll give them money if they want it. If they want to sleep with me, I'll sleep with them. In the end, if I still can't get the role of An Tong, I will..."

Qin Weiji turned his head, eyes red, "What about you?"

I wanted to say that I would die again, but I stopped in time to avoid saying something irrevocable.

"Brother Qin...I need An Yun..."

Qin Weiji seemed to be drained of all the strength in his body for a moment, and looked at me with an unknowable amount of helplessness, "Yaoyao, you have to tell me what you want, you always make trouble with me, but why do you Do you know that I won't give it to you? Are you worthy of threatening me and forcing me like this again and again?"

I stood where I was, staring blankly at Qin Weiji.

The words were stuck in my throat, and seeing Qin Weiji's uncomfortable look, I felt that I had done something wrong.

Wrong.